Kindly help... I NEED TO KNOW WAT U THINK!!!!!!!!!

India
September 22, 2008 1:06am CST
When i was working in my prev organisation, I was close to a guy. We were very good friends, He got married and me and his wife also got along really well. He helped me on many occasions and slowly i started looking upto him as a brother. Then the couple had a baby, and things between us still were the same..... After that I went through a very rough patch in my life.......... I called him for his moral support ... and got none... He then moved to Bangalore and called me once in probably a year's time..... when ever i call him he would be busy or would talk for sm time and say that he will call back.......but never does. Now after all these days (about 6 months or so).. he calls me and invites me for his son's first birthday..... that's today....... Wat do i do?
11 people like this
44 responses
@aquarina (172)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Ok, I think that he still values you as a close friend. it's just that he is very busy with his wife and kids and job that he doesnt get to talk to you often but still wants you to be a part of his life. if he's having a party for his sons first bday then he is thinking about all his dearest friends and inviting them. it's a time to take a break from his busy life and get to spend time with people he rarely gets to see. I say you go to that party. it seems to me that his intentions are good. BUT.... it's really hard for me to judge. i mean, you are the only one here who actually knows him and has a feel for what his intentions are. so, this is a decision you are going to have to make.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Sep 08
Hey guys....thank u all for ur invaluable time .......i feel like there are so many ppl out there wh really care about my life:-).....thanks guys...BTW i went for the party..it waskind of nice... his kid looks so cute....nice cake and food... I guess it was worth it.....any way its over and for the first time wat you guys said did influence my decision!!!!
2 people like this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Hi..maybe you expected a lot from him to the point that he became a very important part of your life and it disappointed you when he was not there when you needed him the most. I hope you know that he already has a family now, and you are not his top priority. When you needed his moral support, maybe something very crucial happened to his family too, I hope you are understanding enough. It is frustrating to think that he has to work to provide his family and he is no longer as thoughtful as he used to be, you have to accept the fact that things do change and it really hurt, people in our lives come and go, and no matter how we try to stop them, we do not own their lives, they have to live too, and I hope you are broad minded enough to understand. NOw, he has thought of you in the special occasion in his life, and you are invited, that means, he also thinks of you as someone special in his life because he wanted you to be a part of the celebration. You should go, show that you appreciate his invitation, and then you can have a talk on what happened to your lives, communication is the key to understanding each other better. ENjoy your day..
1 person likes this
• India
22 Sep 08
i liked your reply...:-) U have a good insight on human nature... thanks and i have decieded to attend the party after all:-)
1 person likes this
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
You can't tell what's his reason not to call you even hi or hello,maybe you don't know that her wife is getting jealous of you,just joking. Friends do come and go I think they also have their own priorities like you also so, if so he remembered you still and inviting you to go to his childs party cause they remember you still that it's up to you. Why not go and enjoy the party with them. As long as your not doing bad or hurt them as long as you do good to others nothing wrong to be their. Don't make it more complicated. Have a nice day! It's nice to see old friends!
1 person likes this
• India
22 Sep 08
I think I will go for the party.....well its not complicating things...but wat if i go and i get so bored...or irritated....or even feel left out..;-)
1 person likes this
@JPeralta (44)
• United States
23 Sep 08
So go to his son's birthday, what's the big deal? Its been a while. But its not like you guys had a fling together, or issues, or got mad at each other. Its really up to you, but if you don't go know that you will not get in touch with him for a long time again. If you do go who knows you might just catch up on some things. Plus this way you'll be able to invite him, 2 yrs from now when you have children;).
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Sep 08
I think I woould go just to see what was happening during the time he was ignoring you. Maybe he really wasn't thinking that he was ignoring you, maybe he had something going on in his life at that time that didn't allow him to have time for anyone else. I definitly want to find out since he and his wife were such good friends of yours. Or another senario, Maybe his wife really had a hard time "sharing" him with you, but kept it to herself until just before the time he started pulling away. Thinking if the relationship he had with you was making his wife uncomfortable, then he needed to back awayou. Although he should have been proper about it and talked to you about it.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36468)
• United States
23 Sep 08
i think i would just send a gift, a card w/a little money or whateveer & forget him. true friends are there for u all the time. you don't need wishy washy friends, doesn't anyone!
1 person likes this
• India
23 Sep 08
i think u should go because u r very good frnd. ho sakta hai jab bhi tumne usse contact karne ki koshish ki ho sach me busy raha ho yea to aap usse milne k bad he pata kar sakti ho aur his wife is also ur frnd for that also u should go. aur tumko ja k usko yea realize karana hoga k tumhare pas apane frnd k liye time hai aur agar nahi hai to bhi tumhe apane frnd k liye time nikale aata hai jao par usse naraz ho k jao taki pata to chale k vo sach me tumhari aaj bhi care karta hai k nahi varise mostly shadi k bad ladke apani fried ko bhul he jate hai par ladkiyan aaise nahi hoti its my experience also..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
try to understand, if a person had a family it's like that everyday is a busy life..if i were u i am going to attend that party and enjoy that time spending with them. They still consider you as their friend that's why they did not forget you on their special occasion. friends will always be friends.
1 person likes this
@34momma (13891)
• United States
22 Sep 08
if you feel this guy is a really good friend, then i would go to the party. you treat people the way you want them to treat you. but you also be honest with them and let them know that you feel your friendships is important but it seems they are not making you feel it's important to them. as i tell my children. anything you say in love and can only be heard with loving ears. and those times when it's not heard that way put a personally attack on who they are, you need to find you a new friend
@n30wing (4768)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
You can't tell what's his reason not to call you even hi or hello,maybe you don't know that her wife is getting jealous of you,just joking. Friends do come and go I think they also have their own priorities like you also so, if so he remembered you still and inviting you to go to his childs party cause they remember you still that it's up to you. Why not go and enjoy the party with them. As long as your not doing bad or hurt them as long as you do good to others nothing wrong to be their. Don't make it more complicated. Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@nini89 (670)
• India
25 Sep 08
Hi Shankari Prabhu! I think u are so upset with this friend now. Cool he is selfish and now he need your friendship so he invited for the party. No harm in attending it but you said he had moved to Bangalore is it near to your place? As he never called u back and was busy in his work now he got time to invite never mind if you can attend the party. He did not help you in your rough time I dont believe such friends. Decision is upto you have a nice day.
• India
25 Sep 08
VERY TRUE..i WENT FOR THAT STUPID PARTY AND THE NXT DAY WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND THAT STUPID FREAK DID NOT EVEN BOTHER TO WISH ME.....That was so irritating...Now i know the real person...selfish, concieted idiot.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
8 Nov 08
I think he still consider you as his friend only when a person gets married family is always the first priority thats why sometimes when you needed him he can't be able to come or do some help.But at least he still remember to call and that means you still important for him.Did you go to the party?
@vmksvmks (413)
• Canada
26 Sep 08
personally i would not go It goes to show you that when we think we have a real friend or a nice relationship that it can blow up in your face I hope this is not true but if you persue this is may only lead to complications and more sorrow Of course I have no idea of the personalities involved so i could be away off base Good Luck and Have a Great day
@Pose123 (21661)
• Canada
23 Sep 08
Hi shankari, Things often change after marriage, maybe his wife did not feel right about him having such a good friend who was a woman. I know you say that things were fine at the beginning, but may have changed after the birth of the baby. It has to be your choice as to whether you go to the party or not, but maybe it's time you moved on with your life and made new friends. Blessings.
@wolveren (1577)
• Cebu, Philippines
23 Sep 08
Do what you need to do. What is in your heart? Are you stuck with your decision because he didn't have some time for you back then. There could be countless reasons for all the misunderstanding. What if he was in a bad time, with a problem, serious or not, it had to be something. And you'll never find out if you dodge him. Be a good friend. Visit the guy one more time and see what he's up to. If the guy has something up his shoulder not worth getting into, you walk but still as friends. Go and live your life knowing that you didn't look away till the last final day. Cheers!!!
@savypat (20245)
• United States
23 Sep 08
people often don't do what you might expect from them, they may just be in a different place in their lives or they may be facing troubles of their own about which you know nothing. A friendly letter to his wife might get you all back on tract. LOL
@MsCYPRAH (397)
23 Sep 08
I think the problem many people have with their friends is that they expect the friends to think as they do, to behave as they do and fulfil their expectations. But people seldom behave as we expect. I think the guy could have got self-conscious about your friendship once he got married, then perhaps felt comfortable putting some distance between you when they left. However, he seems to want you to share in their happy moment, which means he still wants to keep you in the loop but on his terms. I think the next move is entirely up to you now. If you want to celebrate with them, and leave it at that, then please do. It might make you feel better. However, I would be inclined not to go at all and just leave the friendship there. Otherwise you might expect more of him after the party and still get not much back. But you have to make the decision.
• India
23 Sep 08
One small question. How many times u asked for help? Has he declined every time u asked the help? If he has done so for many times think he is no more good friend to u. It may be hurting u but it is true.
@marina321 (4561)
23 Sep 08
Would be easier to decide if you got married and had kids too... you'd find you have less time to yourself (or to make calls or chat on the phone with your single friends..) than you did when you were single. It happens. I can say I hardly chat to my single friends like I used to, would love to but between work and my child, time flies by I'd assume he has indeed been busy and go to the kid's party. I can almost guarantee that when you have yours, he will be one of the first to congratulate you or come see you as he'd have been there himself
• Sri Lanka
23 Sep 08
Two things; This is the time for you to show your displeasure for your friend. Or else this is the time for you to show him that what ever the reason you are good friend and you kept it all the time.