Couples fighting over Money i$$uses

United States
July 27, 2008 2:20pm CST
It never fails~~~~~~~ My husband and I can get along perfectly for months and when there is a major issue with money we start arguing. Either there is a problem with not enough money for the things we need to take care of -- or oddly enough there can be an unexpected check come in the mail and we are arguing about who does what and where the money will go. Is this everyone? It seems rediculous to me to fight over something so petty as money. I am NOT materialistic at all really. I don't know WHY we have to always do it. Of course, I feel that it is HIS FAULT.. but I cannot help but wonder if he thinks it is mine. Is this a power struggle,,do you think? I would like to hear what others have to say.
7 people like this
24 responses
@kaytee717 (188)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I think its common. We argue about money sometimes too. I just think it stresses people out. I mean unless you have more money than you dont know what to do with. I honestly hate argueing about money and will walk away from the conversation til its more relaxed!
3 people like this
@riyasam (16567)
• India
28 Jul 08
but does not walking away from a conversation,strains the relationship further.
• United States
4 Aug 08
Not in my experience, when it starts getting extremely heated we walk away from it and you know you think about it while you not talking and when we are relaxed we approach it again and usually dont argue. Its smart for us! And has kept us together for a pretty long time :-)
@relundad (2311)
• United States
27 Jul 08
I hear a lot of people and couples say this. So it is pretty common. I have never dealt with this type of thing on a personal level. But I would probally wouldn't end up in a relationship with someone that wasn't equally matched with me on the same financial level. Often I have been criticized for making this decision but I look at it no different than any other similiarity that I would look for in a mate. I just think that if you are not on the same level you will forever have different opinions and will not be able to get pass it. It will forever be a ongoing problem throughout the relationship. So as a rule I wont date someone that is not at or above my financial level. And believe it or not its just as easy to love someone with money, so I choose carefully.
3 people like this
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
I guess it's normal. When my husband and I got married, we used to fight over financial issues. I cannot understand why even if we're already married, 60% of his salary goes to his parents and the 40% goes to us... It's just after a few months he finally realized that we have our own family now.
3 people like this
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
27 Jul 08
That's not an uncommon issue. It can be dangerous to a family I think. I really think that you have to sit the other person down and have a hard and loving chat about it. Something like: "We have to quit the bickering or we are going to mess our relationship up". If the other person they don't care to stop and that money is bigger than you and them; then you have to consider if they are really into this for the right reasons. I know that is hard to think about; but trust me, I have left a relationship with many guys before it got to the marrying part for this exact reason. Had I married them...man, would I have been an unhappy person.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28124)
• Malaysia
27 Jul 08
This is common happening in any household.I have enough of this happening to me almost weekly where money is concerned. Strictly speaking money is the root of all evils and because of money couples quarrel and end up divorced. Money is not everything in life but lack of it creates a lot of miseries in life.
3 people like this
@ishralene09 (2260)
• Philippines
27 Jul 08
It's a weird thing really. I manage the budget in the house, and I'm always pissed of at my two brothers who is always insisting that they needed money for stuff. And I'm the YOUNGEST one...So it's really a pain in the a**. I wonder how could money be such a big deal, always. Whether in the family or in married couple, it's always an issue. I think the best thing is to be transparent about things, you know always find a way to make things show up, where did this money went and so on and so forth. I do that, so that our parents outside can monitor the spendings that we do, and I put it on an Excel spreadsheet just to be clear. Money is a big pain, whether it's because of the scarcity or the spendings. I've seen many people being destroyed by financial problems. That's what I think, no blaming. The best thing to do is to be transparent, talk about it without going in a fight, and uhm..well, talk about things. I can't know that much, I'm still single. But keep it up, and stay strong in your relationship. Don't let money take over. Have a nice day.
3 people like this
@jonesy123 (3949)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Money is a frequent topic of arguments among couples and a major reason for divorce. And of course it's always the other person's fault if the finances are everything but rosy. My husband doesn't want to deal with the money. So I take care of it. But I can't wave a magic wand and create money when there is none, lol. Every once in a while he sees the mount of debt, gets angry, blames me for mismanagement, grumbles for two days and then moves on, because he knows I do the best with what I have and that if he would have taken the better job offer, we would be better off, if he would have learned how to save from his parents, we would be better off (he finally learned through the last decade living with me that money doesn't burn holes in his pockets and he doesn't have to spend it just because it's there!)..... Oh, I could go on and on.... Anyhow, I just bite my tongue until the tirade is over and move on. Right now most of us have money problems and I can blame the economy, lol;)
3 people like this
@Hatley (164170)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Jul 08
hi sweetierook all couples at times fight over money but too it depends on your money outloook, some people are verycareful with money always and hate to spend any they dont have to while other people look at money as a tool to be used to purchase what is needed and usually one money hoarder and one money user get married to each other, so there will be differences of opinions. my husband and i had three acounts, one for each of us as personal accouns, and one for the household which we used to pay rent utilities, food and gas. we were not wealthy at all so had to budget our household money very carefully. it can be a power struggle but if you had personal accounts that would help some. any money you got would got to your account and same for your husband.
2 people like this
@metschica25 (5405)
• United States
27 Jul 08
Hi , You are not alone . My fiance and me fight over money too , and so do many people . Money causes stress , and stress causes fights . It is never ending sometimes fighting over what you dont have , or what you need .
1 person likes this
@twoey68 (13651)
• United States
29 Jul 08
Hubby and I are pretty good about how to spend money...we either try to take turns if it's a high dollar item or we each get something if it's just something small. As for not being enough money, I try to let him know ahead of time if things are going to be tight that way he can plan on it. My hardest thing to deal with is he doesn't seem to realize how much things cost. BTW, he's housebound so paying bills and shopping fall on me to do. After the bills are paid and shopping is done he always thinks there should be lots left over for treats and stuff and usually gets cranky when he finds out there isn't. More than once I've told him that the next month I'm handing him the checkbook and he's doing it all. We both know he can't do it, but at least it quiets him for the time being. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@moneyandgc (3429)
• United States
28 Jul 08
I think almost everyone fights about money at some point. I know that my husband and I have had some pretty explosive fights about it! I am a saver and he is a spender. It really annoys me when he starts spending money on a bunch of stuff we don't need; especially if the money was supposed to be for something else...like bills! He has gotten better though so we don't fight about it near as much as we used to.
• Sweden
28 Jul 08
Friend try to talk to your husband without arguing ech other. It better to talk than to fight,I think all you both need is to listen each other and understand.You must both talk and discuss where the money going or what you both do with it Try to talk to each other and im sure it will be solve. Because GOD will not give us a problem that cannot be SOLVE..HAVE A GOOD DAY
@Elixiress (3882)
28 Jul 08
Me and my boyfriend rarely argue over money, but that is probably because we have separate money and have only been together for 8 months, so it is not as though money he gets has anything to do with me or the other way round. We are quite good with money really, if he is short of money then I will lend him money, because I know he will give me it back. If he stopped returning the money then we would have problems. He never lends me money, well never more than maybe a pound or two, because I always have money, just sometimes I don't have it on me.
• Pakistan
28 Jul 08
Being materialistic or not is not the point here.It happens in most of the cases where if one among the couple is money conscious ,it will make the other one too.Above all men are more into money as they think they are the best with money related things.It definitly hurts a lot for the person who doesn't give importance to money but we, as being in a committment has to overcome the problem eitherby taking the blame of misusing it or becoming a part of it,both are diffuclt to bear.It is really annoying to say that the thrust for money is same as for as any religion is concerned or any culture is in picture so it has no boundries as far any of the relationship is related to.I will say that its a form of power struggle where money is the centre of attraction and attention.
@snowbitz (487)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
we fight over money before because we don't have enough to our daily needs but right now we don't because both of us are working at least for a month i worked .right now i have the responsibility of taking care of our finance and its a headache really.It's normal to have an arguement about it since we use money to pay everything.
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
28 Jul 08
We have money problems also, lack there of I handle the money completely. If my husband sees the balance in the checkbook he assumes that is what we have. Not considering the checks that have not been cleared. So he will spend on money that has already been spent, if it was left up to him. I always tell him do not go by that, so I handle all money matters. We do not really argue, I just let him know how unhappy I am with our situation. Then he will get mad at himself, because he realizes that he hasn't made much of an effort to keep us afloat. I have always been the main wage earner in my household, and I was laid off one month ago. So there is not much money coming in, unemployment pays me 40% less than my take home pay was. That is a big difference. There really is no reason to argue about money, if you see that there is a problem you should do something to help the problem. Get a job if you have none, spend less, get a second job etc. When the s**t hit the fan, my husband went out and got a job. With money, it is either you got it or you don't. Unless you act on the situation arguing is not going to help. That's my opionion.
@tamiedy (14)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
a very common issue. best thing to do is talk with each other in a good manner. talk about their activities for the whole week, what is needed inside the house (i.e., dish washing liquid, fan/aircon, etc.), their personal needs, etc.. budget the money they have... have a record what they buy.. always have earnings in case of emergency it will be useful.. and lastly, pray.. give thanks because of what you have.. and be a blessing to others
@riyasam (16567)
• India
28 Jul 08
it is a common issue to argue about money as two indivuals united are never same usually one is a spend-thrift and the other one a miser and this leads to arguments as each one thinks he is right.
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
good day.. It's a petty thing I agree but it usually leads to something ugly if not controlled or talked about. It is normal to have argument on money matters as long as in the end of the day you understood each other, no blaming and forget all about it afterwards.
@Odamashin (434)
• Philippines
28 Jul 08
Money is not an issue to us..i mean my husband and I never argue because of money..we don't want and let it happen..and if it will then it would be the last thing we will argue with..You know what,don't let it ruin your good relationship..your marriage...i mean you can earn money in any way but it so hard to find someone to be with for the rest of our lives..it's just a material thing that can be gone and retrieved..but i think it's normal to argue when it comes to money..but come to think that there's a lot of most important things in this world than money..gudlak may you settle this for good.