Do I spend enough time with my kids

United States
June 19, 2008 11:58pm CST
I have 3 kids and I stay at home with them. Sometimes I feel like I don't do enough with them. I'm always doing something. Laundry,dishes,picking up toys,vacuming and so on. The when I get a change I jump on the computer and do stuff and by time I look up an hour has gone by. The kids play so good together,they will go outside and play untill its lunch or dinner time. When I spend alot of time with them is on the weekend because we are always doing something. Do you think Im a bad mom because I dont spend very much time with my kids? Does anyone else feel this away? happy mylotting
6 people like this
21 responses
• Australia
20 Jun 08
I often feel this way myself. I have just the two, but I have always been a person who needs a lot of personal space and time to myself. I also used to spend a lot more time with my daughter when she was little than I do with my son. It's nothing personal, I think I just kind of 'burnt out' with the playing, by the time he came along. As a result, he's much more independent, which is really good. On the down side, he's more sneaky because he knows I don't watch him as closely as I did his sister. I can really see the difference in the two of them, the way I've affected them. To be fair, I am not a particularly well person. I have had CFS for 20 years and am recovering slowly from a bad relapse that occurred about a year ago. I just wish I *wanted* to be spending more time with the kids, but a part of me just wants to be left alone. Honestly, I think you're a much better mother than I am.
• Hong Kong
20 Jun 08
Janeycat, I could have written the above myself, except that I have two little boys. I too think that I spent more quality time with my eldest. He now goes to kindergarten in the mornings for 3 hours each weekday, and during that time, I have the younger one on my own. The younger boy will be 2 years old in August. I always tell myself that I need to spend quality time with him but more often that not, I find myself doing household chores or sitting in front of the computer. I do play with him, read him books and quite often take him out to the park or the supermarket but I just feel like it's not enough. Today, I took him on the tram for the first time, and he was keenly watching everything out the window. When the older boy comes home, he always says 'mum, play with me' and I always find myself saying 'please wait'. He does play on his own at times, and with his brother but I really feel that I don't play enough with the boys.
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
Youre a great mom mommy0f03. In the first place, youre doing those chores not for yourself but for your kids, your family. With that you're already great. Its not how many hours you spend time with your kids but HOW you spend the time with them. I can feel that you love your kids so much and that you just want to spend more time with. Maybe, you can take a time off so you can relax. Even though you don't have that much time to spend the day with your kids, make those time you're with worth it. Have a nice day!
• United States
21 Jun 08
Hey Krisine, Your comment really hit the spot. I have to say it almost made me cry. You hit the nail right on the head. Thank you!!
• United States
20 Jun 08
Who's to say your a bad mom? You can take some time for yourself! Do not feel guilty. Just because you are a at home mom does not mean you do not need some me time in front of the PC to keep your sanity! I am with my kids 24hrs a day everyday. If I want to sit in front of the PC while they are playing it's OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't be so hard on yourself.
• United States
21 Jun 08
Hey honeydew, Thanks for the comment. Yeah my husband says im on the computer to much and it ade me to start to think. Im I really on this to much and of i schould spend more time with my kids. I took them to the park today after we did some errans Just that little thing made are day so much better. I think I will do it more offen.
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
I think you're a great mom. You're a full time mom and I admire you for that. I have tried being a full time mom and to tell you the truth I am not very good at it.
• United States
20 Jun 08
I think that every mom has it in her. We all do are things differnt. Your kids love you no matter what. You are a great mother.
@Hatley (164237)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Jun 08
You sound like a great mom to me, but put off a household chore once in a while and get the kids togeher and just go for a walk around your neighborhood, they will love it and so willyou and you wont get that far behind. they are only little for 'such a short time so smell the roses with them ocassionally.
• United States
20 Jun 08
Thanks that is a great idea. I know the grow up so fast. I just hard for me movtied somethimes to do anything. I do like it when my kids are affected because of it. I think tomorrow I will take a walk with them we could make it a every other day thing. It will be fun and get some exersie in. Thanks again
@4ofmyown (1119)
• United States
21 Jun 08
I know exactly how you feel..especially since summer has started and all the kids are home with me. I have tried to make an effort to do alot of my chores early in the morning before they wake up and then it gives me more time with them. When I know that they are so involved with something themselves, that is when I take the time to go on the computer, pay bills, etc....like now. Don't feel guilty...your a great mom and how you feel, I think, is normal.
@deebomb (15319)
• United States
21 Jun 08
One way you could spend more time with your kids is to have one of them help you with things like taking turns helping with the dishes. This would be a great time to visit with that child. You could also have one help with folding the laundry. I have a friend that has her 3 little boys help her with her cooking. The oldest one is 6 this year and I know she has been doing this since he was at least 3. Sometime they just sit on the counter and hold something until she is ready for it. Get them to help pick up the toys then you can do something special with them. You are already doing a great job but these suggestions just might help you. Not all time with your kids has to be playing. helping with chores is also important and a good way to spend time together.
@newsince (52)
20 Jun 08
You spend more then enough. Kids have to grow up sometime, they also need to get there own space. And learn how to think and do a few things on there own.
20 Jun 08
I don't think your a bad mum, because i'm sure you spend enough time with them...... If you didn't they would be trying to get your attention more often, as you haven't said they do........ you must spend enough time with them because they are happy enough. I feel abit like i don't spend enough time with my 2 kids, but i do more than i think...... so i'm probably thinking the same as you do. I spend time with my kids all day apart from when i go on my laptop for a few hours a day or when i'm doing housework. I look after them at night too. For some reason i still feel guilty going on the laptop for a few hours a day........ when i really shouldn't. ~Joeys wife
@munhozmib (3851)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
20 Jun 08
Hello, m0mmy0f03. I think that, as a mother, you should pay attention and try to notice if your kids ask for love. There shouldn't be a schedule like: "I'm going to stay eight hours a day with my kids", because affection is a need and can be constantly changing. Perhaps they will need your affection more than you give, or perhaps they are happy this way. You should try to watch them and know if they need more or if they are happy with the way that things are going. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
@gemini_rose (16192)
20 Jun 08
This description sounds just like me! I have four and find I am in the same situation as you. Its funny how all the housework seems to take first place over everything, in fact the whole mundane tasks of life seem to come first. The sad thing is I am realising that while the boring things in life are getting in the way, my kids are growing up and soon will not want to spend time with me. I have already cut back on things that I do and I have started to do more things with them. I do not think you are a bad Mum at all, you are just like a lot of us Mums. Over run with trying to fit everything in and be a good Mum, yet still find time to be ourselves and for ourselves!
@momz2gd (295)
• United States
20 Jun 08
You just have a lot on your plate. You are a good mom and they wouldn't be that good if you weren't.
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
20 Jun 08
No, you are not a bad mom. I admire you for staying home as I know that you can't have all the extras that some families have because of being a one income family. I am sure that you spend more time with them than you realize. I believe that as long as you spend part of the day with them you are entitled to some "me" time. Here are some ideas of things to do that won't hurt the budget ( at least not much) that allows you to do more with them than just play which gets boring to most of us. 1. Take a walk with them- just a short one. Do your chore a little later or tomorrow. 2. Take a small lunch ( peanut butter and jelly) and go to the park for an hour. 3. Spread a blanket in your yard and go on a picnic. This will take 30 minutes tops. 4. Spend 5 minutes an hour with each child seperately and just talk about how much you love them and what makes them special. 5. Put on some music and have a dance a thon with your kids for one or two songs. I hope these ideas help and I am sure that you could enlist their help in some household chore that would allow them to feel like they were helping and give you some quality time with them.
@freedomg (1684)
• United States
20 Jun 08
Every mom feels this way at one point in their lives. On the days where you are feeling like they have been getting shoted on mommy time make a point to do something extra with them. I love to pick kid friendly dinners and get my little helpers involved. Remember the floor will still be sticky tomorrow but there won't always be a 3 year old in your lap. Keep your head up you are doing just fine.
@ruby222 (4848)
20 Jun 08
Its very hard to be at home with three children..I know as I had three and I was at home for a good part of their little lives...and I found it non stop work!!OK yes you are athome all day,but there are still a lot of things that have to be done!!and with three kids the work is never ending ...so dont be too hard on yourself here...just give yourself a pat on the back for a change and say that you are pleased that they play well together and let you have a little bit of you time!!
@setroc (853)
• Philippines
20 Jun 08
youre not a bad mom
@subha12 (18452)
• India
20 Jun 08
no not at all. you are bust=y doing the course. as well a syou are having your own engagement. still try to finish work soon so that you get enough time with them.
@cream97 (29164)
• United States
20 Jun 08
I have three kids too. And I feel that I don't have time either.. I have to make money so that we can have the things that we need.. It is very hard for our family right now. I try to do all I can with them when they are awake. But that seems very impossible.. When they are asleep, I will be on the computer, trying to get things done. It is very hard for me.. I feel like you do too. I want to be able to spend a lot of time with them. I know how you must feel. That is why for the summer, I try to take them out with me as much as I can..
@celticeagle (123397)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Jun 08
For kids quality time is important. It is not the amount of time you spend but the quality of time spent.
• Indonesia
20 Jun 08
I think it's great that you stay home with your kids. Many mommies can't afford to do that. I'm a working Mom, I spend time with my daughter only at nights and weekends, and at nights I often spend time in front of the computer for some extra money. You're not a bad Mom, not at all.