Love Marriage Vs Arrange Marriage - What do yoy prefer??

Marriage - Love vs Arrange
India
February 20, 2008 11:42pm CST
Hello people.. I think its a very common issue and perhaps ever lasting..May be it came into my mind because i m at a stage...Though i am not in a relationship.. but still this thought keeps strinking my mind..Whats more successful.Love marriage or Arrange marriage. No one in my family did a love marriage.. For people already married i would like to know how did they marry and do they feel the other way would have been more successful.. And for people still single i would like to know whom would they like to marry..the person they love or they prefer to love after marriage?? would like to welcome your views..
4 people like this
28 responses
@amjada (379)
21 Feb 08
Hello all.. It is very common issue, Most people have very little mind, I can tell this, becouse I have exp- in peoples, people only see them self, Or thay see which have more people with them, Thanks!
3 people like this
@nehaaaa (1748)
• India
25 Mar 08
According to me Arrange Marriage is best....In love marriage after marriage love is the end as ppl start taking for granted n dats too bad in a relationship...In Arrange marriage after marriage love is the begnning...
2 people like this
• India
25 Mar 08
Quite interesting.. Well you may say that. In arrange marriage you get more options to look for, to make your relationship more exciting and more things to discover about your love-life.. But i m surprised by the way u reacted since you had already been in love before marriage.. Hey i didn't mind to hurt you. but its just that i found it strange
@nehaaaa (1748)
• India
25 Mar 08
now i do prefer arrange marriage...as i got nuthing in love....but still i love dat man a lot......
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 08
Well that was sad.. Sorry for hurting you..
@subha12 (18452)
• India
21 Feb 08
i think its an never ending question. i am single. But my perspective is one should marry the person he/she really likes and loves. it may be someone when the person is arranged to meet you my elders. you meet the person, get to know that person and after some time if you find you like, you can marry.In name of arranged marriage, this can't be forceful case.
2 people like this
• India
21 Feb 08
So you mean.. Converting an arrange marriage into love marriage ....Nice thinking..Hope you find your mate
@madlees (1381)
• India
21 Feb 08
Here sometimes love marriages become arranged marriages, like my daughters for instance. She was friendly with a guy, brought home and got us used to him. Like wise she went to his house and got to know his parents very well. After that they decided to marry for which all of us were there and got them married happily. So with everyones blessings they got married three years back. All are happy now.
• India
22 Feb 08
Thats very nice..madless.. infact i must say ur daughter was wise enough to take those steps.. HEY OneandOne..if love once happens it can never die till the bodies exist..I believe its only taken for granted due to some misunderstandings...
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
hello ... i wanna share my views too... our culture is more on love marriage ...i was married 25 years ago to the man i love so dearly. life was full of ups and downs yet we survived bcoz of this thing called love... he courted me for 2 years and then we got steady for 3 years. all thru these years, i came to know him fully and was sure he was the man i wud like to live with for the rest of my life so we got married.... now we got siblings and still we love each other just as much. Seeing us in this state, our children are one in saying that they would also marry not becoz of anything else but bcoz they love each other, just like us....
• India
25 Mar 08
hi.. thanks for your lovely views. and yes.. Welcome to Mylot. i m glad that you posted your first response to my discussion.. Really i felt wonderful after hearing about your culture. Its feels so good when you are being loved. Thanks for your response and wish you happy days of mylotting over here
• Philippines
26 Mar 08
welcome! yeah .. im a newbie here and was really attracted to ur post,, hope u post some more interesting topics....
1 person likes this
• India
26 Mar 08
Ya i will.. Thanks for the encouragement.. If you wish you can have a look at my profile and you will find the discussions i have started.. hoping to hear some more of your lovely views upon them
@bbsr13 (4198)
• India
25 Mar 08
Hello,vipul! you are quite aware of the fact that in the western countries love marriage is a common feature.but it is also a known fact that maximum number diversion cases occur in love marriage,so also in India and other Asian countries.if they knew and loved each other before marriage why they develop bitterness among them and get separated?that means they were not loving intimately but enjoying life freely.that is not good.but in India we believe in arranged marriage,since marriage is considered here an institution.it gives social sanction for living together and we develop intimacy after marriage.in such marriage we sacrifice our own freedom and adjust each other to the problems of life.so in arranged marriages problems occur very rarely.so in my opinion you should have faith and go for arranged marriage.thank you.be happy.
• India
25 Mar 08
But don't you think that you are talking about making compromises rather than a relationship. I know it is all about loving each other and adjusting to each others needs. But i think that the individuals still hold their freedom though in compliance with their partner's wish.. Anyway i m not in a hurry to marry.. and i don't think my parents would deny if i find myself a true love. But as if now.. I dont have any..
• Nellore, India
25 Mar 08
i think arranged marriages are good and better.Before love and marriage is waste.After marriage and love is best.listen to ur parents and marry her.
2 people like this
• India
25 Mar 08
Hey .. don't worry . I m not in a hurry to get married. Neither my parents are to get me married. And ya i don't have any girlfriend as if now.. so whenever time comes if i like the girl whom my parents select .. i won't have any problems marrying her..
• United States
21 Feb 08
I have never personally known anyone who had an arranged marriage. The closest was an Indian friend who moved here, and she ended up not going through with it because her mom told her she didn't have to. My marriage was a love marriage, but it was really important to me that my family liked him and his family, and vice versa. Honestly, if the family had known my husband before I met him, they probably would have tried getting us together. I had been in a relationship where our families didn't like each other and it was too much tension and drama. In that way I can understand the benefit of an arranged marriage, but I would have to love the man before marriage, and not afterwards.
2 people like this
• India
22 Feb 08
It was good to hear ur case and that ur marriage is being successful.. U came over the hard times you had..Even in my family they wont force me to marry the person whom they choose.. but they would give me time to love the person before they think of tying me into a knot..
@jhl930 (3605)
• United States
21 Feb 08
I defiently would have to marry someone that I chose and I loved if I ever got married...because I have a hard time with doing what people tell me to do...much less marrying someone that other people told me to marry...I've always been told that i should marry whoever I love and that is right for me...but for your culture you may want a arranged marriage!
• India
22 Feb 08
Its not a question of culture.. My family won't stop me from marrying someone whom i love.. but its just a question of which is more successful.. and if u believe that u cannot marry a person whom u don't love... then u should follow ur heart..I hope u find ur perfect lover soon..
@eunixia (387)
• Philippines
21 Feb 08
hi vipulchawla, I'm married for almost 2 years, I may say it is a love marriage. I hope you'll agree that there's no point in marrying if the relationship is immature. You're willing and able to "take the plunge." However, is precisely the time to stop and think again. You have to decide for a mature love relationship. You really have to consider a lot of things before committing yourself. Here is a list of guidelines that I hope can help you in choosing your life partner. 1. Check yourself-your motive. Is the cause of attraction purely physical? Some guys woo a girl just to have somebody to display to friends. 2. Be prepared emotionally, financially, socially, mentally and spiritually. 3. Likewise, observe if the girl matches your spiritual fervor and emotional maturity. She may not be financially ready, nor socially mature , but these are of lesser importance than the first two. 4. Ask for counsel and confirmation from others, especially your parents and family. 5. Get to know each other. Know his/her likes & dislikes, ambition, family background, physical & health condition, sports, hobbies, friends. Find out if your personalities complement each other. 6. Visit her home so you can get acquainted with her family and relatives. Observe their lifestyles. By these you will know if she is a potential lifetime partner. 7. If you are definitely sure of her,and you fell that you can live with her with all her strenghts and weaknesses, then you can start courting and later enter into a commitment. 8. Ask for consent of the other party for consideration. The feeling must be mutual, too. Best always, eunixia
• India
21 Feb 08
Wow..That was an impressive answer.. So you seem to be thinking a lot before committing...I agree that these days Love is more like a commodity to be displayed rather than an inside feeling.. and its really very important to know the person before you commit..But thats equally like a marriage in which love is being arranged.. Anyway thanks for ur views..
@jimbelle (485)
• Philippines
21 Feb 08
There are some beliefs or customs that arrange marriage I believe just like yours. In our custom we are free to marry somebody we like or we love. I believe it has an advantage because we can choose freely who we want to spend the rest of our lives with- somebody we have known for a certain period of time. But inspite of it there are also failed marriages. In an arraged marriage it has been a custom - though I see a number of them stay married for long with no problems. In anyway you want it- just put love and God in the center of your relationship. I think it will work.
• India
21 Feb 08
I agree.Though love marriage gives you an opportunity to select your own mate and know a person before you marry him/her but it seems to fade with time.. whereas arrange marriage gives you aopportunites to explore after marriage.. So it all differs from one person to another
@Uroborus (910)
• Canada
22 Feb 08
This is an interesting question. It especially interesting the way you put it. The question assumes that all arranged marriages are between couples that are not in love, which is not always the case. It also assumes that non-arranged marriages are based on love, which is also not always true. I don't thing either of these assumptions are correct. So, if I had to vote, I would vote for the marriage based on love. Whether it be arranged or otherwise.
2 people like this
@amjada (379)
21 Feb 08
Yes you say tru! I myself do not beleave in love marriage's. But love marriage can me big thooble, you can get in mind wrong.
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
For me im favor to Love marriage. I can't marry the guy if i don't have a feeling for him. Love for me is a very big factor in a relationship.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 08
So have you found yoursel a guy or still looking for a perfect one? Anyway .. thanks for your response.. I appreciate your choice
@ciades (1624)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
I have a guy whom i love right now. And hoping will come that far.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 08
i wish you do and i am sure that the guy will commit to you.. You look so ravishing and sexy.. I mean there is no way a guy can ditch you.. Anyway all the best..!!
@jolope (988)
• Philippines
21 Feb 08
woah!! this is a cool post.. i think that arranged marriage are not so bad..since the intention is always beneficial to the families involved.. i'm not yet married but i think that when it comes to marriage, its always important that you know for yourself that you want to see that face every single day of your life.. arranged marriages, in my opinion are for businessmen..its so very common..so for me, its not very favorable, though its convenient..its hard to live with someone you're barely interested in.. so i say love marriage is better.. when you get into that kind of marriage, it would be like a dream come true..^_^ lots of caring, though with problems, you know you'll do your best because you dont want your parter to be disappointed..because you still want that love that you had when both of you are just starting out..^_^ its sweet and dramatic.. hehe mwah!
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
Arrange marriage is not only beneficial to families.. but it can be beneficial to the people involved too.. Its all based on mutual feeling yaar..I know people prefer to be in love but do they really wish to marry the person whom they love.. Its almost 50% cases.and even though if you are marrying the person whom you love perhaps you are goona see that face for a longer period of time since you know her from some time ago..And y do you think that in arrange mariage ..its only a compromise .. U can start ur love after your marriage.Its never too late to be loved and to love..Anyway all the best for your future..
@madlees (1381)
• India
25 Mar 08
Hi, When it is an arranged marriage you do not have any preconcieved notions. You are ready to accept the person as he / she is with their defects. You give yourself first and then try to understand your partner. These arranged marriages are not what you see or read in Romance magazines, as arranged for deceiving someone for the will or inheritance like. This is done according to the will of the two families. the families get together and get their kids married. So the family support will be there for this union.
2 people like this
@sharay (2776)
• India
18 Jul 08
we can even have a big debate on this topic because its neverending if we are going to talk about it, according to me, both the marriages has pros and cons, i would not say one is better than the other...in both the main two things needed are "understanding" and "unconditional love" if its there in a couple whether its arranged or love marriage, the marriage would be a success.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Jul 08
Wow!! you have the complete understanding as to how to make ur marriage successful.. Hmm.. Would love to have a debate with you one day..
1 person likes this
@eliezl (766)
• Philippines
25 Mar 08
Although its common tradition to some culture to have ARRANGED MARRIAGE, I'd prefer the love marriage. For me, there isn't any thrill in arranged marriage because they are all set and planned not by you but by your parents. Although developing feelings is a possibility, I really pity those who were forced into a marriage to someone they don't have any feelings with. I guess this is one of the reasons why some marriage don't last long. In love marriage, at least, you are free to choose, to love without any pretentions and hurdles from others. You are free to express yourself and its easy to open up to someone you feel comfortable with. This is just my own opinion :)
• India
25 Mar 08
Thats completely your opinion and i don't think anyone would have any problem with it.. I like the way you feel. Thanks for your response
@subha12 (18452)
• India
25 Mar 08
I am also not into relationship. actually we have seen that in our parents' time there were rare cases of love marriages. but now time has changed and so has society. I guess its better to know the person well before marrying. in case of success rate i think there is not much difference.
1 person likes this
• India
25 Mar 08
So you will like to go for Love Marriage ??.. Thats nice Do you already have a boyfriend? Well ya .. in earlier days .. the society used to be orthodox but nowadays they are more open and liberal and parents give their children every rt to make their choice. So it all depends whom we select..
• India
22 Feb 08
U MUST BE INDIAN, THIS TYPE OF QUESTION ONLY ASK AN INDIAN PERSON, ARE U CURRENTLY STAYING IN INDIA, CHAWLA SAHAB, YAR AB TO MAN BANO, I HAD A LOVE MARRIAGE, AND VERY VERY HAPPY, First boss, u must have a girl whom u love, there are very good and bad effect of love marriage and arrange marriage, First u must have a good understanding between couple, if it is there then no one in this world can separate u. believe me LOVE MARRIAGE IS THE BEST.
• India
22 Feb 08
Yes i m an Indian and i stay in India only.. Everyone is not equally fortunate like you to have the relationship going.. I just asked for ur views and not for your advice.. The relationship is purely based on understanding and affection..No matter be it love or arrange..
• Philippines
21 Feb 08
it's actually very hard to say because there are marriages which started in love bu t ended up in a really brutal position. i would have to say that it depends in the couple if they are willing to stick to each other no matter what the cause. i've been married for four years and it's based on love. and it takes a lot of hard work. but then if you love something/someone, trials and obstacles is never a problem. if you love something/someone you work on it. i just don't know if the same goes with arranged marriages.
• India
22 Feb 08
I agree that there is no harm in trying but the probabilty of its working is equally the same as in arranged marriage.. and i think arrange marriage is also a kind of trial only...
@ayou82 (3460)
• Philippines
21 Feb 08
I will never have a fix marriage its either I grow old single or I have a messy life just because I never liked the guy I am partner with. My parents should respect me whatever choices I do in my life. Because it is for me too. I dont want my relationship to suffer or end up having a divorce just we have indifferences and he is not the type of guy I want to be with for the rest of my life.
1 person likes this
• India
21 Feb 08
People seem to be going against Arrange marriage.. I think its more common here in India rather than Western Countries..Anyway its completely your choice.. I hope u get ur soul mate..