Inter Religion Relationships...?

@nupats (3564)
India
June 6, 2008 8:46am CST
i have this very close friend of mine she is in love with a guy for past 1 year now they r planning to get married the problem here is tht they both follow different Faiths... the guy has told her tht she will have to change her faith to his and she cannot follow anything of her faith later on..so much so even her name will have to b changed...she loves him very much but is finding these conditions very odd..bcoz he never told all this when they were dating each other...she has nothing against changing but not forcefully she feels tht if she feels like doing so in future she wud but not on pre set conditions...she asked me for advice but i i dont know wt to say bcoz i know she loves him deeply..wt do u think is it fair for him to put such conditions..shud she submit to his demands to marry him...how sucessful will it b..will this m,ean more compromises in future?...does anyone have an inter religion marriage ..
2 people like this
4 responses
• Singapore
6 Jun 08
My dad was a christian and he married my mum who is a muslim. so my dad have to convert to muslim. it's like a muslim law of some sort. its like if he wants to marry my mum, he have to convert. it applies to women too.
2 people like this
@nupats (3564)
• India
7 Jun 08
tht good if it was by will ..i am sorry i dont understand the intricacies but i have a cousin brother of mine who married a muslim girl in fact the girl is a pakistani citizen as well..bcoz of these religons clashing they had a registered marriage and we had a grt party later on danced through the night..they are also living very happily together for last 3 years and follow both religons in their house...even the girls and our families have a very cordial relation..so i think if there is true love then religon shud not really b made a condition like in this case..another cousin sister married a christian boy and even she was not asked to change her religon they follow both religons in their house and r open to the fact tht their children can follow whichever they want..tht is why i m so far not telling my views to my friend bcoz i have seen a absolute no inter religon marriage problem in my close relatives so i m actually thinking is this guy being unfair to her by imposing these conditions...one doubt was it compulsory to convert? they cud have another form of marriage? where both cud have maintained their faith..just had these doubts bcoz the cousin of mine who married the muslim girl did not convert he follows hinduism while she is a true muslim? and they r also very happy being together..their kid goes to temple as well as mosque..why is this guy putting these conditions for my friend?
@mayka123 (13423)
• India
10 Jun 08
I too have had an inter religion marriage. Both our families are from completely different backgrounds. For me marriage has always meant not only uniting of two individuals but also two families. For this we have to respect each others religion and though we should not be forced to convert we should atleast take a little part in the others religious activities. And if both do not want to convert what happens to the children that come later. I think all girls more than boys should always think of this when they love someone of another religion. If they want that person to convert they should be clear about this right in the beginning of a relationship. Because inter religion marriages demand more compromises than same religion marriages. If you love someone you have also to think of his feelings. Of course conversion should not be forced on anyone. But if he is forcing her to convert they may have a lot of problems later on.
@nupats (3564)
• India
10 Jun 08
tht is exactly wt i think..tht this whole issue shud not b conditional..if he really loves her he shud accept her as it is and not put conditions...i will b meeting her tomorrow and i have decided to tell her wt i think abt this though it will hurt her..thanx for ur views i really appreciate it...have a nice day..
@mayka123 (13423)
• India
11 Jun 08
Yes I think as a friend you can only advise her. Finally she has to make her own decisions. Wish her all the best for a happy married life.
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 08
Hi dear really very confusing situation and sure its not right too, Changing faith should not be forcefully and even should not be donr to marry some one, it must be learned, understood, get convinced and then converted to other faith U r right, doing it forecfully is not good at all, and it might hurt the future relation and trust level, well to me, u should honestly tell them to wait and analyse and then decide, its better to wait rather than regreting life time after doing it
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
8 Jun 08
i fully agree with u cupid..i think i will tell her to spk to her boyfrien tht may be they can still marry and follow their respective religons and later on if she does have an inclination or she starts to belive fully in his faith she can change..i just hope the guy agrees with her...i wud never suggest her to change forcefully and i know it will hurt her a lot..i think i must tell her wt i truely feel and if this guy really love her then he will agree...thanx for ur views ..have a nice day..
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
9 Jun 08
U r right, its ur duty to advise ur comments to her and then leave it to her to decide u know what i believe that the problem will not be for them but for kids as they will be in perplex situation as what relegion to be followed as they will be too young to comprehend it, they should also think that Take care
• United States
6 Jun 08
What he is telling her to do is very serious. She has been who she is all her life and now he wants her to become someone else. I don't think it's right. Why can't he change religion? And yes, he will of course put more demands on her. This is only the beginning for her if she concedes to his demands because he is going to feel as if he is able to make her do anything. I remember when my ex-fiance was calling himself giving me "orders" when we were to move in together such as my friends not calling the house or coming over, and other stupid demands I can't remember but guess what, I didn't move in with him. I wasn't his child and neither is your friend to him. She is supposed to be his partner; significant other; his wife, not his property. Tell her to think long and hard before committing herself to him. A year is a long time but not that long.
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
7 Jun 08
hi linda..i also agree with u and i think i wills spk to her abt this bcoz it not correct to marry someone on conditions...it can also lead to future troubles..they can probably have a registered marriage if the ceremony is an issue..thanx for ur views dear..