Are women supposed to raise a child to make her life complete?

China
May 27, 2008 2:03am CST
Is there any other reasons? I just do not know why I don't like kids and I have told myself I wouldn't raise one in the future even since I was in primary school. My friends laughed at me at my thoughts of marriage but with no child.I also wonder why they seem so filled with motherlove when comes to marrige. Another problem is most men say they love raising a child in a family. Why does this phenomenon happen,or is it entirely my problem on this issue? Why does a female should raise a child?Do you have similar questions as mine? Please tell me and I will very much appreicate.
7 people like this
17 responses
@xParanoiax (6997)
• United States
27 May 08
That is the traditional view of things, I guess...but I disagree that a woman MUST have this or that to be complete. It's like when someone says they HAVE to have love to feel complete. It never made any sense to me, because every single person is an individual. Not all people are meant for parenthood...as Mothers or Fathers, or anything. This is the modern age after all, we all have free choice for what we want to do in life. I adore children but don't want to -have- them. I might be talked into adopting someday if I loved someone enough. But I don't think I'll ever be convinced into -having- a baby. Maybe I'd donate my genetics or something...but that's about it.
1 person likes this
• China
28 May 08
you do not like children ~it sounds nice to me.Hehe indeed i have not heard a man telling me he doesn't want to have a child. Thanks!!
@kassdaw (593)
• United States
27 May 08
I never wanted kids because of the thought of staying home and not working. But, I work at home, I am doing college at home, and I raise my son. I don't like kids either I never have. But I have my own now and he is the only kid I actually like. I am raising him to be self sufficient. He picks what he eats (usually it is healthy), he picks out his clothes (usually matching) and he puts himself to bed (usually at the same time every night). He also doesn't need my attention constantly. He plays while I work and do my schooling, if he needs something he asks and I get it. I don't neglect him but I do let him do his own thing. So, I am fully against that women have only one role in life, that role being motherhood. It is a bunch of bull. I am proof that women can do anything they set their minds to. While I am doing all of this, my husband is working full time and going to college full time. And we still manage to read our son bedtime stories and have dinner together as a family regularly. And I am not the cook in the house either.
1 person likes this
• China
28 May 08
yeah~I really appreicate your view of life and family.Thank you!
@anawar (2406)
• United States
27 May 08
linziapple_ Women are conditioned from birth to be mothers. It's a natural, inborn instinct. There are other women, like you and my daughter, who do not want children. I think that you were born for a different purpose and having children would deter you from your true path in life. If you get married, your husband must understand you do not want babies and you can't be changed or influenced by him. Some people enter marriage loving a person, but in the back of their minds, they might be thinking, "Well, after we're married she'll want children_" Don't change your mind to please anyone. There are mothers in this world and there are women like you who don't want to be mothers. The world needs both kinds of women. You're fine just the way you are. Keep peace in your heart.
• China
28 May 08
thanks very much! I love your suggestion
• India
27 May 08
There are many women who don’t like kids. Raising kids is not a very easy job and its definitely thankless on top of all the trouble. You have to be constantly after your children 365 days 24x7 and there are many women who are perfectly happy not being mothers. There are many men like that too. What you need to do is find a guy who doesn’t like children like you and you should not have any problems in your married life regarding kids.
• China
27 May 08
Hehe find a man who doesn't like kids..good suggestion
• India
28 May 08
Have you heard of DINK couple? DINK means Double Income No Kids and this concept is catching up very fast in India. I see many couples here who are working hard, getting very high salaries, they are absolutely career-oriented and the want to enjoy life without kids. They party, they take vacations, they splurge on themselves and generally enjoy life. They are absolutely happy the way they are and both of them are comfortable with not having kids (no matter what their friends and families think). My suggestion to you is if you don’t want kids, then plan your life like the DINK couples and be happy.
• China
28 May 08
Ah,yeah,I know DINK . It is a new type of family booming up these years. However,what if I fall love with a man who loves child?Hehe
• Philippines
27 May 08
For me being a mother has completed my womanhood. It is each and everyones choice if she wants to have children or not. Maybe you are just not ready yet. Sometimes time interferes with what we want for ourselves. This choice of mine to have children I will take when I grow old because by then I won't be alone..aside from having my husband I have wonderful kids..and when they grow older they will get married and gain me more children through their husbands and wives. Then I will see my grandchildren. I am afraid to grow old alone. I have always loved children.
• China
28 May 08
thank you so much. Your description gives me warm picture of family
@setroc (853)
• Philippines
27 May 08
not necessarily i think, some women have strong maternal instinct, some don't, i don't think there's something wrong with you if you don't want to have kids, it's just preference i guess or i don't know, whatever, there are men too who would love to have kids, me myself i want to have at least a boy and a girl
• China
28 May 08
en,yeah It seems many men would like at least one child hehe thanks!
• United States
27 May 08
Not everyone likes kids. Some people like kids a lot more than other people do. It's all a matter of preference. If you don't want children, then don't have children. You shouldn't force yourself to have children because society and friends tell you to. You won't be happy and the kids won't be happy either.
• China
27 May 08
Hehe,many thanks.And I always assume this situation:If the man I love so much and want to be married to likes kids,should I sacrifice to this relationship and force myself to change my decision?
@ajayrekha (491)
• India
28 May 08
Though she is not bound to do so, but I think she should give birth to a child to make life sensible (what you say complete) because that is the purpose god has given birth to us (animals). They are suppose to live, grow up, produce more like themselves and come back to god and thus contribute fully in completing the cycles of nature. Remember we are not supreme, almighty nature (god) is supreme and we should obey its rule.
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
28 May 08
i always want children... i love children and i think my life will be more fulfilling if i have children... i can't imagine marrying without children... having children is God's command as well... and we have to obey it... my life will be very lonely if i don't have children... especially when i grow older... take care and have a nice day...
• Canada
28 May 08
Hello linziapple and welcome to Mylot. I can appreciate your question because it was one I posed to myself when I was younger. In my view and personal experience...women who feel complete within themselves do not need a child or a man to add to their sense of wholeness. Although I have great respect for women who chose to have children it was not something I ever wanted for myself either. It has nothing to do with not liking children...quite the contrary I get along well with children and have been part of the Big Brother/Big Sister program and mentored two little sisters. I just did not want the kind of responsibility children involve. My career path and healing journey were where I felt my energies were more suited and that has proven to be true. The fact that you have known from an early age that it is not part of your life path to bear children is fine. You sound like a person who knows what you do and do not want and that is at the foundation of all authentic living. I felt the same way and have never regretted not having children. I have a happy life now and married a second time 18 years ago to a man who did not want to become a parent either. So if it is any comfort to you...there are men out there who are happy within themselves and the lives they share with their wives and do not feel the need to procreate to feel fulfilled. I would encourage you to discover what has meaning for you and live from that place rather than bearing children because society or some other belief system says you 'should.' Life is too short to live by other people's standards. As long as we are not harming ourselves or others we have the right to chose our life path in my view. Wishing you peace with in whatever choice you decide to make...I sincerely hope you will be true to yourself and trust your knowing about this. Warm regards, Raia
@nupats (3564)
• India
28 May 08
it is ok not wanting a kid...but if u do have one it is necessry to give love, quality time and affetion to the child..if u feel u cannot handle this...pls dont have one it will b nerve wrecking for u bcoz u r not mentally prepared and unjust to ur child...i know people have children for the heck of having a baby and leave them with nurse of baby sitter bcoz they r too career minded...follow ur dreams no ones forcing u to have a kid...
@Hatley (164237)
• Garden Grove, California
28 May 08
No you dont need to raise a child to make your life complete. Some women do not like children so they should not have them. they will be unhappy and the rest of the family will suffer also. Children should be wanted from the git go. Most women do want kids but again some do not so the choice is theirs alone.
@kaysue4 (951)
• United States
27 May 08
Even though I am a mom of four boys, I don't think that someone NEEDS children to be complete. I have a cousin who is totally against have a child. He is too nervous and afraid they might get hurt when they are little. He works too much also. So, it is up to the person to make thier life complete with what they do with thier live, not always WHO is in there life. You make your life your own, not someone elses.
@rededdlog (118)
• Kenya
27 May 08
I think that a woman would feel she has not achieved her purpose in life if she has not hd kids. Not all women would feel this way. SOme especially career women decide that children could be baggage so they opt out. Others decide to have kids on their own without getting married. They will do without a father figure. Others will even get a sorrougate mother to carry the child for them. So its all a matter of ones outlook.
• India
27 May 08
no ma'am there nothing like that , that a womens lifewould be complete if she bought up a child best example is me. My husband is spiritual and doest like kids i want 1 for my old age i love my husband so i will hav to accept the situation and live ma'am what not is possibl for a womwn to achieve in this era i have certain ambitions an aims an i want to achieve them,only raisin child life would not be complete. its just a part of feminity to give birth, an also as per norms of society people want to continue their generations Its totally a misconception what if godforbidthe couple is infertile should the lady end her life ?? ther are so many so so many better things she can do an achieve become successful is'nt it Regards
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
27 May 08
I really do not think that a woman has to raise a child to call herself a woman at all or make her life complete. Raising a child is alot of work and some women are just not cut out for the job. I am one of those women but I do have one child that I have almost raised. Even if I did not have her, I would still be a woman because I have alot of duties as a woman to carry out and fulfill each day. I am also a wife. My life is not complete by being married and having a child though. I have alot of empty spaces to fill.
@subha12 (18452)
• India
27 May 08
actually these are few traditional views. it is not taht there are not peopel who deviate from these. i have a friend who always thought its not all easy to rais e achild. i respect her idea. it is choice of individual.