I am now AFRAID to say I LOVE YOU...

@andak2007 (3229)
Philippines
November 7, 2008 6:14am CST
WHY? you then ask? Well before i was just a simple girl looking for the love of her life and thought that I found it..at the beginning of the marriage it was just fine but now we are married for almost 4 years...when we lie together in bed..me hugging him...i always wanted to utter the word but never dared because i am so afraid...afraid because every time i say it...i get no response...sad but this is the truth. I get no response even a yes or I LOVE YOU TOO...NOTHING...does this mean he do not love me or just shy still to say it?
5 people like this
23 responses
• United States
7 Nov 08
Marriage I must say changes the relationship for some people. I know I've done it twice. I think as time goes on the partner is taken for granted. Honestly, I would tell him I would like a response; because it is something the you need to hear. But if he is acting responsibly by the family; I wouldn't worry too much.
2 people like this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
sometimes you just need to hear the words...i know action speaks louder than words but there is something lacking...those word is like your assurance of his love and his commitment for that love...and yeah you are right the partner is really being taken for granted especially if you are just a stay at home mom.
@ellie26 (4140)
• Malaysia
7 Nov 08
Sometimes there is no need to utter those beautiful words. Your gesture towards him will speak for itself. Cheers.
2 people like this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
it is not me who has a problem saying it..i always say it before but now i have to stop because i get no response and it makes me angry.
@salonga (27821)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Well there are men who just not expressive in terms of words so you need not be afraid. Just speak out the Three Words and I believe whether he answers or not that has some impact on him. For as long as your man is showing his affection in different ways more than just saying those words, you need not be afraid.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
i know friend sometimes i just get so hurt..sometimes he takes me for granted.
1 person likes this
@salonga (27821)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Just be patient with him and keep on doing and being at your best!
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
sometimes i just get mad at myself for taking myself for granted..it seems i am so consumed by taking care of the kids that i forget my own needs.
@savypat (20244)
• United States
9 Nov 08
If you cannot be honest with him you are going to have a much harder time keep this marriage together. Love is a word that has many meanings and you need to come right out and talk about this. Men do not usually want to talk about their emotions, they see it as a sign of weakness so be patient.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
does this mean he always have to appear strong and able?well yes i have not been honest with him and i know he is not being honest with me too...the only time that we get to talk about our problems is when we quarrel and we fight...sad but that is the truth...talk about a healthy relationship.
@savypat (20244)
• United States
9 Nov 08
How old are you? A lot of this communication comes with growing up and becoming more sure of yourself. I think you have answered your own questions. Make sure you make a list of good and bad in the relationship so that it is clear in your mind. Then burn the list you wouldn't want it to get into the wrong hands. Good luck
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
8 Nov 08
Hi there andak2007 I would think this would feel very hurtful for you. I take it you have never asked him why he doesn't respond? When I used to say it to my husband when we were first married he would say thay I knew that he loved me and we didn't need to act like teenagers by saying it. This used to be very hurtful but it didn't stop me from saying it because I loved him and wanted to tell him how I felt and I think people need to hear it in a relationship. I would certainly question how your husdband feels about you that is for sure! Take care
@Humbug25 (12551)
9 Nov 08
You really must ask him, what are you afraid of as you say that your fear stops you?
@lynboobsy11 (11343)
• Philippines
14 Nov 08
I've been on that before I and as of now I still really don't know the answer. Is it really shy or is it getting used of the word? I know us wives really have the essence of being sweet and we really love to show our feelings verbally but you right the person were talking too did not response, I just sometimes thought to cut my tongue just not to say it. It really hurts for us but maybe that was the marriage life have going through, maybe a little talk and little bond is required so that the harmony will came back.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
17 Nov 08
up until now i have not said those words again..i am almost at the verge of saying it..i was about to open my mouth but i just have to stop myself...i do not want to get hurt anymore...i am trying to close my heart...and open my mind on the positive things that he does to our marriage...and i am slowly slipping away from him.
@dandan07 (1908)
• China
12 Nov 08
Love is not only a feeling, but also a rensponsibility. So I also feel it is quite hard to say " I love you" to people. I think I can not afford the burden right now. If I have said the word, I will treat my lover well, I believe.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
yes it is a responsibility i know and what a huge responsibility.
@rusty2rusty (6758)
• Defiance, Ohio
9 Nov 08
Just because your man does not tell he loves you, it doesn't me he doesn't. I should know. Because it took my husband two years before he told me the words I love you. Yep, he tried to be all macho about it. But he can't say it enough now. He is the first ine to say it.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
we are married almost 4 years...and still nothing...i know he still have the chance.
• United States
8 Nov 08
To andak: I have been married for almost 34 years. I came in to this marreage with four children. with one of them being handicap.oh' it wasn't easy. but We never forgot what made us fall in love.going through medical and evaluation. you would not beleave meif I told you. but he was right by my side. later on we had a child of our own. he didn't ever make a differnts. he has always been faithful, true to me,and a heaven sent. I satyed in a marriage for ten years before.just for the children sake.big mastake. before I left. I looked at my children,and wondered if they would ever miss him. but with no love in the house it was just that. a house. now I live in a home, with love,respect,cause he loves,and respects me.and I respect my self. no there's not a man like I got around every corner.but he always say's I love you. even when he had an open heart sugery. he came out of it. and the first thing he said was,I'm going to take you to hawiia. cause we don't know how much time we still have left in life. no were not rich. in fact we just barly get by from month to month.but if he stoped saying I love you. I would have to confront him. I couldn't live under that heart ack. so girl confront.that will easy your mind.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
as i am reading your post i could not help but marvel at your love for each other and i pray and hope that my husband could bring out the words...i know now that he loves me..for days i am observing his acts but we women just need to hear it..no i do not mean everyday i know it is too much to ask...but once in a while when he feels like saying it.
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
8 Nov 08
i am so sorry to hear that your hubby never answer your 'i love you' statement whenever you say it to him nowadays... my hubby sometimes behaves like that as well and i am also very disappointed and angry when he does that... what i do is, i tell him how i feel honestly to make him realise how i feel... and it actually helps because sometimes men just so insensitive and they don't realise that the small things that they do to us that can actually hurt us... so i will suggest you to speak to your hubby as well openly and tell him how i feel... hopefully, he will realise his mistake and change... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
i want the communication line open for both of us so that we will not be strangers as time goes by...and yet i don't want to nag and hate him..so i am really choosing my words very carefully when i talk to him and i try to be as calm as possible.
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Im a guy,i think most of us doesn't really express our feelings in words, but in actions.It doesn't mean that your husband dont love you or feel the same way you do just because he didn't reply.I think he's mind is focusing on your future as married couple.Maybe as time goes by, he will answer your expectations as your husband....
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
its very good to know that guys are also interested in this topic and i'm now being aware that he is not the only one having this difficulty...thank you for sharing your opinion.
@VenomX (22)
• Romania
8 Nov 08
i don't know what to say about this but i think he loves you even if he is not telling you that, but he knows for sure you love him:)
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
i know that i love him maybe that is why he is so confident that he will never lose me and wander around..hahaha.
@Nhey16 (2518)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
whoah... i do understand how you feel, sometimes i feel it too... there was a time he does that then discussed about it, there are things that he wants me to do and i want him to do, so we have to compromise with each other...at times my husband is not used to do things so he finds it awkward but since he knows that i want it, he has to adjust himself, even if he does not want it personally...
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
in my part..i want him to do it because he means it not just by doing extra things in the house but like exerting extra effort to make me special and loved and talking about being romantic and loving husband.
@sarazeng (221)
• China
8 Nov 08
Hi andak2007! The most important is how he treat you not what he said. Can you feel his love in daily life? He never said he loves you during these 4 years' marriage? Maybe you just asked him do you love me directly?
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
i can feel it...sometimes he takes me for granted.
• India
8 Nov 08
Actions speak louder than words. If he loves you an d shows it but does not say it, it should be ok. There is no point hin his saying I love you all day long but his actions prove other way round. so relax and take it easy. Don't give it so much of importance as long as he cuddles up and loves you in all other ways. Cheers up qan dsmile. One day your wlove will win him over and he will open up and utter teh magic words.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
now i am starting to see the light..it is just that i have doubts and i want it all erased.
@slash23 (102)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
Hi andak! Some men are not fond of saying I love you. My husband tells me that they prefer to do it through actions. Just think of those things that you're husband is currently doing for you e.g. helping you out with the household chores, blowing you kisses, hugging, massages, etc. I'm pretty sure that these speaks a lot more than those 3 magic words. :)
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
yes he does help me on the chores, he hugs me, he kisses me and he cooks for me...really those are enough?
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
No, it does not mean that he does not love you. Maybe, he is just shy to say that as what you have mentioned. Although, you can ask to him about that, open it up, and tell him everything about your concerns regarding this matter. God speed!
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
thank you for the advise given...it is much appreciated.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
Before you make a conclusion that your husband doesn't love you, the right thing to do is talk to him and you tell him your concern. Yes it's really true what most poster says here that men just have a hard time showing or expressing their feelings but that doesn't mean that they love you less.
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
i know...i know.
• Philippines
7 Nov 08
hi! women should consider that men are sometimes not too vocal of their feelings. most men show their love through actions. have you tried asking your husband why he did not respond when your saying I love you?. well i guess its about time to ask him why?
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
he said he is shy and yeah we already talked about it..its always me being vocal...sometimes i need him to initiate and be romantic.
@jillbeth (2710)
• United States
7 Nov 08
It's nice to hear those words, but some men just can't bring themselves to say them. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you. His actions each day will show you whether he truly loves you or not. Don't get hung up on hearing those words, and don't stop telling him that you love him! He may surprise you one day and return those words, or he may never, but that doesn't mean you still can't have a happy marriage.
1 person likes this
@andak2007 (3229)
• Philippines
8 Nov 08
im not so hung up on those words...i just need to hear it sometimes.