Mothers-in-law

I never had a mother-in-law problem. I guess I was blessed. Is this son an only child? Does he live near his mother? Sometimes it isn't just the mother that is the problem, but also the son. Is he a "mama's" boy who still runs to mom with problems? If I had a problem, I think I would talk to my husband first and express my feelings (tactfully, of course--it is his mother!) and see what could be done as a couple. If hubby is not supportive or doesn't see a problem, more discussion or counseling may be needed. In reality, however, only one person can really change and that is the one who has the problem. She's the only one that is experiencing the problem and the only person she has control of to make any changes. Perhaps she could review her own attitude and behavior and double check her patience level or if she is doing anything that would create an atmosphere of competition for the man. At last resort--is it possible to move away from Mom to reduce the opportunity of interference?

I am lucky. My mom in law was wonderful and even tho I divorced her son years ago, we are still very close. I did date a man for a short while whose mom was the devil's nitemare. This woman was so very interfering and controlling. Then again, her son allowed it and allowed her to be disrespectful toward me which said much about him as well. You can only be controlled if you allow it. I really don't think the blame lies entirely with the mother's in these situations. I moved on from my parents at age 18 and was still respectful towards them even tho I was very independent. I just could not respect a man that let mommy run his life. That is a man who has some growing up to do.

Amen to that. I used to deal with the very same thing when I first met my husband. He was so attached to his mother like I could not take care of him as his wife. He would do whatever she told him to do or whatever she wanted. I told him it is not going to work if he was not going to help make our relationship work. I didn't let my mom control my marriage either. I think his mom thought it wouldn't work because of the age difference but she soon seen otherwise. My husbands first marriage didn't work but this one had lasted for 13 years now and he is very happy with me and the life we live. She passed away now but finally gave me respect before doing so.

I can say that I was such a fortunate one who did not experience to have a witch mother-in law. I have friend that are always complaining about the treatment they experience with their mother in law. They say no matter how they try to be nice the her well it doesn't seem working and still feel unwanted. It's rally hard to have one like what you said I can't imagine myself to be a martir. Now we can get along very well although we live far from them but still if they are her for a visit we are nice to each other.

I think not all mother-in-law is difficult and fastidious as I have known! many os them is very kind and they treat their son-in-law as their own son. So I think many will be get along with each other! What is you opinior to my opinior? I will look for you reply! Thanks!

I wish I knew how to help you but I actually have the opposite problem. Mine doesnt want anything to do with 3 of her kids but is obsessed with the fourth.

My current MIL is not so bad most of the time now but oh boy when my husband and I were dating ..... well lets just say she was not to happy with his choice in datemates. Sometimes it was pretty funny but other times it was just downright insulting. I always tried to be understanding of her issues and concerns but really at times she just went to far. For over a year my now husband and I dated long distance. There were certainly many things that worked against us during those days; our age difference (19 years I am older); our cultural difference (he is Bahamian I am Texan-American); our religious backgrounds (his grandmother is a pastor in a church called God of Prohecy I am well lets just say I never going to be there). The list goes on. In truth his mother is only seven (7) years older than me and my oldest son is only one (1) year younger than him. So lots of things working against us. She took issue with all of them, including race, religion, age, culture, heritage, my status as a divorcee...the list just went on. She use to be so rude to me that it shocked even her son at times. I didn't tell him about most of it. Some of my favorites were the following; 1. Held family prayer meetings to pray "against" me (how very Christian) 2. Invited the Bishops over to try to convince my now husband that I was "evil" 3. Kept inviting "church" girls to the house to replace me 4. Regularly hung up on me if I called the house (he lived with her and paid all the bills including rent and utilities When we married we eloped. He called her after the fact and told her that he had "bad news". We have been married nine years. It is rocky at times and many of our fights are around her and her on-going battle for preeminence. She continues to demand support, money, him to come home to take care of her. I say if that is what you need to do then do so. I quote the Bible to her, which she hates because it shows that she is not in the "right". Her own mother has told her to leave us alone but it doesn't happen. She is nice to my face these days but she still hates that he married me. Ah well

For many years I got along with my mother in law, until I got my husband and his biological father together then things went down hill, she would talk smack behind my back and be nice to my fave, boy do I hate that. One day she came over and she was critizing me along with her youngest son. Saying I speak for my husband. I said listen your son doesnt tell you things because he does not want to hurt your feelings. His brother called me a foul name and my husband came running out and said listen this is the only woman in my life that listens and loves me, the day I met her was the begining of life for me. When he met his biological father he finally found out the whole truth he was basically kidnapped from him and he was loved very much. She got all upset and said Why did you have to do this to me. I said listen I didnt do this to you, I did it for him to make him whole and to realize he was not tossed away like a used paper towel. His father has been very active in our lives since the day we met him. Hi mother passed away about 3 years ago from cancer. But don't you know out of her whole family which is large by the way. Who took care of her? I fed her I bathed her I was the only one there when she passed. So you see life works in mysterous ways. She did tell me in the end that she understood why I did what I did but had wished I didn't.

I don't really have a mother-in-law problem but a lot of my friends back at home do. Most Asian mother-in-laws are just about the worse, really. They expect their daughter-in-laws to wait on them hand and foot, and hang on their every word, not to mention spoil their son. What's worse, they expect their son to side with mummy 100% of the time even when she's at fault. Just yesterday, one of my friends had a breakdown with her ILs (In-Laws). She lives with them for a lot of reasons and has a one year old baby girl whom she conceived before she and her hubby got married. The first thing her MIL (mother in law) did then was tell her to get an abortion. Now, a year later, her MIL and FIL (father in law) would nag her and tell her how to care for her daughter. If my friend buys gifts for the girl, they would go out and buy bigger & more expensive gifts for the child. One recent point of contention came to religion and diet. Being a Kwan Yin (Goddess of Mercy) follower, my friend doesn't take beef. Her in-law profess to be the same but have no problems consuming beef. Because she prayed for her daughter's behalf, my friend felt that it wouldn't be right to give her daughter beef. Her in-laws would insist that she give the kid beef and would actually tell her that she's being a terrible mother if she didn't do what they said. Yesterday, when my friend went downstairs to the kitchen (they live in a double storey home and the bedrooms are all upstairs; my friend spends a good part of the morning tending to her little girl), she got ambushed by her MIL and got a long lecture about how she should bring the girl downstairs instead of leaving her upstairs all the time, how she should let the girl socialize with other people and etc, etc, etc to the point where my friend felt really low, down and out. What's worse is that she can't complain about it to her hubby because if her hubby tells the parents off, they would start on the whole "you are an ungrateful son" dribble. Yes, some Asian parents love to pull out that trick - they equate filial piety with unconditional obedience. There are more stories, stories that occur to other women. If you read them, it really makes you think twice about marrying into an Asian family. =.=