She knows how to borrow , how come she does not know how to pay back!

@salonga (27820)
Philippines
October 30, 2008 8:28pm CST
I disappointed a friend but I have no regrets! Yesterday she was borrowing some money because she was going home to her province for the All Saint's Day. She needed extra cash of course. But I turned down her request. Why? She has previous loan from me and she never cared to pay me back. I am not the type who would ask payment. I just waited if she would pay or not. Well, she did not She's been working and earning but living quite extravagantly. Now she has the guts to borrow again. Well, I said "No! I have money but I also need this for the holiday!" I did the right thing! Did I? Have you had same experience and how did you deal with it?
5 people like this
31 responses
@jstmarfz (1498)
• United States
31 Oct 08
I certainly agree with you. You did the right choice of not letting your friend borrow in the second time for money. Sometimes, friends take advantage to us when it comes to money. And sometimes money are the reason to ruin the friendship. Like in my experience, not just a friend but relatives borrowed money from me. I just wait for the due date they promised to pay back but they never did and if I keep reminding them that I need my money back because I need it, for them I am being greedy about money. And if I can't let them loan the money they asked, they would sya bad things behind my back and would get mad at me. But if there are times I am the one need to borrow money, there are lot of excuses from them. that s*cks!
3 people like this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Oh imagine, it's you who become greedy when in back they are the ones who are! Imagine borrowing but not paying! Who then are greedy! Yes, we really have to mark those kind of people. Let them realize they can't fool all people all the time. Thanks my dear for your good input! Have a nice weekend!
@rsa101 (29904)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Oh that is really a bad habit to have. Of course it is her obligation to pay you back. I think you are just right not to give her another loan which I think will be long forgotten again.
2 people like this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Yes, exactly! She will again forget the next loan I am sure! And I'm not gonna let her do that again. I don't need a friend like her! Thanks friend for your kind words! Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (29904)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
I also think you have all the right to ask for her previous loan from you. I really don't think there's nothing wrong reminding her of that.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Yes, thank you dear for giving me the idea. I think I should really require her to pay me with the past loan. By next week I'd do that. Thanks again!
@ladybug565 (2217)
• United States
31 Oct 08
That sounds exactly like my situation. I think you did the right thing, I started saying no to my friend except for little things because even though she owes me money she keeps getting new things before she can pay me back. I dont like to say anything either so I just tell her I dont have any money right now. It is very hard to say no to a friend. Good luck.
2 people like this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Yes, it is very hard to refuse a friend but sometimes there are those who are taking advantage of our kindness. I think we have to be tough sometimes in order for them to realize that they have already ruin their reputation. I mean money should not be a reason for destroying one's credibility but I'm sad money people sacrifice their good name if only for money. Thanks for your kind thoughts ladybug. Have a nice weekend!
• United States
31 Oct 08
you have a nice weekend also. good luck.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
2 Nov 08
I salute you for telling it straight to her that you have money but you will also use it, when people approach me and when I know they are the type who never pays back I simply said I have no extra money. Bu then again when some people would borrow some money to us (like my mom) we sometimes say no because we cannot let go of the money or we have no money to let go, when I say let go it means that whey we lend it to someone we are not expecting them to pay it back.
2 people like this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Some people would say borrow but actually not paying back anymore. I have a niece who is more often than not depending on me. Every time he needs money, he would say " My I borrow?" Of course that borrow happened almost a hundred times but paying has never come even for once. I can't however help it, every time he would borrow again, I can't refuse him. He has no permanent job and he has 5 little kids. I can't afford to see the kids starving!
• United States
31 Oct 08
whenever ive had to borrow money..and i dont ever do it unless i dont have a penny to my name and i havent eaten in a couple of days...i always feel embarrassed and horrible if it takes me longer than a month to repay it. i would NEVER EVER ask to borrow more money if i hadnt even been able to pay part of what i already owed. that being said if i was "living extravagantly" (personally i would feel too guilty to even try to live that way) i could certainly never have the guts to ask to borrow again! what nerve! i cannot stand ppl like that, they are taking advantage of you because they KNOW you are a good person and that you WANT to help..cause thats what friends are supposed to do right? you did the RIGHT THING! there comes a time when you have to put your foot down for your own good. if she needs money that bad that she is needing to borrow it, then she can SELL some of her OWN things to get it! Good for You!!
2 people like this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Your attitude is that of a person with dignity. How I wish all people are like you my dear. I never imagine this friend to have the guts to come to me again borrowing money. Of course I will not allow her to fool me again. I am not even living extravagantly the way she does. You are right, she should rather sell her own things! Ha!ha!ha! Thanks for backing me up. I like your thoughts! Cheers!
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
hi! well i think, there is nothing wrong with what you have done. i would have done the same thing. I am like you also, I dont want to ask payment, the borrower should have the initiative to pay. once a person didnt pay his loan to me, i'll never lend him again. take care
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
It's quite ironic that the lender is even the one ashamed to demand payment! But the bad creditor likes that attitude so much and instead of getting ashamed herself, she seemed to be taking advantage. Well, I will not let her repeat the damage! Thanks for your thoughts! Have a nice weekend!
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
31 Oct 08
I think, you have the right reason to say no my friend. If she lives extravagantly then borrow money from others? NO good!! and the worst, she never remembers to pay back? my goodness!! with our present economic situation today? she should realize that we should live within our means. Spend only for the needs not for the wants. I agree with what you did, we should execute discipline to the Social climbers around us. hahahaha. I just don't understand why some people are striving to reach the moon even if it is impossible for them to reach it. You know what I mean? Happy Halloween.
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Right your are my friend. Imagine she has the guts to still come back and borrow money. I thought she will never dare borrow from me again because of the past unpaid due but no, she still did! Oh what kind of friend is that! Have a nice weekend friend!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10685)
• United States
31 Oct 08
hahaha Maybe she knows that you are a Christian and she grabbed that opportunity thinking that it's ok to abuse because Christians are known to have high tolerance. But if it happens with me, I will do the same. We are not trying to be mean but, just helping her not to be buried with debts. Anyway, Lots of people are like that.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
But Christians are supposed to be wise and not fool. So she can't fool me! Ha!ha!ha! I'm kind and highly tolerant only to those who deserve.
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
31 Oct 08
Here some people like borrow money from others, while do not pay back again. In this case, most people will not lend them any more. Now usually people will write down a note and sign both name on it, so if one lend money and do not pay it back in time, we can use the law to protect ourselves. But if really that happened, there is no friend at all. I think if we really want to keep the friendship, the best way is not lend them money but give them a way to make money.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Hi! It's okay to lend money but just learn how to payback. How can a friend trust a person who abuses kindness. I mean in good faith I gave me help but after that she totally forgot to pay back and then she's coming again to ask help. I can't tolerate that.
1 person likes this
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
31 Oct 08
I believe there are more kind people in the world. So when a friend ask me to lend him/her some money to help him/her out of the bad condition, I really will give put my hand, with no other reason. If he/she pays back in time, I will still help he/she next time. But meeting those only borrow while no pay back is an unhappy experince. If ask he/she pay back before borrow again, there must something terrible happened. So now I try to not lend them money while use other way instead.
1 person likes this
@zeroflashx2 (2489)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
For me, yeah, there's nothing wrong in turning her down. If she is living extravagantly, she has no excuse why she wasn't able to pay her loan. It's totally understandable and I've had experienced it as well when someone didn't pay his debt. I never let him borrow money again even how much he begged me. It's not that easy to borrow from me and I really don't let someone loan from me if my trust in that person has already been broken. I'd rather use the money for myself by that time. Take care.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
It seems that there are many people who are like that friend of mine. So it is up for us to mark those kind of people. We should not tolerate their wrong attitude. I mean destroying hername just for money! I don't need such kind of friend! Thanks dear for your input! Have a nice weekend!
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
31 Oct 08
they don,t get it you get the loan pay it back then when you need something you can get it you can lose some really good friends loaning money.
@rytnlxm (310)
• China
31 Oct 08
Hi,salonga.You did the right thing!I think I am lucky because my friends often pay me back.For me,if my friend is really short of money and badly need it I will lend her,even though I know maybe she will not have money to pay back.But since your friend is a extravagant people,that is another situation.We work hard to earn the money,we should take good advantage of them,right?
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Hi rytnlxm! Nice to hear from you again! Yes, it's okay to lend even for a thousand time to those who really are in need. It does not affect me at all if they could not pay me back, In fact, I have extended loan to another friend and I did not consider that as loan anymore. When she was paying, I told her to just keep the money because I know she needed it more. But i know when a person is already fooling me so this friend of mine deserved that rejection. Thanks for your input. Have a nice weekend!
@rytnlxm (310)
• China
31 Oct 08
Yes,it is really a long time since I last logged in mylot.I miss all the friends here.You know what,I was just seeing the TV play"Friends" before I saw your discussion.They often have bifurcations and quarrel at times but they are still friends.So I think a real friend will not get angry with you just because you didn't lend her money.
• Philippines
1 Nov 08
Hi there friend... Should it be termed a misfortune to have friends or acquaintances that borrow and do not know how to pay back...I can't really say. In your circumstance, it was all right to have turned her down. She really didn't deserve to borrow seeing as she lives quite extravagantly. In my mind, when a friend asks for financial help, I would normally give what I can regardless of any promise to pay back. Having that frame of mind now means that what I can does not necessarily mean the same amount the friend was borrowing. I recall a friend of mine who somehow always ends up with the short end of the stick. He is a family man with 4 kids and his youngest is sickly. There would be consecutive months when he would come knocking at my door, always relaying stories of how his expenses end up more than what they have because of his sick youngest child. They aren't very stable in income as it is only the wife that can work as he too gets sick easily. To an outsider, one could say "Be a man. Stand up. Take charge of things. You've got a family for heaven's sake!" and shut him off his borrowings. Yet pity seems to be his only recourse. He seems to stands no better than a street beggar. Money will really serve no one good if we submit to say that we can not serve without money. So with him I give what I can and not even think that his borrowing will ever see a payment back. Happy mylotting... Happy mylotting...
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
God sees our heart anyway and certainly He has a way of giving back to us whatever money we lose from unpaid loan. So it always pays to do act of kindness. But this is not however, a reason to tolerate an abuser. We also have to teach her a lesson. In the case of your friend, I think you know better if he is an abuser or not. Thanks friend for sharing! Have a nice day!
• Malaysia
31 Oct 08
Yes.You do the right thing. Don't ever gives a chance to her again after what she did to you. My colleagues who're borrowing me a money to repair a car until now never pay me back after one year already. I also nearly forgotten about this. When they are in need, they can act real good, hope for sympathy. Soon after they get it, they turn they back to us. It's like a betrayal act for me. If they still cannot payback on the promised time, nevermind ..just tell the truth. We can consider it again. Instead, they just run away silently without any news. What type of friend is that? Grrr.....
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Oh yes, they have a lot of promise when they are borrowing. They can even promise the moon and the starts to make you feel they are really true but after using up all the money...they'd forget their word. They sacrifice their name and honor just for money. What a shame! I think no one wants to keep such kind of friend!
• United States
31 Oct 08
Yes, you did the right thing. If you keep on giving her money, you're just teaching her that she can walk all over you with no remorse. It sounds like my mom, she will always borrow money from me without hesitation, but won't bother paying me back and I've never lived with her. Or, she will lie and say she paid me back.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
So it's your Mom who always borrow and never paid back! Oh yours is another situation. I don't know how is your arrangement or relationship with your Mom. But no matter what even if it was your Mom, she should still pay you back...unless she's financially disable which I think is not.
@checapricorn (16049)
• United States
31 Oct 08
[i]Hi salonga, Of course you did the right thing! LOL! That is a great lesson for other people who will pretend that they forget their previous loan...I am the type of a friend who will always ask the payment, I will no give any of my friends any reason to forget their loan..LOL! I work hard for my money and they have to value that! ANyway, this is very common among friends and do not worry about what you have did, it was the right thing![/i]
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Hi dear! Yes, they are very common so it's up for us to check them. We should never tolerate that kind of people. They give so much value on money to the point of sacrificing their honor and integrity. No one needs such kind of friend!
• United States
31 Oct 08
I have a test that I give to ever new friend I have ever had. I know that it sounds weird but, it has never failed me. When I first meet someone I don't really get close until they ask to borrow something then the test comes. If it is something small then ok. And, I see how long it is before they give it back. If they give it back soon, then they are keepers. If they never give it back then lose them. And, I never never loan anything that will bother me if they don't give it back. I just tell them, I can't and make-up a reason. If they get mad to bad. If they understand then that's nice. But, that way I never get stuck with a friend I don't trust. I use this on my family members too.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Oh that is a good test for new friends! Maybe I should do the same! It's one good way of screening who are the people worth keeping as friend. Thank you for giving me a good idea.! Cheers!
@mimico (3618)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Yes, I think you did the right thing. SOme people just have no sense when it comes to financial matters. I saw a segment on Oprah's show the other day where a mother of five keeps shopping and shopping even when she is heavily in debt already. She knows that she has to change but has some problem stopping. Like she feels good every time she spends money but it only lasts for a while until the reality of her situation sinks in.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Oh it is already some sort of psychological problem. That woman needs psychiatric help! What a pitiful and hard condition. Imagine being heavily sunk into debt! I can't imagine there is such kind of sickness! Thank you for letting me know. Maybe that friend of mine has such problem!
@ladym33 (10990)
• United States
31 Oct 08
I don't blame you. If someone already borrowed money from me and did not have the consideration to pay me back, especially when I know they were able to I would not lend to them again. I pretty much go by the phylosophy now that if I lend somebody money I am pretty much giving it to them. My husband and I have given a couple of family members large amounts of money. These are people who were strugging, and still are. Unless they win the lottery I don't ever expect to get them money back ever. So we have pretty much just given it to them. Actually we did not give them cash we paid their rent and thier mortage and wrote checks to their mortgage companies and landlords. We did that so they would not get kicked out of their homes and they could get caught up on other bills, neither of them are too bright when it comes to money so if we had given them cash they might have mishandled it. With the economy such as it is right now, and the fact that we have some home repairs coming up we won't be able to lend any money to anyone for a while. But in your situation you did the right thing, I don't blame you at all.
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
I have extended loans to friends and relatives but seeing them in a very tight economic situation I have already stopped expecting they can pay back and in fact there are those who in good faith tried paying me back but I told them to just keep the money. I mean this is entirely a different case with someone who lives extravagantly or beyond her means.
@zoneday (142)
• Malaysia
31 Oct 08
Never mind, now you know more about your friend. This is a process of life, friends tend to have the good one and the bad one. Find out more when you have more financial relation between your friends.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Yes, somehow this teaches me a lesson and it also enables me to know her even better. This is part of knowing who are the friends to keep and who are those who should be discarded. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Have a nice day!
@nengs10 (3183)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Many friendships and relationships have been destroyed because of these instances. I know how hard it is to be in this situation since I have experienced this myself before. It hurts at some point but what can we do? The betrayal has been done and that it's just better to pray for the people who have wronged us.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Yes it is a sad fact that it has destroyed so many relationship. Yes you are right... it is better for those people who have wronged us and also we also have to tell them directly what wrong they have done. Thanks Neng! Have a nice day!
@jewilim (495)
• Philippines
31 Oct 08
Well i think what you did was right and i think if i were also in your place i would have also done the same thing. I think its ok if she doesnt get mad at you but i think it would really be too shameless of her if she would get mad if you wont let her borrow any amount. I have also experienced the same thing and i think there are really people that are like that, they are just good to you then they need something from you and sometimes you just did what you though is right because you want to help then so you lend them some money but after that they would pretend to forget either intentionally or not because they dont want to pay you back anymore. When i experienced the same thing as you did before i really tried to remind the person if he could already pay me back because it is mine and not his and i just lend it to him. Anyways it too quite sometime for him to pay me back and after that i did not lend him any amount again even if he ask me over and over. I think its not us who should remind them that they have to pay their debt but they should be ashmed if they didnt pay us back. I think there are just people who are like that and i think it may be because of where they grew up.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27820)
• Philippines
3 Nov 08
Yes they pretend they forget the money they borrowed which is impossible. They are just trying to forget but certainly they will never. It's good that you have the courage to demand payment. I think that is my fault, I am always ashamed to ask payment. But this time perhaps I have to change. I'm meeting her this week to demand payment from the first loan.