Confused

hello carolyn, show me that friend and she will see what she wants LOL kidding aside, i used to have a same friend like you and been really good to me but when i met my man she definitely changed and just say stuff to me that hurts me a lot coz i didnt expect those statements coming from a person that i called friend and help in the best way i know how. one time she told me that i am just wasting my life and that i can be better than what i am now and blah blah blah that really makes me feel so little. i decided to removed that friend to my system coz i dont need that kind of feeling in my life. i am happy and i dont need someone to tell me what i have to do and when i need to do it. she called and try to communicate but i ignore it completely coz my man says it is not good to entertain such negativity in my life specially to both of us who are planning to move on in life. before i left china she gave me a call and tell me how sorry she was. she said that she just cannot accept that i am happy and that everything is doing great for me but not her. she said she is jealous coz i am happy and she is not. anyway, my point is - most of the time i have noticed that people say stuff about somebody negatively coz they are either jealous or they cannot accept that the person have something they want. i have learned in life that people who have personality like this dont deserve our attention and if they persist, we just continue to live the way we do as long as we know we are not hurting anybody and we are just being us. some people need to have a life - unfortunately, those "some" often dwell on what they dont have and complains about it and try to ruin those who have it. you are a wonderful person and you dont have to entertain such kind of wordings in your life. you can still be her friend but dont let her words affect you. have a good one!

Maybe your friend's comments have pieces of wisdom, but she didn't express herself well. Her hurtful words, if intentional, signal the end of a relationship to me. However, you stated that you relate your experiences trying to help and understand someone you care for. That might account for the comment about clinging to your past. I am presenting thoughts, not judgments against anyone. Are you acknowledging the problem a friend has, or are you replying with your own past experiences? Consider repeating the person's problem back to them with understanding and compassion, but leave out any personal references. Now you can move forward into the present. I had a friend who related every incident to something in her life. I knew she meant well, but people didn't like it because it seemed as though she cared only for her past. Her comments were completely misunderstood! Once she learned her past experiences were not helpful, she found new ways to relate. As far as self-esteem and ego problems, without hearing the conversations, I can't understand her motivation or message. If you want to continue the friendship, you have to find a way to discuss her comments openly, even if you disagree. Let her know what you felt when she talked to you and see if your feelings match her intentions. Keep an open mind and decide if her observations sound reasonable to you. This may be a chance to grow. Last suggestion: Is your friend projecting her own problems onto you? In other words, is she accusing you of the very thing she is doing? My words are sent with warm regards and perhaps might help you investigate this puzzle on a deeper level. You made an excellent point. Why does she want you as a friend if she thinks about you in a negative manner? You have been presented with an opportunity to grow. Your choice and decision will affect the way your life plays out. Choose wisely.

I get it, it is because she may be thinking that she is a bit more self important than you are, she may be thinking that she has more control over her life than you have, she may be thinking that she is better than you.. I have heard remarks like this from a couple of my sisters and they were so far off base.. I am not the same person with the same personality that they have but I am no better nor any worse than they are.. All of us have our faults and it seems like one of her faults is that she thinks that she has no faults.. Well, I don't know all of the story but from what you did tell, I don't believe that I would let it bother me but I don't know if I could ever truly trust her as a friend again.. Good luck in whatever choice that you do make..

Draggie..I'm sorry about you having people problems too..seems to be something we both deal with alot..I say cause we are both too kind and it has nothing to do with self esteem..I've lost that years ago..LOL..and don't feel you deserved what happened at all..you are the most loving and special friend/sis i know and you are not needing to deal with this jealous person that can't accept you for that I Love you always!

Everyone has a bit of jealousness and when their is someone who has that self esteem and confidence that they lack they tends to put that one down. Well I would advise you to not be confused to look and assess if you truly need a friend like her. You send that you always lock horn with her so you see that maybe this is a sign that you were not meant to be friends for ever. Do not make someone else opinion stop you from being who you are. If you are uncomfortable with your ways and you see a need to change then you can but doing this because someone thinks that you are too over confident then I would say that you are pleasing others. All the best.