Your Kids don't like your new husband or wife to be what do you do?

@winterose (39897)
Canada
February 20, 2008 12:00pm CST
okay, imagine you were married and now you are either divorced or a widow, you have a couple of kids, you are struggling as a single parent. You have been alone for a long time. You finally find somebody whom you love and you want to marry but your kids don't like him or her. It is not that the person is a bad person or bad to them, they just refuse to have a new mommy or daddy in their life. What do you do? Still Marry, or say goodbye to happiness?
4 people like this
10 responses
• United States
20 Feb 08
I say, still marry!!!!!!!!! I know you Love your kids, but they won't be there forever. Plus, YOU are the adult, and can make your own decission's. They aren't the ones getting married, YOU are. Do it for YOU, and the one that LOVES YOU. Go for it girl! Might be rocky for a while, but one day the kids will be gone. I had a similar situation, now the kids are gone, and me and my husband are just FANTASTIC! His kids don't hate me anymore, cause they are adults now, and realize how dumb they use to be. :o)
2 people like this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
21 Feb 08
this is not about me, it is a question for all mylotters
• United States
23 Feb 08
Sorry bout that........ :o)
• United States
20 Feb 08
well... My mom has been married three times, the first time while she was pregnant with me, and second and third times she didn't tell anyone until afterwards, including my brothers and I, because she didn't want anyone to object. So I suppose that's one way to go about it. Although kids eventually warm up to step parents if they see they make their parent happy, so try to include the kids in activities like going to the movies or dinner and encourage the step parent to spend time with the kids.
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
21 Feb 08
this is not about me, it is a question for all mylotters
• Egypt
20 Feb 08
fine i`ll make surprises to them and tell `em it`s ma new wife and sure i wont pick a bad one i`ll pick a good one which will be good mother for them so i`m sure they will love her if not i`ll look for another woman
2 people like this
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
26 Feb 08
I'm the adult and my kids do not control my life. If they were fearful in any way or concerned for my well being and happiness I would listen and set their minds at ease. How old are these youngsters...are they young adults or children. If they are just being selfish little brats then I'd be putting them in their place and hoping I'd get some support from my partner. These kids NEED to learn to respect their parent and their parent's decisions. The thing is, single parents have needs too and if those needs are not being met then the children will be missing out too. Children in a one parent family need to be treated carefully too as only having one parent also puts a strain on them. Parenting is about 2 people...not 1.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
26 Feb 08
By the same token, If I'm having a relationship with a guy and I have children, he would be part of their lives anyway so the children would be a part of the whole relationship. It's seems strange to imagine that suddenly, you are talking marriage and the kids are disagreeing with it. Was their some point to this discussion or was it just a money making exercise? LOL.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
26 Feb 08
this is a hypothetical situation so it is up to you to decide how old they are
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
21 Feb 08
This is my exact situation. I had a daughter all by myself. Then I met someone when my daughter was 9 months old. He had just got out of a bad marriage where his wife cheated on him. His kids never gave me a chance. The youngest one was 12 at the time and the oldest one was 16. We have been together for 15 years now and we have not seen his kids since. They will not even give thier dad the time of day now even though it was not his fault in the divorce and he has tried many times to be with them. I say to still marry and the kids can get over it! We all want to be happy and I would want them to be happy also and not choose me over the love of their life.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
21 Feb 08
that is so unfortunate and unfortunately a common problem
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
21 Feb 08
Yes. they are not hurting me but they have really hurt my husband. It used to really bother him when holidays and birthdays and Father's Day rolled around. they don't call, send a card or anything. They haven't acknowledged him for 15 years now.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 08
You are the mother they are the kids. untill they can maek responsible decisions on their own you make them for them... so. whatever is in their best intrest is what you should do. Just because they dont like someone doesnt mean they are not fit to be a good person to them or "father" or "daddy". or Mabey. just reassure them they DO NOT have to call this guy daddy or father . BUT you do have to respect him.. Mabey that will take added pressure off of them to and make things alittle better.
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
21 Feb 08
it is very important that you read all posts correctly or your star colour will go down, the question is for you, the reader, that means, what would you the reader do. It is not about me, in fact my son is grown up he is 31 years old.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 08
what I would do is find out WHY they do not like them.. I know I HATED my now Ex step father the first day I met him - I knew he was not a good person. My mom didnt listen to me. My life living with him was a nightmare, even my mom changed... now he left her - the truth is coming out - and it isnt pretty but this is just my opinion
1 person likes this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
21 Feb 08
that is so sad
• Canada
23 Feb 08
When my mother started to think she was in love with Dave, she brought him home to my sister and I to make sure he was right for OUR FAMILY. B and I had our problems at first, but it wasn't anything we couldn't handle. After a few days, we got along with Dave, and he "fell in love with the entire family" before they decided to marry. Mom explained to him that she had the kids first, and he'd better treat us right, if he wants to be a art of this family, not just her mate. When I met Walker I knew all about his kids, and that they were older and not living with home. One lived in AZ, not far from him, and when she had the car accident he spent a lot of time helping her. As a matter of fact, I flew down here for the first time, because he needed me after her car accident. He needed someone to be there for him. The second time I came back she was out of her coma, and we got along great. She wondered about me at first (after all, I was younger than she was, and I was DATING HER FATHER!!!) When she saw that I played no mind games and that I was willing to love her and respect her for who she is, we got along. Walker's youngest son (16) came to spend the summer in '07, because he needed to get away from his mother for a few months. Again, when he saw that I was not going to PARENT him, and that I was just "there" and was going to be myself, accepting him for his self, we got along just fine. One of the ice breakers between him and myself was when his mother snapped at him infront of me and I DEFENDED HIM!!! I wasn't trying to make waves, I just happened to agree with his point, and we all have a right to our opinion.
1 person likes this
@chertsy (3804)
• United States
21 Feb 08
I think if something happened to my husband or we got divorced. I does matters a lot if my kids doesn't like the man I'm thinking of getting married to, but to a certain extent. If the guy is means towards them, then yes. But since you said that he's not, then no. I would just let them know that no man would ever replace there dad, and that he wouldn't be there new daddy, because honestly that's just weird.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Feb 08
I would go ahead and still marry. I would have my the person I am going to marry included in different things me and my kids did. Let my kids get used to him. They have feelings and I take that into consideration. I would talk with my kids and ask them what about the person they don't like. I am the parent and they are the kids but kids still need to voice their opinion without fear of reprisal. So I would discuss with them alone and then with the person I am going to marry. Than I would wait for the marriage to take place until there is enough time for the kids to understand that this is the man that makes me happy and I am going to marry him. They will just have to accept my marriage to him.
1 person likes this