Pieces Of The Past...
By twoey68
@twoey68 (13627)
United States
June 2, 2008 10:09am CST
Everyone has a past. Some good and some bad. Some things are too hard to talk about. Some things you’d rather just forget they ever happened. Some ppl like to bury the past and refuse to talk about it. They pick a period of their life as a starting point and everything before that is dead and buried.
My Dad’s like this. He will talk about things from about the time he met my Stepmom. When I was young he used to talk a little about when him and my Mom got divorced but rarely. Anything to do with his siblings is off limits and if you ask him, he’ll either avoid it or refuse to say anything. I don’t do this. While I don’t go around talking about my past to every Joe Blow on the street, if someone in my family asks me something, I tell them. After all, if they don’t find out from me, they will from someone else and at least if it’s about me, and I tell them, then I know they have the truth and not some made up story. My oldest Brother is a lot like my Dad…he’ll talk about what he wants to talk about but then clam up if it’s something he doesn’t want to discuss.
Why do ppl do this? Do you know anyone who’s buried the past and refuses to acknowledge it? Would you avoid the past if your children or family asked you questions?
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
11 people like this
27 responses
@vicneedscoffee (1259)
• United States
2 Jun 08
My life is an open book. There are chapters of it I would rather not discuss, but if they are pertinent to a conversation I am having I will talk about them. I figure avoiding the past or trying to ignore it will not change it. It is what it is. If someone can learn something from my past then by all means I should share it. I don't really know anyone who refuses to talk about things in their life, although we used to avoid talking about my deceased father so as not to cause pain to one another. Maybe it's painful for your dad to talk about.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157545)
• United States
2 Jun 08
There are times when our experience is helpful to others, and I like to think I would share if those times came up.
@teison2 (5921)
• Norway
2 Jun 08
There are a couple of happenings in my life that I do not share, but I am pretty open about my life in general.
I know several people that will not share. I think it is too painful for them. I do think it would be better in the long run to deal with the hard things so they can move on. But if they are not ready they are just not ready. Hopefully they will be.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
2 Jun 08
I am not sure why some people do this unless it is just bad times they don't want to remember or to bring up.
I have a lot of mine that I have blocked out for some reason and not sure why and I do wish I could remember or bring it to the surface.
When I am asked I do answer questions, at least the ones I do know and can remember.
My parents seperated when I was around 12 and it seems like a lot of time after that up until my later teens are what I have a hard time with when it comes to remembering.
I am lucky that my children remember way far back in their childhood so I guess we did something right in raising them and have given them fun things to remember.
1 person likes this
@pheonixstar1982 (2307)
• United States
2 Jun 08
I think people do that because its just better to leave the past in the past or its to painful to remember and bring up. Others refuse to talk about the past because they see it having no relevance to whats going on now. The is only one piece of my past that is very painful to be brought up but i still talk about it because i know its the only way to get past it. I don't agree with avoiding the past because its not going to make it go away.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Why do ppl do this?
Fear...beign unable to cope with it...denial..there are lots of reasons..
Do you know anyone who’s buried the past and refuses to acknowledge it?
LOL yea my mother who has buried it AND SEVERELY distorted it so she doesnt have to admit, acknowledge or apologize and try to maek things right...My brother and sister have acknowledged our past partly but turned around and quickly buried it again
Would you avoid the past if your children or family asked you questions
I use to do that..in fact I avoided it and had it so buried it did major damage to me until my 20s when I finally got on the road of healing for the last time...now I hide nothing for anyone...I'm very open and honest about my past and its done me wonders..
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
2 Jun 08
Maybe they will still feel the pain when they will talk about it, there are many sensitive and emotional people and avoiding the topic would be the best idea for them to reveal their innermost feelings. I am like you and like your dad in the same way , when I am asked, I will talk about it but there are topics that i will cut right away since I don't like to give more detailed especially if for me, they are not significant at all! It depends upon the topic really!
1 person likes this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
5 Jul 08
There are things in everyones past that make us cringe. My partner and i are as open and honest about our old lives as we can be. There are some things we prefer to not talk about, but would if someone, like our girls, really wanted to know.
I think being honest about yourself is a good thing. It shows that you learned from the experience and that you are the kind of person who is not going to keep secrets, which can make you seem as though you have way too much to hide.
@girlgonefishing (2174)
• United States
3 Jun 08
Yes. My brother and I come from a REALLY bad past. It was worse for me because I protected him most of the time. However, I talk about it and he has completely buried it. It's like he doesn't even rememeber. If I bring it up, he changes the subject and I have no idea why.
@chrissieatu (1033)
• China
3 Jun 08
Hey twoey. I agree with some of the responses that the reason why your father don't want to talk about it is because he's not over it yet. To him it's somewhat painful to talk about those memories. I believe in something my friend told me the other day. She said when we are willing to talk about something with the others, it means that we are ready to let go. Maybe it's just not the time yet for your brother and dad. To me, I still have something I don't want to talk about I think, even now I am not sure what it is. Years ago, I really didn't want to talk about the life before university. Because I think during that period, I could get no one to support me, including my parents. I always felt upset about it and thus it's avoided in my conversation.
@jer31558 (3683)
• United States
12 Jun 08
I have known several people who have buried parts of their past. You see this a lot with war veterans, especially certain wars or campaigns. Also, it people who have witnessed or been a part of severe trauma in their past. People may avoid talking about the past if there is something there that they are ashamed of.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
3 Jun 08
Well there are things that are better kept closed if only for the respect of the people concerned. Like your Dad, maybe he was evading the issue in respect of you Mom and the past relationship as well. Maybe he would not want that he could utter things not pleasant about what transpired between him and your Mom. As for me there are things that I avoid to talk about in order not to hurt the feelings of others. I also refrain from opening up memories that I feel are not quite good to be heard by those concerned. I always avoid opening up closed issues that could refreshen the anger and the pain of the people involved. Sometimes what you don't know ..won't hurt you so maybe it's really helps if some people won't talk on some things.
@taqinaka (429)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 08
well to me.i always hv d belief dat d past is d past n i'll always let it me n not regretting it.but i must admit,at certain time,i will rmbr bout it..n if d past is bad..i wld drop sum tears.ahahah .embarassing telling diz in front of many people.ahahaha.hurmm.i duno.mayb i'll tell them if there's gud by telling them my past.mayb it cld be a lesson for them.who knows.cheers:p
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
2 Jun 08
Well I guess I am a good mixture of you and your father. I will answer questions if family need to know about family history. But when it comes to revealing something painfuk from my past, I won't.
@littleowl (7157)
•
2 Jun 08
Hi Twoey-I used to be the type of person who would clam up if there was a situation in my life I felt threatened by and didn't say anything-now though I talk about whatever a person may want to know about my life yet at the same time I do believe there are some things they do not need to know
In conclusion to why people clam up about certain parts of their life I believe it is their way of protecting themselves from certain things of which they feel they wern't in control of and are threatened or scared to let them be known-your friend littleowl
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
2 Jun 08
I have a past, very long and mostly crap. I buried the past, buried it so deep that I had managed to forget about most of it. I never spoke about any of it to anyone, I do not even think my hubby knows any of the stuff that I did, or the stuff that happened to me, or my parents come to think of it.
I did it because it hurt too much to think about it, made me too sad, I did not want to be sad I wanted to be happy. To forget meant it never happened and I could get on with things. No one ever asks me questions, no one is interested.
Do you know, that when I became a member on here and first started answering discussions I would read my response back and think I was reading someone elses because I could not believe that the things I had put had actually happened to me. I had buried memories so deep that I even forgot they existed. Is it a good thing to be getting it out now so long after the fact, I do not know, sometimes I think it is, but then I think about what I remember and I hurt, and I cry and I try to bury it again.
If I have confused you I apologize, I just find it hard to explain it all.
@sxrxnrr45601 (1171)
• United States
2 Jun 08
I do not mind talking about the past myself the good bad and ugly of it I just refuse to let the past interfer with my current life it interfered then but I just do not allow it now Some ppl are shocked as to how I talk about the things that have happend to me They ask How I just let go of something like some of the stuff I have been through including rape,being beat, so on so fourth But yeah I can talk about it there is only one thing That I wont talk about and for most that know me know not to even ask!
