Daddy Doesn't Love Me Anymore...

@eihdra (3116)
Philippines
June 2, 2008 3:29am CST
My son these past few days is very restless. Why,because his biological father doesn't call him or visits him anymore.It's been months since he last communicated with him. His dad works in another country, but I'm sure, there's plenty of telephones there and besides he has a cellphone and he knows my number. So, I can't see any reason why he couldn't call. When he's in the country, he rarely visits. He has his own family now with two kids. But,my son is his son also, therefor, my son is also part of his family. The kid's been sitting all day long besides the phone for 2 days now. He knows it's the end of the month, and his father might call.I'm so sad that this is happening to him. My husband loves him as his own and even wants to adopt him to be his own legally. But there are some complications so that has to be postponed for awhile. How would you tell a kid that his real dad has no time for him anymore? How can I say that I know his dad is in the country but is busy with his other family? What do i say and do that his young and fragile mind can easily comprehend?
2 people like this
7 responses
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
2 Jun 08
=((( oh gosh, i felt sad for ur son, eihdra. it's really a tough thing to let him know (u and ur son) his father doesn't bother about him. How about approaching his biological father directly and discuss with him to let him visit ur (and his) son frequently?
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
4 Jun 08
hi, gwenn. Done that already but he seems preoccupied with so many important things that he forgot his son is much important too..thanks and welcome..
1 person likes this
@gwenns (255)
• Singapore
4 Jun 08
awww.. I know this won't help much. But, I do hope ur son and u would find a solution and be happy =)
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
thanks gwenn
1 person likes this
@wrangel15 (1443)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
That's relly a problem. Alloying time with your love ones is one of the greatest way of showing you love to them. Another problem is that kids not shown with love during their early age carry some problems as a consequence of not being showed with love. It would be better if the father knows about this. I know many grown-up men who are now having unwnted attitudes because they haven't seen a real father figure in their life. You're a great mom for bringing this problem of your son...
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
9 Jun 08
I thought of that kind of attitude and i certainly don't want him to grow up unwanted. My husband now loves him like a real son and I pray that that would somehow compensate for the loss of love of his biological dad..thanks my friend..
1 person likes this
@ekeson (46)
• Nigeria
4 Jun 08
Woman you dont have to worry, he will be the one to come back and beg for him to consider him some day, i promise a day that shall come cuz this is not the first such case has occur in the world. Just have to tell your son to be calm that his Dad has been influenced
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
thanks..
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Jun 08
Hi Eihdara! Nice to chat with you again. Wow! This is a tricky question. From your point of view, you know the truth. Your child's biological father is not interested in contacting your son. You said that. And I can see that. But then there's the other side of the story. And, that's your son's side. He is most likely still too young to understand or care that his Dad doesn't want to contact him. I'm not sure of your son's age, but he is most likely too young to realize how very cruel people can be. And, please don't take what I'm saying wrong, cause I'm not trying to be judgemental of you, at all. In no way! But, speaking as the mom of a four year old, I can tell you (and you probably already know this) that most kids that age live in a fantasy world. They think and believe that they can make stuff happen just because they want it to be. Maybe your child is just exercising wishful thinking. He is hoping that his part of sitting around and waiting will compel his father to love him. Hey, you know what works for me, when my child focuses on an impossible to win situation? I get her to be proactive and participate in it Does your child's father have a telephone number? If so, let your child call him up. Then his Dad will either have to deal with him one on one or tell him that he's not interested. And, you don't have to end up looking like the bad guy. I dont think your son will ever believe that his "real" biological dad doesn't care for him. Words will not convince him of anything. If you don't have the man's phone number, then maybe you could have your son write his biological Dad a letter expressing his feelings for him. And, have him make up a scrapbook of pictures of his daily life. I'm not saying that this would change his dad's mind. This would be an activity that would help your son. Isn't it funny how insensitive guys hold their anger over everyone's heads and use it to manipulate even little children. Most likely, your ex knows what kind of damage he is doing to his son. But, he knows that it hurts you to see your son suffer, so he continues to act this way. You're not going to change him. You know that, already, I'm sure. By focusing your child's behavior on proactive things he can do, he feels less like a passenger and more in control. You will allow your son to work through his pain creatively and in time, your son will realize the truth of what his dad is really doing. He will understand for himself that he is a valuable person with or without this other man in his life. In time, he will see that you and your husband love him and he will accept the love. Right now, your ex is manipulating your child to hurt you. I hope you can see that. So, take that power away from him. Bring out the distractions and get your child's mind off this other man. Buy a video game, or rent one. Take him to a baseball game or other local sporting event. Buy an answering machine or get voice mail, so that IF his biological dad calls, he can leave a message. I know that you're doing the best things you can for your son. I know that because you're a mom and I'm a mom too and I would do the same. I would worry about my child. Right now, the best thing you can do is focus on supporting your son emotionally. Don't let his so called dad be in control of this situation. There have got to be other things he'd rather do than sit around waiting for this guy to call. I hope that I'm not out of line saying these things, but it sounds like your ex is just being spiteful. P.S. If you can't think of anything else to say to your son, just tell him that his Daddy is busy. Our cell phone just stopped working recently, so my child can't call her Daddy on the job. So, now she gets sad when she doesn't speak to him. So, I have to make up some little excuse and get her distracted onto another project. Of course, mine is very little. Yours may be older than my child. What worked for me, might not work for you. But, I do wish you all the best in dealing with this situation.
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
thanks so much BQ..I'll try your tricks..
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (123423)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Jun 08
Fragile is right. I would see the help of a good family counselor who can give you the right answers and help your son through this difficult time. Good Luck!
1 person likes this
@eihdra (3116)
• Philippines
7 Jun 08
thanks...
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 08
I have no easy answers for you. I just hope to hear your son has heard from his dad since you wrote this. I'm dealing with a similar situation with my daughter. Her dad lives in another state. He even bought her a cellphone on his plan, but rarely has it paid up, so she hasn't been able to use it for almost a year. She hasn't gotten a call, a letter or a card since last July. It's heart breaking to watch her go through this. I just give her all of my love, and tell her that her dad really does love her. I make up little scenarios and help her understand that a grownup's life can become very busy at times, and maybe he's just working odd hours and is never able to call her at the right time. But then she asks why he doesn't write or send cards or something. I just tell her he's not much of a writer, and it probably just slips his mind. I don't want to taint her image of him, because than later in life she could hold that against me. I would love for her and her dad to have a good relationship, but its up to him to make the effort. Best wishes on your tough situation.
1 person likes this
• Canada
21 Jun 08
Jut tell him that it is NOT HIS PROBLEM that his Daddy doesn't call, and you do not understand exactly why this is. It's sad that his Daddy doesn't know how lucky he is to have such a wonderufl little boy. Remind him that you and your husband love him very much.