what can i do with that?

China
May 30, 2008 12:15am CST
i have a boyfriend in my second year in the university,he is 5 years older than me.he is always on my side when i am in the trouble,but one day,he told me he wants to marry me after my graduation,it made me surprise,it happended many times.you know,i am just 21 years old.i have never thought about that for i am too young to marry a man,i love him,but maybe 5 years later,i will thimk about my marriage.his words make me troublesome.what can i do with that?can you give me some advice?
5 people like this
23 responses
@cortjo73 (6500)
• United States
30 May 08
My only suggestion is that you have a deep and honest conversation with him. Tell him you have strong feelings for him but, you are still too young to even think about marriage yet. Be as honest with him as you have been here. Tell him that you would be willing to start talking about marriage in maybe 5 years if you two are still together but, you need to continue to grow. And, you are still growing. Maybe not physically but, mentally. I am a different person than I was when I was 21. I was a different person at 25 than I was at 21. The fact that you recognize that you are too young is very admirable. I applaud you for that. That is already showing a strong maturity. But, you still have a lot of growing up to do. And, perhaps use him as an example when speaking with him. Ask him to remember when he was your age. Ask him if he could imagine talking marriage at your age. He may need a gentle reminder of where his head was when he was 21. He may have already been thinking ahead towards marriage back then but, it is less likely that he was or, he may already have been married by now. Just appeal to his maturity and to his sense of reason. Tell him that you want it to be real and forever when you get married and, it isn't fair to either of you to get married when you are so unsure of where your head will be. Good luck! I am sure that if you appeal to his sense of reason, he will come around to understanding how you feel. Let him know you appreciate and adore how he feels about you. But, you aren't ready to make that kind of a commitment at your age.
• China
30 May 08
i am appreciate to you!i will talk to him.thank you !
1 person likes this
@cortjo73 (6500)
• United States
30 May 08
Wonderful! I am glad I could help you! I hope it works out for you! Please let us know how your conversation with him went after you talk to him! And, thank you so much for the best response! I really appreciate it!
@marboy (11)
• Italy
12 Jun 08
For me if he really loves you,he can wait till you decide when you want it.So for now just concentrate on your studies,dont bother yourself with his invitation he can wait anyway if he really want to.yes youre too young,so enjoy being single because once you get married and have a child youll not regret.
• China
13 Jun 08
thank you !
• China
1 Jun 08
oh , luckly . I am in the same problem with you . But I think I love my boy friend very much . And i agree with him and will marry him after i graduate. I think i am happy . Don't think too much . DO YOURSELF ..AND DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO DO.
• China
2 Jun 08
i love my boyfriend too,but my parents donnot think so,they think i will change my idea after i go to the society...i hope i never love him...
@idowrite72 (2214)
• United States
1 Jun 08
All you can do is be totally open and honest with him as you have on the page here. Tell him that he is special to you and that you are aware of how important you each are to the other but that you are not ready for marriage. Explain to him why you don't want to be married at this time but that in five years you might be able to think about being his wife. All you can do is be open and honest with him and not let it worry you and if he can't accept that you have done all that you can do. If he really loves you he will be able to be with you and wait until you are also ready to take that next step that is a huge one.
• China
2 Jun 08
wait needs courages....do you think so?
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
31 May 08
Do you like raw bread? Doesn't it taste better when it's fully cooked? Life is like that. You're too young, not finished "cooking." Not finished becoming yourself yet. Wait 'til you're at least 25, then have a long (2 years is good) engagement, then marriage counseling -- THEN marry, if you & he are truly compatable. Don't rush it, or you'll regret it! Maggiepie
@Maggiepie (7816)
• United States
31 May 08
P.S. If he REALLY loves you, he'll wait. But whatever you do, wait 'til you're WEDDED before "playing house," because most people who have lived together before marriage break up after they marry! Maggiepie
• China
4 Jun 08
marriage?i'm a student of your years.I never want to have a marriage licence.you know something that is emotionally diffcult to bear.The burden of cherishing you must be beared by him.I don't know whether he is ready.In any case ,heavenbless you.
• China
2 Jun 08
hehe, the same situation occurs to me once. But my boyfriend changs his idea now. He said he will wait until I am willing to start a family with him. I am very grateful at his great understanding. I think you can reverse this dilemma by your frankness and mutual respect. Tell him you love him, you will marry him in future. Ask him sincerely to give you a chance to start your career first. I think he will help you.
@asr999 (236)
• China
31 May 08
I am sorry to hear that... I can't understand nowadays' young people. :( Wish you a nice day...
@acevivx (1566)
• Philippines
31 May 08
Be very honest with him about yopur feelings of uncertainty. Tell him that at the moment you have not gone as far as thinking about marriage and that you still need more time to think about it. Also you can also tell him that you may not be in a positon to get married immediately after graduation since you still have to help your family and repay their kindness and support in helping you to get an education. But girl, you are still in second year and you still have a lot of time before graduation so why worry abou his plan to marry you after graduation? He might change his mind, you might change your mind about him and anything can happen. Enjoy the moment and the relationship and let time bring you the proper decsion to make.
@kame_w (104)
• China
31 May 08
Just tell him your mind frankly. I think dialogue is always the best solution when such problems come out. U can discuss about your future. Just tell him your goal and get know about him. I think U will find a good way. If he loves U, he will wait for U..
31 May 08
Don't rush into things, tell him to slow down a bit if it makes you uncomfortable.
@Hatley (164260)
• Garden Grove, California
30 May 08
littleminly if you think you are too young you probably are but I think that twentyone is a great age to marry as you will still be young enough when you have kids to have more rapport with your children than a woman who marries later. also this is the best and safest age at which to bear healthy children. do you love your boy friend or just like? could you juggle career and marriage? ask yourself these questions as only you know 'when its right for you to marry.
@suz1000 (159)
30 May 08
I think you have to tell him that your not ready now, it doesnt spell the end of your relationship necessarily, it depends how much you both want different things, and if hes willing to wait, dont get pressurised into doing something your not sure about, marriage isnt something your can just toss to one side if it doesnt work.
• United States
30 May 08
You are very smart to want to wait until a few years after graduation. Who you are as a person changes as you learn more. If he truly loves you, no amount of time will be too long to wait.
• India
30 May 08
hi dear, well to start with it is very sweet of him however you are really to young for such a committement. what you should do is sit him down and have a chat with him, without hurting his feelings. Explain to him that you are too yound and there is a lot more you need to do.i am sure he will underst
• United States
30 May 08
I think if he truly loves you he will wait for you.. but be sure you must keep your promise.. If not your BF will go mad and in his life after that he will stop believing in womens....and that will ruin his life...So just go and tell him everything... Your feelings.. If he understands you and agrees with you he is a good and you can believe him forever but if he disagrees you must not be sad but search for another one...
• China
30 May 08
I think that career is the most important thing the your present age .With time changes,the role women play in the society have changed.If he really care about you ,he may understand your choice.But now,you should talk with him what you think,you know,communion brings understanding.never let some little mistakes turn into big problems.
@ayessa (1586)
• Philippines
30 May 08
If somebody proposed to you it does not mean your answer must always be a yes. You can say to him no or can you please wait. Im sure if you say "please wait for me coz im not yet ready to marriage life" or "yes, bu not after my graduation" he'll understand you. Just try to explain to him your side that you are young and you have lots of things you wanted to do first and marriage is not your top priority. If he do really love you that much he will surely wait for you. Just be direct and tell him with all sincerity and honesty.
@Pescoe (101)
• Philippines
30 May 08
tell your boyfriend to wait for you until you are ready...
@anu0002 (214)
• India
30 May 08
You just think about you parents.