My 18 year old son is madly inlove with his girlfriend what will I do?

Philippines
September 3, 2008 2:58pm CST
I have an 18 year old son and he's madly inlove with his 15 year old girlfriend. Since then he started to disobey all my rules and I can't just get off his cell phone in his hand we often quarrel about it. I even tried different techniques to let him stay away from his young girlfriend. My fear is he might not finish his studies. What would I do?
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7 responses
@Phelyne (129)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Have you tried mentioning to him that he's an adult now, which means that 15 year old girl is now jail bait? I wonder how her parents feel?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
yes, I did mentioned that to him. I even talked to the parents and the sad part... after I talked to the parents oh boy, they don't mind at all. They said that soon they will overcome the feelings, imagine it came from the girl's parents. That gives me a lot of worries hearing those reasoning coming from them. I am a single parent and I am really having difficulty about this problem. Youth today is really hard to deal unlike before.
@Phelyne (129)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Well, if that's their attitude, that makes it very difficult to deal with. I was reading a later response, about having the girl over and having a rational discussion. That may be your best option.
• United States
3 Sep 08
I'm sure you taught him morals. And i'm sure he will listen to him. Although he is an adult now. Even though he lives at home... legally... he's an adult. There isn't much you can do but do. I've been in the exact same situation the girl is in and it really doesn't help when his mom is trying to keep you apart. It is already hard enough to keep a relationship strong these days without people having opinions. If it is meant to be it will be, otherwise just trust his judgement. I'm sure you raised him right. I'm sure he will do the right thing.
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• Philippines
3 Sep 08
Thanks for the advice I appreciate it a lot. I do pray he would really think straight and will a better future. thanks again.
@eihdra (3115)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
I know what you're going thru and know that you have tried everything. My suggestion is, if he doesn't want his "MOM" to meddle with his lovelife then be a "FRIEND".. Remember there was a time in our lives that we just hate our parents for making us do things that we just hate to do, and that includes relationships.We went to our friends for advices because at that time we thought that friends would most understand us in what we feel. We readily accepted their advices and even followed most of them BUT what we didn't realize was that, we asked and followed the advices of those who are of the same age as ours-who didn't know any better.. But the point is, we listened to our friends than our parents.. There isn't so much you can do to separate them. Unless you move to a far away location, where it will take him a day to travel, or that it will cost a lot and he would have to take that out in his own pocket. But, you know, that is a far out idea at this time. Give him an ultimatum! If he wants to study still, he has to prioritize things. Make him understand that the world doesnt just revolve between him and his girlfriend. That he has a future to think about. That if he wants his future with his GF to be bright, then he has to make things happen in his life. true, that there is no point in making them stay away from each other. it will only spark something which you dont wanna happen. The more you try to separate them, the more eager they are to be with each other. Set some rules that YOU will also follow and not bend when he tries to be sweet with you. If he knows that you can be "bought" with his sweetness, then what is the use of setting rules, when you yourself will forget about the rules. Be firm.. After you have done the rules and has given him the ultimatum,go easy and Put yourself in his shoes. Try and analyze what he is feeling whenever you are giving him a hard time (in his point of view).
@kerriannc (4279)
• Jamaica
3 Sep 08
Now my dear you should remember when you was at this age and infatuated with some one. Just sit him down and talk with him. Don't start in a negative way because in doing this he will only want to escape from you. Cursing and punishment will not make the situation go away and disrespect will only come in. Invite this young girl over and sit with the both of them. Remember this time is not like ours when we were growing up. Tell them the importance of having a good education.
• United States
3 Sep 08
It wasn't that long ago that I was a teenager, so I remember what it's like to be madly in love. You COULD play the jailbait card, but depending on the laws in your area, is possible he's doing nothing illegal. My best advice? Stick to your NORMAL rules about things, such as curfew, any limits on phone time, etc. Do NOT try to keep him away from her, because he will only rebel that much harder, and he'll start to hate you on top of it. Let him know that as long as he maintains acceptable grades and follows your other, regular rules, he may continue to see her. If he cannot follow the rules or you see a drop in his grades, tell him you will limit his time with her. He will probably be so happy to have his relationship "accepted" that he will gladly follow the stipulations. Keep fights that you have strictly to the rule he broke - keep her out of it. He will not like you to blame her for his actions. I'd also suggest inviting the girl over for a meal so that you can get to know her and she can get to know your family. Relationships are hard, and teenage relationships are especially so - but you will lose your son if you keep him away from this girl without a reason better than worrying his grades will suffer. Be there for him, and be supportive, or he's not going to come to you with other important things. I hope that helps. Good luck!
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
Thanks.I'll try your advice and I hope she would talk to me because whenever she see me she keep on avoiding me. But surely I'll try it.
@titagdl (136)
• Mexico
3 Sep 08
I don´t see why you want to keep him away from her. Maybe he´s disobeyoing you beacuse of that, he´s seeing you as his enemy instead of on his side, try that to see if he changes. I dont´t see anything wrong with talking on the phone,,,,didn´t you do it when you were young and in love?? If it´s that annoying to you, tell him togive part of his allowance for the phone bill.
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@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
3 Sep 08
Have him bring the young lady to your home for dinner. This will give all three of you an opportunity to discuss (quietly and calmly)their relationship, your fears, their dreams, their schooling, your expectations. It might be possible your son will study more if he is allowed to have study sessions at your house with her there. She could help to drive your son in the correct direction. She might be able to influence him where you can't. Encourage him to meet her family to find out what their fears and expectations are. Then let nature takes its course. You may be surprised. I just went through this with my 15 year old daughter and her 18 year old son. Their relationship lasted about six months and faded. She cried and moved on. He moved to another town to attend a different school. I am sure there will be another boyfriend soon.