Saying "I'm Sorry"

@zandi458 (27948)
Malaysia
September 5, 2008 1:52am CST
Difficult, isn't it, to say we are sorry, especially when we know we are in the wrong. I keep thinking about the varying degrees of recalcitrance when it comes to this and wonder why it should be. All it really requires is a little honesty to admit we are wrong together with a little humility to submerge our pride, and then say it, with meaning. To say "I'm sorry" with genuine feelings means that there is a certain change of heart after discovering that you are at fault. there is regret at causing perhaps a hurt, physical or mental. Some may think humility is a sign of weakness,others may feel it's infra dig for them to apologise to anyone. Afterall it is not required by law, nobody really needs to apologise. And still others may feel its humiliating to do. Perhaps with them it's a matter of principle never to say "I'm sorry" or it could be just being plain bloody-minded about the whole thing. At the same time these very same people expect other people to apologise to them. It is difficult to see how much attitudes can exist, but they do. I am one of those who find it difficult to say I'm sorry even though I knew very well that I was in the wrong. My heart felt sorry but my mouth refuses to speak out the words. How often do you say sorry and do you really say it with sincerity?
7 people like this
24 responses
@darshan36 (497)
• India
5 Sep 08
saying sorry is not a problem at all. But its the ego of the people which stops them from saying sorry even if they are wrong. See, when you have done a mistake its better to say sorry and close the topic rather than getting into a big discussion. If you have not done a mistake, then it is your right to fight till the end and prove right that you have not done any mistake.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
You are right. It is the ego that prevented someone from saying sorry. It is a big price to pay when so much could be done with a little more caring and a little less stubbborness and pre-occupation with our egos.
@metalhalo (601)
• United States
5 Sep 08
I think you described apologizing perfectly. It's a very difficult thing to do, especially when you're as stubborn as I am. I hate when I'm in the wrong or when I've been proven wrong. I think I'm lucky in the fact that I'm very in tune with my emotions and when I'm sincerely sorry it shows. When it comes down to apologizing it isn't difficult for me because I know it's something that needs to be done. I'm not the type of person who holds grudges. So when others do it's extremely painful for me. I don't understand those who can't forgive and move on. I also can't stand those who accept your apology but then every chance they get they throw past mistakes back into your face. That isn't what forgiveness is. You're right though, some find it extremely difficult to simply say "I'm sorry"..while others refuse to even acknowledge your sincerity when asking for forgiveness. People need to place themselves in other's shoes before they judge.
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
I am in that category - stubborness has prevented me from asking for forgiveness though deep down in me I really feel guilty. But to compensate for my guilty consciousness I would buy special gifts or invite them for dinners.
1 person likes this
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
Well saying sorry is hard to do...but when i know i did something wrong i always see to it that i say sorry to that person. When me and my hubby fight and i know its my fault. I see to it that after we are already both ok to talk about the misunderstanding. I always started the conversation with me saying sorry for the words ive said that hurts him. It did helps us have a strong relationship because we respect each other and we know when to accept our mistake and say sorry when it is needed. I believe that saying sorry would not only clean your conscience for the things you have done towards that person but you also show you care and are concern for other peoples feeling specially when you know you have hurt their feelings so badly. I guess for other people it takes a lot of courage to swallow there pride and asked for forgiveness but once you learn humility it is not hard anymore to say sorry when it is your fault.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
Yes, I do understand how difficult it is to say sorry. It dent your pride but it makes one more human if we are capable of asking for forgiveness.
5 Sep 08
I agree it is very difficult. I have been forcing myself to say I'm sorry when I'm wrong. It doesn't get easier but it feels great when you say it. It makes the person you are apologizing to feel good as well and that's what I focus on. I know I feel good when I own up to being wrong. As hard as it is it can and should be done. I hope it gets easier for you. You sound like you want to change and that's a great start. Good luck! Becca
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
I am learning to say 'sorry' when I know I need to and mean it. Age is catching up on me and my pride has mellowed down a bit. This world will be a far better place to live in if I keep extending my hands and say sorry to others whom I may have hurt direct or indrectly.
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
you are so right about this..reason why i also like the song "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" by John Elton....i find it so hard to say sorry on my part even if i'm at fault..like what you said, my heart feels so sorry but my mouth cannot speak the word..i know very well its because of my pride..i had a very huge problem dealing with my pride..as i grow up to believing i got tough because i kept my pride intact...i seldom say i'm sorry but when i say it i say it with all of my heart...maybe thats one good thing about saying it seldom because when i say it, i say it with all of me..
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
Yeah..it is even in the song. Pride is at the bottom of it all. The less you say sorry the better, repetitive will only render it valueless. Sometimes it is good to be tough and stubborn.
@joy4you (641)
• India
5 Sep 08
I understand how you feel and totally agree with you. I find it most difficult to say sorry when it is to the person I love the most (my wife). I know I shouldn't have done what I did to hurt her and need to say sorry but just saying sorry will not undo the deed. But its worse when you don't say sorry at all, but when you do make sure you mean it.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
I have more than a sneaking suspicion that the inability to say "I am sorry" has been the underlying reason of not a few separations and divorces, each thinks the other should be the first to apologise.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
When I know I'm at fault, I have to admit it. I have to say I'm sorry. Sometimes it is difficult, because I do have my pride. But then, I would tell myself that admitting to a mistake will not make me less of a human being. It would make me feel much better, knowing that my apology, my acceptance of my mistake would be acknowledged by the person I am apologizing to. No one is perfect. Everybody may commit an error once in a while. It takes a lot of humility to apologize for a mistake, but the rewards of being accepted and forgiven is much more worth than all the pride that I could bear within myself.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
A big chunk of the guilty feelings are lifted from the chest when one is able to forgo pride and say the word 'I am sorry'.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
6 Sep 08
FOr things said and done I always felt like I dint need to say I am sorry for and agurement or anything like that for I seemed to be always right in what ever it was. Now if I accidently hurt some one that again I would say I was sorry and with feeling!.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 08
Well if you are well in control of your words and actions, it is unlikely that someone be hurt and saying sorry is therefore less spoken.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
13 Sep 08
thatrs so true hugs
@makingpots (11920)
• United States
6 Sep 08
If I cause pain or have been in the wrong, I appologize and feel better for doing it. It has never been hard for me to say I'm sorry, when I am. What is hard for me is dealing with a family member who thinks everyone is constantly doing things against her and will sulk and make people around her miserable. The only thing to bring her around to acting like a normal human again is to tell her your sorry. It is very hard for me to say I'm sorry to her because I feel like I am perpetuating her immature behavior. Just because she is hurt doesn't always mean that someone else has been in the wrong towards her. I drives me nuts.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11920)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Ha. Seems like I was in a bit of a mood when I wrote this response. I'm still licking my wounds from a visit with this particular family member.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 08
Counseling is good way of easing the tension especially to someone younger than us.
@youless (99288)
• Guangzhou, China
8 Sep 08
Saying sorry is difficult for me. So sometimes I will do something to show I am sorry rather than saying it. And sometimes even if I am right, I will still give in. As too strong personality won't be good all the time. I love China
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 08
Action speaks louder than words. We do feel sorry but can't make ourselves say it out rather we compensate in kind with our action. That is fine too. The other offended party will get your message all the same.
@ruby222 (4848)
7 Sep 08
If I have said something wrongly then im the first one to admit it and say im sorry.I donot see it as a weakness,its just all part of being human,there are some who think it beneath their dignity to apologise,to eat their words,or eat humble pie.To me if an apology is needed then I have no worries about giving one.If we all failed to say our sorrys and stood firmly bu what we said then it would end up in turmoil lol ,there would be more than enough not speaking to each other!
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 08
It is better to be the first one to say sorry rather than prolong the cold war.
@leeesa (885)
• United States
6 Sep 08
I usually don't have a problem swallowing my pride and saying I'm sorry if I know I'm in the wrong. My problem is being stubborn when I think I'm right. Sometimes there is no right or wrong answer and so it's much harder for me to "agree to disagree" and move on.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 08
Yep, stubbornness is always holding back our tongue and the same goes to me.
@intimate36 (1416)
• Pakistan
6 Sep 08
I agree with you ...that it is very difficult to say " sorry " I never hesitate in accepting my mistake , as soon as I realize it.Even , to my subordinates...or any body..By doing this , I have a less chance of repeating it. I was taught by TEACHERS ,and I will remain grateful to them, for ever..It was due to their efforts , now I feel no hesitation in saying " I AM SORRY"
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
11 Sep 08
It is good that you remembered what your teacher taught you. It is a good foundation that we pick up good teaching early in life.
@nickventere (1423)
• Zambia
6 Sep 08
Although I do agree that it is difficult to admit being sorry, I have managed to apologise where I need to. From experience, may people fail to say this.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 08
Saying sorry is not that too difficult but pride and ego prevent some people to say it out freely.
@KUSHANK55 (2437)
• India
6 Sep 08
hi dear zandi after many days i am in touch with you. i hope you are aware. i was hospitalised for coronary artery disease. any way now i am ok and back!! well said it is difficult for many . particularly with the people who have ego. but the real feelings of sorry if uttered with sincerity will definitely mean something otherwise a plain sorry at times is a teaser!! your discussion is really deep and thought provoking and each individual must take it seriously. it is like looking and peeping into oneself!!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 08
I am sorry to hear that you are being hospitalised. I hope you are well and recovering. I have not been able to be here much of the time as this computer of mine is giving me problem. Egoistic people are people difficult to compromise. They have their set of attitude that does not go down well with others.
• Philippines
5 Sep 08
Good day... Honestly if I know what I did is wrong, I would not have a hard time apologizing but if I know that I'm right and someone is forcing me to apologize and accept that I'm wrong now that is something that I can't swallow.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 08
We all know when we are wrong or right and does not want to accept false accusation.
• United States
5 Sep 08
When I am at fault I would admit it that I am sorry but I have to make it look like it really wasnt my fault that it was my fault. I dont like being looked at as the bad person.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 08
You are upholding a good principle in life. Say sorry when you have to.
@checapricorn (16065)
• United States
5 Sep 08
[i]Hi zandi, I am very open when it comes to saying "sorry", I will not wait for any day or week to say it when I know I am wrong! After the discussions and I tried to insist then learn that my point is wrong, I will stop and say sorry! We grew up having this environment so, it's not hard for me! [/i]
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
8 Sep 08
This is also very much depends on the upbringing of individuals. If you grew up to be in an environment where saying sorry is habitual then it is automatically implanted in you. Unfortunately I miss this part when I grew up as bickering was the rule of the day and saying sorry was unheard of. Weird it may sound but I grew up in a large family and my parents were always not around to monitor us. We were in the mercy of nannies most of my childhood days.
• Malta
5 Sep 08
I know of a song called "Sorry seems to be the hardest word" I am do not completely agree. Both me and my husband rush up to say sorry as soon as we realize we were wrong. Sometimes we finish up arguing again because I blame myself and he blames himself for an argument! He just takes a little while longer than I do to say sorry, but he says it loud and proud. In my opinion the longer it takes to say sorry, the harder it becomes!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
We mess up more if we don't apologize with each other sooner. Thats important when it comes to petty quarrels between couples.
@chinniR (661)
• India
5 Sep 08
hi zandi. I totally agree with you. I felt the same and even i had the same feeling. But once when we come to know that mistake is on our side it's always better to apologize. It might sometimes affect the relationships and it might lead to problems. Now a days i don't hesitate to say sorry when the mistake is on my side.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
5 Sep 08
Admitting we are wrong is easy but saying sorry is damn difficult, the pride and egos prevented us from saying so.