Anyone else have family members like this?
By Valerie
@valerie37 (1002)
Christiansburg, Virginia
May 24, 2008 11:43am CST
That no matter how much you have done or do for them they act like it's an inconvenience to do anything to help you.
My sister, several years ago when she was still with her ex husband lived in the same trailer park that I do. Well for quite awhile they were without a vehicle, and at that time we had two vehicles. Well I would let her use one of my vehicles everytime she asked for awhile it stayed parked in front of her trailer more than it did me where they used it so much. Her then husband(ex husband now) even got it impounded one 4th of July because he was drinking and driving, they didn't even pay the impound fee to get it out, my dad paid it so I could get it out.
After all of that now, if I ask her to even take me somewhere she acts like it's just too inconvenient for her. But still yet, if she needs something who does she ask? She's even borrowed money saying she'd pay it back and years later still hasn't. So, I've decided, if I ask her to take me to see Kayla and for whatever reason it's too inconvenient for her, then she better not ask me for anything again because she won't be getting anything from me again.
11 people like this
44 responses
@onetrackmind (104)
• United States
25 May 08
I can surely relate, with you. With me, it is my in-laws. We have been there countless times for them (rent, getting baby to doctors, etc.). Yet, just last week when my wife had gotten a prescription called in to CVS for p/u later that day, they were no where to be found for assistance.
They are either sleeping or not home at the time, or too tired! Countless times I have told my wife: God helps those that hepls, themselves...we have helped them countless times (NOT that we are looking for a return favor all the time). Sis-in-law owes my daughter 400, us 400 and her brother 400...she blew her Income ta xcheck on who knows what and then gives us the sympathy act when we ask for part of the money due us!
I have in-laws that keep looking for hand-outs and don't look to help others...they truly feel we OWE them! NOT!
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Wow. My sister has never borrowed that much from me and if she did I would definitely have to say no. I hope you at least get back some of what she owes you.
@GardenGerty (157692)
• United States
25 May 08
I think that like you, I would feel like she owed me and if she did not graciously help me out that would be the last straw. I am one who is long of patience, up to a point and then if you cross that point you are so out of luck. I hope that she decides to do the right thing.
2 people like this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Well, I'm gonna give her a few days so that maybe she can be over being sick and ask her again. I hope then she will. I mean I can't say she's not sick because I know me and my older daughter both just got over something that was almost between a cold and the flu and it took over a week to get over it.
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Well, right now she says she's sick. About three days ago it was she's having to look for a job. I just can't help but wonder what it will be next time I ask.
@slickcut (8141)
• United States
25 May 08
Im sorry Valerie but your sister sounds like a user..there is a lot of people like that.I can understand how you feel,i have been very generous as well,and when i need something ,no help at all...if i were you, the next time she ask me for something i would say a flat NO! and i would tell her why I am saying NO!...I would also remind her that when she was without a car,i helped her,and she even got my car empounded,and drinking?You took a big chance there....I know you love your sister,but i would have to stand my ground and tell her NO Way!....
2 people like this
@goodbuys4you (207)
• United States
24 May 08
It may be that some of the difficulty your sister is having with her daughter misbehaving and not respecting her is because her daughter has seen how she has treated you. The daughter may feel that if it is OK for Mom to treat her sister like that then it's OK for her to treat her Mom in similar ways.
You can love your sister without letting her walk all over you. Hopefully you can quietly explain how she's hurt you in the past and you are unwilling to give in to such treatment indefinitely.
If she's like many with inconsiderate habits she'll probably come up with excuses. But if you continue to let her take advantage of you without being willing to return favors, you will just be encouraging her to keep on doing the same thing over and over.
Thankfully, my family members are not like your sister, but I've had friends who were good at "borrowing" things and never returning them. So...I had to tell the friends I could no longer loan them anything. They stopped asking when they saw I meant what I said.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
No. Actually the problems my sister is having with her daughter are because her daughter still blames her after 9 years that she didn't wait arouund for her ex husband to decide he wanted to come back and her take him back like she had done twice before. If it were up to her daughter my sister still would not be living with the guy she's living with now because she'd still be waiting for her ex husband in case he decided even after all this time that he wants to come back.
@goodbuys4you (207)
• United States
25 May 08
I guess if somebody has been daddy's little girl they think if daddy leaves it must have been mommie's fault. They think that daddy was really loves me and surely will one day come back if mommy stops being mean to him.
If a daddy really truly loves his children he will do everything he can to love their mother. Walking out on mommie in most situations tells me that he doesn't have that much love for his children. Marriage can be very hard at times and couples need to turn to each other rather than against each other when times are tough. That is an example that a dad should set for his children.
I hope that daughter doesn't end up marrying somebody like her dear ol' dad, because then she might discover the hard way that some husbands don't take seriously the vows they make to their brides to stick with them in good times and in bad.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
24 May 08
That would be my brother, sister, mother, and aunt. I have gone out of my way to help all of them. They have all lived with me free from time to time when they needed. But when I needed them to help me, they weren't even there. They were all busy. Go figure!! Never again will I help any of them.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
I can't say that she never has helped me at all though. When Kayla was younger for the longest time she was the only one in the family that with all Kayla's medical problems felt comfortable watching her and would watch her for me if I was in a bind. But as Kayla got older she quit doing that as much either.
@skinnychick (6905)
• United States
25 May 08
That's more than I can say for mine. I guess you were lucky while it lasted. :)
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
27 May 08
I do, It is sad isn't it. I have started always being to busy, even if I am not. I have decided that I am not going to help them if they cannot return the favors. My husband used to get mad at me for doing them because I would run every time they needed something, but when we did, they just turned the other way, especially if it pertained to our special needs son.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
27 May 08
Now that is one point I can't fault her on. When Kayla was younger for the longest time my sister was the only one in the family who would help out by watching her if I needed someone. That's because of all the medical problems that she had too that the rest of them were afraid to try to watch her. I guess that was where my sister being a CNA helped out.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
25 May 08
I don't have family membes quite that bad, but my husband has a few. I could tell you some stories (if I felt like sharing them publically) about a daughter's ex-boyfriend that would turn your teeth blue!!! I won't on here, but let's just say from that experience I know how you feel.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Trust me. If they're that bad I don't need to know the stories to say that I can certainly sympathize with you.
@blackbriar (9076)
• United States
29 May 08
Thankfully, I don't have family like that. We help each other out whenever possible. Since you 'inconvienced' yourself for your sister, she should do the same for you or just don't help her out anymore.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
29 May 08
Oh trust me. Until she can help me out some, she won't be getting anymore help from me.
@kimbers867 (2539)
• United States
25 May 08
My husband's older brother is just like this. Anytime he needed help DH was always there for him. Watching there mom so he could have some time away from her, she was mentally ill; helping out with other things.
Well when I called my SIL to let her know we had a major water disaster in our house while we were on vacation. The first thing out of his mouth was "What do they want from me, MONEY". I was so ticked off.
If it wasn't for my SIL, niece and nephew, I would have a couple of choice words for him.
So you are not alone in this!!!
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
There are several times I've made myself not say anything because I don't want my mom worrying about her kids being at odds.
@faith210 (11224)
• Philippines
25 May 08
Hi valerie37! I think everyone has one like that in the family! haha..I have several of those and it makes my life so colorful that I sometimes see blood! haha..Just joking! But that really annoy me when they are so kind because they need something from me but when it was my time to need some help, oh, they would have those kind words and comforting words but in the and of the conversation they will always come up with so many reasons why they can't help you but will tell you at the same time that they really want to help. HUH?! 
That is why now that even if I am really having so much difficulty, I am not asking any help from them because I know I will just be turned down but have promised myself that if ever they need something from me, I will never lend them anymore money nor will give out even small favors. Because until now, these people never returned anything they have borrowed, money or other things and imagine that I have to beg for them to just give me back the money they have borrowed. How unkind of them really!
Take Care and God Bless! Happy Mylotting! 
That is why now that even if I am really having so much difficulty, I am not asking any help from them because I know I will just be turned down but have promised myself that if ever they need something from me, I will never lend them anymore money nor will give out even small favors. Because until now, these people never returned anything they have borrowed, money or other things and imagine that I have to beg for them to just give me back the money they have borrowed. How unkind of them really!
Take Care and God Bless! Happy Mylotting! @valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Yea. I'm starting to realize every family has at least one like that.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
25 May 08
I have a brother that is a little bit like that. I have lent him large sums of money and helped him out in anyway I can always. Still, If I need a favor, he makes sure that I KNOW just how much he is going out of his way for me. He always does come thru. He just has to run his mouth first which makes me feel just so bad for even asking. I have at times actually out and out refused his help when he's started going on and that turns the tables. He then, is all but begging me to let him help. I am stubborn and I will find another way and I do. That will cure the problem for quite a while. I think it is just his nature and occassionally he needs a reality alert and he gets it. Try that with your sister and see if it works. I'm sure that in her heart she knows all that you have done for her.
1 person likes this
@marketing07 (6266)
• South Korea
25 May 08
well,its also happening to me.not only my sister but my brother ..but it seems that they get used of it.so im trying to avoid them.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
See I know not to ask my brother. And it's not that he wouldn't. It's just that their kids who are still in school are involved in so many sports and other after school activities that him and his wife after work and taking kids to different sports and activities don't have enough time for themselves.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
25 May 08
I am so blessed in that if I need something or cannot do'
something myself my son never refuses to help me out.we
are are only close family. I have distant cousins but nobodyelse
here in our area. I do have some close friends but no close
relatives. Ihave friends who have told me about relatives like
yours who will not ever do a favor but will ask for a zillion'favors from them.Your sister should by all rights
help you to see Kayla, she is her niece after all.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
See, I can't even ask my older daughter Ashley, she's 18 still living here at home and doesn't work. A lot of help she'd be. But I do know if she were working and had a car and could she'd make sure I got there.
@jewel76 (2305)
• Canada
25 May 08
Sad but true..my husband is actually this way...i do EVERYTHING for him, and take care of our son and clean our house, wash our clothes, etc. etc. all week long, and i only ask that he spend a bit of time with our son at night, and give him his last bottle, and the sight i get out of him makes me want to scream!!!!!!!!!!! He always manages to get himself out of taking care of our son, even if it's about an hour a day!!
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Oh. I feel for you. My husband has always been good about helping out with our kids. Kayla especially. Before she went in the training center she was a daddy's girl and would rather him do stuff for her than me when he was home after wwork every day. So i can't imagine what that would be like to have one who didn't want to help.
@Ohara_1983 (4117)
• Kuwait
24 May 08
what kind of sister is she, you give all already what deep inside of you just because she is your sisterit must be she will understand the situation now noot because of you but because of your kayla, i think it will be a good lesson to you know valerie not to trust or give much what you have, leave some for you self & family, i know it is not wrong to help but in this matter i think you need to change your way how to deal & being good family member, and am so froud in my family we dont have this kind of attitude.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
She hasn't always been like that. Just since she met the sorry SOB who is now her ex husband and started to act like him. And then I guess the problems she's had with her daughter since then has just really gotten to her to where she doesn't want to help anyone. But then like I replied to someone else you would think that taking me to see Kayla would be a chance for her to get away from all the acting out her daughter is doing even if it just for a little while.
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Yes, she is. But that's problem. She didn't use to be. It all started when you could start to tell that her and her ex husband were having problems, and I mean before he left the first time.
I guess all he put her through she just got to where all she worries about is herself and that's it.
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
24 May 08
No I haven't because at times I don't think she even realizes she is like that. I mean she'll give a reason usually why she can't do whatever. But most of the time those reasons soud more like an excuse to me just to not have to do something she just doiesn't want to do.
@olivebranch56 (910)
• United States
24 May 08
Valerie it is a hard lesson learned in life, but we all learn it eventually I think. If you do something for someone especially loaning money, you may as well "give it", even if you say loan, that way you don't get your heart broken when the time comes to repay. I know that is easier said than done, but even when people have all the best intentions things happen. I have given all my life, and usually when I need there is no one around, especially family. My sister is good to be there, but other than that forget it. We live and learn in this life, someone told me once if you can't afford to "give" someone money, or food or whatever then don't "loan". Sure enough I have learned the hard way many times, so now I follow this advice. I hope your sister helps you out though, it is sad to have sisters at odds with each other.
1 person likes this
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Oh, I quit being as giving to her awhile back, although I still do at times.
@elemental69 (1561)
• Ireland
24 May 08
You sound like a very generous person that is being taken advantage of. If your sister doesnt understand how important it is to get to see Kayla, then I wouldnt have any more time for her. She couldnt refuse you a lift to see your daughter..:-)
@valerie37 (1002)
• Christiansburg, Virginia
25 May 08
Well my cousin took me to get some groceries today. See I do have some who will help. While we were out my cousin sent a text message to my sister asking her to take me to see Kayla. My sister's reponse back was that she's sick. Since it was through a text message I don't know for sure whether she really is or not though.
