How I Charmed The Men In Town!

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Some of you will recognize this, as I have sent it to you in emails. But I have just come from a discussion here that brought it to mind again and I thought that I would share it with you all, as it is the main happening that led to my becoming Mayor of my little town. The former Mayor was NOT well liked at all, and had insulted me quite badly at the first Council Meeting I had attended. The rest is history, as they say! LOL -------------- Well, I got to the meeting a little earlier than most of the others, which was great, because then I could choose my own seat. When the Mayor arrived - strutting in like the overstuffed turkey he is - he took one look at where I was sitting and actually ROARED at me to "move my skinny butt to the other end of the table as far away from him as I could get". WELL! How dare the man! I ask you - is that any way to treat a lady?" HUMPH! So of course I moved. I had already left a half dozen mini marshmallows on HIS seat, and he sat down on them without a murmur. I knew with his weight he wouldn't feel them, and with the heat he generated, it wouldn't be long before they 'melted' enough to stick to the cloth of his pants. And they were such pretty colours too! I had placed them in a triangle shaped pattern that would be under his left thigh. Naughty me, but there was a point to it. (wait for it! lol) The first order of business after the coffee was passed around - and wouldn't you know - no goodies from the Mayor even though it was HIS turn! - was the discussion of the plans the ladies had finalized of the Christmas Dance and Tree Decorating. The Mayor of course, was against it. We all knew that was coming. He blithered and blathered about the expense, the fire hazard, the sheer (dirty word here) WORK involved, and what a burden that would be on the ladies at this time of year.... etc., etc., ad nauseum. While he pontificated, one of the other members passed around a mickey of Jim Beam for our coffee, and we all sat in enraptured (read, alcohol induced) silence while he went on and on. He finally stopped to take a breath (read, a large slug straight from the Jim Beam bottle!) and that was when I spoke up and told the group that the Ladies were all for the idea, had the plans in place, and were quite excited about the upcoming event. One of the members produced a poster that his wife had made, advertising the Dance and Tree Decorating, which would be put on the community board in the next town. More were on the way he said, and even his kids were getting involved. Another member reminded the Mayor that the motion for this event had been passed last meeting, and as things were progressing nicely, it was really too late to nix the plans. The Mayor glared at ME - I didn't give him that news!, and announced that HE would NOT take responsibility for it as things were "sure to go terribly wrong". One of the men called him a Scrooge - in a laughing way of course, and accused him of not having any Christmas spirit. The Mayor glared at him, slammed his coffee cup on the table (NOT the wall this time, thank God) and announced that HE had more Christmas spirit than anyone in town and had the 7 foot tree in his living room to prove it! (I knew about this tree - his wife had told me). There were some guffaws at this, as everyone knew that every year the Mayor cuts down a 7 foot tree for his home and then has a Christmas Cocktail Party/Open House so he can rub in everyone else's face. NO ONE in town is 'allowed' to have a tree over 6 feet! lol I piped up at this point and casually mentioned that I'd heard that his tree was a little less than 7 feet this year as he had denuded the pine copse in previous years and only shorter ones were left. The men started to laugh quietly, and another bottle of Jim Beam found it's way onto the table. The Mayor stood up at this point and told us that as his presence was not necessary to our passing of 'motions and such', HE was going home to his dinner! He turned on his heel and began to walk towards the door when the entire room erupted in laughs and loud catcalls of apology at saying the Mayor had no Christmas spirit. He turned back to the room and looked around the table, totally at sea as to what all the rukus was about. I just added more Jim Beam and kept my eyes demurely downcast. I didn't dare meet his eye or I would have fallen off my chair laughing. I am SUCH a bad girl! But really - the man needs to be taken down a peg or two, and better with some fun to it than an outright drag out fight! lol Finally one of the men managed to control himself long enough to pull the trouser leg around so the Mayor could see the little Christmas tree on it! My goodness, he went so purple in the face I really thought he was going to drop dead right in front of us. He caught my eye then, I can tell you! Before he could say anything, I asked him "Please Sir - may I sit at the other end of the table next meeting?" He pulled himself up to his full height, pointed his finger at me and yelled "Begone woman before I lynch you!" Dead silence in the room then! Then all hell broke loose. Three of the men positioned themselves between the Mayor and me and one of the others took his arm and began talking quietly to him about how he'd better leave off because I was just the type to file a discrimination complaint against him.... etc., etc. All baloney of course, but it did the trick and the Mayor calmed down. He didn't however, stick around. He walked out with as much dignity as he could with a marshmallow Christmas tree on his butt, but NO ONE laughed..... well not until he was gone. The Jim Beam went around the table again and a motion was passed to assign everyone their own seat at the table! AH, victory is sweet! LOL I didn't tell the men what I'd done (I'm a naughty girl, but I'm not stupid!), and the men speculated that his kids had some weird sense of humour, but oh what a story they'd all have for their wives when they got home! LOL Sometimes it pays to be a pissed off redhead! ---------------end-------------- Now I did tell my neighbour what I'd done, and so of course the truth got around town and awhile later when names were being put forward for a new Mayor - mine was the only one on the list! LOL So I never really got elected, just 'inherited' the position by unanimous default after the previous Mayor was 'encouraged' to resign! But that's another story! ROFL