How do we get our elderly parents to do what's right for themselves?

when cataracts get so bad then glasses will not help.The way it works is when the cataracts start they will change your glasses to improve your eyesite until the cataracts are ready to be removed, they have to be removed after a certain point, chances are your moms cataracts have reached a point that they need to be removed,so glasses will not help.Why is it that your mom cannot have surgery?.It is a painless simple surgery, she does not have to be put to sleep the optometrist does it right in their office.It is just a drop that they put into your eye to numb it then they take the film off the eyeball,very simple.My mom was 87 when she had hers removed,i sat right there beside her and no pain.My step father had his removed at age 85, both of them did just fine.All she will need is for someone to put drops in her eyes for a few days and its all over.My mother had COPD, and a bad heart, and was on all kinds of medication and she did great.A lot of older people have that done at your mothers age.Why do you say surgery is out of the question?

my hubby and i were talking about this with our daughers recently. we remarked how older adults become like children again! they become stubborn and generally want their own way. its not fun having to look after them, i will be in the same boat in about 10 years.

I do not understand why surgery is completely out of the question if her problem is cataracts. It is a very simple outpatient surgery, or at least it was for my dad. I do not know why the elderly do not let us help, but unless she is needing a guardian, you cannot make her do what you say. I agree, a second opinion might be in order. The other thing I would suspect at this time is that she may have Age related macular degeneration. In that case there is nothing that really can be done. It is important to get this from a doctor, though.

I have the same problem with my father and I am his caregiver. he needs new glasses and refuses to go outside to the eye Dr. he squibts all the time trying to see things. he refuses to go anywhere actually if it means getting out of the house. He refuses to drink water as well. he's been out of the home for over a month and has drank maybe 3 small bottles total. Oh well. I have no idea what to do as far as getting them to do things that are right and for their own good. I don't give dad but one pop and one cup maybe 2 cups of coffee daily making him drink water when he is thirsty now. Still he isn't drinking enough. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~

Forgive me for asking but did she ever really listen to you before she was 80?Was she the type of mother that said do this because I said so? Or was she a mom that you could come to and discuss things? I find that a person is stubborn when they were young and they just get more stubborn as they age.If mom was stubborn young woman,you may never get her to do things that you want her to do.and if she is a capricorn, it is hopeless.

You can't. My parents called my sister on Thanksgiving day - to get a prescription for my father. He is having chest pain. So he told the doctor he has a cold and is probably pneumonia. Somewhere along the line, they figure that this is not a good idea, my sister in the meantime is now stopping stuffing the turkey and doing the Thanksgiving day thing to get changed and go to the pharmacy. She gets there and finds out my parent's called back to cancel the prescription. She goes to there house and find out she now has to take my father to the hospital. My father could not stand up or walk so basically her and my mother had to carry him out of the house, they refused to call an ambulance, they did not want strangers in the house. Well as it turned out he had a DVT resulting in a pulmonary embolism. This is not the first time, one time my sister was out shopping and my father fell, he needed an ambulance. They waited 3 hours for her to get done shopping, then she got home and had to leave her groceries sitting unpacked while she spent hours at the hospital. Again they would not call an ambulance. They will not listen.

As parents they spend all those years raising the kids and suddenly those kids are now having to do the caregiving. i think it the thought of giving up what little control that they have. It has to be very hard to have someone sles being the care giver instead doing it. The elderly like to be as independent as they have always been. It's hard to not be in control any more and have to depend on someone else.

I think they can get quite defensive.. they take on an attitude of they know what to do for themselves, they don't need anyone to tell them what to do. We have similar problems with my father in law, who is currently in the hospital once again. He is diabetic, and always devouring sweets, and innappropriate food, he doesn't manage his wieght, or very many things in his life, not just to our standards, but for what is normal or good for him. (always forgets that he'll have to pay rent etc..) but he doesn't listne to us.. no matter what we say, he'll even ask for our opinion, and then do what he has already decided to do.. I don't quite understand it, and it surely frustrates me.. but there is nothing that i can do to change his mind. We have resorted to bribing him.. we told him if he loses 100 pounds, we'll take him with us to disney, but that was three years ago, and I think he's prob. gained about 30 pounds since then.. so it's obviously not working well.

well I have done some thinking along those lines and its like this: parent will never think that there is ANY chance that their kids are more sensible then they are, on ANY issue, EVER !!!!!!!! this is due to them remembering when you had to learn to use a toilet and gain enough sense to wear a coat when its cold, etc. however, if old people could learn to hire people to clean the house, do the laundry, and deliver food, then often times they CAn stay in thier OWN HOMES way longer than would normally be possible

Hi ctrymuziklvr, my grandma was 96 yrs old when she passed away few months ago. We also had some problems with her. She became just like a child, she was really stubborn. But, fortunately, she really took care of her own health. She cared too much about her health so we had no problem with this issue. Unfortunately, there was a very big problem with her, she could not control her mouth anymore. She did not know what to speak out and what not to speak out. She used to go to our neibours, church members, friends, other relatives and would always speak out our family matters or secrets. We had warned her many times not to speak out about our family matters to others, but she just could not accept our words. She even used to deny that she did the mistake, in fact, would say that she did the right thing. She was too stubborn, so, we just let her be the way she wanted. In your case, I feel that you should scare your mom a bit regarding her eyes, maybe, then she would obey your word. All the best and God bless!!!