Should people be allowed to just give their child up for adoption?

United States
September 19, 2008 3:39pm CST
Should people be allowed to just give their child up for adoption? (exclude cases involving rape) If you get pregnant should you and your family have to accept the consequences? I know families don't have any kind of financial liability but should they at least have some sort of moral liability. It seems like something obviously went wrong when raising the "new parent" but should giving the baby to the state or some stranger, so you can have a "normal" life really the answer? Between abortion and adoption, there seems to be so many people just taking the easy way out, dump or kill the child and never look back. What ever happened to taking responsibility? Family members helping each other out?
1 person likes this
13 responses
• United States
19 Sep 08
I think adoption is a great thing for children, I don't think they would be better off at times with their birth parents, who may not be as stable, and perhaps those babies would not grow up too well. A lot of people can't have children, or they would rather help others than have their own, so they should be able to adopt them. I think if a parent looks at their child like a "consequence" or a burden, then that child will not get all the love they need, it would be better for some to go to others that actually have an interest in raising them. I admire those who put their babies up for adoption, it shows that they cared enough to at least grow them to the point of birth, not have an abortion. Allowing something to be born is a gift itself, not everyone is fit or ready to be parents, don't punish the child in order to punish a parent for their actions.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Sep 08
I got pregnant when I was 18 years old. I thought long and hard about adoption (never abortion). I assure you, when someone chooses to give up their child for adoption, it's not a decision made lightly. They are not "dumping" their child. That parent is trying to do what is BEST for the child, regardless of how much it hurts them to do it. There are so many people out there unable to have their own children who could give an unplanned baby a great life, much better than many unprepared parents are able to provide. Sometimes the family can't help out. Sometimes it's not worth ruining not one, but two or even three lives just to teach "responsibility". That's absurd - many teenagers cannot continue their education once they have a baby, and can barely provide for the child. The family may not be a financial position to support both parent and child. In these cases, the responsible thing IS to give the child up so that someone who IS prepared can raise the baby, and the parent can still live up to their potential as well. It's not an easy thing, adoption. I ultimately could not give up my baby, and I sometimes wonder how both of our lives might have been different or maybe even better had I not made the somewhat selfish decision to keep her - I didn't keep my child because I thought I could give her the best life, but because I couldn't bear the pain of giving her up. So please don't think that people who give their child up are being irresponsible, because in many cases, it's the most responsible, selfless thing they can do.
• United States
19 Sep 08
They are not all teenagers giving up their kids and it isn't always a baby being given up for adoption. I know several teens that have had a baby when they are young and finished school. I can't speak for other counties but I know in the U.S., the gov't will help you out. I wonder how much is it really about "not giving the child the best life" and really about them feeling their life is now "over". Yes things will change but you learn to deal with change. I think people just assume their life will be over too fast. What about the kids that never get adopted?
• United States
19 Sep 08
Oh I don't think adoption should be outlawed or anything like that. It is more of a "right or wrong" discussion. Like you said you got pregnant at 18 and kept your baby. Your world didn't come to an end. Things change but that is life.
• United States
19 Sep 08
Yes, I kept my baby, and my world didn't end, but I DID have to give up the school of my dreams. I was lucky that the father wanted to marry me, wanted to be a family - many girls don't have that option. We had family support, but that first year was a constant struggle, even with help. For most of the girls I know who have considered adoption, only a handful considered it because they thought a baby would end their lives - most really do think that the baby will be better off in a different situation, and it's a very painful decision. No one should be forced to be a parent - that's not fair to the child involved at all. The most important thing is the child, and that they have the best life available to them. Ideally, with their biologically family, but sometimes that ISN'T the best thing for them.
@jfilips (261)
• United States
20 Sep 08
I recently did a debate in my University about a similar subject. We came to very different conclusions. I think it really depends on the situations. Because in some situations it's really just the best and most recommended thing to do. Since you know, not only the parents will get affected, also the child. And the child will just always be directly affected by the choice it's done. Although in sometimes it's better to do one thing than the other.
1 person likes this
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Adoption is a really wonderful thing, if done right. I think adoption should be the parents choice. Why force someone to raise a child that really doesn't want that child? If you were to make someone keep their child, that child would probably be a punching bag. So, yeah, if a parent wants to give a child up for adoption, as sad as it might be, it needs to be done, because forcing someone to love a child will never work. The child stands a better chance without that parent as it is. Plus there are many other reasons why a parents chooses adoption.
• United States
20 Sep 08
There are so many poor families out there and they manage to take care of their kids. I just can't see how someone would let their son/daughter feel like they have to give their child away instead of helping them out. Lots of girls go away and give birth then put the child up for adoption so they won't embarrass their family. The young mom will forever have a hole in her heart b/c of her family's ego? I don't want anyone who truly doesn't want a baby to be forced to keep their baby. I just think girls who want to keep their babies should not be pressured to just give the child away like some puppy. Families should help each other out. There wouldn't be so many kids sitting around in foster care if other relatives would step up.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Oh ok, I understand more of what you are trying to say now... && I agree 100% with that. If the mother wants the child, I feel people should support her && not pressure her to give it up for adoption. You are right.... thanks for making it more clear on your views...
• United States
21 Sep 08
I absolutely agree that no one should ever be forced to give up a child they want (unless there is abuse involved, of course) - it's cruel. I can't stand it when families force their daughter or whatever to give up her child when she doesn't want to. Adoption is NOT the decision of the grandparents or any other relative - it is the decision of the parents and the parents ALONE. If they want the baby, they should not be forced to give it up. If they don't want the baby, they should not be forced to raise it - I've heard of that too, and it almost never ends well.
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
19 Sep 08
I think this is a very tricky question because it is working under the assumption that mothers that surrender their children do it because they want to. In reality, 98% of mothers who give up their children for adoption actually want nothing more than to keep their babies. I don't think it would be a good idea to force that 2 % that really don't want any children to keep them. It could end up being dangerous. We should, however, encourage the family to step up so the child doesn't lose their history or identity. For those 98% of moms that want their babies, we should be helping them so that they are able to parent. That's whats best for the baby, not adoption.
• United States
19 Sep 08
It is like families don't think they owe it to each other to help out. If a family member is just poor or young, why not help them with their child? (Like I said earlier, I only know about the U.S. and financial aid is out there to help you can the child) so money shouldn't be an issue. Let's say your teen damages someones property then you are financially responsible but if your teen gets pregnant then that "isn't your problem". This just drives me crazy. I am glad you see what is really going on.
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
Well, thrashing someone's property isn't the same as having a baby. When you pay with damages, it ends when the damaged property is fixed. But in a baby, the costs are endless. You have to support him/her until he becomes stable on his own (probably of legal age and working). That would be difficult for a family that are having financial problems. Maybe in US the government would give you financial support, but here where I live, they don't. We're all on our own. That is why most young parents would consider adoption because they really can't sustain the child.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Financial support even in the US isn't all that great. They try to do what they can, but sometimes the isn't enough. So to say that financial support is offered here in the US, is true, but it's not what you think.
@maximax8 (29129)
• United Kingdom
19 Sep 08
I would never have an abortion because that would be the wrong choice for me. I think that a fetus is an innocent one that deserves to grow into a baby and be born. If the mother doesn't want her baby I think adoption is the best thing that can happen. Then the baby will get loving adoptive parents. Adoptive parents often can't have their own child biologically. It is lucky that they are there to be responsible for an unwanted baby or child. In an ideal world only ladies that want a baby would get pregnant but pregnancy can be a surprise for some ladies. Aborting their baby would be sad, taking responsibility and setting their life ready for parenthood would be far better. A teenager might not be ready for the responsibility of being a mother. She might have supportive parents that help her become an excellent young mum. What happens if a lady wants to adopt her baby but the dad wishes to keep him or her? Parenthood is lovely, adoptive is hopeful and abortion is horrible.
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
19 Sep 08
Just so you know, most adopted babies were not unwanted. A lot of women are pressured or tricked into giving up their babies.
@maximax8 (29129)
• United Kingdom
19 Sep 08
Yes, I thought most were unwanted and I have heard about quite a lot that were wanted. I read about one lady in Guatemala that had her baby stolen and her baby was nearly adopted to a couple in America. That sort of thing is shocking. Well done to the mother, she didn't stop searching, and eventually she found her baby because of an unusual finger. Luckily she got her baby girl back.
@savmot (261)
20 Sep 08
Of course people should be allowed to give their children up for adoption. You can't force a person to love and look after a child. The only people it would affect negatively would be the children.
• United States
21 Sep 08
I guess you would have to read all the post to get what I am really trying to say. I obviously didn't make my point all that clear in the first post. My mind is sort of all over the place.
@irishidid (8721)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Casey Anthony wanted to give up Caylee for adoption. Chances are pretty great Caylee would be alive if she had.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
20 Sep 08
So very true...
@rekcart83 (149)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
Allowed as in making it legal? I don't think so. Cause morally it's very wrong to give your child to anybody for adoption no matter what kind of reason you have. I still remember my father telling us that he's been offered by our distant aunt to adapt my little sister cause she has no child and wants one. But my father refused and I don't think he even have the guts and think for a second to really give my sister to my aunt.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Adoption is legal && is a wonderful thing. Very helpful to some. Can't judge someone until you know their story.
@ladym33 (10990)
• United States
20 Sep 08
Sometimes putting a child up for adoption is the best thing a new mother can do. If they mother can not provide for the child or does not have the ability or maturity to raise a child it is better for the child to be given to a family who has the means and the ability to do so. There are so many loving people who are financially stable, and really love children who can not have them. Adopting a child is their only way of having a child. I don't think putting a child up for adoption is irresponsible. I think raising a child really badly is more irresponsible.
• United States
20 Sep 08
I hear what your saying, but part of me thinks your right and it's too easy on some people to just give up their child without any obligations. But part of me thinks that at least they will have a better life with someone who actually wants them or can take care of them. I think the only flaw with this is it's so expensive for people to adopt and a lot of children don't get the homes they need/deserve because of that.
@wisedragon (2330)
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
I agree there have been a lot of horrible cases of infant abuse lately. I feel it is very irresponsible for parents to simply give up their child for adoption, but I guess it is still a lesser evil compared to abortion.
@suspenseful (40314)
• Canada
20 Sep 08
My two adopted sons were the product of a rape, and I am glad there is someone like you who does not think that their mother should have aborted them because of their evil father who attacked her while she was waiting for a bus. (She lived out in the country.) I also had a baby out of wedlock, and I gave her up because no one would help me. They waited until I had signed the papers and then they would have welcomed me home, but I stayed with my unofficial foster mother whose husband knew my dad during the War. I wish someone would have helped me. That slowed down my growth process. My father was too busy to care for me and I turned to another for love. That is what happened to me. I do think that parents should help the girl and not make it so she has to get rid of the problem. You do not know what happens down the road. the girl needs to grow up and giving away a baby or killing it, does not let her accomplish the task. I act younger then many of my friends because I did not have the baby to care for.