WHAT DO YOU THINK OF A BOYFRIEND THAT STEALINGS FROM THE HANDs THAT FEED HIM?

@annjilena (5620)
United States
November 8, 2008 10:25pm CST
if you been living with a man for 12 years and he haven,t had a job in the whole 12 years since you and he been together. he steal from her,he sales her stuff out of the house.once she had to move she packed all her stuff and stayed with a cousin for a few days she left him there in the house when she return to the house to pick up her things he had sold her things to get money for crack.this man is no earthly good for her,he curses her out in front of people, while she work he runs the street.he donot try to find work.he is a healthy man. then he trys to bring his family over to live in her house.i think she needs to get some help she is really depressed because he treats her so bad.she made a promise to his dying mother that she will care for him, but he have did nothing to help himself, he contributes to nothing in the household.she buys his clothes, and she feed him and he live there rent free.is it time to let this man go? what do you think about this? how long will she put up with this promises are ment to be broken.
6 people like this
23 responses
@carmela0210 (1591)
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
whoa!!!i think they very first time that the guy didn't give good things towards her and do all those bad stuffs, she should have leave that guy, 12 years is really long, shes such a martyr girl, too bad she has to stay with that kind of guy, and good thing she was not battered!!their are lots of guys out their and more good than that, maybe it was not the right guy for her, and it will not make her grow when she stays with that guy!!i remember before my ex boyfriend, he has nothing plans for himself he is just contented of being unemployed and asking money from his parents what i do is i leave him and i told him we can get back if he knows how to be responsible, not that i wanted so much money, im just thinking for himself also!!!happy lotting...
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
thats just it he has beaten her spirits down so bad i really believe she thinks she can,t get anybody else.he is forever putting her down and talking down to her a woman shouldn,t have to go through this iam open to sibjuetion to try to help her ,i been knowing her for 51 years and she is the sweetie person i know i remember once she met a stranger who was moving she had paid her first month rent but she had no money left to rent the truck to move her things she gave her the money to rent the truck and she drove the truck and moved all her things the woman kept saying i will pay you back of course she never did but she didn,t care she rejoiced just knowing this woman had a place to live and had her things was enough for her she was happy she do things like this all the time.gods going to bless her with something good in her life because her faith is so strong in god.thank you for sharing
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Nov 08
i dont think she cant get a better guy aside from that BAD guy!!if their is something that was not in our hands expect that GOD has this plans, a more beautiful plan for you, maybe right guy is just near and willing to take her, its just that she doesnt care!!at first its really hard to let go but if youre used already that the guy is not with you i would guarantee her that she enjoys it, tell her to love herself more than giving that guy so much love even if he doesnt deserves it!!
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
i think she going to have to let him go he is stressing her out she say thing like i have lived my life i say to her you still living your life she say it like there is nothing left for her,he has to get out her life she don,t deserve this my heart break to see her in so much pain.
@Sheepie (3115)
• United States
9 Nov 08
There's simply no reason for a guy to be like that, it's not justifiable. But if that's what she wants, she will have to deal with it until she realizes she deserves much better than that!
2 people like this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
she is sick of it here lately she have not been carrying her with him and she have cut herslef off from family and friends i really worry about her she deserve so much better she is so nice.her mom and dad try to talk to her about him he tried to curse her dad out and her brother step in and took it up.she rried to smooth thing over but her dad don,t like him because of the way he treats her daughter.
2 people like this
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
9 Nov 08
For one I think she deserves what shes getting for staying with him. Theres so long you can feel bad for someone until it just starts to get rediculous, and she passed that point a LONG time ago. Why even stay with a guy with no job and ambitions? Thats so unnatractive. A guy who doesnt have anyhting oging on with his life and doesnt have any plans of anyhting going on with his life. The second my boyfriend would steal from me Id dump his @$$ and move on with my life. I know its hard to get out of a 12 year relationship because its a long period of time that would feel like such a waste, but come on. Its ruining their life. She needs to get out, shes only making herself look pathetic.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
and i must tell you this she is the sweetie person you will ever meet she try to help so many people even stranger i tried talking with her about this because she is such a nice person she keep saying she made his dying mom a promise he is a 53 year old man if he not going to do it now he will never do it.
2 people like this
• India
9 Nov 08
yes i like
• Canada
9 Nov 08
I dont doubt that shes a sweetheart especially after not turning her back when she most deffinately should have, but hes not doing anything to help her in life. Hes being distructive and bringing her down, and theres only so much she can take before she realizes she has to ultimately look after the most important person in her life-herself.
1 person likes this
@SketcherD (1114)
• Canada
10 Nov 08
That is really sad. She doesn't have enough belief in herself to get away from this guy. I hate to see people in toxic relationships. My son is in one and it hurts me deeply.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
11 Nov 08
thats just it he has beaten her spirits down so bad i really believe she thinks she can,t get anybody else.he is forever putting her down and talking down to her a woman shouldn,t have to go through this iam open to subjection to try to help her,i been knowing her for 51 years and she is the sweetie person i know i remember once she met a stranger who was moving she had paid her first month rent but she had no money left to rent the truck to move her things she gave her the money to rent the truck and she drove the truck and moved all her things the woman kept saying i will pay you back of course she never did but she didn,t care she rejoiced just knowing this woman had a place to live and had her things was enough for her she was happy she do things like this all the time.gods going to bless her with something good in her life because her faith is so strong in god.thank you for sharing
@SketcherD (1114)
• Canada
13 Nov 08
That's just so terrible!!
@Ithink (10566)
• United States
9 Nov 08
How long she puts up with it is her choice. She really needs to come to terms that all he is doing is using her and he needs to grow up. For all the complaining she might do she is enabeling him to be like this. I also think calling him a man is way off, a man works and helps to make things better. It is actually in her hands to decide enough is enough. She might think it has been 12 years and it would be wasted time if she leaves. On the other hand, how many more years is she wasting with this bum, and feeling depressed and awful? If she stays the wasted years will get into the decades, NOW that would be a waste. I would never say promises are meant to be broken BUT there is a time when they need to be broken and I would say it is beyond that time!
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
she thinks she can,t get anybody else.he is forever putting her down and talking down to her a woman shouldn,t have to go through this iam open to sibjuetion to try to help her,i been knowing her for 51 years and she is the sweetie person i know i remember once she met a stranger who was moving she had paid her first month rent but she had no money left to rent the truck to move her things she gave her the money to rent the truck and she drove the truck and moved all her things the woman kept saying i will pay you back of course she never did but she didn,t care she rejoiced just knowing this woman had a place to live and had her things was enough for her she was happy she do things like this all the time.gods going to bless her with something good in her life because her faith is so strong in god.thank you for sharing
1 person likes this
@Ithink (10566)
• United States
9 Nov 08
Honestly unless she is ready to move on and get on with her life there is nothing that anyone can do. Low self esteem is part of the problem but at the same time it will just get worse as long as she allowes it. I have heard a saying, NOONE can make you feel less as a person UNLESS you let them. I hope your friend well but like I said if she isnt willing to go for a change there isnt anything anyone can do.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42607)
• United States
9 Nov 08
She has to put her foot doen and not buy him things there is help and then there is help or taking care. I dont think the mom would want her to put up with all this junk! She does need to get out of it and get another place. and make him get a job! that would do more of taking care of him that just giving him a hand out . He needs to grgow up. and really dont think she would be harmed by mom if she made him get a job that would be heling him self.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
and i must tell you this she is the sweetie person you will ever meet she try to help so many people even stranger i tried talking with her about this because she is such a nice person she keep saying she made his dying mom a promise he is a 53 year old man if he not going to do it now he will never do it.
@Lakota12 (42607)
• United States
10 Nov 08
THose sweet people that are the ones that get took advantage of and he sure has 53! wow If he is physically challenge then I would under stand some but for 1 years this lady has paid her dues to ding mom I would think!
10 Nov 08
Hi, annjilena. What can I say? I can't say it well. You know, it's much easier to say than to do. It's all up to you. You have to decide whether you still can bear him and live with him, whether he deserves your love or not, whether he should go or not. Couples in my country, females bear more than males, cheating, betraying, even beating. But some just don't separate or divorce easily even they don't love each other. It's really too sad. Maybe some traditional thoughts or conservative ideas have an influence on them. Good luck and take care.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
11 Nov 08
i think she going to have to let him go he is stressing her out she say thing like i have lived my life i say to her you still living your life she say it like there is nothing left for her,he has to get out her life she don,t deserve this my heart break to see her in so much pain.
@eddie42 (270)
• United States
9 Nov 08
this man is no good and give all mens a bad name dump him in the city dump
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
11 Nov 08
so true i think dumping him in the city dump is too good for him he have a profession he steals anything not nailed down.don,t you dare set your purse around him he will rob you in a blink of a eye.thank you for sharing
@baileycows (3667)
• United States
9 Nov 08
Well I am sorry how do you stay with someone for 12 years that has done nothing for themselves. I was dating my husband for 3mths when he stopped going to work for 4. We were not even living together then but that scared me that I was fixing to get a moocher. Now there was something going on his life but it took me 3 years before I married him because I wanted to be sure he was going to help in providing for our family. This guy sounds like a big loser and she needs to move on you cant change everyone they have to want to do it for themselves and if she lets him he will do it.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
yes it.s time she do something he is not getting any better he haven,t done anything with his life in 12 years he not going to do it he be saying stuff like i live off the land.this man will not work at all he want even seek food stamps he is sorry iam sorry to say.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
9 Nov 08
i do believe that it is for her own sanity that she would leave this man immediatedly. She has tried to save him from his habit a couple of times but he is not doing his best. So why persist? © ronaldinu 2008
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
yes it.s time she do something he is not getting any better he haven,t done anything with his life in 12 years he not going to do it he be saying stuff like i live off the land.this man will not work at all he want even seek food stamps he is sorry iam sorry to say.
1 person likes this
• India
26 Nov 08
if she really loves him to her heart try to create an open conversation between themselves,so that tey can lead abetter non frustrating life.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
27 Nov 08
update coming up
• United States
11 Nov 08
It's past time for her to let this man go. The only people who need to be "taken care of" are those who cannot do for themselves. If this man is able bodied, he doesn't need her help. He's just lazy. I have a hard time feeling sorry for her, though. It's obvious this guy is a jerk, she has to know that and she should have, at the very least, thrown him out. If she has evidence against him, she should have him arrested.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
11 Nov 08
it.s time she do something he is not getting any better he haven,t done anything with his life in 12 years he not going to do it he be saying stuff like i live off the land.this man will not work at all he want even seek food stamps he is sorry iam sorry to say.
@dodo19 (42745)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
11 Nov 08
His actions are unjustifiable. He has no right to sell her stuff. It's like telling her that he doesn't care. He's just a loser, and she could find better. It's not right. He has no right to do this to her, after she feeds him, pays the rent, etc. But if this is what she wants, then there's nothing more to say really.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
11 Nov 08
so true i think dumping him in the city dump is too good for him he have a profession he steals anything not nailed down.don,t you dare set your purse around him he will rob you in a blink of a eye.thank you for sharing
@mariposaman (2967)
• Canada
10 Nov 08
First of all please assure me this is not you . I would hate to think you are going through this. Second he can only walk all over her if she lets him which she seems to be willing to do. You say it was his dying mother that made her a promise. I think it is a case of the mother saw a sucker and took advantage. Like mother like son. Third, this woman would be better off by herself than with mr. Loser. Unfortunately some of these women finally get rid of one mr. Loser and go right back into a relationship with mr. Loser #2 they do not shed the emotional baggage that keeps them in these destructive relationships. She must be pretty desperate for a man to settle for mr. Loser. What kind of mother would have someone promise to spend their life in hell looking after her loser son. She is disrespecting her own parents by not abiding by her own parents wishes. Fourth, I am looking for a nice woman, but they seem to be so busy looking after losers, I do not know why kind women hook up with rotten men. If it is not rotten men then it is married men. What can you do about this? I am not sure. Maybe someone who does councelling at a woman's shelter can help you. You sound like a good friend so do not give up on her.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
11 Nov 08
no this is not me it,s a friend that i have known all my life i would have let this bumb go a long time a go.i think she have took to much off this man trying to keep a promise this man clearly don,t care from his action/i think she did too to try to put such a respondiblity on a person thats weights to heavy for anyone to carry.actually she have told him to leave many times and she have moved 2 times in 2 months trying to get away from him i think she needs to seek the law to help her.he don,t no what no means.thank you for your concern
@winterose (39892)
• Canada
9 Nov 08
what she is doing is not helping him, helping him is getting him into a rehab program and having him kick that habit. She does not need to live like that and ruin her life because of a promise she made to his mother who probably would never have helped her over her son
@lingli_78 (12833)
• Australia
9 Nov 08
i wouldn't even think twice of leaving him... and it will be long long time ago... i can't believe that she actually can stand living with him for 12 years after all that he had done to her... that is incredible... for me, if my hubby is going to do the things that he does, i will make sure that he is gone from the house at that very moment... it is either me or him who leave the house... take care and have a nice day...
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
well said she do deserve better she needs to let this man go are children is grown he have done nothing for her in all these years he could never make up what he have done to her.my dad say he need to be taking to the woods and shot but what will this solve just let it go and gain peace.thank you for your words they are well taken
• United States
9 Nov 08
smart Guy shes the dumb one for sticking around for 12 yrs id kick him to the curb real fast there are believe it or not good guys out there and one can live better alone than with this creep around!
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
thats just it he has beaten her spirits down so bad i really believe she thinks she can,t get anybody else.he is forever putting her down and talking down to her a woman shouldn,t have to go through this iam open to sibjuetion to try to help her,i been knowing her for 51 years and she is the sweetie person i know i remember once she met a stranger who was moving she had paid her first month rent but she had no money left to rent the truck to move her things she gave her the money to rent the truck and she drove the truck and moved all her things the woman kept saying i will pay you back of course she never did but she didn,t care she rejoiced just knowing this woman had a place to live and had her things was enough for her she was happy she do things like this all the time.gods going to bless her with something good in her life because her faith is so strong in god.thank you for sharing
• Malaysia
9 Nov 08
guy like that, my advise, just leave him. nothing positive from him. whatever and whoever, when it comes to stealing, it's a bad attitude. if love that make you stay with him, then try to change him to be a good man. if no change, leave him. because if he loves you back, he'll change.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
yes it.s time she do something he is not getting any better he haven,t done anything with his life in 12 years he not going to do it he be saying stuff like i live off the land.this man will not work at all he want even seek food stamps he is sorry iam sorry to say.
@deedeehall (1144)
• United States
9 Nov 08
what?is this a grown man or a child?if he is a grown man he needs to seek help. and the first thing he needs to do is get a job .i agree you are allowing this man to walk on you and you are hurting him more by allowing this.life is to short!
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
well said she do deserve better she needs to let this man go are children is grown he have done nothing for her in all these years he could never make up what he have done to her.my dad say he need to be taking to the woods and shot but what will this solve just let it go and gain peace.thank you for your words they are well taken
@skysuccess (8880)
• Singapore
9 Nov 08
annjilena, It's probably a karmic relationship as she finds difficulties in severing the twisted emotional bonds of her love. This man understands her vulnerability and seeks to exploit it relentlessly. In her situation, the first thing she ought to or rather MUST learn is to QUIT being (or acting) as a nice gal. If this is the man whom she wants to be with, cease acting noble and let love govern her actions instead. What's with the being so nice, tending to his whims and woes and giving him money for his habits? Is she being naive here, spoiling him and thinking that it will move him and let senses return back to him and celebrate her utter failure which she has inevitable led herself into? And goodness! I read through your entire post and she NOT only allow herself be walloped by him (which she should have demonstrated strength and firmness instead), she literally accepted whatever plot this man had devised and ended up being a pawn in this game of emotional blackmail for 12 years! My, my I am just shaking my head in total amazement. If she wants to make things work, she has got to learn to live her REAL self. Drop soft, diplomatic, politically-correct approaches and all the whats not that society or serial dramas has somehow taught her. You should have envisage my reaction when I read all that you have written. Especially all those treatments she has been subjecting herself into all these years without even considering totally walking out on the first few years because that's totally inconceivable in my opinion. Completely wrong - probably taken out from a typical movie or serial script and she don't even know or bothered to do the rightful. Let me ask you a question objectively: if this happens to you, would you even convince yourself to return back to such a guy? In other words, back to hell? Chances are, you wouldn't. So why the exception for this friend of yours whom you care so much? I hate to be in both your friend's and your position. One being not knowing if she will really come to her senses to heed your advice and walk out of her misery. The other being you, as in whether you are able to convince her round it or just have to keep that safety air bag inflated below, watching her continue hurting herself with this man and hoping to catch her when she eventually falls off from this treacherous cliff. I think the answer and path is very clear here, however, no amount of words and efforts will be justified if she does not want to disengage her promise to a deceased and continues to carry on with him. 12 years is a relatively long time and I think she should ask herself just how many more 12 years does she have. I've got only 3 words for her: "She deserves better!" Cheers.
@annjilena (5620)
• United States
9 Nov 08
well said she do deserve better she needs to let this man go are children is grown he have done nothing for her in all these years he could never make up what he have done to her.my dad say he need to be taking to the woods and shot but what will this solve just let it go and gain peace.thank you for your words they are well taken
1 person likes this