A Very Bad Habit!!!

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When riding the bus home from therapy on Monday, I realized that I had fallen back into a really bad habit. Since I was a teenager, I have been riding the bus long distances alone. I love it so much. I like to sit in a seat next to the window with my headphones on, look at the scenery and completely zone out. I could ride the bus next to a person for hours and not be able to recall anything about that person. I do not know why I feel so safe on such a public vehicle. This is the same place that I first communicated with the man who robbed me at gunpoint in 2001. So Monday, I had taken along the book that I am reading. I knew that it would not be possible for me to miss my stop because they always call it faithfully. I get off directly across the street for a community college. So I allowed myself to really relax and get into the book. The next thing I knew, I looked up and to the side and sitting next to me was a guy who lives in my building. He rarely ever talks, so he had not spoke when getting on. But, he had to walk right in front of me in oder to sit down next to me. When I realized who he was, it startled me because I knew at that point that I had slipped back into my dangerous pattern. Even when I am walking down the street, I do not notice the people around me. I am focused on getting where I am going and that is it. I will really have to work on paying attention to my surroundings again.