How can I forgive & forget?

I think it just means that the event really hurt you. Time does not heal all wounds. You can't expect it to just go away. But it's not worth giving up on your marriage either. I think what you should do is renew your vows. Have a second marraige ceremony on your anniversary and have the rings that you have now blessed, and makes your promises to one another again. Basically start over. Maybe then you will be able to let it go and not feel mad about it everyday.

I've been married 52 years to the same woman! I never had a wedding ring, and never missed it. My wife is a nurse, and because rings are unsanitary in a hospital setting she took her ring off, and has never worn it since. We were married in a Church, but that is not important in our lives.We raised 4 good boys and now have 4 Grandchildren. Life has been Great, and we are very Thankful for our Blessings. Your story touched me! But I'm wondering if you are putting too much emphases on the mundane, (rings) and not enough on your Blessings. Are you worried that God misses the ring that was blessed in Church? God is Love, and love is not gold or silver. Count your blessings (not your rings) and Be Thankful!

This incident happened some years ago? Don't get me wrong, throwing the wedding ring down the toilet was a horrible thing for your wife to do; but you said it yourself, she was immediately regretful of the action. I know nothing will replace the original ring, but is the ring what really shows the love you have for each other? All the ring is for, really, is to let others know that you are no longer available. If this issue is still causing problems then you and your wife never got past that incident. Do you truly love your wife? Or are you going to let something as material as a ring ruin your marriage? I'm not trying to be mean, so please don't take it as such. I'm just saying that the ring isn't the reason you love your wife. The ring is nothing more that a material item. Love comes from the heart, not a ring.

Wow, not sure what to say about that. Thats pretty extreme and if I was in your position I would feel the same way. My husband did something that I have never forgiven him for either. Maybe I am wrong but I can't help how I feel. When my daughter was born, he didn't bother visiting me until the evening of the second day of her birth in the hospital. Nor did I even get a call from him. He had been sick, I guess the whole event overwhelmed him and it was BAD enough that he whined about how sick he was and whined how he had no sleep because of it considering I was the one who went through the trauma AND I was the one who NEEDED sleep and didn't get it... but he also lied about staying home and resting that day. I found out that he went to his mother's (who I despise) to set up a fund for our daughter.. mom in law is superficial and materialistic. Hubby also at that time (he is more educated now) cared only about that. This was almost 6 years ago.. but I still have a hard time truly forgiving him for this. Now listen, I have done plenty of not so nice things behind his back too, like somethings I pulled that I wasn't honest about... and I know 2 wrongs don't make a right but what he did was worse. And as far as forgiving, I have a hard time doing that to begin with. Logically I know, if you don't move on it hurts you in the end but... sometimes how can you get rid of that feeling and truly move on? I am with you on wondering how to do it too.

It is not good for either of you or your marriage that you still hold a grudge about this. You say that you love her and besides this are happy together. How about renewing your vows and getting the new ring blessed in the church? You pulled through a tough time together and that is something to be proud of. I say, marry her all over again.

A wedding ring is precious, its blessed and you give them to each other on the day that you declare your love for each other in front of everyone who knows you and to some people that ring signifies everything, and when someone can disregard it and all that it means and represents in a heartbeat it is just crushing. I am still married but something happened in my marriage to break the special bond and blessing of my ring and from the day it happened I took it off and have never put it back on since because to me everything it stood for and signified was broken. I too cant forget it and maybe never fully forgive, he bought me another one to try and mend the damage, but it wasnt blessed and so it wasnt the same, I wear it but it has no real meaning like the first one. Im not sure that the memory will totally fade.

..I think it's because she hurt you.. also that it's possible it opened up a past wound..? I think that happens a lot.. and is really quite common.. - I was estranged from my (birth) family for 15 years.. I had a terrible childhood.. along with my siblings. The only way I could forgive.. well, actually I couldn't forgive, but I happened to be one of those people who when they found Jesus, needed him in a bad way, having lots of holes and wounds in me which only he can fill and heal.. along with that (along with Him) came the ability to forgive, and now I love my parents with a very tender and protective love and have for many years.. Which most people, if I share my history, can't believe it! :)

I think at some time or another, we've all wanted to do the same thing, but most of us just didn't have the nerve. What's most important is that your marriage is still "there", even though the ring isn't. My husband and I neither one has the same ring we got married with, we both gained weight in our fingers, ha ha, and rather than have them stretched we just bought new ones.

Hi Norfolk_Jim, Forgiving in never easy but it is very necessary. Forgetting seems to be even harder. The fact that it still bothers you means that it is hurting you. Forgiving always helps the one who forgives. If you can't work it out and it continues to bother you, seek professional help. Blessings.

I'm sorry that must stink. Staying angry and carrying the resentment only hurts you though. This sounds really hokey but write on a piece of paper and burn it. There's no way to make up for it.

I think the gusture of her flushing her wedding ring in the toilet hurt you badly,which you may never get over because if it was me i don't think i could forgive if my husband flushed his.To me is says its over and you mean nothing or your feeling,I would say talk to her about it,but there really isn't much she could do to change what she did.Some how you will figure it out and I really hope you do,It would be good for you to forgive not forget because you probably never will.

forgiving a person is easy to do but it's hard to forget what somebody did on you...i really upset many times and i forgive the person did it to me but until now i can't forget what they did...this is the battle that i always fight every second of my life to that i must learn how to forgive and how to forget...i tried many time to forget but i seems it doesn't work...hope i will win this battle.

Sometimes people do stupid things especially when were emotional and so angry with the person were arguing with. I think didn't mean to hurt you that bad, she's moved on after accepting that she regretted the way she acted and throwing your wedding ring down the toilet. Don't you think it's about time to move on,too and stop thinking about it? Thing is, marriage is not just about the wedding ring, it's about love and commitment for each other.

I know that this is something that has bothered you, but your wife had a momentary laps in judgement. Have you never had a momentary laps in judgement, would you like to be judged for it for the rest of your life? Yes this hurt, but if you want your marriage to move forward and be free of resentment you need to let this go. We all make mistakes. If the marriage has moved on beyond what ever problems you were having at that time, you must move past this. Don't let this ruin your marriage and stop punishing your wife, the situation must have been really terrible for her to do that in the first place, but things are better now and you have worked past what ever problems you were having. Let this go, for the sake of your marriage. Renew your vowels as someone else said. That is a good idea.

A whole lot of responses went through my mind and I’ll say as I feel it. Firstly my sincere sympathies with you and I agree wholeheartedly too. As Bengali Hindus don’t have any wedding ring but we have a wedding saree and no amount of more expensive sarees that my hubby buys for me later, can ever compare to my wedding saree. I cant wear it everyday and in old age, I wont be able to carry it off too, but its one of my most precious possessions. So I understand that buying another wedding ring is not the same as the one you slipped on her finger. Secondly, as you are still happily married, I think you should take solace from the fact that she is more repentant and guilty-conscience for flushing the ring than you are for your behaviour and your not wearing your own ring is a kind of psychological torture to her. But above all, do remember that human life is transient, memory is permanent. If your wife goes before you, you will be left with remorse at having never been able to forgive her and then you will never forgive yourself either but by then it will be too late. So even if you cant forgive and forget, argue about it sometime, do let her know how hurt you were, rub it in real bad, make her cry, do whatever it takes to make you feel better, but wear your wedding ring.

Dude I think you have to forgive her cause you have to live whole life with her. you can't live with her properly whole life if you have something about her in your heart. It's true that her act heart you, but you should have the habit of forgiveness. Many such events may take place in your life, You have to neglect them for smooth flow of your life. If she have ask pardon from you then forgive her as if she have don nothing. for example if your children do something which heart you, don't you forgive them??? because you love them. Life is full of hurdles. you have to take act according to the situation. You can't give her divorce for silly reasons, so its better to for give her or any one if you want to compromise with the situation.

The essence is your love to her, not the ring to her. Ask yourself whether you would still love her, even though she would keep her regular action or emotions. Will you forgive her twice if she would hurt you in the future. That is the point.

i'm sorry to hear your story. i have similar feeling with you. two years ago, my miss right bought me a beautiful coat when i was birthday, but days ago she quarrl with me , and asked me give the coat back, i did so, she throw it into the garbage. there are many similar things. i but her ring, i but her watch, i buy her necklace....... she drop them all when she was agry. after doing that she would ask me to forgive her. i don't care about the ring the necklace. but i do care about the feelings.

I would probably feel the same way had it occured to me. However, getting assured constantly by your wife that she really loves you and she regretted having done that and will never do the same thing is something to consider. After all, what matters is how both of you hold on to your oath when you got married that you would take care of each other and will fulfill your duties as a couple. That ring is sentimental but I think it's time for you to let go of that. It would be best if you forgive her now. We have to remember, it is also a way that God may forgive our own sins if we forgive others who sin against us. Matthew 6:14-15 says: For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Being challenged by situations like that is actually a blessing in disguise. Like every one else, I have sinned against other people too and I just think that by being treated bad by others (in some other ocassions) and forgiving them for that is a chance for me to be forgiven by God for those trespasses I committed in the past, especially if I don't have a chance to talk to the people I should ask forgiveness from. Just a thought.

well man ur wife is whom u luv and she too regretted of losing the ring. it happened by chance.. not really her fault