Friends Pregnant........?

@nupats (3564)
India
July 10, 2008 6:21am CST
well a friend of mine is accidentally pregnant again and she has two kids already now today the doctor told her they are twins...she was very worried because the financial conditions are not very good that she and her husband will not be able to support such a big family...so she asked me should she terminate her pregnancy? i am not in support but she does have a point how will she manage feeding the children and what about their educational expenses...what do u think? have you ever faced a monetary problem because of a large family? what should i tell her? pls advice
2 people like this
12 responses
@maximax8 (30126)
• United Kingdom
10 Jul 08
A surprise pregnancy is difficult to handle financially for some parents. However once the baby or babies are born there are ways to bring them up on a budget. It is possible to feed a baby naturally rather than on pricey formula milk. It is easy to have washable nappies rather than expensive disposable ones. It is fairly easy to buy second hand baby clothes and toys. Second hand cots and pushchairs and other equipment is sold. Your friend could feed her twins naturally and then give them cheap fruit, vegetables and pasta when they are older. Meals wouldn't have to be expensive. She could get a second hand double pushchair. By the time the twins reach school age your friend could get a job to afford their schooling. I don't think that it would be right for your friend to terminate her pregnancy. These babies will be special to her once they are born. With frugal living I am sure that your friend will survive having a four children. Good luck to your friend.
2 people like this
@nupats (3564)
• India
12 Jul 08
well they are actually under lot of pressure bcoz i dont think anyone wud like to go in for an abortion..i would never myself..we dont really have such adoption agencis here..here parents are expected to look after their children on their own..and cannot ask somone for adoption..they are just worried that the quality of life would go down and mainly the education costs are really high for professional courses so how will they fund it..i hope God give them the strength to take the right decision...
@nupats (3564)
• India
12 Jul 08
food and small stuff is not really the issue..higher education is mainly the concern..
@vipulchawla (2220)
• India
11 Jul 08
Hi dear.. Hey which friend are you talking about? I hope she is not the same one.. I am not a married person, but taking it onto me, if i would have children after getting married, it would be maximum two and minimum one. I believe in a small family.. Taking into consideration of ur friend's case, if i would have to give an advice, i would ask her to go for abortion. Whats the reason to have a large family when you are not in a position to support it financially.. and then you will be burdened with responsibilities of their education, their growth and marriages and all.. What does ur friend has a say that how will she mnage feeding them.. I know my family problems and i knew the financial constraints very well when i was in college.. So i did not demend anything.. but i think, if she can do anything, this is the time..
@nupats (3564)
• India
12 Jul 08
hi dear this is another couple well they are actually under lot of pressure bcoz i dont think anyone wud like to go in for an abortion..i would never myself..we dont really have such adoption agencis here..here parents are expected to look after their children on their own..and cannot ask somone for adoption..they are just worried that the quality of life would go down and mainly the education costs are really high for professional courses so how will they fund it..i hope God give them the strength to take the right decision...
1 person likes this
• India
12 Jul 08
I thought u were talking about abortion and not adoption. Well, I can understand that abortion can be painful having 4 children may disrupt their living standard.. But its now all upto them, what they choose for..
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
14 Jul 08
someone has suggested that they give birth and give their twins for adoption..but i dont think that is very good idea though..so i think that i will let her decide what is best for her
1 person likes this
@locosz (61)
• Malaysia
14 Jul 08
No, i'm against in pregnancy abortion. You can't easily do the abortion because of money problem. Abortion is a crime, and i believe it's against the religion also, no matter what religion. If she can't afford to take care their child why don't just give the child to another family to take care or try ask NGO and seeking advice. In my country there's a few family that can't support their own child and give the child to other family that they trust. As a mother it's really though to give their child to anyone but that is the one of best way they can do for the sake of their child.
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
14 Jul 08
well i fully agree with u they have to take the decision on their own..so that is about it..she will be preparing for her abortion on saturday..god bless them
@locosz (61)
• Malaysia
15 Jul 08
IC, maybe abortion is the best choice for her.. btw it also tough for her to accept this and she has no other choice..May god bless her.
@dragon54u (31638)
• United States
12 Jul 08
God usually provides for such "accidents". I hope she won't kill her babies! Regardless, if she doesn't want more children perhaps she can get her tubes tied? Birth control is never 100% reliable and it can be devastating to learn an unexpected baby is one the way, especially when money is so tight. My sympathies to your friend..I'm replying through my email notification, 3 days late, so I don't know if you said what she did. I hope it turns out for the best for her and her family, whatever happens.
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
14 Jul 08
hi dear well i just told her i would not terminate had i been in her place...but they have decided to go on and abort the babies..God Bless them..
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31638)
• United States
14 Jul 08
That's indescribably sad, but I can understand why they're doing it. I do hope she gets her tubes tied or he has a vasectomy. Even that's not 100% reliable but much better than most birth control.
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
11 Jul 08
Hi dear Well as far as ur friend is concern, sure i wont recomend her to go for abortion , and dont forget they are twins, i do understand her concern, but as Muslim its our believe that every individual have its own fate, so she should give birth to them and u never know what transpired and they can afford big family. And just imagine if they get it aborted and later they get money, wont be guilt feeling their?? So just go what God gifted her Take care
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
12 Jul 08
well i hope they think this way as well...my heart breaks at the thought that she is thinking of terminating twins..babies are truely a gift of God..
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
12 Jul 08
yeah u r right, we can advise them and pray that Allah gave then power to take right decesion and welcome the twins Byee
@mayka123 (13454)
• India
10 Jul 08
I am very much against termination of pregnancy. But then if we are not financially able to look after the kids its wrong to bring them into this world too.
1 person likes this
@mayka123 (13454)
• India
12 Jul 08
Yes every family has their own thinking.
@rsa101 (24236)
• Philippines
25 Jul 08
Well I think they should let the child live because they don't deserved to be terminated. Well I guess they would have to be working doubly hard. I just hope they can really survived these thing.
@nupats (3564)
• India
25 Jul 08
hi dear i can understand how you feel about it i felt the same..anyways they have terminated the pregnancy and her husband has got his Vascatomy done..God bless them and give them the strength..
• United States
16 Jul 08
There are so many services provided by states and counties in this country that there should be no reason for a pregnancy to be terminated due to financial concerns. A person should be able to turn to family and friends for advice and support. There are programs that will help assist with the day to day living expenses babies require. There are programs that will teach better job skills so parents can find better paying jobs and support their families better. If your friend doesn't want to rely on public assistance I feel she should still carry her babies to term and then consider adoption. It seems selfish to end babies lives because there isn't enough money to support them.
@nupats (3564)
• India
17 Jul 08
hi dear in India we do not have such good support system from institutions..for giving children for adoption they hve to leave them in an orphange and from there children may get adopted or just be there..it is actually sad and will be traumatic for the kids and the parents as well..thanks for sharing your views
• United States
14 Jul 08
Sorry about the first response. I was thinking you were here in the States. I don't know which groups are available in India, but I am certain there are several. I do, however, stand by my suggestion of a vasectomy.
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
16 Jul 08
In India parents are expected to look after their children till you leave them in an orphanage and then maybe they might get adopted ..well as of now they are going ahead with an abortion but her husband is also getting his vasectomy done..so that they do not land in similar situation again..thanks for your views
• United States
14 Jul 08
That is a choice that she must make. However, she should be aware that there are a number of programs that could help with food-- WIC, Angel Food Ministries and others can help on that front. If she is committed to not having any more children, she may want to have her husband undergo a vasectomy (which is far less invasive and dangerous than her undergoing a hysterectomy). That way, they wouldn't have to worry about any more little surprises.
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
16 Jul 08
well as of now they are going ahead with an abortion but her husband is also getting his vasectomy done..so that they do not land in similar situation again..thanks for your views
@kezabelle (2984)
13 Jul 08
To be honest I dont think its up to you to even tell her what you think about it, her choice has to come from her no one else she shouldnt feel swayed by anyone elses veiws or opinions and you should tell her that as in situations like this your feelings just dont count a very close friend of mine had a termination, no i dont agree with it but I do agree with her being able to make the choice which is right for her, i never once told her i didnt agree but i was there for her every step of the way, just like I have been since she found out she was pregnant again this time its much happier she is with the babies dad and they are very happy a good friend supports but says nothing but hey thats just my opinion. Just be there for her no matter what choice she makes she will need support x
1 person likes this
@nupats (3564)
• India
14 Jul 08
well i fully agree with u they have to take the decision on their own..so that is about it..she will be preparing for her abortion on saturday..god bless them
• United States
10 Jul 08
Man, that's horrible. I wouldn't be in favor of termination, either, even though the financial consequences are probably pretty major. Talk about a hard blow! If she and her husband both agree that they can't afford to have the children, they'll have to make that very personal decision on their own. I wonder if she should consider contacting an adoption agency. I had a friend who ended up with a 'surprise' pregnancy, and she couldn't bear to terminate and ended up making a great decision. She found an adoption agency that placed infants with parents before they were born, and she was able to meet the parents before her son was born. She got to pick what parents she wanted for her child, and they paid for the delivery costs and care for her. She keeps in contact with them by email and they're going to fly her to see them when her son gets old enough to understand the situation. I wish your friend much luck. That's a very painful decision and a bittersweet surprise. I hope she's able to find peace with whatever the choice ends up being.
@nupats (3564)
• India
12 Jul 08
well they are actually under lot of pressure bcoz i dont think anyone wud like to go in for an abortion..i would never myself..we dont really have such adoption agencis here..here parents are expected to look after their children on their own..and cannot ask somone for adoption..they are just worried that the quality of life would go down and mainly the education costs are really high for professional courses so how will they fund it..i hope God give them the strength to take the right decision...