I'm Going To Miss Her So Much
By ellie333
@ellie333 (21016)
June 17, 2008 3:01pm CST
I am very close to my children as a lot of you know and also extremely proud of the fact that my eldest daughter is off to Cambridge University for her placement and after spending a wonderful day together shopping and having fun she has now left to go pack her house in Surrey ready for the move on Sunday. She is there for a week then off to France and then straight to Cambridge. I have spent a lot of weekends with her recently in Surrey for various reasons and I just feel empty right now as I don't even know when we'll be able to see each other again. I know there are phones and emails but it is just not the same. I have never held my kids back, I'm not a clingy mum in that way, and in fact she went off to Australia and Fiji a couple of years ago before she started University but this feels different as I know she is still in the country rather than the other side of the world but just that little bit too far away for visits because of our various other committments.
How did you feel when your child first left home?
Is there someone else you know who has moved away who you miss?
Or am I just being an over emotional mummy right now?
Empty nest sysdrome, help. Hugs will do. Ellie :D
7 people like this
21 responses
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
18 Jun 08
My kids are still little but I think about when they will leave. My wife and I will probably cry for a little bit but it will be tears of joy and not regret. Hang in there mom, she'll be an extention of you and be able to take you places you never got to go.
2 people like this
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
17 Jun 08
My girls have always lived very far away from me including time in Europe. I do miss them and the grandkids very much. It's worse when I go see them and then have to leave them again. But they do have their own lives to live so I have to let them go! I know how you are feeling...been there.....done that.....and for some reason it just never gets any better. I especially miss them at holidays! Good luck to her at Cambridge!!!! Woo Hoo!
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
17 Jun 08
Oh thanks Jill, I suppose you can relate more than anyone cos like me you have been on your own with them rather than still having a partner. I agree with that we have to let them go which I have done also like you but it doesn't make it hurt less does it eh! Thanks for sharing and the good luck wishes. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
21 Jun 08
Ellie it gets easier but never goes away as you know I live in Essex and my Children in Doncaster and I still miss them, but I am in Phone contact with them every Day
You are not being an over emotional Mum at all as I am like you it is hard when our Children leave the Nest
Hugs to you
@littleowl (7157)
•
17 Jun 08
Hi Ellie-I can totally understand where you are coming from I have never been a clingy mum but am also very close to my children but when my daughter was gong out with her boyfriend after a couple of months she just told me she was leaving home and going to live with him and there was nothing I could do or say about it as she had made up her mind-I was torn apart and really upset that she had spoken to me like that as she never had and when she went I felt alone and empty too, I missed her so much now she has her own house not far from me but her boyfriend walked out on her when he found out ahe was pregnant-I still miss her but she still comes and sees me with my grandson and it is such a blessing when she does-you will find the same though your daughter may be in Cambridge she will still visit you and you will still be as close and have fun together when she does come to you-she will never be far away-hugs and blessings littleowl
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
Hi Littlowl, thanks for your kind words. Yes it is always upsetting when they leave the nest eh. Cambridge is only for a maximum of a year anyway and yes we will still see each other when we can. It just feels strange knowing how far away she is going to be. Ellie :D
@littleowl (7157)
•
18 Jun 08
Hi Ellie I can understand how you must feel but also hold in mind that not a lot of people get into Cambridge, and now your daughter is going to make you even more proud in what she does-you have a good job in raising her and through thick and thin she always stayed close to you to be her guide...you will always be that to her and the love you have for each other will keep you close to her and vice versa-though she may not be with you-your friend littleowl xx
1 person likes this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
17 Jun 08
It's an awful feeling Ellie. Even though that you know that it is the right one. I know how excited you are for her and she will have a ball. You will be able to hear how well she's getting on when she calls home and share some of her experience. If you both have webcams get skype or something similar and then you can at least look at each other whilst you speak, it's free too. Otherwise I send you hugs and will give you a real one on Thursday. Bet you've changed your mind now!! LOL.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
17 Jun 08
Hi P1kef1sh, LOL, I am looking forward to the hug and definitely haven't changed my mind. Camera is charged ready too so Nova gets some pics of the event. You will have to explain to me then what this skype and webcam stuff is all about as other than the basic emails, an odd survey and being on here I am not very up on the latest technology but does sound like a great idea as she won't mind me chatting to her in my dressing gown LOL which is why I suppose I haven't a webcam in the first place. Oh yes I am so excited for her but those extra miles away are going to really make a difference in how much I will see her. Soppy sausage aren't I. Ellie :D
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
17 Jun 08
Your not soppy you're a Mum. I have once or twice nearly made sartorial mistakes on Skype. My webcam comes on even if the person calling's doesn't. I spent an entire evening talking to people in my bathrobe one night and only realised when I caught a glimpse of myself (there's a screen showing you too) that it was slowly working its way open! That is not a good image! I could've been arrested as a flasher. LOL.
1 person likes this
@Gollywog (1092)
•
19 Jun 08
Oh boy I have tears running down my face ellie! I cried for days when my first left home (daughter) Then my son the same these two live 2 and 3 hour drives away? Then my baby 18 left home sob sob Im at it again, but I do have one son at home he is 20. I dont think he is going yet for awhile? Thank goodnes for mobiles. lol I can chase them up anytime, keep smiling the pain subsides after a while. Lots of HUGS.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
18 Jun 08
i know how you feel... i don't have any children yet... but i know how i feel when i leave my parents the first time to further my study to singapore... and after that, i went to australia... i feel very sad and empty as well when that happens... best of luck for your daughter and i bet she will achieve a lot in cambridge... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@Darkwing (21583)
•
18 Jun 08
I think all of us mums feel pretty empty when our kids leave home. I know I did... it was as though I'd lost a part of my soul. But, I was lucky... both my boys are caring and special men. I don't wish to boast, but, like you, I think I did a great job of bringing them up.
My eldest was always a homelover, and only went out really to meet his girlfriend, whom he eventually married. When he left, it was bad, but when the other one went as well, I was lost for a while, but I see them often and although I still miss them being home, a lot, I have grown to appreciate the time I have for myself now. Sometimes, it's nice not to be tied to the home and kids, and it's valuable time when you do get to see them.
You have the little man to keep you ticking over, my friend. Make the most of him for the time being, for he will grow all too quickly. He's a lovely little chap, and I'm sure he will make you just as proud to be his mum as the girls did.
Brightest Blessings, and hugggggs to you, my dear friend. xx
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
Oh Thank you so much Darkwing, yes Jacob keeps me occupied and is growing quick and I am so pleased for my daughter to be doing what she is doing at the university but she just seems so far away right now. You have seen how loving she is towards us and I will miss those hugs but she will stay in contact by email and phone so it won't be so bad was just feeling emotional when she left after such a wonderful day together too. Ellie :D
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
18 Jun 08
Hi ellie, that is very common for a loving mom like you, When I left also our Country, my dad and mom will always txt me that they miss me a lot and same thing I felt for them and for my sister. I find myself crying because I can't visit them. Getting their daily messages makes me feel fine...It's hard but this is life, I am very excited to visit them next year maybe!
1 person likes this
@anonymili (3138)
•
19 Jun 08
Awh Ellie, sending you huge bear hugs and lots of empathy. I don't have kids of my own but I can imagine how you must be feeling. No matter how much we think we're grown up our parents will always think of us as their babies. Even at my age my parents worry about me even if I have a cold so for your daughter to be going off for her placement of course you're going to miss her. Don't worry about being thought of as over-emotional - it's because you're a good mother and because you care about your daughter which all good parents should do, it's only natural. Enjoy the time you have with her and cherish her when she comes home to visit! xx
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
18 Jun 08
Hi dear
Thats what u called life cycles, it keep on moving, people are joining it, leaving it,, settled else where.
Well she is quite grown up girl, just imagine i had to went to boarding school at age of 10 yrs, and it was just 30-40 kms away from my house, but want it pity that parents were only allowed to meet on Sundays fotnightly
we were very much attached to parents and likewise parents were attached to us, but will u believe 3 of us ( 3 brothers) we in boarding school at that time, just imagine what would be situation at home??Anyway, i am sure soon u will be settled once this WEAK MOMENT is over, and the best healer on the Universe, Time will keep ur mind engaged on other activities.and sure, u know how much i love to Hug U
we were very much attached to parents and likewise parents were attached to us, but will u believe 3 of us ( 3 brothers) we in boarding school at that time, just imagine what would be situation at home??Anyway, i am sure soon u will be settled once this WEAK MOMENT is over, and the best healer on the Universe, Time will keep ur mind engaged on other activities.and sure, u know how much i love to Hug U
@jesus777 (662)
• Bermuda
18 Jun 08
i know how you feel im not a mom but my parents are divorced and i thought my dad was gonna be around forever i live inbermuda with my mom and my mom have moved to america and gotten remarried it hurts me every day too think about him because i miss him so much living with my mom is not good at all my dad means the world to me i hated his wife and her daughter becuase i felt they were taking the most important person to me in this world away from me which is my dad he is so loving kind and true he is the total opposite of my mom i can bearly type right now without crying i miss him so so much the tears wann flow down my face right now im at work right so i will hold it in but it so hard not having my dad aroound it feels like a piece of me is missng a piece of my heart is ripped out!!!!!
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
AAAAh bless I really feel for you, it must be so difficult and the feeling like a piece of you is missing I completely understand. My own father went off with another woman years ago when I was young and to me it was like he had left me and I always resented this woman as a child. Got to know and like her as I got older and understood more the reasons behind everything. Big hugs. I am so sorry that this post made you cry. Ellie :D
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
18 Jun 08
You have every right to be emotional your daughter is moving away.Empty nest sydrome can be a lonely place so I suggest you keep your day full and not sit around and think about how far away she is,e-mail her regular and be proud of her.I had two daughters move out in the same yr.and the oldest daughter was already gone I was so sad I thought I would die but I knew they had to start their own lives but it was hard to let go and they were still in the same town so I called all the time making sure they didnt need anything and they mostly didnt so that made me feel like I wasn't needed anymore.Now they all have their own families and we all made it and so will you.Good luck,take care and God Bless.
1 person likes this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
19 Jun 08
Your welcome and yes I do understand.You have a great night.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
Hi Bfarrier, Wow thanks for sharing, so you can understand exactly how I am feeling, she is upset to and she will not only miss me but her little brother and her sister too. I am proud of her for what she has achieved so far and we will remain close through phone calls and emails I'm sure. God Bless you too. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@avidwhit (1492)
• Mexico
17 Jun 08
OOPs! now i see the whole picture. Disregard my other comments on your other post about a dog. Sounds like you have been a great friend to your daughter and done a wonderful job raising her. Be happy she is Off at college becoming somebody!!! Get a dog or maybe better yet take some time for yourself and relax and enjoy life spoil yourself a bit. Enjoy the fact that you have done a successful job and treat yourself!
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
17 Jun 08
Masses of Hugs Ellie! ((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))) My kids aren't old enough to leave home yet although my 14 year old has threatened it a few times (mind you when we offer to let him go live with his Dad he refuses point blank) so I can't really tell you how I would cope or feel! I don't think you sound over emotional or clingy you are just a loving Mum upset cos she won't get to see much of her daughter. Sending you even more hugs honey xxxxx
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
Oh Mummymo, thank you so much for those hugs, really needed at moment and very appreciated. In fact I felt the hugs wow. LOL my four year old left home to go next doo a few weeks ago cos I told him know and at 14 they all threaten it too, teenagers, been there and understand completely. Ellie :D
@lishiwei (1550)
• China
17 Jun 08
Oh,I think she also will miss you.
When I first leave home to the school I missing my mother very much.So at the first night many of us cann't fall a sleep and even crying.So I think you shouldn't think too much she also will miss you.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
Oh yes I should imagine she is feeling the same too, both of us were in tears as she left but before she left we had a great day shopping for clothes and then came back and baked a cake with my young son. Thanks for sharing from the childs perspective, I appreicate that. Ellie :D
@fiona08 (454)
• United States
18 Jun 08
I do sympathize! My daughter and I are very close also. She moved across the country to go to college 4 years ago, and it was really sad for me. But like you said, you can't hold them back. I am always thrilled to have her home on vacations, and now that she graduated in May, she is home temporarily until she starts work next month. We have such a good time together, but I will have to say goodbye again. She will go to grad school in a year. The worse part for me, was when other people said things to me, like, "I would never be able to stand it if it were my daughter! We are like best friends." Surprising how many people are insensitive like that. Our daughters are adventurous and assertive and ambitious, and that takes nothing away from our relationships with them. If anything, it says we did a good job raising confident, and independent human beings, who are willing to go after their dreams, in spite of their good relationships with us. You will always have your daughter, no matter how far she goes. Sorry about the emptiness. It will get better, as you well know. Good luck to you both.
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
Hi Fiona, Thank you so much for sharing all this with me, yes we have done an excellent job and haven't held them back but encouraged to follow their dreams and they have haven't they. It doesn't stop me feeling sad that she has gone but I know like you say that it will get better. Ellie :D
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
18 Jun 08
HUGGGGGGGGLLLLEEEESSSSSS for you Ellie!!!
you are definitely not alone and believe me it never goes away.I have had all 5 of mine leave and not that i wanted them too..if it was up to me i'd have them stay till we all were on the bucket list..
My oldest came out last weekend for a Bike rally and instead of staying the weekend with his buddies camping, he came back each night to spend it talking with me..this is my firefighter...motorcycle first born.
So Ellie its a Mother thing that we love them to much and they know it but we have to let them leave the nest like a baby bird..now if i could only carry the nest all the way then that would be another story..LOL
1 person likes this
@ellie333 (21016)
•
18 Jun 08
LOL, Rosekitty, Katesmama didn't come back so she must have enjoyed more than ten minutes eh! Thank you so much though for the big hugs I so needed them, much appreiciated. Oh that is lovely to hear that he came home to you each night rather than to stay with his mates. I am going to miss her but am proud of what she is doing with her life. No matter how olf they are they are still our babies eh! Ellie :D
@liuqian (476)
• China
18 Jun 08
Hi,ellie!It is a good thing that your daughter will begin a wonderful life in Cambridge.I can understand your feeling now.Hug!^^Don't feel empty.Every mum have to accept this,i think.Still you can talk with her online and see her often.Maybe the distance can make both of you miss each other more(and i think it is not so far away).^^
I remember the first time i left my hometown(hunan provence) and went to my university(in liaoning provence)which is ten thousands away from my hometown.You can search a Chinese map,then you will find how far it is.^^Wow,even now i don't understand why i chose a university so far away!for experiencee a totally new life,maybe...Even though now i did quite well in my university,i miss my family very much and call home every week.
And my young brother was going to Beijing for work this monday.It was his first time leaving home.I also worried about him just as my mom and my family.So i can understand your feelings.
OK,no more words,Hugs o(n_n)o... for you!Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@elitess (5070)
• Ipswich, England
17 Jun 08
I guess i would feel the same... it's the time when you figure out that your daughter does not need you that much, because she will basically start taking care of herself on her own. Remember that she will always love you and that you will always be her mother.
Lots and lots of hugs to you and hope you do feel better !
1 person likes this
