My son has RSV-am I a bad mother?
By tamararacine
@tamararacine (268)
United States
January 16, 2008 5:26pm CST
Well, my son got called out of Daycare yesterday for a fever. Since the fever didn't break last night and his asthma kicked in really bad I brought him to the doctors today. After several tests I was told he had RSV and with his extreme asthma to really keep an eye on him because it could change to pneumonia. I feel so bad for my son and have been watching him like a hawk but in the back of my mind I am hoping he can go to school friday. I can't believe I thought that! I was soo mad at myself. Just a little backround in 3 months I have only worked 20 days because of my other son getting in trouble at school. So right now I have no leave so it is no pay. Anyway, am I a bad mom for thinking that? I can't stop crying, I am so mad at myself for even having a thought of work cross my mind.
4 people like this
14 responses
@Jimmy3371 (142)
• United States
17 Jan 08
your not a bad mother you still have to provide for them and getting no pay will not work you also have to remember you have to pay for daycare if your child is there or not so its not wrong to think that you still have to go to work to get paid and I think your son will understand just love on him when your home with him they will be fine
@tamararacine (268)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Thank you all so much for your kind words! I guess as a single parent sometimes I just feel unfortunatly work has come before my kids at times. But, I am learning this is necessary and to try not to beat myself up about it.
1 person likes this
@amyban (8)
•
17 Jan 08
you are definately not a bad mother. I am a stay at home mum and nearly everyday I wish I was at work. You are doing the best thing for your kids by working and bringing home an income. You definately need some help with your kids and sanity. I hope soon you will find someone to give you a hand.
1 person likes this
@tamararacine (268)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Well god bless you! I give stay at home mothers all the credit in the world. I love my boys but my job keeps me sane!!!
1 person likes this
@eden32 (3973)
• United States
17 Jan 08
You're not a bad mom for thinking that. You need to work to support your children whether they are sick or well, it's a reasonable thought to have cross your mind. It's a bit concerning that you said you can't stop crying now. If you have one child acting up and the other is very ill, you must be under so much stress. If you're finding your crying constantly perhaps the stress is getting to you more than you think. Do you have friends or family around who can pitch in & help you through these challenges?
1 person likes this
@tamararacine (268)
• United States
17 Jan 08
No I think you are right, I am overwhelmed. On top of everything I am pregnant, so the hormones are raging!! My boyfriend is supportive and listens to me but actually having someone to help me with my kids and to lean on, no i don't have that. I do think the stress is getting the best of me!
1 person likes this
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
16 Jan 08
You are not a bad mother for letting a simple thought cross your mind. You are concerned about here you are going to get money if you can't work because he is sick. Just take a deep breath and concentrate on making him better. The rest will work itself out.
1 person likes this
@shymurl (2765)
• United States
16 Jan 08
You are not a bad mother. You are a good mother. You're thinking about how to provide for your kids and that makes you a good mom. Its never easy haveing a sick child. I know I have three kids and when something happens I wonder about the same things. It shows that you care about your kids. And its ok to cry. You are not alone in this.
1 person likes this
@tamararacine (268)
• United States
16 Jan 08
Thank you so much for your kind words. It just hurts... but it is good to hear this is a normal thought.
1 person likes this
@t_dvirgil (6)
• United States
17 Jan 08
You are not a bad mother for thinking that. It's normal to think that. I think that as mothers we know that our babies (no matter how old) feel better and are fine when they can go to school. As well as us thinking that whenever we can get back to work (oddly work becomes partially a stress reliever) everything will be better and back to normal in a way. It's normal to think what you are thinking, so don't beat yourself up over it by thinking you are a bad person for having those thoughts, its normal.
1 person likes this
@chilenita (473)
• Canada
23 Jan 08
I have done the same.... some times my son will get realy sick and all im hoping for is fro him to get better so i can go to work and then I slap my self and Just calling in and tell them that my son is sick and his frist second and last thing in my life.... i dont know why but i think i feel the need just to work work work... now i stay at home and i love it i never wonna work again but my times coming up lol.... to be on ur 4th child u must be a an amizing mother... i have one and he did It for me i would Be crazy to have another one
@chilenita (473)
• Canada
23 Jan 08
I have done the same.... some times my son will get realy sick and all im hoping for is fro him to get better so ic an go to work and then I slap my self and Just calling and tell them that my son is sick and his frist second and last thing in my life.... i dont know why but i think i feel the need just to work work work... now i stay at home and i love it i never wonna work again but my times coming up lol.... to be on ur 4th child u must be a an amizong moether... i have one and he did It for me i would Be crazy to have another one
@payingforschool (678)
• Canada
20 Jan 08
I'll add my voice to those saying you are not a bad mother. You really aren't. You are a caring mom, and it is perfectly normal to worry about work and income. After all, it's part of caring for your family to provide for them, right? To be honest, when I have had sick kids home a lot I have wished they could be well enough to go back to school not so I could work, but so I could get a NAP. And I still don't think that makes me a bad mom. It's just hard to care for sick kids over extended periods of time, and it's natural to look forward to the illness passing, and life getting back to normal.
@youdontsay (3497)
• United States
17 Jan 08
Of course you are not a bad mother for thinking you'd like to be able to go to work. Don't use that to beat up on yourself. You are frustrated with good reason. You are stressed. Give yourself a break and stop judging yourself. You only add to your stress.
With all that has been going on you need to take good care of yourself or YOU will be sick. So find a way to treat yourself - a bubble bath, a silly movie on t.v., something that will feel good. [chocolate?]
You deserve it. Hope your little ones are both doing fine and that you are tip top, too.
1 person likes this
@jerritts1mom (816)
• United States
23 Jan 08
NO you are not a bad mother!!! It is really hard to do it all on your own, my son has been sick with kidney reflux and residual lift of the bladder since he was 2 months old, he's almost 5 now,so I can't put him in daycare at all till he is completely potty trained, with the risk of infection and all I just can't risk it. I have to rely on family to keep him and things happen sometimes where I just can't work,because no one can keep him, it sucks! Excuse the language.There have been days and days that I have cried without end.You blame yourself, because you are a good mother,who obviously cares deeply about her kids and making it through another day.Give yourself a hug, and don't be so hard on yourself!!!We are only women,not gods...
@coopergmom (2)
• United States
25 Jan 08
No, your not a bad Mom. You sound like a tired Mom! I've been there. I feel for you! RSV is not a fun thing to have... or take care of....GOOD LUCK!
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Jan 08
No, you are human and it is perfectly natural to be concerned about your job and your pay as well as your son's health. After all, finances also play a big part in raising them right. It sounds like you have an awful lot to worry about. Don't be kicking yourself! I hope things get better soon for you and your sons.
1 person likes this
@cryllie (49)
• United States
21 Jan 08
You are most certainly NOT a bad mom! There is no guilt in a random thought, and anyone with your financial stress would have had the same kind of thought. It's not worth you stressing over it; you have to accept that you were just looking for a way out of the box you're in. It's what you DO that counts; you're taking unpaid leave to be with your sick son, you get major kudos in my book.
Children DO mend quickly, as quickly as they get sick, they can be better. Blessings and prayers to you-
