My teenage daughter is pregnant

@madasp (563)
United States
January 23, 2008 11:41am CST
to be quite honest i'm sick of people judging me when I talk about it in a positive light. Don't get me wrong, this is the last thing I wanted for my daughter, but it happened, baby's on the way (in april) and there is nothing I can do to change this. So why is it so wrong now to look forward to my grand child? Anyone else been in this situation? All advice is appreciated.
27 people like this
71 responses
@makingpots (11919)
• United States
23 Jan 08
My older sister got pregnant as a teen. My parents dealt with it in shame and embarassment. In my opinion they did everything wrong when dealing with the situation. Years and years and years later I will tell you that there is still a lot of pain within the family associated with it. Your daughter made a mistake, but she has to know that you love her anyway and will love her through this. The people making you feel bad for being positive are not looking at the whole picture and not considering everyone's feelings. Don't waste your time worrying about those people.
6 people like this
@madasp (563)
• United States
23 Jan 08
thank you for the understanding and support. It's so great to hear all the different perspectives on it. I hope your sisters doing well now
3 people like this
• United States
23 Jan 08
You have to ignore people. You are right, nothing that can be done now, and to be honest, it will be so much better for the baby to come into the world being wanted and loved. My sister had a baby at the age of 16, after a few months of turmoil, my mom started looking forward to the baby, which sure was a good thing because she ended up raising that baby (not that the same thing will happen to you!) My hat is off to you for dealing with this so well, it is hard for most parents to be so accepting of teenage pregnancy. Good luck
6 people like this
@madasp (563)
• United States
23 Jan 08
thanks! and tell your mom I admire her for doing what she did.
3 people like this
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
23 Jan 08
My older daughter got pregnant when she was 21 and unmarried, no she wasn't a teenager, but she lived with me and it was something we all had to deal with. I didn't judge her, I found myself pregnant when I was only 17 with my son, so I had no room to judge. I may have had my son as a teen, but I will never regret it. And I don't regret my beautiful granddaughter or her baby brother who was also born before my daughter married. Your daughter is pregnant with your grandchild and you are doing and acting the right way, if anything your daughter needs you more now than ever. And as for all those people who don't agree? Who cares what they think? It's what you think in this situation that matters, they are not the ones who are in your or your daughter's situation. Enjoy that baby when he or she arrives, grandchildren are such a blessing.
3 people like this
@madasp (563)
• United States
25 Jan 08
Although I was married, I had my daughter when I was 18 and like you I have never regreted having her.thank you! I will enjoy my grandaughter.
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
13 Feb 08
Thank you so much for Best Response!
23 Jan 08
you know this makes me quite happy, my best friend got pregnant at 16 she was o scared to tell her parents and i was with her ever step of the way when it all came out her and her boyfriends family dragged her to the doctors and tried to force her to have an abortion but by the time they had found out and dragged her there she was past the abortion date, but knowing that no one wanted her unborn child to be born has really upset her in ways i cannot imagine she is now 18 and her son is an absolute diamond and she is a very capable mother. no one should pass judgement on anyones descisions or mistakes. my advice to you is be happy forget the rest
@madasp (563)
• United States
25 Jan 08
my daughter was too scared to tell us so she made her sister do it. I don't think she was as scared of our anger as much as she was seeing our disapointment. my other daughter told me the other day that she will never ever in all her life forget the look on our faces when she told us and I laughed as I tried to picture what they might have been LOL.
@maximax8 (30532)
• United Kingdom
23 Jan 08
I think that your daughter is pregnant young and it is great that you are looking forward to becoming to becoming a grand parent. I think that people should not judge you badly. Things happen in life and dealing with this in a positive light is the way to behave. You are being supportive to your daughter, it would be upsetting to her if you behaved towards her in a negative way. She can have her little boy or girl and be a good parent. She could even continue her studying. When she is still relatively young her baby will be grown up. Then she can achieve all that she doesn't do whilst her child is young. Good luck to your family.
3 people like this
@madasp (563)
• United States
25 Jan 08
Thanks, I believe that too. Her life is not over, it's just changed, and our family just has to adjust for this.
@mummymo (23707)
24 Jan 08
Well I say good for you and you are doing the best thing you possibly can for your daughter and grandchild. After all you did not want her to get pregnant but she is and you have to accept that you cannot changed that - it is far better to look forward to the birth of your grandchild , to offer your daughter love and support and rejoice in the new little life that is going to arrive in a few short months. It is going to be very hard on your daughter the last few months of your pregnancy and she will need all the help she can get, it sure sounds like she is going to have that help! Please let us know how your daughter is doing - I will be keeping you in my prayers! xxx
2 people like this
• Canada
24 Jan 08
Well said mummymo. I've expressed my sentiments on the first page here, as it's a subject that 'hits close to home for me,' just because I have a teenage daughter.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
25 Jan 08
My daughter is only 6 and I don't see my son getting anyone pregnant but even so I can imagine how terrifying it would be to be young and pregnant - never mind being young and pregnant without the supposrt and love of your family! xxx
@Stephanie5 (2947)
• United States
23 Jan 08
I think that it's great that you are excited about it! I had my first at 16 and I'm 30 now and I've had 5. My mother has never been there for me. I've never asked anyone for so much as a bag of diapers. I'm proud that I did it all on my own at such a young age, but it would of been nice to have the support of my mother. Kudos to you for being such a great mom! Is she having a boy or a girl?
@madasp (563)
• United States
23 Jan 08
a baby girl she's naming madelyn. thanks for your support!
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jan 08
Oh how pretty! Girls are hard! She will definitely need your help! lol I'm so happy for you and her! Congrats!
1 person likes this
@anniepa (27496)
• United States
27 Jan 08
I haven't been in your situation but my parents have - with ME, when I was 17, back in 1969! So, I can speak from your side and that of your daughter. Your daughter is very lucky to have you for a mother, as I was so much more fortunate that I'd expected all those years ago. It wasn't what my parents had wanted for me but they gave me all the love and support in the world and were (and my mom still IS) the best grandparents in the Universe to my daughter. In my case, I got married and celebrated my 38th anniversary this past November 29. What your daughter does with her life from here on is up to her and her family, which includes you obviously; you didn't say if you daughter's father is in the picture. Anyway, I don't blame you for being sick of people "judging" you for being positive about your grandchild's arrival! It seems there are some people who think it's their right to judge others no matter what happens to them or no matter what choices they make when things do happen and quite frankly, I get sick of it as well! My only advice is for you and your daughter to hold you heads high, don't answer to anybody when it doesn't concern them and when that beautiful baby arrives be the proudest gram the world's ever seen. I spoke of myself as a daughter and an mother, well now I'm speaking as a proud grandmother - there's nothing in the world to compare to being a gram! You're going to LOVE it! Annie
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18296)
27 Jan 08
i must agree, your daughter certainly is lucky to have you as a mother blessed be
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jan 08
Your doing what you have to and that is great for you. Not all mothers are wrong for feeling differently from you. They have to have the same respect you want for your actions. My daughter is and I thank god she is not active. If she had come to me pregnant I don't know what I would do. young girls think they know better then the adults. your daughter is having a baby good for her. I do hope she is a responsible child. Parents no matter how old should be able to do that much.
2 people like this
@madasp (563)
• United States
23 Jan 08
Its funny, she acually wasn't very responsible before, but the complete change in her since she found out has been amazing. I know she'll do well and i'm very proud of her. thanks
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2098)
• Gibraltar
15 Feb 08
True! Done has been done, what you can do now is carry on your life and welcome the new member into your family. No matter what, it is still a blessing to become a grand mother earlier. Honestly, I haven’t been in this situation yet as my daughter are less than 10 years old. But I have started preparing her this type of education so that she won’t get pregnant too young. However, if the things happened as your daughter, I would have to put up with it and deal with it. Life is like that. So congratulation on becoming a grand mother!
@valerie37 (981)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
13 Feb 08
I've never been in this situation, but around May of last year my daughter who was 17 at the time thought she might be. I can't tell you how relieved I was when we found out she wasn't. But one thing I never told my mother or sister because they would have both thought I'd lost my mind was that I was also secretly a little disappointed. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that no, it's not wrong. In fact you should be looking forward to it, and also be there for your daughter to help her because she will need you because I can imagine it's not gonna be easy being a teenage mother.
2 people like this
@eden32 (3975)
• United States
24 Jan 08
I had my first at 16, and he in turn had his first child at 17. The best advice I can offer, aside from ignoring anyone who has anything negative to say, is to present the information with a positive statement. Instead of only saying "Jane is having a baby.", say "We're so excited that Jane is having a baby." That way people know before they say anything that you've come to terms with it & that you're happy about it.
1 person likes this
@madasp (563)
• United States
25 Jan 08
thats a great suggestion. I'm definately going to start telling people like that, thanks!
• United States
31 Jan 08
Well I never had a pregnant teenager but I had my first baby at 16. everybody talked down to my parents and grandparents like it was a bad thing, they thought it was for a little while to, but after the shock wore off they warmed up to it. you know that baby girl is 15 now and everybody loves her she is such a joy to be with even the people who thought it could never happen i would never be able to raise her, says i did a good job. so ignore them and just know in your heart and your daughters heart that this is the best thing for your family. I know i could never give my baby up for adoption I tried, it just wasnt right for me. we all have our own prefernece on how to handle things. Just stand behind her daughter all the way. It will be hard, I manged it but it wasnt easy, i finshed school and worked full time at mcdonalds. but i will have to admit i made some wrong decisions at that time of my life and i ended up in a group home, now what would happened if i didnt i dont know. but even though i didnt live at home my family was still very supportive and they are still to this day, they love that kid.
1 person likes this
@ESKARENA1 (18296)
27 Jan 08
It happens. Best thing to do now is see the positives, wow you have a baby coming, your family is to be blessed indeed. Ignore the nay says they may well be jealous blessed be
1 person likes this
@cindytao (38)
• China
27 Jan 08
You act so rationally as a parent when meeting this thing.I see your daughter is lucky and will afford less stress.God bless you and your incoming grandchild.
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6241)
• United States
24 Jan 08
This hasn't happened to my girls, but it did happen to a couple of friends of mine while their girls were in high school. Do NOT worry about what other people say. Sure, your kid made a mistake, she should not be punished eternally or judged for it. I'm sure she feels bad enough from other peoples comments and all. Now, if ever, she needs the support from her loving family. Think about it this way, that dear little baby that is on it's way here hasn't a choice in the matter, if ever there was a need for understanding, and acceptance, it is for that child. My friends started out being embarrased about their girls at first, then they moved to acceptance. This is going to be her child, and your grandchild, be proud that your girl has decided to keep the baby and raise it (as opposed to aborting it.) Shes not the first kid to have this happen, and she won't be the last. Embrace her in her situation, because it's difficult being a mother, much less an unmarried teen one. And embrace that baby, every baby is a gift whether it's planned or not. Give them all the encouragement, support, and love you can muster...she'll need it to deal with the insensitive people they'll encounter along the way.
1 person likes this
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
24 Jan 08
I know that this is not what you would have wanted for your daughter,but sometimes things happen that we cannot control...You daughter just made a mistake, and now that she has, you cannot do anything but except what has happened and stand by her and support her, she is your daughter,and you are doing the right thing...I have never faced this but had my daughter did this i would stand by her regardless...I think that under the circumstances you are doing all that you can do,it is going to be your grandchild and there is nothing wrong with you being excited about your grandchild..You will love the baby and it is part of you.....My mother made the same mistake with my sister,she got pregnant out of wedlock and had my sister..She is an awesome sister, and my Mother was a good woman, she just messed up so to speak but it is not something that you should be judged for...I feel bad for your daughter in a way, because now when or if she decides to marry someone she will have to be very careful who she chooses and make sure that they will love her baby..My mom married my dad and had us after she had my sister, i think my sister was 2 years old when my mom married my dad,and he was not ready to accept my sister which was very hurtful to her,and she ended up spending a lot of time with my grandmother, My Moms Mom which my sister was the apple of her eye and loved her dearly...You go ahead and be happy for the new arrival....God Bless..
• United States
24 Jan 08
It is good that you are behind your daughter with this situation. There will be no one else who should support her strongly. But then just make sure that your daughter knows the baby will be her responsibility and not yours. I know someone who was in the same situation but it ended up her parents where taking care of the baby because after giving birth, she went to her carefree way and then to top it all, she became pregnant again. Just as long as the teenage person will know its responsibility, I think everything will be allright.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jan 08
My niece is pregnant and still a teen. I don't think its wrong to be happy you're going to be a grandmother. My sister is extremely excited and should be. Yes, she is young but its happened. I'm excited to be a great-aunt so I can spoil the baby. Don't worry about what other people say or think. What do they want to hear, that you hate that you're daughters pregnant and hear you constantly frown on it? Forget them and spoil that baby! Congrats to you and your daughter!
• Philippines
24 Jan 08
I have never been in your situation but i became pregnant out of wedlock. People look at me and pity me and its a rotten feeling to be pitied with. So what? What other think of you is none of your business and sometimes, the best weapon you can have is simply not to care. Remember, a baby is a blessing. Just look at all those people spending too much money just to be conceive.
1 person likes this