Dating a recycled man
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
October 27, 2008 10:38am CST
Have you ever heard of this funny sounding words 'recycled man'? I haven't myself not until this evening when I met a group of customers who came in pairs to my pub. since I know one of the ladies I went over to her to say hallo and had a pap talk. She is in her 30s. Curious I asked her who is that guy she is with and she told told me is her new found love but a recyled man. Puzzled by her answer I ask what she meant, she explained to me that he is a divorcee. Then the meaning come to light.
I feel sorry for men who are being classified as recycled once they are divorced and having a new relationship. But I assume that dating a recycled man has a high risk. You're strolling into an emotional minefield - of other people and unresolved conflicts - that was before your time but could be part of your future. And he'll be carrying around a truck-load of guilt (especially if he's the one who walk out), and don't underestimate its capacity to cripple your fun and optimism as a fledging couple. It might also be just a stepping stone from the pain of his divorce back to the land of the living, and that one day he'll step off - and into someone else. With the high rate of marriages ending in divorce if you're in your late 30s chances are you would have encountered a recycled man. Whatever it is if he is ready to a fresh start, ready and eager to commit to you, , it's hard not to take that at face value and when you're also head over heel in love with him. Recycle does not matter much. Have you or are you already in this type of relationship? A bit busy body but curious to know.
4 people like this
11 responses
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
28 Oct 08
Cripes, I've been recycled so many times I'm like my great grandfather's axe - I've had three new heads and five new handles lol.
I would assume that the term would also apply to recycled women? But I believe that if there is a decent gap between the divorce and the new relationship, you know, time to get over the grieving and the blow to self-confidence, perhaps time to have had a couple of quick rebound attempts that didn't work out but at least got your head back together, then being recycled shouldn't really matter.
I'm currently in my longest ever relationship, and she'll bury me no doubt, despite my four divorces, so, you see, it can work out.
Lash
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
I know of an unmarried man who despite knowing the woman is a widow with a truck load of baggage (6 children) still insisted to marry her against all odds, his family was very much against the idea but decided to go ahead. This is maybe a true love, he found the right chemistry in her. Love can be blind!
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
So you are more then qualified to be in this category as you have a record time of being recycled which now leads you to a permanent and last of the recycle process. They are also recycled women but it is a bit harsh to label them this as they might find it hard to find a good men for themselves.
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
28 Oct 08
If a man is concerned that the woman he is attracted to is recycled, then he's probably not a good man.
Lash
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
29 Oct 08
In that case, my hubby and I are both recycled. lol We both have been married and divorced before we met each other but that didn't stop us from getting to know one another. Not every shoe fits every person so just because it didn't work out with one doesn't mean it won't for another. We've been married now for 17 years and we're counting for another 17 plus to go!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
29 Oct 08
I agree with you, not every shoe fits everyone and not every recycled men and women come with loaded baggage and problems. After being recycled both come out new and fresh, the past has become a history and the relationship to cherish. Best of luck to you both.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
27 Oct 08
You've made great points of view there. I guess I am not ready for now but I am not a hypocrite saying that I won't fall in love to a divorcee. One thing I want to point out also is that during a relationship, there is a big chance r tendency that you will be compared to the past relationship and that really hurts. It would really take a great risk especially if the person has children. And I am sure there is unhealed wounds that will always bother and interrupt any great relationships. It's difficult to answer your questions, maybe if I am in that situation I will remember your discussion. Have a great day!
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 08
Another coincident, your number next to your username 888 is a nice number and just an hour ago I responded to someone with a number 666. I hope this is a good omen lol. As a human we have no say on our future as God has plan for us and whoever you meet as your future husband he is god send, whether bachelor or divorcee, you are destined to meet him one day.
1 person likes this
@mariposaman (2959)
• Canada
28 Oct 08
Yes there are lots of recycled women out there too, probably exactly the same number as recycled men. The women might come with a little more bitterness and baggage though it all evens out in the end. I never married, one of the side effects of being poor and unattractive, but some men seem to attract lots of women. The strange thing is women seem to like the already married men and lots of men seem to have a wife and a girlfriend, of course until the wife finds out about it then there is another recycled man in circulation unless the girlfriend takes him on as the new wife, and then he goes and gets another girlfriend. And so the cycles repeat.
1 person likes this
You are a humorous person, your response makes me laugh non stop. Being single and never married before gives you the freedom of choice and will never go through the recycle process
@livvy252003 (178)
• United States
28 Oct 08
My guy is "recycled" so to speak, and yes, he came with ton's of baggage. Apparently no one has ever been so good to him. In his previous marriage, his wife did not cook, do laundry unless it was her's or even clean. So all that fell on him. His mom told me that one day while she was there visiting , "kim" was doing laundry and she happened to notice that she was only doing her's and asked was she going to do Joel's and she replied NO, he could do it his self. Mom was enraged and set about doing Joel's laundry asap...While our road has been tough, we are working out the kinks and plan to marry for better or worse on October 31, 2009!!
1 person likes this
@livvy252003 (178)
• United States
29 Oct 08
I agree, I wouldn't call it pity though, I just think we make each other better!!
@danishcanadian (28954)
• Canada
27 Oct 08
I am married to a man who has been divorced three times. There have been some challenges, breaking him of old habits, but we are going pretty well, and we have a great relationship.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
27 Oct 08
Recycling has very good effects on the environment. I suppose we all are recycled by the universe when we die, our atoms and molecules reused in some novel ways. Emotional recycling might result in a good thing. Cheers!!!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
It links closely to that. Recycled men, as they call them, may be more sensitive and less selfish in their next relationship. They have realised their mistakes and grown emotionally from it. One good thing, he knows how to be intimate, how to be open. So dating a recycled man is much better then a greenhorn!
@Jezebella (1446)
• United States
27 Oct 08
I am dating a divcorcee and I don't think anything of it. He has no emotional attachments to his ex. I see it more of dating a man who was in a long term relationship or a 4 yr one which is how long it lasted. I think he is ready for a relationship heading somewhere because of things he said and well I don't think he would start dating someone unless he was ready.
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
28 Oct 08
Hi zandi! What an interesting term! Yes, it works for me!
Of course, once you hit your thirties you are surely
going to run in to nothing but recyled me maybe not once
but twice or more! So you'd better get used to it! Just
hope that they don't have too much baggage! That is the
way of the world we live in! By the age of thirty a man
can have been married once or twice and have any number
of kids and issues and this is what you are going to find.
So if you want to be out there in the the world of dating
you have to know that this is what you are going to find
and just be prepared for it.
@lady_cayote (153)
• Philippines
28 Oct 08
I totally agree, thwey have tons of emotional issues as well and they are so struggling to be accepted. i've been in a similar relationship years ago and itis indeed difficult dealing with this kind of man. He finds it hard to trust you. he lives in the shadows of his past relationshp and is struggling so hard to make the present one perfect. got lots of hang ups too.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
28 Oct 08
In normal cases, intense feelings of rivalry can be sparked because, by definition, his former wife came first. The temptation to compare yourself with her can be irresistible, this is made worse by the knowledge that she will never be out of the picture.
