My Mom Is Finally Home Part II
By CatsandDogs
@CatsandDogs (13963)
United States
June 17, 2008 12:38am CST
She is so weak that it's frightening. We have a walker, wheel chair, shower chair and a porta potty for her but it's scaring me half to death watching her struggle so hard to get up and then walk the distance that she needs to. She wants to do things herself, "mrs independent", but she needs our help. As she walks with the walker, dad is beside her and I'm behind her with the wheel chair in case she tires out. Tomorrow I'm going to bath her for the first time with a chair that sits in the shower. That should be interesting to say the least. We have to do basically everything for her because she can't do it herself. Dad is going to get her prescriptions filled tomorrow and when he returns, I'm going to find some things that she needs to help her regain some of her motor skills such as a small ball that she can bounce back and forth with her hands and a tracing book so she can trace things so she can regain some of her motor skills in her hands. It's so hard to see an independent loved one be not so dependent anymore. She's cried because she's finally home after spending 40 something days in two hospitals and she cries because she can't do for herself. I'm scared out of my mind that I'll do something wrong and hurt her or she'll call for me and I'll not hear her. I'm just not cut out to do this but she is my mother and so therefore I will do it but not with confidence for I've always been one without confidence especially in cases such as this but I'm going to do it some how some way. Please pray for her and then for me to give me the strength and the knowledge of how to handle this situation because it's all so new to me and frankly, I'm scared to death!!
Thank you all for everything!! I'm trying so hard to be strong but it's hard!! I love old folks so very much but I couldn't sit with them because I'm to afraid to for these very reasons. UGH!! But like many of you have said, God brought me to it, He'll see me through it. He must me one heck of a believer in me to have me to go through such a thing!! lol
3 people like this
8 responses
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Jun 08
Sweetheart, please don't stress yourself too much. Just be slow and gentle and trust yourself. You'll be fine. Talk to her constantly when you are working with her - nice happy things if you can, or explain gently everything you are doing - not why so much as what. She'll be reassured by that. Let her know that she will be doing these things for herself when she gets her strength back so she won't feel so dependant. She needs to be encouraged to think positive about herself so she won't wallow in her current limitations. And like I said, TRUST yourself and you'll be just fine. I know the hearing issue is a problem for you, so you'll need to count on your Dad for help there, or give her a small bell to ring when she needs something. So just one day at a time and you will get your confidence and if you keep quietly and gently reassuring her, you will both do fine. Let us know how it goes. You are all in my prayers.
You can do it, I know you can. Just don't stress yourself too much or your mom will feel that and she'll get stressed too. Ok? Hugs sweets.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
17 Jun 08
Believe it or not, dad can't hear well either. He can hear much better than I can but still...
This darn dial up nonesense is really for the birds!! Yeah, they are on dial up here, dsl isn't available in this area yet. So I won't be on here very often thanks to that.
Ok, trust myself.... I've heard that so many times that if I had a penny for every time I heard that, I'd be pretty darn rich. lol Why is it so hard for one to learn to do that? I'm one of them that hasn't yet but am still trying nonetheless but you are right but it's so much easier said than done.
Mom and dad are back to themselves again with the bickering and fussing at one another and that grates on my nerves like you won't believe and she gets upset when I don't hear her for the 3rd or 4th time and I can see it on her face for she does it all the time and I hate having to remind her that she needs to speak up (she's so mousey quiet!!) for she should already know that.... you get my drift. I just wonder how in the hell am I going to do this without getting offended by her and her and dad bickering? It's sure as hell isn't going to be easy, that's for sure.
Thanks hon for the advice! I'm going to do the best that I can which is really all I can do but I'm hoping what ever it is I do is the right thing. I just want to do right by her is all.
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Jun 08
Cats, you've a rough road ahead. You know that. So do yourself a favor ok? B*tch about them to me in emails instead of at them or let them get on your last nerve. Sing songs in your head if you have to to keep the sound of their bickering out. Keep smiling regardless and hold onto your temper and your frustration. When the are settled at night or whenever - get in touch with me and rant and rave and scream and yell and let it all out so you don't let the situation get you down when you are around them.
And why the hell aren't any of your other relatives helping?
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
18 Jun 08
Sweatheart - I think that it really might be a good idea to take your mom to your place for awhile. Look at it this way: your dad has been through the wringer as much as your mom - when she got sick, her time in the hospital, and now trying to cope at home. He's stressed, and tired and over extended too. He needs some time to himself too just to assimilate and ajust to the changes that have come now that your mom is 'helpless'. I know that Jimmy needs time alone too, but he needs to realize you can't handle your mom and dad all on your own. At least he'll have the freedom to get out of the house if your mom gets annoying. And YOU need to be at home with your husband while you too are trying to cope with all this. Is there NO agency you can contact that will send around a 'nurse' or health care worker to help you out? With your hearing problems and lupus, frankly you are NOT the right person to be handling this all alone. Do a web search, call social services, whatever it takes and I'll help you, to find the help you need so ALL of you can get through this without someone burning out. Let me know what I can do to help.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
17 Jun 08
Listen honey you CAN do this and you can do it well! There is no one who can do it better, no one who knows your Mum as well or loves her so much. I know it is scary and of course you are worried that you won't do the right thing but that is just a little self doubt creeping in - I KNOW that you will do a great job and your mother will go from strength to strength! Love, hugs and continuing prayers! xxxx
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
19 Jun 08
You are so thoughtful honey, you have so much on your plate and yet you think of something I wanted! I will email you my address of course I will but don't you worry about some silly popcorn - just concentrate on helping your mum and keeping yourself strong! Hugs xxx
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
26 Jun 08
LOL Well I made a promise and I intend to keep that promise!! lol So please tell me what it was called that you wanted and I'll try to find it. Seriously though, I want to keep my promise!! ((((HUGS))))
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Thank you!! Gosh I'm lost for words!! (hard to believe, huh? lol) Well I'm doing it and so far so good, at least for today. Today was so much better than yesterday and I pray that it's on the up and up from here.
I've got something to tell you as well as ask you. I know you asked about something here in the states but for the life of me, I can't remember what it was. Will you please pm me and tell me again what it was? I promise you that I'll write it down and eventually find it and send it to you. I still have your address but can't remember what it was you wanted. I call that a mind toot. LOL
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
17 Jun 08
You will do fine. It will be quite an experience for all of you. Just be sure that she does not go into a depression and want to quit trying, that is what my grandma did. She is feeling sorry for herself and you guys, I am sure. Just keep doing the exercises and strengthing things they were working on. It sounds like she is progressing well. It is a big life change for all of you. Did they give you ideas to help you take care of her in the hospital? Is she able to get some home health care and personal care assistant to come in and help for a while? Good luck and don't let it get you down! I am thinking about you all the time. If you need an ear PM me and we can find a way to talk.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Today was much better than yesterday was. They say that depression is normal and so is crying but it's so hard to see her in such a state but she's determined to get back all she can. She doesn't want to ride in the wheel chair but rather walks with the walker and she's getting better and better at it which is great of course. I just hope she doesn't do too much where it ends up doing her more harm than good. Tonight she was running a slight fever which is a sign of an infection and she took some tylenol which knocked it down some before she went to bed so hopefully it'll be gone by morning.
Thanks so much for being there for me!! Your encouragement means the world to me!! ((((hugs))))
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I hope she keeps getting stronger every day. If that fever does not go away, call the doctor. You don't want her getting sicker. She doesn't need any more challenges. Hopefully it is nothing. Good luck and keep your head up.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Thanks ElicBxn, that's a great idea! I'll have to see if they have one somewhere. (I'm sure they do!)
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
17 Jun 08
Really glad to hear that your Mum is home, I know that you all have a long hard road ahead of you but now she is home she may be able to recover that little bit quicker, I really hope so anyway.
I used to work with elderly people, they had alzheimers and dementia in various stages, I loved the work and it never bothered me, but I was not related to them. I can imagine that caring for someone you love very much would be a totally different thing. I am sure that you will look after your Mum just perfect, and it is like anything you will learn and gain confidence as you go along. Take care xx
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I can understand that and can understand why you'd love your job. I love old folks too for they have so many interesting stories to tell if only one would take the time to listen to them. I wish I had the hearing ability to be able to hear them well enough because I loved the stories my grandparents told me before my hearing got so bad.
Yes it is very hard when it's with someone you love dearly.
@icecandies (154)
• Philippines
17 Jun 08
Don't worry you'll get use to it soon and you'll never know she has improved greatly in the long run. Your situation is so hard for you and your family but you need to practice your confidence and as much as you can don't show her the struggle you feel because that might give her a thought she's being a burden to you and of course you don't want her to feel that way. The best thing is to pray for her and just be patient because in no time you'll see the power of prayer. Cheer up! Everything will be alright and I know you'll be just fine attending to her because you're cautious in thoughts and in deeds.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Thanks for the encouragement! Things seem to be better today except for tonight, she seems to be running a slight fever and her side still hurts but we don't know why. She had some tylenol which has brought the fever down some before she went to bed. Hopefully she's on the mend now.
@GardenGerty (157652)
• United States
18 Jun 08
Been there, done that, with a hubby that got progressively weaker. I have a suggestion or two that may help, or at least bring a smile to your face. Go get your mom a bicycle horn, really. She can squeeze it, and it will definitely get your attention. At the same time she will be working on fine motor skills to squeeze it. I got one of those for my hubby, and I would put him on the toilet, and go do something else. He had no hand strength, but I put it on the floor, and he would stomp it. I think being home will speed your mom to what ever amount of healing she will achieve, as you will motivate her, and she will be more upbeat in homelike surroundings rather than a hospital. Another good thing for her hands would be if you made up some bread dough for her to knead. Set a bowl on a mat like the non skid shelf liner, then she can work and the bowl will stay in place. You will think of other things, and so will she. Lots of luck and love to you.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
18 Jun 08
Those are wonderful ideas!! Thanks so much!! I'll definetely have my hubby go get one of those horns!! Why didn't I think of that? lol I've been thinking of bells but couldn't think of where to get one that wouldn't break. Bless your heart!! Thanks so much!!
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
18 Jun 08
Is there a chance that you can hire an In-home care nurse to come in and help out. I use to do this kind of work and it helps the family out a great deal. Since you father is there, your mother will not be alone with a stranger and she can do what you are doing at this point.
It can be quite stressful when we are caring for our loved ones and a little extra help will not hurt. You shopuld check to see if one of these nurses can come out at least once a week and maybe help and give you a day of relief. God bless you all. Glad your mother is back home now.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
19 Jun 08
I wish we could Rozie but thanks to the jackass of a doctor who said he'd order a nurse for the first seven days, he didn't do it so we're basically on our own except for a nurse once a week and a pt about three times a week.
It is very stressful caring for a loved one especially an adult but today was much better than yesterday was and so I'm hoping and praying that it's on the up and up from here. Thanks so much for your kind words!!
1 person likes this
