How can I do when my friend doesn't return the money he borrowed from me?

China
April 7, 2008 8:13am CST
Sometimes, my friend talked with me. He stated he was in a financial trouble. And He was so unhappy. Then he asked my assistance and borrowed a little sum money from me. He promised he would return it half a month later. Though I was not rich, I didn't like to see his sad face and can't stand that my friend is in tough situation. So, I am not hesitant to meet his demand. I expected he would return it soon. But One month passed, nothing happened. I implied him several times, but he hadn't any response. I explained to myself that he might forget it. I am afraid to damage our relationship if I directly request his return. How can I do in this case?
2 people like this
22 responses
@howard96h (11641)
• New York, New York
7 Apr 08
Hi heatian, welcome to mylot. Consider it lost money. I have lent money and never had it returned. I will not do it anymore. Now I tell myself if I am going to lend some money especially to family, it is a gift I am giving because there is a very good chance I will not get it back. You have let him know a few times about it and he is aware of it and if he is ignoring you it's because he does not intend to repay it. He is the one who damaged the relationship not you. Don't lend him any more money again - ever. I believe in karma and this will come back to him.
1 person likes this
• China
7 Apr 08
Thanks. Sometimes I introspect and conclude that I am not enough generous to others. I should learn to forget easily. Like that, I maybe live happier than before. I believe in karma also.
@howard96h (11641)
• New York, New York
7 Apr 08
Thank you for the BR.
• India
7 Apr 08
Havent U heard this anywhere.... If you lend someone ..esp ur friends some money.. either u forget ur friend or forget ur money.. cos one of them aint coming back.. So its upto you to forget either the money or the friend.. my personal suggestion would be to forget the money.. If its a large sum.. then u may ask him to pay it in very small installments... like ery small.. tell him that you do not want to lose him and also tell him that you'll need the money as well.. he might understand..
• China
7 Apr 08
By now, after a long time thinking about it, I figure out, the best way to keep the friendship, that is not to lend any more. But it doesn't work very well when my friend is tough.
• India
7 Apr 08
Tough?? what do u mean by tough?? do u mean he threatens the money out of you ?? then how can you call him ur friend??
@hey_baby (426)
• Philippines
7 Apr 08
i've seen a lot of instances with my friends that when it comes to money not returned, friendships are broken, or damaged. maybe they're not so good friends after all. with your case, if you can do without the money he owes you, you can maybe tell him one last time, that you helped him when he was in need, its his turn to help you out. and if it doesn't work, you can let it go, just don't lend him money anymore. in my opinion, a really good friend will pay you back, even if it's on installment, just to show his intention to really pay his debt. he wouldn't want that to go in the way with your friendship.
• China
7 Apr 08
I have the experience of break of friendship for the borrow and lend. I feel sad for that. Some friend think that I care money rather than friend. So they part away from me. So, I am sensitive about borrow and lend.
@Loverbear (4928)
• United States
7 Apr 08
I look at it in the respect that if they are borrowing the money for food, fine. But somewhere along the road of life they need to learn to budget their money so that they can cover their life's needs. You have to work for your money, and as you said you're not rich. I simply would put a stop to lending money (I have otherwise I'd be in the position that I wouldn't have funds for my needs). I would state that it isn't the fact that money is more important than friendship, it is simply that money can ruin a friendship and loaning it is the quickest way to destroy the closeness that friends share. I agree that you need to let him know one last time that you need the money repaid. It is time that he helped you out by repaying you, and that you have to work hard for the money that you lent him and that it isn't fair to you to have to wait for so long to get the money paid back. I have lost a lot of friends because of loaning them money...then I have friendships where I have loaned the people money and received it back plus interest. Right now my best friend in repaying me for previous loans and as a thank you for the help she is buying me the expensive mixer that I have been drooling over. Shakespeare said it best when he said "neither a borrower or lender be". I wish my daughter knew that saying, she and her spouse have borrowed over $3,000 from me and I knew that it would be money that I would never see again. If you really feel that you must lend money, set limits on the amount. Otherwise you could be really sorry in the end.
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
7 Apr 08
It is not new knowing that your friends borrowing money when they really needed it. I was also came to a point that i borrow money from my friend and he do the same. Now i haven't paid yet some bucks to him but it doesn't change how we treat each other. It all about how he understand my situation and still when he needed some, i give as long as i can. I mean it all depend on how strong your friendship is, for friendship, money is not counted if you really think that he is a true friend or just one of your lots of friends.
• China
7 Apr 08
According to my friend circumstance, he has ability to repay the money, but he doesn't do it. So, I feel sick when I think about this.
• United States
8 Apr 08
Your going to have to take that risk!! I gave loan to a family memeber and had them sign agreement and that she would make $100.00 payments untill paid off in a year and half.. Sad to say but I have only received 3 payments in the last 2 1/2 years.. I am thinking on taking her to court, i have signed documents and everything. She has a son who she does not pay any attention to and does some side jobs at night that not happy about! So you can either talk to him about making payments to you, ask if he has idea when your getting money back cause you need it.. or give him a time frame and if not paid you will take to court!! sorry but family and friends seam to take for granteed.- Let me ask you this!! Would your friend help you out if needed it?
@myanime (434)
8 Apr 08
If your really need that money back try to asked him. Approched him nicely,.. Told him if he remmember that he borrowed some money from you last time. And this time you are the one who needs that money... It will not damage your relationship if you will approached him nicely. And pls. try to understand in case that he doesn't have money. Tell him than if ever his financial trouble is over pls do return the money coz you need that also.... Wish that I could help you with that.... cheer up!...
• India
8 Apr 08
hi heatian, it happens sometimes in friendship u borrow something from ur friend and forget to return.in financial situation it creates impact on ur friendship but according to my experience we should be patient and let friend realise that he have a debt.if ur good friend than even if you ask directly it will not change your relationship
@lily3753 (390)
• China
8 Apr 08
Tell him you need money now .Or you can borrow the same money from him for some reason . Anyway ,the worst way is you try nothing . Money and friendship are two things must differe clarely!
• United States
8 Apr 08
Well the Bible says if you lend someone money don't even think about expecting to get it back. In other words consider it a gift. That way you won't think about the money he owes you every time you see him. Just make sure if he asks you for money again, you don't give it to him.
@misshoney (973)
• Philippines
8 Apr 08
hello heatian :-) oh that was unfortunate and i can relate because i have friends who are just like your friend. i suggest you ask him for the money, some people would not really pay voluntarily. explain that you also need it. there is no reason to be ashamed,.in fact you friend should be the one to feel embarrased. you have the right to ask for payment.
@ayessa (1584)
• Philippines
8 Apr 08
Been in that kind of situation. What I did was I talked to a friend and who borrowed the money and as him what happend. He exxxxxxxxplained that still he can't pay me so I told him not to bother anymore. That the money he borrowed is some sort of a help to him. Then I promised myself not to lend him anymore but we're still friends until now.
@wisedragon (2328)
• Philippines
8 Apr 08
Since you're friends and it was just a "little" sum of money I suggest you let it go. Don't bother asking him to pay it. But don't you ever forget it. If he ever asks you for money again, tell him you can't lend him any more because he failed to pay you the last time. He needs to pay the first loan before borrowing again. You wouldn't want him to be a bloodsucking abuser. You would want to teach him to be financially responsible.
@Hatley (164154)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Apr 08
Your friend was not shy in asking youfor a loan so you should not be shy in asking that he pay it back either. Isn't that what friends do for each other? Ask him directly and kindly pleasepay me back the money you borrowed as soon as you can. I need it really bad right now.thanks.
@twoods90 (185)
• United States
7 Apr 08
if its not that much then forget about it..dont want to lose a friend over someting like this
• United States
7 Apr 08
He may have just forgot and needs a reminder. I would kindly remind him that you have to pay things too and it would be nice if he could get your money to you soon. If he does not have it yet you can make payment arrangements. If the relationship is worth more then you might just consider it a loss and lesson learned for next time.
@Darkwing (21586)
7 Apr 08
I think you have possibly learned a lesson from this, and if it was just a small amount of money and you value your friendship with this guy, you should just move on and write the debt off. You know next time, not to lend money to him, but I doubt this small amount would mean too much to you if lost. Brightest Blessings.
@julyteen (13256)
• Davao, Philippines
7 Apr 08
i always a victim of this. most of my friend when running out of cash approached me to lend money. because they are my friend so i hand them the money they want. they promise to return in a short period of time but days, months and years gone by, they forgot they promised. most of the time i am ashamed to approached to returned the money. i let them think voluntarily that they have obligation to me but no one did it. the only thing i can do is to forget. i am not hoping they will pay back the money. we don't know something happen and they will pay you...i don't want to lose our friendship because of the money. i am a good friend to anybody and because of that many abuses my kindness. God will paid them back what they did. I will not pray to God against them of course. they are my friend. i only allowed to borrow money from me if you are my friend because if something happen and you won't pay me...maybe i will understand you because you are my friend.
@alexigne (903)
• Philippines
7 Apr 08
Sorry to read that from you. My friend told me that, sometimes even when he have money, he don't pay because of wanting to buy things that he really like, same here.
• China
7 Apr 08
if you are fich just forget it if you aren't tell him you trouble
@MGjhaud (21945)
• Philippines
7 Apr 08
Ask him nicely if he could return the money now that you're the one's needing. Just be polite. If he doesn't pay, push a little but be calm. I'm not advising you to be in trouble but at least say something to bother him that you're in dire need of the money. Then if he doesn't pay, let go and never lend him a money -- ever. That's what I do actually to my friends who are not that good when it comes to paying. By the way,ask him the money earlier just in case he won't really pay so you won't get stuck of where to get yours.