Abortion-It's a very "touchy" subject. I don't know if i'm for or against.

@nikkiwith (1074)
Australia
June 29, 2008 7:05pm CST
My 31 year old sister just found out she was pregnant. It wasn't planned and it wasn't expected. She was using some method of contraception called the "billing method" or something like that, and her partner (who dumped her before she found out she was 7 and a a half weeks pregnant) sometimes used the "pull out" method. I am not very close to my sister, well we are close but we don't share our thoughts and feelings so much. I am unsure what she wants, i kind of get the feeling she wants to keep it but at the same time she wants to get an abortion, mostly because the father doesn't want it. He drove her to a clinic the other day after she made an appointment, but she returned home not long after, she said they wouldn't give her the abortion until she was 100% sure. She is now just over 8 weeks pregnant. I don't really know what i want her to to do, one part of me thinks she should get an abortion, because she is not the "motherly" type, she is selfish and her living habits are far from normal, she's definitely not mentally stable enough to be a mother. But the other part of me would like to be an Aunty ( i have a daughter, she is 5, i am the "motherly" type, i am more mentally stable than my sister), and would not feel right about killing it for no good reason. My sister keeps saying; the man should have a say, that both partners should agree, and that there are a lot of unwanted children in the world. I think every child is wanted by God, and that there are many people who would love an unwanted child if given the opportunity. I don't know what i think about abortion, is it murdering a human being? Or is it simply killing something that hasn't developed into a human being yet. I think if my sister gets an abortion, the reasons for doing it will be; because he wants an abortion, she doesn't want to be a single mum, and because she is too scared to be a mum. And i don't know if these reasons are reasonable, what do you think?
2 people like this
13 responses
@hopejordan (3566)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
hi there nikkiwith i am against Abortion 100% i did not plan it either but i really love my children i am a single mother i am happy i had them but Abortion is a no no its murder in god's eyes take care happy postings
1 person likes this
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
thanks for your post. When people say; God said this, God wants, or God doesn't want, i can't help but wonder to myself; is there actual proof that a human being/s has met and spoken with God personally? It's very hard to believe
1 person likes this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
30 Jun 08
"God wants" is simple - its all based on who you talk to...lol nikkiwith, I agree with you!!! Just because it isn't something that "we people" like, doesn't mean that it wasn't a part of God's will. My goodness, according to the Christian belief system, which may I mention I used to be apart of, God's will started out nice then turned to allowing an wanting hate, crime, and temptation in this world. You can't learn lessons or truly grow without mistakes.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jun 08
Not o offend you but it really does not matter what you think. It is her decision and if she is not ready to be a mom she will make the right choice for her. do not judge her be there for her no matter what she decides. Who are we to say what is right.
1 person likes this
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
That's what i told her! I want her to make the decision for her, but she seems to be making it for HIM!!! Should the man have a say? In my opinion, i think NOT!! It's in the woman's body, not the man's. The man has nothing to with it until it comes into the world, and even then, the man has a CHOICE to have nothing to do with it!!
• United States
30 Jun 08
I think it is her body and he doesn't have a say in it. If she knows she is not going to be a good mother and does this it would be a blessing to the child. Most woman can not carry a child for 9 months and give them to someone else. That would be a selfless act. You said the guy isn't much of a man. A child is a full time job forever. She will make the right decision for herself. I myself have been though this. when I was pregnant they found a birth defect and I had to make a choice. I chose to abort because I felt the child did not ask to come into this world struggling and then get here and have no quality of life. So you could say I am not pro abortion. I do not regret it for one minute. To know the agony that child would have went through helped me make that decision. It was one of the hardest I have ever made. It was not because I was selfish either. I was what was best.
@SwtJenlove (1090)
• United States
30 Jun 08
i only believe in abortion if it was by rape or if it will end up killing the mother or the child.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jun 08
I am for abortion but there is some extent to why I'm for it... I think that abortion should only be used if there is a problem or you were raped and you got pregnant and you don't want the child or if you cant take care of the child. I don't think anyone should get them.. I think there should be a medical reason why you get an abortion
1 person likes this
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
30 Jun 08
Hi there! First let me say that I won't respond with religious aspects of your situation unlike others, why? because your post didn't seem like that was the sort of advice your looking for so don't worry, I won't be casting you off to hell. hehehe Anyways, if she does not want the baby, I always say that adoption is the very best answer because there are families out there that would love it to pieces. But, keeping in mind that none of us truly know the whole situation extremely well or know your sister at all...there are things to consider. You mentioned that she is not mentally well so lets consider that for a moment. If she is using durgs or abusing her body in any way shape or form and is not willing or able to make herself stop at this point - then abortion is best (in my eyes). I'm not saying this is your sister but I'm just throwing it out there. Also, if she is just mentally untstable in the terms of true mentla illness and she is not seeking treatment, the ups and downs of the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy could end up doing her and the unborn baby alot of harm. Tell her not to give a rats butt about the fater. He does have the right to express his thoughts, concerns, worries, and fears - but he cannot make the decision for her. It is her body that is going to go through a tremendous amount of crap - whichever route she takes. She can certainly raise the child on her own if she is mentally capable of it and truly wants it. And the system will make him support that child although they cannot force him to be apart of its life. There are many things to consider. The way I feel, to each their own. I do not judge others and those who do do not have the commen sense to understand that without knowing the whole situation or being in the shoes of someone else - they have no idea what is really going on. The best thing you can do is to lvoe and support your sister no matter the choice she makes because whichever it is - she is going to need you there for help. Blessings!! -JEN
1 person likes this
@salonga (27834)
• Philippines
30 Jun 08
I have always been against abortion. And If I were the mother, I will never allow my daughter to undergo abortion. It's plain and simple violation of God's commandment. "Thou shalt not kill." it is deliberate killing of an innocent human being. Every new life begins at fertilization. This is an unchallenged fact of biology. It is true for animals and true for humans. No matter what the circumstances of conception are, no matter how far along in the pregnancy, abortion always ends the life of an individual human being.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
But before the there is a flower there is a seed. So, if i crush the seed i am not crushing the flower, because it hasn't grown into one yet.
@jennysp8 (855)
• United States
30 Jun 08
omg nikkiwith - that was the best thing ever - I have had that same conversation before trying to explain what you just did in two lines - nicely said!!!!!!
@salonga (27834)
• Philippines
1 Jul 08
Well that's the excuse of those who want to to justify wrong things. As I've written every new life begins at fertilization. The seed you were saying has been fertilized and a life is already in there. If anyone killed it, he already killed the baby and hence he is a killer and there is a punishment in store for him. A flower starts with a seed.. correct but we are not talking here of an ordinary seed that is lying without life because the seed we are talking about here is a seed that has been planted and watered and a sprout of life begins and hence a life has been started. Anyone who killed that seed has also killed the flower that it is about to bring. And God has ways and means of punishing those who do it.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
30 Jun 08
I think it is very touchy also. I used to be a single mom and it was very hard on me. My daughters dad wanted nothing to do with me or her when he found out I was pregnant. Neither of us had planned for a child but I tried to do the right thing at the time. It is very hard to raise a child by yourself. I have been married for 13 years to a wanderful man though and he treats both of us very well. He is the only father she knows since her dad won't even give her the time of day.
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
That is very sad, but some kids are better off not knowing their real mum or dad, because they're not real human beings!! My daughter sees her dad all the time, i am a single mum but i have his help, thank God!! Although, he isn't a great dad, he does have a son from a previous marriage, whom he hasn't seen since the son was 1, he is now 15!! I hope to meet him one day, he is my daughter's brother after all!!
@ZephyrSun (7382)
• United States
30 Jun 08
I really have to agree with honeydew (the first response). I also would like to add though that having children changes us "unmotherly" types. I never wanted children and thought that motherhood was a waste of time. Then I had my first child and after a year of not sleeping I woke up one morning and loved being a mother. LOL My ex-husband wanted the children and now he is completely unattached to them.
@goldeneagle (6774)
• United States
30 Jun 08
the billing method? so the reason she is pregnant is because she didn't pay the contraceptive? hahahaha I am sorry, but I have never heard of the billing method. I definitely would not recommend abortion. I don't feel that abortion is acceptable in very many situations at all. I can really only think of one or two cases where I would think abortion would be an option I would approve of. There are too many couples in the world who want a baby, but because of medical reasons. If your sister doesn't think she can give this baby the life it deserves, there are many husbands and wives who would be glad to adopt the kid. I see no shame in putting a baby up for adoption. I actually think that more mothers should consider it, because sometimes, it is in the baby's best interest. I would try talking to her and see what she plans to do...
@nikkiwith (1074)
• Australia
30 Jun 08
But that's just it; Is it a baby when it's 8 weeks? Or is it just something that has not yet developed into a baby?? I think i agree with you though; there are a lot of people who would like to look after "unwanted babies"
@Odamashin (434)
• Philippines
3 Jul 08
For me, abortion must not be an option...because that is a gift from Him..let him live..let the child see the beauty of the world..don't be so unfair just because the guy doesn't want to be a father and she's not ready to be a mother..then that guy is not worth it!he's no good to your sister..not a real man..why don't she try..i know it's really hard to raise and nurture a child but nothing in this world is easy..i assure her that she will only feel the real happiness that baby could bring to her if she gave birth to her child to be.. it doesn't matter if she's ready or not..you did it and you have to stand for it... because at 22 i became a mother which is also unplanned but to our surprised it did happened..at first, i do also think of pulling the baby away..but still we chose to stand for it..and decided to be a good parent to him... it's a mortal sin..killing one's life..such an innocent being..just think about it..think twice...if you think she's not ready then be there for her..support her and teach her what she need to know..as you said that you're a mother right?..if still, doesn't..work if you can take the responsibility..then be a mother to your niece/nephew.. ..or if she's really not capable of raising his child then go to charitable institution to take care of her child.. gudlak..may your sister make the right decision in her life..
@Hatley (164232)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Jun 08
I hate abortions so I would suggest she bear the child then give it up for adoption as the child will be better off with someone who is stable and has a maternal instinct. not someone who is selfish and living habits are not normal. a child is not going to help your sister to change her selfish ways at all, and is better off in a loving home.
• Canada
30 Jun 08
I wouldn't worry about your sister being of the selfish kind. It is amazing how a child will force you to take the focus of yourself and learn to be more thoughtful to others including your child. Don't try to influence your sister just tell her to listen to her own heart.
• United States
30 Jun 08
Another suggestion. Do research online with your sister. There are many sites that show the actually 3-D ultrasounds of the baby week by week. It doesn't take long to see that what you are carrying in your body is a real baby. They develope quickly. help her to get as much information as she can and this may help her to decide. Take it from a single mother...it is very hard to raise children alone. But, it can be done and it wont destroy her entire life. No one should judge her despite what her decision is. It's really hard to decide on something like this. Unfortunately, people do anyway. Just make sure that if she does decide to have an abortion that she wont be crying and regretting it later. That's why I think she should know as much as possible before deciding.