Dinner with a friend

My feelings are the same. The appearance is the big thing for me. Others will see that the two are eating dinner together but not with their spouses. Onlookers will start to be suspicious. That's exactly how I feel about this issue. It's better not to even go there. They should definitely have a foursome dinner with all of them and even their children and families rather than this exclusive stuff. Thanks for another great response!

Personally, I would feel uncomfortable doing this. That's just my thoughts and how I'd feel if put in the situation. If it's someone else, it's obviously a different story. I have guy issues. (LOL) I know my fiance trusts me, but I wouldn't do this to him whether we're married or not. It's not all about what other people think, so don't get me wrong. Now if we were long-time friends from high school or something like that, that'd be slightly different too. It could go so many ways, which is probably why this is confusing and doesn't make sense. However, like I said before, it's one of those gray areas for me. I know what I'd do if confronted with the situation, though. Thanks for your input. It really adds to the discussion.

What has it got to do with other people??? Why should we be bothered abut ho people will see the situation?? If you spend your life worrying about how people see what you are doing then you will cause unnecessary worry to yourself!! What if the were friends before they got married, old school friends, or brought together threw people they know?? As long as the people concerned know they truth and what happens then forget every one!! You have to live for the moment and enjoy life, how can you do that if you are worrying about it appears??

I really like your response because I agree with you. I think it's ok for these two friends to do this, but personally I wouldn't do it. I'd worry too much about what other people would think. Does that make sense? I wouldn't want people to think that my husband and me are having issues because now I'm out with another man...and if they found out he was married...I don't know. People see things and pass on rumors. They assume things too; they could pass on horrible rumors that could get back to my husband and make him think bad things of me. I wouldn't do it. It'd save myself a lot of trouble in the long run. It'd feel really weird to me too. I'd rather go out with this man and his wife along with my husband. I'd feel a lot better making a foursome out of it. It'd probably be more fun too. I guess I just don't understand what a someone's husband and someone's wife would have to talk about privately for a couple hours over dinner. Why couldn't their spouses be there? Doesn't really make sense. I really like your response and agree with you completely on this one. Thanks for being honest!

Hi JJ, Thanks also! we have the same perception about this issue! LOL!

I'm very glad for that because while it might be ok for some people, it's all about the true and deeper meaning of what everyone else sees. Of course you wouldn't do anything wrong outright, but it would be an awkward setting for sure. If I were in this situation, married or not, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. I appreciate your sincere response.

I agree with your methods, although I honestly never thought about it before. If your husband is there for support, then I think that's great. If he's not, I suppose it all goes back to what the two of you agree on. I can definitely see where you're both coming from. If going out with other male friends only while your husband is in town is the route for your relationship, I really admire your open communication with your husband on the issue. There are lots of things to be discussed between husband and wife, and this happens to be a gray area. I'm happy to learn that you've already got it figured out. I appreciate you sharing a bit of the boundaries if you'd call them that in your marriage. I think that's what makes all the difference and know that your husband can really trust you because of it. Good for you and thanks for your honest response!

That was first husband, who is now deceased. He trusted me, so how could I have ever violated his trust? The other thing really is that if a person is determined to cheat, they will find a way.

Very true. It’s a beautiful thing when spouses can trust one another. Unfortunately, it’s difficult to come by in this day and age. There’s a ton of truth to what you said. If they’re going to push their limits, they’ll do it no matter what you do to stop it, so it’ll end up happening anyway. Sad but true. Thanks, Gerty!

I couldn’t agree with you more. If one of the spouses get the wrong picture about the dinner or occasion, then there would be a problem. I think as long as it’s two friends getting together as such, I think it’s nice for spouses to have a break from one another every once in a while. Thanks for your feedback!

Great - thanks! If things started getting all secretive and quiet between the two who were having dinner together once per month or however often, I'd definitely start looking into it deeper if I were one of the other two spouses because things could get not-so-good. Otherwise, in this case, just like you said and for the reasons you mentioned, everything is fine now. I love how you put it, "As long as they don't give any meaning..." I really like how you put that because I understand completely what you're getting at. If they keep it clean, then the friendship can continue. Thanks, Patzel!