Deadbeat dad returns after 9 years demanding parenting time!!

United States
March 7, 2008 12:20am CST
I have a deadbeat dad for my children. He has been out of the pic for 9 years. My girls are 11 and 9...so they dont remember him at all. He has never paid child support at all. I live in Michigan so if your from here I would really appreciate your experiences. I dont have a ton of faith in our justice system so I am a little nervous that they may force me to let him see them. He has always had a problem with drugs and several prison stints to prove it. I believe the only reason that he is requesting this, is because after 9 years the friend of the court is finally pressing the matter and going to put out a warrant for nonpayment. Until now he has not had a warrant for 7 years so he pretty much forgot they were alive. He even called me back in 2001 and asked if my husband would adopt them so he could move away. I wasnt married so it didnt help him. He thinks that by having something to do with them will somehow void future child support. My babies are my whole world and I would die if his rotten influence ruined what I have worked my butt off to achieve for them. They are great kids and we dont need him around. I need to hear someone elses experience w/ this kind of thing and do you think the court would actually allow him to mess them up. He is not stable, never has a place to live. ..I dont even want an initial visit..not even supervised...HELP...I am fighting this one for all its worth...Please tell me your stories..ecspecially if your from Michigan, as it varies state to state.
4 people like this
4 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 Mar 08
If you haven't got it already on paper...you need complete physical and legal custody for your kids. The legal custody will give you a bit more power as you will have sole responsibility for any and all decisions regarding the kids. Without it, he legally has some say. I would also contact a lawyer. Most courts that I have heard of are pretty much in favor of granting visitation at least with supervision which in some cases, i think is just so wrong. Definitly get a lawyer or legal aid. This is not fair to your children.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Mar 08
I was niave I guess. I was dumb enough to think that after 9 years, I was done with him. I really didnt think I would ever hear from him again. But Michigan is in such debt that they are hunting these guys down, as I was on Medicaid when I had them so he owes the state money. They wouldnt be looking for him if it was just about my money...but heck he is over $60,000 behind in support. He is in a hole and digging deep to get out. Thanks for your response..
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
7 Mar 08
The main thing that gives a parent the right to see his children is child support payments. Since he has never paid a dime, he has a slim chance of getting visitation rights. Check this site out for info. on Michigan. I think you'll feel better seeing that it states that the cours look at what in the best interest of the children. Hope this helps. www.a2lawyer.com/articles/family/custody
2 people like this
• United States
7 Mar 08
Thank you SOOOO very much...this is exactly the page I need to read from top to bottom, and I am about to do so...thanks again for taking the time to respond and helping me sleep...MUAH
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8451)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 08
I don't know about the particular rules where you are but I would have thought that no court would allow him to see the kids if he's that bad. It looks as if he is trying to do it just to get out of paying child support, why else would such a terrible person turn up after so long demanding to see kids he obviously never cared about. If he genuinely wanted to see them, he would have tried as soon as he could. Any court should take that into account. I would think they would take it all into account and he would not be able to see them with the possible exception of if he's made to do rehab or something before he does. Even then, I would think his chances are slim. I also think there might be laws which give your kids a choice but don't know what age they would have to be. You should find out because if they are old enough to decide if they want anything to do with him then he can't see them if they don't want to and to be honest, I can't see why they would want to see someone they don't know just because they have his blood. He hasn't been a father and if I was you, I would do everything to stop him seeing the kids. It won't do them any good.
• United States
8 Mar 08
I sure hope the court sees it exactly as you state but then I hear that support and visitation are 2 different things and that the courts do all they can to try to reunite children with their fathers. NO MATTER why he has been absent. Your right though, It is just a bad attempt to get out of paying the support. Maybe he thinks he will end up with joint custody and not have to pay at all for the other half of their lives..they are 9 and 11 now..Thanks for your response.
1 person likes this
@lisado (1227)
• United States
7 Mar 08
I'm sure not if this will help, but lemme share anyway. Keep me mind I'm 35 now, so I know laws have changed. My biological father living in Michigan and was way behind in child support when I was 11-ish. My mother made a deal with him, because child support was no joke in Michigan. They had pretty strict laws. Pay or go to jail. She said that if he signed away his parenting rights, she would tell the court that he caught up his support by paying her directly. He wouldn't go to jail and my step father could adopt me, which is what we were trying to get to happen. He didn't want to sign off but wouldn't pay support, either. Said he couldn't afford it, but it didn't stop him from supporting the new wife and 4 kids with her. I only saw maybe twice a year, and that was when my mom drove me to him (we had other family in Michigan, as well). I know that most states have abandonment laws. If he hasn't made contact within a certain amount of time (a year in most states I believe) you can get his rights terminated. You'll have to see what Michigan's stand is on this one. I'm not sure if you have to prove he HASN'T contacted them or if he has to prove that he HAS. I believe that also varies per state. You can't stop him from seeing his kids just because he is behind on support. HOWEVER, if he has that kind of record you CAN push for supervised visitation only. If he wants to see them, make sure it's by YOUR rules. Step in first and make sure that they know he has a record and make sure that you are concerned for the children's safety. He could be a flight risk. A health risk. Make sure he can't be alone with them and can only spend limited time with them. I'm sure that if he knows he will still have to pay support until they're 18 (possibly longer if they go to college full time and live at home), not to mention catch up what he is behind, he'll disappear fast, especially if he is going to be "babysat" while spending time with the kids. Work "with" him, not against him. The more he knows this bothers you, the more likely he will be to be a thorn in your side. If you try to "work" with him, but use the courts as a safety net by pushing for an advocate for the kids during visitation and pushing the back support, as well as future support, he'll run as far and as fast as he can, I'm sure. Good luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 08
Thank you very much for your response. I will be fighting with both fists to make sure this dont happen. He is such a terrible person. Hes in jail most of the time and I just got a letter where he will agree to pay $25 a month in child support....lol Because he claims to be "indigent and poor" lmao...yeah judge he should be able to see my kids..hell lets just give them to him...If he thinks he can raise them for $.41 a day..Maybe he DOES know something I havent figured out yet....lol
1 person likes this
@lisado (1227)
• United States
8 Mar 08
$25 a month for 2 kids. Heck, I don't know where you live but if that's all it costs to raise two kids I wanna move there! (eye roll) Sometimes men have no clue, especially if they aren't there every day. They think "mom" is using the child support money to live high on the hog. I remember my mom's ex (not my dad, but her second ex, my brother and sister's dad) saying he bought my mom's house for her. He was only paying $225 a month for two kids! On what planet is that going to pay for food, clothes, school fees, medical and everything else as well as a mortgage and utilities on a house? Gimme a break. Make him take it to court. He'll have to show the judge how much money he makes (do you know if he works/has a job?) and they'll decide what he needs to pay. $25 won't even buy milk for two kids in a month. That's just nuts.