My Son Just Learnt A Hard Lesson In Life Bless

@ellie333 (21018)
June 6, 2008 3:00pm CST
It has been a lovely sunny day and we have ben blowing bubbles outside and having fun. Some children slightly older than him (he is four) came over and asked if they could blow bubbles, no problem they blew he chased as kids do and were all having fun, bubbles run out and he came in to get some more and another child asked if I had enough to fill his sword bubble blower which I did and they carried on. Then the bubbles run out and so did his new friends and when he called them back to play something else they ignored him. I have had him sobbing til he fell asleep. They were only his friends whilst he had bubbles. How do you explain that one to a four year old and a sensitive one at that eh! Have any of your children experienced this or even you as an adult as some people will only appear to be your friend until you have served your purpose which aren't friends at all really or ever were. Please share. Ellie :D
7 people like this
23 responses
@Darkwing (21588)
6 Jun 08
That's one of the toughest lessons of life for kids and adults alike, my friend. We teach them to share with others and then something like this happens. It hurts to see them cry, but they're learning a valuable lesson in life. I guess the best way to explain is to tell him that those type of children who disappear as soon as his sharing comes to an end, are not real friends. Teach him to share, but only with those who will share with him, or will play with him when he has nothing of particular value to them. I guess we all go through it at sometime, but for the life of me, I can't remember a time when it happened to me, personally. I tend to have a knack for weeding out this kind of "false" friend, I guess. As far as my kids go, the only thing I really remember is the kids coming around them when they had sweets or something to share, but then again, they would always come back and share their own sweets. However, it's happening with my youngest granddaughter at the moment. Mum and Dad bought the granddaughters a quite large trampoline for the garden, and two particular friends of my younger granddaughter are forever calling around and asking if they can play on the trampoline. My son has it sussed though... he limits them to time! lol. Not only that, my granddaughter is quite shrewd at the age of ten, and she'll suggest going somewhere on their skates or bikes to get them off her trampoline. Brightest Blessings... I hope your son is feeling better... give him a big hug from "Auntie" Darkwing. He sounds like a lovely little boy! xx
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Darkwing, Big hugs given, thank you. He is a lovely little boy but I am his mum so probably biased LOL. He has woken up fine today and all over and done with but he was sbbing last night bless. Yes I will guide him as best I can. At least your granddaughter is switched on enough to understand that they are coming round for the trampoline. Thats kids though eh! I have have this knack also and have only been caught out a couple of times by people not quite being what they appear to be as friends. Thanks for sharing your thoughs on this, appreciated. Ellie :D
2 people like this
@Darkwing (21588)
7 Jun 08
My little granddaughter is ten now, though, and yes, very switched on as far as sharing is concerned. lol. Thank you for giving your son the hugs from me. I'm glad he felt better in the morning. It's so heartbreaking for mum when a child gets to the sobbing stage. I'm sure he's worked it all out in his own mind, but yes, your guidance will help him a lot. He sounds such a sharing, caring little boy and happy when he has friends around him. He'll get there! I wonder whether our "knack" is birth sign connected? Libra? Brightest Blessings, my dear friend. xx
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
9 Jun 08
LOL No I am a Taurean, but my good friend who my kids call mummydawnie is Libran and she is just so loving and playful with them. Ellie :D
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@olivemai (4738)
• United States
6 Jun 08
I do not know! I guess I would go home and try to explain it to my children!
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21018)
6 Jun 08
I couldn't he was so upset and crying that he fell asleep in my arms bless but if he mentions when he wakes I will try to explain as best I can. Ellie :D
3 people like this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
6 Jun 08
Growing hurts at times, maybe he will forget it!
3 people like this
@gemini_rose (16192)
6 Jun 08
Oh the poor little darling, my heart was bleeding for him reading this. Oh kids can be so cruel and selfish at times. I really do not know how to explain it, I am trying to think what I would say if it were any of my children and I think I would just be so angry and upset for him! But it happens all the time, hence the reason that I am virtually friendless, it is just that as an adult it is a little easier to shoulder and not get so upset about.
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21018)
6 Jun 08
Thanks Gemini_rose, I just wanted to take his hurt away but he has fallen asleep crying now and I just hope he wakes happy in the morning and all is bright and sunny again, which knowing him and his happy disposition that is more than likely but I will get him some more bubble solution tomorrow and take him in our own yard to play with rather than out front with the others and if the weather stays nice for a walk to the beach. Children can be cruel but they soon get over it eh! I know where you are coming from on adult friends as one of my friends of over 25 years had no further use for me when I moved as I was no longer a convenient babysitter someone to collect her kids from school and was the only one who wasn't pleased I was going to make a fresh start and blamed me for abandoning her,whereas everyone else wished me well and visit frequently, crazy eh! Ellie :D
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
6 Jun 08
Yes, they all have gone through this type of situation but it happens all the time with my son who has autism. They other children did their share of crying, and I would just explain to them that those children were not really their friends. They learned eventually, now if only I could make my one understand it lol. It's so hard when they are so little because they cry so hard and you just want to go yell at them and tell their parents! Maybe you will get lucky and he will forget about them when he wakes up from his nap.
3 people like this
@ellie333 (21018)
6 Jun 08
It is such a shame as you feel their hurt, I wanted to cry with him bless and yet you have to let them learn this for themselves that some people aren't always what they seem eh! I should imagine it must be difficult with your autistic child, my own nephew has severe asperges and finds it hard and has to go to a special school because of this which I know it on the autistic spectrum but not as bad. Ellie :D
@Rosekitty (19396)
• San Marcos, Texas
7 Jun 08
Ellie..and Son you had some fun blowing bubbles i can see and even though this seems harsh right now and no MUM wants to see her Son hurting, this will pass...You know he learned a lesson and will not trust them now but if he's the forgiving type he will welcome them back for the next time. I think most people here have gone through what he went through and learned their are many kinds of friends..those that use and those that are for life...we learn to forgive the users and not get as close as before..and enjoy our time with the life friends since we know they will stand by us for anything. Huggles to you both
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Rosekitty, yes her did learn a very valuable lesson and he has now woken and is fine again. He will forgive because that is his nature bless but he has his real friends that he plays with through nursery and I will just encourage this more. I love the word 'huggle' we use it all the time. We have a huggle together under the 'snuggle' blanket on the sofa early evening. 'we learn to forgive the users and not get as close as before..and enjoy our time with the life friends since we know they will stand by us for anything' ......put so very well and I 100% agree with what you say. Thank you for sharing. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164237)
• Garden Grove, California
6 Jun 08
that would indeed be tough to explain to a four year'old that they were fair weather friends. I dont remember my son ever doing that although he had a period in whiich he would bring a toy to school to give to a friend then that friend would not have any more to do with him. I had to tell him that a real friend does not have to be bought with presents, I was on a committee once with three other women and once Ihad fulfield their needs I never saw these three again.so much for friendship.lol
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Hatley, it is such a shame that some people are so mercenary eh! He will learn but like your son he is a very giving child so thanks for the tip I will not allow him to give his toys away before that one happens. Yes even as adults we experience it too. He has woken now and is fine, I think he was just so upset and confused by it all bless. Thanks for sharing. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 08
Hi Sad story, but syre its materialistic u need to teach ur son as not to reply on any one to that extent and they are just boys passing by and join for temporary fun, they were not friends. tell him that u ( his mama is his best friend and always their to comfort him and play with him what else u can do dear.
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@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hey that is a really good way of putting it to him. Temporary friends just passing by, I like that one. He is fine today. Woke up and today is another day. Ellie :D
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
7 Jun 08
Ha ha ha thanks for liking it u know thats quality of kids i like very much and wish we can do that too, after sleep its new day for them with no grudge or bad feeling in mind hey are u online, can i catch u on messenger??
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@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Cupid I hardly ever sign into MSN so even if online I am off on that. Sorry. Ellie :D
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 08
The poor little Man I so feel for him I have experienced this a couple of times in my Adult Life including in my used to be marriage, he only used to be nice to me when he was going out and needed my last Money of me, as for the so called Friends well it is my own fault I should know better I am an Adult but I am just to soft I hope the little Fellow gets over it I really feel sorry for him poor little Man Give him a Hug from me
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Oh he is lapping up his hugs from here today. Yes we all experience at some time or another eh but as a little one he was just so sad yesterday when they just went off not even a thanks or buy and being the sensitive soul that he is he got so upset. He woke up fine Gabs, thanks for concern. Ellie :D
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@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
7 Jun 08
As long as he is ok now Tell him next time they want to play because he has something that they haven't to turn his back on them and walk away
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@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Ok will remember that for next time. Ellie :D
@nupats (3564)
• India
7 Jun 08
dont take this to heart this often happens with my 3 year old slightly older children dont wanna play with him unless he has something tht intrest him...he playfully stood in front of this 12 year old girl and told her playfully stop and i was surprised to see her push him very hard on the ground and she slapped him..i normally dont interfere betwen children but in this case i went up to tht girl a gave her a nice blasting and also told her mother to teach her daughter some manners ... so these things do happen i normally hug him console huim and try to divert his attention by givinghim biscuits or chocolates..all my friends are actually true friends so no sweat...
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi It is good to hear that all your friends are true friends, mine are too but only after years of weeding out the ones that weren't through different life events...That was very naughty of the 12 year to do that to a 3 year old and yes I would have marched her to her parent for that one. Diversion does usually work but he was so upset he just sobbed til he fell aslseep bless. He is awake now and fine, all forgotten, thats kids too eh! Ellie :D
@nupats (3564)
• India
8 Jun 08
kids are very vunerable and we need to take care of them...but u see even we can learn frm them how easily kids forget and forgive..isnt tht good..have a nice day..take care..
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
8 Jun 08
Yes you are right there is a lot to learn from them in how quick they are to forgive and forget unlike some adults who hold grudges eh! Ellie :D
@GreenMoo (11837)
7 Jun 08
Poor little sausage. You can't explain to kids of that age really, can you? And there's nothing that takes the hurt away either. It's something I still find myself having to explain to my eldest, and he's allot older than that. I guess I don't even really understand it myself.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
He woke up fine today bless and hasn't mentioned but he was hurting so much at the time not even a mumy hug was helping bless. Ellie :D
@ellie333 (21018)
8 Jun 08
LOL, my son is a little pickle or little man! Ellie :D
@MsTickle (25051)
• Australia
15 Jun 08
So reads the story of my life ellie. It's why I am so independant. It's why I find it so hard to ask for help. It's why I find it so hard to join in. or so hard to ask if I can play too. It's not only the fear of rejection but also the fear of being used and then rejected. I seem to attract and be attracted to the sort of low lifes who do this. Those all loving, promise you everything types who say everything and mean nothing. Oh well, too bad. I'm a great person who is thoughtful, kind, funny and loving. It's their loss.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
15 Jun 08
Oh MsTickle yes it is definintely their loss I agree with you. I used to have an invisible tattoo on my forehead too that used to attract this type but I worked so hard on myself and self-esteem that I repel them away now instead. Thanks for sharing. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37379)
• United States
8 Jun 08
That is a very hard lesson he had to learn about human nature. I do have a "friend" that only shows up when she wants something or needs someone to take with for another purpose....she isn't really a good friend but still in all I do go with when she needs someone to accompany her. There will always be "users" in his life. I hope you found a way to explain it to him. Bless both of you!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
8 Jun 08
Hi Jill, he woke not bothered by it all as kids do but it is hard to explain it but I did say to him that the next time he has something the other kids want even though it is great to share he should only share with his special friends who will play again with something else once the sweets, bubbles etc have run out. He said ok mummmy but I don't want to go out there today anyway. Yes unfortunately it is a sad fact but oh so true that there are the 'users' out there of all ages. I step back from these people and only give my time and energy to my real friends these days. Ellie :D
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
7 Jun 08
Such a hard lesson for one so young. Bless his heart. When my son was little, I used to give all kinds of "talking to's" to the neighborhood kids about things like that. I'd ask if they remembered what it was like to be little and how they felt when kids pretended to be their friends only when they had something fun. I think they used to think I was a pain in the butt, but their parents weren't teaching them anything. And I also know as they grew older, I was one "old lady" they respected. That was a hard thing for your son. Hopefully, he'll remember it when he's a bit older and there are younger kids around.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Kenzie, I am sure he will remember when he is older and not be this way to other younger children as he is such a loving, caring sensitive child which I suppose is also the reason why he got so upset bless. He is fine now though. Today is another day and all forgotten. If I see them out there I will tell them how much there actions upset him as the are kids themselves and probably don't even realise how much hurt they caused eh! Ellie :D
@aplaza (631)
• Netherlands
7 Jun 08
Life is hard. Nobody said life was going to be fair. Especially for the ones that are sensitive. It's something you have to get used to but never do. You always have more "friends" when you have a car. It's handy to have a friend with a car for the ones that don't have one themselves or whose husbands have it for the day. It's handy to have friends with money. Then they can ask you for a loan or go to dinner to their place a couple of times a week. When you run out of things your "friends" can use then you suddenly realise you don't have that many friends left. Maybe it's time we re-evaluate whom we consider friends and whom we consider acquaintences. But this won't help the little kid who is crying his eyes out. Hope my hug over the airwaves of cable and mylot reach him cuz he deserves one.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
He received the big hug, thank you for sending. He is fine now but was just so upset at the time. Ellie :D
@SViswan (12071)
• India
7 Jun 08
I always told my son the truth about such things long before he could understand. All kids go through this and eventually he would understand too. So, I would just let him cry and tell him that some people will be friends only as long as you have something that they like. And then they don't want to be your friends. I would also teach my son how to politely avoid them the next time they want to play with him.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Well done you for teaching your son young. This is the first time I have encountered this one with him but will try to explain, he has woken up this morning fine though, today is another day in his eyes and that the joy of children they can just let it go eh! Ellie :D
@lingli_78 (12836)
• Australia
7 Jun 08
i am so sorry to hear that your son had to experience that when he is still so young... but i think there is a good side as well... he knows from his early age that not all people can be called as 'friends'... some people just want to become our friends to make use and manipulate us... the sooner he knows about this fact, the better... i guess you just have to tell him the truth and see his reactions whether he understands it or not... or better still, hopefully he had forgotten about the incidents when he wakes up... good luck and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Hi Yes he woke up fine thismorning and is no longer bothered by it at all, but yes it is the beginnings of teaching not all can be trusted etc. I don't think the other kids meant anything by it they were just being kids and probably didn't even realise how much iut had upset him eh! Thanks for sharing. Ellie :D
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
7 Jun 08
you can't really explain to a four year old they don't understand, this is normal kids play with kids the have the right toys or the most fun extra, that is what a kid's life is all about.
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@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Yes thats what kids are all about but not all my son asks to go see someone because he wants to see them not the toys they have he is still at the stage where a cardboard box is just so much more fun... He has woken up now and is fine and sat with one of his pet rabbits on his lap. Ellie :D
• United States
7 Jun 08
Awwww...the poor little guy. My heart just goes out to you and him. That's just the worst. You can't kiss the emotional hurts better. My daughter is twelve, but when she was younger I was always the yard with the pool in it. So she always had tons of friends who wanted to play while I was out there and they could go in the pool. As soon as I covered the pool a few of them would split every time. I'd get done doing whatever it was I was doing and open it back up and they would be back. It used to make me so mad. You can't explain that to a little one. They are so innocent and naive. They see the world as a good place and people as good people. As silly as it sounds I found sugar cookies work great. When my daughter would have a real rough day like that I would bake some sugar cookies and let her decorate them. It would take her mind off her so called "friends" and give her something else to focus on. It's a messy solution, but it was easier to clean up a messy kitchen than a broken heart.
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@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Oh yes so much easier to bake a cake and clean up the mess than fix a broken heart. Luckily for your daughter it was you that were more mad over the guys only coming when the pool was uncovered eh! I would be mad too in this instance and I thank you for sharing. He is awake again now and is fine. He is sitting in the lounge with one of our rabbits on his lap stroking him so he is over it. I know what you mean about not really being able to explain as they see the world through different eyes and even if I did at the moment he would insist that no they were his friends bless. Ellie :D
@liuqian (476)
• China
7 Jun 08
I guess everyone has to confront this kind of situation in our life.When i confronted with this,i felt so sad and upset.How they could do this for me!They are my "friends" when they need me.And after that,they even don't look at you! Fortunately,i have many friends who is really sweet and we are truely friends.And after this,you should tell your son what is the meaning of true friend.Hope he will forget it soon and have a good playday!o(n_n)o...
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
Yes it is hard for us all even as adults to realise we are just being used by fairweather friends so as a child even more difficult to explain, but he is fine now and awake and playing indoors so he is over it already bless. Ellie :D
@ajayrekha (491)
• India
7 Jun 08
I think he got his first lesson too early it his life and at this stage he will not be able to understand it. Also you should not try to make him understand this now. I think life is the best teacher and of course as parents you are also a teacher to him. Wait till he become 10+ and if this type of thing happens to him at that time in front of you, take it as an opportunity to explain his the reality of this world.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21018)
7 Jun 08
He is awake now and all seems to be forgotten. Yes at this age it is too hard to explain but I will just make sure the next time we have bubbles I stay in our own yard with them or with his special frineds from nursery who aren't like this and yes when he is older he will realise more. Ellie :D