Would you do it?

arkaf 's new baby :) - Teah... a bit big for her age, but understandable LOL
@arkaf61 (10882)
Canada
March 2, 2008 7:29pm CST
I have a new daughter. That's right, since the beginning of the year and without pregnancy and labor LOL She was also born weighting about 100 pounds and already in grade 12:) Ok ok I'll explain:) She is a friend of my daughter. She was already living on her own for about 3 years but last November she was laid off. She was starting to have trouble paying the rent for her small place and was getting worried. My daughter talked to me asking if she could stay over for a few months until she started working again and was able to save some money to get a place again. So we gained another daughter:) She is fitting in really well in our home. She follows rules, is polite and has good manners. SInce then she started working again and has been saving so she can get an apartment soon. I didn't mind at all. She sleeps in my daughter's room and is no bother for any of us - except of course for a bit of privacy loss. -. She is still finishing grade 12 - she had dropped when she left home - and both her and my daughter have been studying together. She works part time in a restaurant and is always very careful with calling us is she is to stay over a bit later. I know that there is a tiny bit more spent in terms of gas and electricity, but it's not something that would makes us any more poor than what we were before she came to live with us LOL But still it's not an easy decision and I know of many people that wouldn't want the responsibility. So, what about you, would you do it? We decided we didn't want her to pay for her stay, but she usually comes shopping with us and contributes with some food. SHe helps with the dishes when she's here at meal time, sometimes cooks for all of us either by herself or with my daughter, and shovels the snow if she comes home before us. so.. would you do it?
10 people like this
26 responses
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
3 Mar 08
I would think about it carefully, but like you, I would be very inclined to help a friend of my daughters who could be made homeless. The fact that she is trying to finish school is a real bonus. I wouldn't be inclined to help someone who wasn't trying to help themselves first. By studying & having part time work, you can be assured that she is doing all she can to better herself. So you have done a good thing. By encouraging an older student to complete her education, which means she will be less of a burden on society.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Yes, I"m so glad that she is back finishing her grade 12. We were worried for a while when she quit school. But with the help of her friends she realized that education is extremely important. She just needed the support :)
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Yes, I would. Seams like your new baby is polite and happy. Maybe she is happy having family she didn't have before. Even if she moves out, I am sure she will remember you act of kindness.
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I knew you would :):) Yes, she's really nice and she seems to be less gloomy now that things are going well. I know that many people have to face life really early but I still think that at 19 kids should still be kids = have a family that loves them, worry more about their studies then about what they will eat that day, and know that someone is there for them.
1 person likes this
• Canada
3 Mar 08
absolutely, 100% without a doubt. bravo to you for opening your home to a someone who needed a little bit of help. i hope it continues to work out for you and it is nice to see there are still people out there willing to open themselves to other people in need. it is nice to see that she has a positive role in your house.
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I"m happy to read you would too :) It really is working fine and she's welcome to stay until she can get back on her own without difficulties. I've been a bit criticized for doing it, by some people, but what counts is that in our home we all agree :)
@Ldyjarhead (10157)
• United States
3 Mar 08
It sounds like a good arrangement for all of you. If I were you under the same circumstances, yes, I'd do it too.
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Glad to hear that. This is a good kid, that is better living in family than without a home somewhere. She has this small apartment in mind but it won't be vacated until May or June. Someone that works with her lives there now but will be moving in a few months. She took me there last week, and it looks ok. It's very, very small but good for one person. And the rent is the most affordable we've seen so far. SO she might be with us until May or June:)
@Shawchert (1040)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I would have done it, if it was to make sure a child has a good home and education and such I would take the child in :)
2 people like this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I"m so glad to read that the majority of people would do it. I've had some people telling me that it's not a good idea, but for us it's working out and I"M glad she is with us instead of who knows where without a place to stay:)
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I think it's wonderful that you 'have a new daughter' and were willing to help this young girl out in a bad situation. Would I do it? Yep in a heartbeat except I think that once she got a job I would ask for a little 'rent' knowing she's trying to save for a place of her own is great and helping with groceries but I also think it would help with her 'responsibility' if she paid just a small amount. I also might consider just asking her to stay rather than finding a place of her own - she's helping around the house, not being a problem, and it would give her a since of family rather than being alone.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
Asking her to stay with us for a longer time crossed my mind but it won't work so I decided not to mention it. We're out of space as it is. I Know that she is sleeping in my daughter's thing, but for her to have space to put her clothes and things we had to take some of our own things from there, and we can't go on for much longer storing our clothes the way we are now, and the baskets in our hallway will have to go back at some point :) If not for that I would certainly consider it. As for rent money I prefer not to. We;re fine and she is saving for her own apartment. Maybe I would in other circumstances but I think she wants to get back on her feet and we've been convincing her to take some courses in college, she will need to have some money saved for that.
@byfaithonly (10716)
• United States
4 Mar 08
Yes, if space is a problem it wouldn't work.
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Yeah, I would do it =) Helping somebody out who's polite and helpful -- I see no reason why not. Besides, a growing family can rock..and your new daughter seems like a cool person...so..I say *thumbs up* awesomeness
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
She is really fine :) And you're right, big families are great - plus I always wanted to have more than two kids LOL I think what happens is that some people fear that this "strange" kid would do something wrong, like stealing the family silver or bring bad habits to their own kids and stuff like that.And ok, I understand that sometimes it happens to. But if we spend our lives thinking about what can go wrong we will never really live will we? :):)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Exactly =)
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (113544)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I have been there and done that, or something very similar. I had a summer son. He was a college grad, friend of my kids, and did not want to go back to Iowa, for various reasons. He stayed, cleaned, cooked, remodeled, painted, and took care of my pets if I was gone. He sang and played his guitar at night with me. I feel truly that it was a blessing. Unexpected as it was.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Yes, it's a win-win situation isn't it? Other might think that we're just giving, but we're receiving as well, most of all the pleasure of knowing that we were able to help someone :):):) Now guess who is criticizing me the most ? LOL SInce you've been following some of my sage, I"m sure you will be able to figure it out hehehehe
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I meant some of my saga LOL
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11192)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I might consider it depending on the situation and the character of the youngster. I need to make it quite clear though that there is only one Queen in the castle, and that in this castle it is ME. lol.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Mar 08
LOL I guess we are all queens and kings in our palace, with two older - and much wiser:) - guides that have veto power :):) Sure character needs to be considered and regular habits and attitudes. But if all works well, it is actually great to be able to give a helping hand when we can.
@gabs8513 (48712)
• United Kingdom
5 Mar 08
Yes Twin I would certainly do it no doubt at all I did do it with my Son's Fiancee and she ended up staying with us Both of the Kids Friends had a Home with me if they ever needed it they are all good Kids
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Mar 08
Yes, and the thing is that most kids are good kids. Some are misguided, some are having problems, some are just frustrated and don't know how to express it, but most kids are good kids. Now there are the exceptions and some kids are way too far on their negative path that we can open our doors to them like this. But thankfully this is a nice gently girl that I have no problem having in my house:)
1 person likes this
@dfinster (3535)
• United States
3 Mar 08
She sounds like a wonderful, responsible girl. I would absolutely do that if the child was as well mannered and responsible as this girl seems to be. I can't even get my own daughter to help with chores around here a lot of the time, LOL!
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Mar 08
LOL teenagers and chores don't go that well together do they? I have to say that my daughter is not the best with chores either. But I have to get them to help a bit at least by keeping their room clean and tidy - as much as a teenager room can be clean and tidy:) They both do the dishes sometimes if they don't have any big projects for school and they have cooked for us a few times as well. It's working quite well, although I am afraid this won't be able to be for a long time, because of our lack of space. But she is welcome for some time more until she can get enough money both for a place for her and some of her studies.
• Australia
3 Mar 08
I dont think I would do it, well actually I have never been in that situation, and since I am not a parent so my view might be a bit different. But, I am currently living with my younger brother (parents are overseas), and sometimes he invited friends over and they stay over for a few days, or even up to few weeks (during uni holidays). For me, the reason that I wouldnt want to take the responsibility of another person in my household doesnt really concern the electricity or gas bills or even food, but its just I wouldnt feel comfortable, there are privacy lost. I like to think of my house as a family home, a place that is for family to hang together and bond. Instead if there are outsiders that are not family, it wouldnt be as private as it should be for me.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Mar 08
Yes, privacy is a bit lost, I'll give you that. But this won't be forever and I guess we can do with a bit less privacy for some time. The thing is that she is not really an outsider, she's like an unofficial member of the family:) WE hand together and bond as a family. If she is there she is welcome to be with us, if not it's the same as always. There is no real major interference .
• Canada
3 Mar 08
Well it sounds like she is a nice girl :) Would I do it? Well first of all I am a student myself and so I don't exactly have my own place or anything. But if I were in your shoes I would have to say yes. It would be a lot of responsibility and what not but I think it would be the right thing to do. About 2 or so months ago the same thing happened to me .. I moved out west to Calgary, Alberta (and that is ATLEAST 2000 miles away) to live with my grandparents. They were glad to have me there at first anyways .. Then it got to be too much for them and they had problems of their own. So I moved back out here with my parents again. That didn't really work out either though, so I was in a boarding house for maybe 10 or so days. That didn't work out either LOL. By the way, I was only out west for 2 or 3 weeks too haha. So this shows how much you may miss home .. And how hard it really can be to live on your own especially at my age and her age. I am also in grade 12 and it's hard depending on your maturity level. However, I have a friend .. His name is John. He has been on his own since maybe 14? And now he is 17. He actually owns his own place .. He dropped out of school maybe 2 years ago now.. And he has his own truck and he pays mortage on his house and EVERYTHING. I think it is unbelievable he is only 17 and he does all this and rents out rooms and what not. It would be very hard .. I guess it really depends on people's maturity levels and what not though.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Mar 08
Yes being on our own so early in life can be complicated and a bit hard, but as you say it really depends on the maturity level of each person. But no matter how mature one is there are times when a helping hand is needed, and it's great to be able to be the person offering the helping hand:)
• United States
3 Mar 08
What you have described is probably something i would do. However I guess it really would depend on the person's situation and why they were in it and how well I knew them. I had a friend live with my family for 2 summers when I was in college. They never paid my Mom for anything and she never complained but now when I look back on it I think it was pretty selfish of me to expect her to do that and very gracious of her to do. But your guest sounds more helpful and appreciative than ours was.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
15 Mar 08
Yes who the person is really had a lot to do with my decision. In the sense that if I was going to open our doors to her I had to keep in mind any habits or examples that could pass onto my kids. But she's a wonderful kid and this is working quite well. Of course it is temporary. We wouldn't be able to make it any more permanent because we do have a problem with space . But it will work until she can be on her feet.
@mbarryton (1872)
• United States
3 Mar 08
I would, she sounds like a respectful person and loves to help out and since shes no truble at all i say go for it at least u and ur family will know she will have a very good home:)
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
Yes, we feel better knowing she is here with us and ok:)
@CanadaGal (4304)
• Canada
3 Mar 08
I knew you were a great person, and this story you've shared only deepens that knowledge! :) I would do the same thing as you, if I had the means to help out a friend of one of my sons. Of course, it's a few years away, as my boys are all under 9. lol. Back when I was in high school, my dad did the same for a friend of mine. She ended up only staying with us for a few weeks, but she was always so grateful that she had the safe haven of my home away from her family home (it was an abusive situation). It was a wonderful lesson my dad taught me by helping out a friend in need. It is a wonderful lesson your daughter is learning as well. :)
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
Yeah my mom did it too :) We had a girl staying with us for about a year in the same circumstances. WHen she finally left she was able to take a course and start her life in a better way. I think it's a great thing when we can help someone :)
@gemini_rose (16192)
3 Mar 08
It sounds like she is very considerate of you and very respectful and I think if I could guarantee that a person I took in was going to treat me and my home like that then yes I would. Its very good of you to help out like that.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
Yes, she is respectful and considerate. But sometimes to find the good things we have to take the risk :) True she could be awful and not the best person to have in our home, but if we didn't give it a try we would never find out how nice she is :):)
@TerryZ (22083)
• United States
3 Mar 08
Hi arkaf I think thats a very nice thing your doing for this girl. Not too many people would do that. You have a big heart. If I were in your situation I would have done the same thing. You will be paid back somehow in your lifetime. Your a good person.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
We're all wining in here :) She has a place to stay and is saving her money for an apartment and college, but we are enjoying her company and benefiting from her good disposition. It's a win-win situation :):)
• Singapore
3 Mar 08
Hi Arkaf, You are so sweet! I wouldn't know I would do that if I were you. Like right now, I value privacy a lot. "My" house is currently functioning like a hotel with strangers staying over day and night any time they want. It doesn't help that the "hotel door" is facing directly opposite mine. Needless to say, each time I wake up to a closed door (quite possibly meaning aliens inside), my day was spoiled before it even started. And this is most days. So if in future, such a thing as yours happens to me, I guess a lot would depend on how my child wants me to say yes and my opinion of that friend. And especially if that friend is well-behaved and him/her not having a place to stay is worth sympathizing with, chances are I might say yes.
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
Just wishing that if the same happened to my daughter someone would do the same for her :):) One of the things that might make it a bit more complicated is a certain lack of privacy, but I guess it's for a good cause, so we can overlook it a bit :) As for my decision yes, the fact that my daughter wanted to help was a factor too as was whatI already know from this girl. I know that sometimes people that we see are not exactly what we think when we're living together but in this case it's working fine. She is a teenager so she might have a few sillies here and there, but on the whole she has what's important : respect for others, responsibility, caring ... she's fine :)
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
3 Mar 08
If I am ever in the situation, it will depend on the kid, some kids are not good like she seems to be from your discription of her. I was one of those kids myself that was living on my own before I finished high school, when I lost my job, I left the area and traveled around the US, I didn't have anyone I felt I could lean on at the time. I think it is wonderful what you are doing, and in the same circustances I know I would do it too. I took in my nephew once and would again if I needed to. But my dad was always taking in stray family members, and is always picking up strays to help from his church now.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10882)
• Canada
4 Mar 08
ALthough some kids are misguided, most are actually ok :) In our case this girl is really a nice girl. A teenager, but a nice teenager LOL and it's working great:) I'm already "mom" to most of the neighborhood kids anyways heheheh