Will you still consider him/her as your friend?

India
July 1, 2008 8:43pm CST
I have this friend of mine who always wants to strike up an argument with me. It may be on any topic, like which football or cricket team I support, or even such trivial topics like which newspaper I follow. And always he's trying to prove that whatever he likes is the better choice. Now I'm not so much into debating. (Not that he's also a master of debates) So I usually can't find enough points to support my choice. He has named himself "Lord" and that's what his other friends call him by. I, however, call him by his real name. But other than this, he's alright. He helped me find a good training programme for the inter-sem holidays which I and he will be attending together. But still, I don't know, is this a healthy friendship? Do I need to change myself or he needs to? Please help me, all you good mylotters.
4 people like this
15 responses
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
2 Jul 08
As long as you know that this is how he is and you don't let his arguing get to you, it should be alright. I have a friend that used to drive me crazy, like your friend, but I got used to his stubbornness about things and we have been friends now for thirty years :)
• India
2 Jul 08
Perhaps you are right, fwidman. I should overlook his arguing nature and find out if he's truly a friend of me or not. You people make me feel a lot better. From this morning, I've been a lot depressed thinking about the matter. Your thoughtful response makes me calm down a lot. If you can be friends with such a person for thirty long years, I can surely carry on my friendship with him in the years to come.
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
2 Jul 08
Happy to help :)
@guybrush (4660)
• Australia
2 Jul 08
If you enjoy your friend's company and have good times together, it is a good friendship. I think it is healthy that you call him his real name and refuse to address him as 'Lord' - you are showing him you don't look on him as a superior being, and that you are on the same level. Maybe your friend has an inferiority complex, and tries to make himself feel more important by arguing and having strong opinions on things. As long as you're strong and don't allow your friend to 'own' you, your friendship should be fine. Some people are naturally louder and more forceful than others, and that's fine as long as they're not influencing others to do bad things or making them unhappy.
• India
3 Jul 08
Well, I personally feel he has a superiority complex. LOL But you are very true, guybrush, in saying that I don't want to look upon him as a superior being, but as my equal. I'm in no way an underdog to him. Let's see how the course of events unfurl in the near future and what is the fate of this relationship.
• India
2 Jul 08
He definitely seems to be very annoying and he seems to be a self obsessed guy. You have been friends with him all these days for his help and that is enough. Changing oneself for others is the last thing one should do to lose self dignity. You just tell him that his attitude annoys you and if he can change it, atleast with you, it is OK. But if he doesn't, there is no point bearing him. I hope you don't get a chance to change yourself.
• India
3 Jul 08
Believe me, funnyguy, I'm really reluctant to change myself, as most people are when confronted with a situation with which they cannot cope up with. But if that is the need of the day, and the world demands it, then perhaps one isn't left with many choices. But you're right. I should be directly approaching him, sorting this thing out with him. Thanks for the advice.
@Hatley (164226)
• Garden Grove, California
2 Jul 08
I would hesitate to call him a friend who wants to argue and prove you wrong all the time. It does not sound like a very 'healthy relationship to me as one person is always being put down. He needs to change himself not you. run for the nearest exit as he is not a good friend to you at all.
• India
3 Jul 08
I'm indeed having that sort of a feeling now and then, to tell the truth, Hatley. If you can't enjoy a relationship, perhaps it's time to pull the plugs on it. I'll perhaps be keeping up this facade of friendship only until college lasts, and that's just about a year more or less. After that, he's going to be out of my life and I won't be keen to bring him back.
• United States
2 Jul 08
well firends are perfect,and this is his problem somtimes you just got to learn to agree to disagree because if not its always ganna lead to headaches and the ending of friend ships. i would still call this person my firend but over look and drop the subject when it comes up.
• India
3 Jul 08
Thanks, MikesWife, for your well-thought response. Yes, perhaps I myself have been responsible for making him go to such lengths. I'll take care of that next time.
@kcbabez14 (967)
• United States
2 Jul 08
well it kinda depends. If it really bothers you then you need to not hang out this friend as much. If it doesn't then nothing needs to change, really. it seems like it's bothering you. Have you talked to him about it? If not you should because it is unhealthy if he thinks he's the "Lord" and your mearly a pesant underneath him. It's not right for friends to try and overcome each other. They should all be somewhat on the same level. You don't have to drop him like a bad habit but you should spend less time around him if he's bothering you that much. If he can't support what you like or beleive in you have to tell him that. Just because you believe in something doesn't make it wrong. For example: I beleive that when a black cat crosses your path you wave 3 crosses in the air. I know that this so called "bad luck" is just my imagination that i make come true, but i still do it because i beleive in it!
• United States
2 Jul 08
Friends don't like making you feel dumb, so they can feel better about themselves? Does not sound like a suitable match. Maybe you used to have stuff in common. Maybe you have outgrown that, though? It happens. But I wouldn't hurt their feelings eihter. I would just kinda not be available to do things until this person finds somone new to debate with and prove wrong.
• India
2 Jul 08
I've never had too much in common with that guy. He was forever a closed type of guy, keeping his nature to himself, only showing that part which would be appreciated by others. He has never told me much about his personal life. Perhaps I should, indeed, pretend to be busy whenever he is in the mood to debate. Thanks for the idea, gargoyle.
@ellie26 (4133)
• Malaysia
2 Jul 08
True friends are those who can accept who we really are. Whether we are good, bad, poor or rich, it doesn't matter. Friendship is based on honesty, give and take. Sometimes a friend can be more than siblings relationship. Sometimes it can be love-hate friendship. If you cannot accept him for who he is, then I think there is no point considering him as your friend. But then again, the decision is entirely up to you.
• India
2 Jul 08
That's what I also personally believe, ellie. But I don't know why such friends are becoming increasingly rare in today's world. Honesty is just out of question these days. The "friends" lie to the teeth in every matter in which they fear their friends can overtake them. Friends are rapidly becoming just competitors. Let's see what becomes of this relationship. I still don't have conclusive evidence that he considers me as his competitor.
@keya2468 (289)
• India
2 Jul 08
I think ur friend is jealous of you..beside this he has very dominating attitude..the people with this kind of attitude think that they are correct in everymatter.. other people whose wavelength does not match with him, considers as wrong ....but you don't have to change yourself for him..you must stick to ur views..whaatever he tells either you can argue with him or you just ignore him..
• India
2 Jul 08
I don't think he has anything to be jealous of from me. He has also got a good job as I have, scores higher than me in most semesters, and is more popular among his friend circle. But perhaps you are right in saying that his very attitude is to think of himself as correct in every matter whereas everyone else is wrong. Thanks for the advice.
• India
2 Jul 08
I thought yes u have to change because the person you seen is a practical person he is observing the things and debating so try to concentrate the things in practical and try to be friend with him and see that how he is getting that ideas
• India
2 Jul 08
That's a good thought, naresh. Yes, perhaps I should be striving to hone up my general knowledge, so that I may equal him. Thanks for the advice.
@lynettebyc (2416)
• China
2 Jul 08
I don't think you should change, abhi. Some people enjoy debating with friends especially they don't have a good topic and they want desperately to find one. This time debate may help, at least it may last for a while, and he/she can keep talking to you and enjoy this process, it's another method to love, believe me. I once had a very good friend, he always try to debate and I too, because we too don't like sitting there muted and it's embarrassed. Just enjoy this so long as e/she doesn't do other things wrong and is good in general. **Enjoy life~~**
• India
2 Jul 08
Yes, lynette, thanks for the advice. I also think he is still my friend. I will keep my relationship with him and just hope for the best.
@Muelitz (1592)
• Canada
2 Jul 08
A friend can be someone who has something in common with you. In this case you always discuss among yourself about these. But You may also have a friend that has little or nothing in common with you. So You may have different sports idol, different goals, but it does not mean he in not your friend. A friend is someone you can ask for help when you are down that can help you get through problems. :)
• India
2 Jul 08
Granted, a friend may have nothing in common with me, but should he be imposing his choices upon me and refuting my choices as being insubstantial? Is that the sign of a friend? And I think very soon I'll be having a moment to test him. I'll surely be looking forward to it to see whether he puts our friendship in the first priority. If he does so, I'll forever take his arguments lightly, thinking them to be just his way of being friends.
• United States
2 Jul 08
Friends, or anyone for that matter, like this can be annoying sometimes. It's sad when someone that takes themselves so seriously and is blinded by others thoughts or opinions. So I guess the bigger question that you should ask yourself is, how much does this bother you?
• India
2 Jul 08
It really bothers me, Xdrowning, more so when I cannot find a fitting reply to silence him. It somehow makes me feel that this is going to be my fate in the world, with all the people taunting and jeering me, and I not being able to find suitable words to hurl back into their faces. It's no longer a world for the good-natured, as it seems.
@underdogtoo (9591)
• Philippines
3 Jul 08
That is a healthy relationship if you go by symbiosis. One gives up something in order to gain another. If I don't mind being 'debated' to absurdity then I would just allow him his debate victory which would be fine with me (unless I am also campaigning for debater of the century). This obviously gives him a lot of feel-good moments which would enable him to become magnanimous in other respects, like giving his time or company to do something he cares little about. Give and take.
@natuser28 (907)
• United States
2 Jul 08
You have to understand that this normal among people. Some of my closets friends are totally opposite of me. We have a few things in common though. As long as there's mutual respect between us as far as taste goes, than i don't have a problem with it. The "lord" seem abit whacky to me. I think this person takes themselves alittle to seriously. We can't control what others think or feel, but we can control who we hang around with, so if it bothers you that much that this guy feels he walks on water than yeah its time to change friends.