And they took him away...
By kat_princess
@kat_princess (1470)
Philippines
November 11, 2008 2:00am CST
My fiance is gone because his parents would do anything to keep us apart.He's in Canada right now.We were only given a 2 day notice prior to their departure.They even timed it when I was away and far from him as me and my family were on the way to the province.It was so bad.I wanted to believe that this is all just a nightmare but when I heard the paging system of the airport when he called me a few minutes before their departure time,I cried,I screamed.I was begging him not to do this but there was nothing I could do.I know he'd do the same for me.The night before he left he was planning to runaway but his parents were awake so before he left,his tears fell like rain that day.Mine too up to this day.I know he never wanted to leave but his parents made surprise attacks when our guard is down.There was nothing he can do.But as of now,I'm calling for help everywhere.He did too.We're so sad because we're so far from each other and we still don't know when he'll come back.Well,his parents planned this well.First,they didn't enroll him for the first semester.Second,they knew that it was against his will to leave so they made an excuse/did something to make him agree to go to the Canadian Embassy for the interview saying that it's only a mock interview.Third,above all people who knew the news,we were the last ones who knew about it.Fourth,they knew how much the first of every month is important to us because it's our monthsary Ok.I know that my fiance is an only child and my parents understand that they do not want a competitor in his attention but this is getting too much.They keep on hurting my feelings even if I don't to anything bad to them.I did everything to adjust to them but it's just one-sided.I don't have to keep it long.Just ask if there's something you want to clarify.All I'm seking right now is help and support.Please feel free to comment.
3 people like this
20 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Nov 08
This is all hard for me to understand. I did look at your profile and I see that you are 21 and so I'm assuming that your boyfriend is at least that old. You are from another country and so your're ways are different. At 18, I was no longer under the rule of my parents...refused to be. My mother was very controlling and she hated that I was so independently minded. I was not disrespectful at all to my parents but at 18 I was ready to live my own life as I saw fit. I don't understand that at your ages why you are still under rule and thumb of parents. At your age I was married and had a child and working and supporting myself...free from parents thumb. must be different cultures?
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
We are from the Philippines.Well,it's different here because perhaps in your country you principle is once you're 18,you live your own life.Our principle is provide for your child until he's ready to provide for himself.We're still studying and we're still dependent on our parents.If they don't provide for us while we're not yet ready,they go to jail because they can be charged for negligence.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Nov 08
well as long as your parents are legally responsible for you then you have to abide by their rules and ways. Personally, I disagree with that tradition but that's just me. I think as parents it is our job to raise our kid's to be independent because we won't always be here to take care of them. I just can't imagine being your age and still counting on mom & dad to support me.
@katrhina23 (1282)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I feel sorry that this things had to happen. But anyway, I just think the family is seeking for greener pasture and they needed to have their son with them. I just hope you try to understand the situation. he is already 21 years old and if it will be difficult for him to to canada when he already apst that age. I am sure you know that. The parents know what 's best for their son. He needed to be with him so he can be a permanent resident of that country.
There are lots of ways to communicate with a love one. Technology is very powerful. a lot of relationships have already survived. Try to understand. it is not easy for the parents to do that. But they are thinking of their only child's future. The opportunity can not wait anymore. But you can still wait since both of you are too young.
Think in a more positive way. Why are they like competing for their son's attention ? Why did they try to separate you both? It's because their son is being stubborn and wouldnt follow them because of you. Its because they want to give better life to their son. its because they're thinking of his future. Its ebcause thy're thinking of his future family.
You know how difficult living in the Philippines. Even the rich families are having difficulty. Try to comprehend that it is for you and his future.
Try to redirect your plans. Give him more time. You are still starting with your life. Enjoy it and be happy.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
It's not that.It's just for a vacation.And among all people who ast kne the news of their departure,why does it need to be us?And why did they time telling it to their son while I'm away?They would always attack us when our guard is down.In the first place,their son wouldn't be stubborn if they treated me right.He is just doing the right decision because he knows that I'm the innocent one being attacked by his demon parents.He'll be back.He said that.He left against his will and he'll leave that country as soon as the trip is rebooked.I'm very disappointed with your comment because you're jumping in conclusions while you didn't bother asking me for details.No offense.
1 person likes this
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
I won't get dramatic if we were informed properly and not attacked from behind.Among all people who knew about the news,why does it have to be us who will last know about it?They even timed tellung their son about it when I was not around and was far away.For me it's so traumatic because I never got to say the things that I have to say and worse,I didn't even get to hug him or kiss him or say how much I love him.
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (37933)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
I am as surprised to see these things still happening in our present day. I thought I can only see and hear stories about this one on TV dramas only. I am just curios is the guy coming from a Chinese Family? Because I hear Chinese especially the traditional ones are really very discriminating when choosing for their son's fiancee if that is an only son or the first born one the more they can become more stricter. I just hope that you would find peace with them since if you are really sure of getting him as your husband you should make peace with his parents since its them you will deal for the rest for your lives. I also think that your BF should also start going to be independent too. It seems that till now he is very much afraid to stand on his own and decide what he wants in life. He could easily refused to go to Canada if he doesn't really want to.
@rsa101 (37933)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Well I guess you might be considering trying to make amends with his parents in the future. Although Filipino families are starting to live on separate ways but then relations with family should not be broken because of marriage. For now I think since he is not around maybe focus on your studies and after that find work to prove that you can really stand on your own with him. I think his parents just wants their son to find a job so that he can provide you with a better life. Getting married without any job to start with is difficult nowadays. Since you are planning on living separately from your parents, then it is necessary that you should financially secure yourself first before thinking of settling down. If you two are planning to set up a business it is more difficult since you have to do everything to make that business standing up.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
No he's not.I'm the one with Chinese decent.Well,I tried making adjustments for them so we can have a harmonious relationship but it was always on my side.How about them?It won't work if it's just one-sided.Correction,it won't be them that I'll be dealing for the rest of my life.It would be their son.After all,the trend of extended families barely exist now in the Philippines.Newly-wed couples now a days live their own lives."Bukod" is what you call it here.Well,I know of my guy being brave.But he was deceived by his parents that's why he got so shocked upon seeing the passport,the visa,and the ticket.He tried to runaway that night but his parents were awake so when he left,his tears fell like rain that day because he didn't want to leave me but the demons took him away.
1 person likes this
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I am sorry that you are hurting right now, really. But I do have a couple of questions.
1. Isn't he an adult? If this is true why couldn't he just say no?
2. Given all this drama, despite you loving him why would you want to marry him?
With regard to question 2, my dear if it is this miserable with his parents now believe me it won't get better.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
Well,we are adults as we are both 21 and with regard to question number 2,well,in the Filipino setting,21 is the age were you're in the final year in college depending on your course and your school standing.I can't marry him just yet as we both don't have jobs yet but he promised to marry me as soon as we graduate since I'm already in my final year in college.We're doing everything to fight for this relationship.I know in whatever situationthere may be,love will find a way.If this relationship is centered in God,I know that this will be a strong one.Before in our country,as family bonds here are strong,we have extende families but now,it is more suitable if you live independently.I have heard of stories where the in-laws are the "bad people" but they managed to get over this kind of situation by moving away and living their lives independently and they were happy as they should be.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
They took him to Canada for a vacation.And about the government things,you know what money can do.Well,his mom didn't make him enroll for the first semester as she planned this really well.By the time he comes back,I know he'll do everything to make up with the days he wasn't around.It's only a few months before I graduate.We have faith in our abilities.Meanwhile,we're planning to start a small business of our own when he comes back to help sav for our wedding.Just wish us luck and all the best.Thanks.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I really am not trying to be a wet blanket. Really. I understand that you love each other and want to marry.
I also understand some of the cultural issues have several friends from your country.
I guess I should have asked my first question differently. Is the reason he went with his parents to Canada a purely financial one? I am assuming that he is also in school and requires their financial support to finish, is this correct?
How were they able to keep this decision from him. A move to another country is not one that is simple to make. There are many things that must be undertaken for this to work, including the government approvals such as the interview that he had to participate in. I think this was rather naive of him to not know.
But as to my second part, Kat I understand that you are hurting right now. I understand that you love him. Given your culture, and his obvious dependency upon the financial support and goodwill of his parents, how do you see your future. From experience if it is this bad now, how do you see yourself as a couple breaking away? If he is use to the finer things in life, how will he do when he is cut off from these things, I suspect this would be one of the outcomes of his marriage to you. How will you support yourselves? Where will you live?
@hildas (3031)
•
11 Nov 08
I am so sorry about this. Your heart is broken in two. I do not know how I would cope if my in-laws had of did that to me. I guess I would of never stopped fightening to be together with my partner.
Some parents want nothing to stand in the way of their childrens education.
You are certainly not a bad person. This is so sad. Can your Fiance not stand up to his parents and tell them he is in love with you, and he wants you by his side.
He should stand up to them for you. I wish you well and please let me know how you get on. Thinking about you now, take care.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
The dad texted me and I guess he's at a loss for words.He knows how strong I am and how brave I am to the point wherein I'd do anything to fight for our right to love.When they come back,it's time that me and their son do some talikng this time.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
And he will do that.Hope he succeeds in fighting for us two.I already did my part.The dad was so mean and he texted me in the middle of the night telling me not to bother his son while still with them.he also said that he wants his son to be happy.But the point is,he is not happy as he left me behind and I am a part of him.For us Filipinos,family bonds are tight and everyone is welcomed in the family but I didn't see that in his family.I was mistaken to think that they're conservative when it comes to that.Ohana means family and family means nobody gets left behind or alone but they don't make me feel that I'm family because they always show me that I'm non-existing being for them and it hurts especially to my parents.
@murderistic (2278)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I'm not exactly sure what his story is, but if you two do get married (even if it's in Canada) and he gets an immigration lawyer, you CAN sort this whole mess out and file for permanent residence status for him. You really don't even need a lawyer if you don't have the money, but it's a lot easier if you do. Just saying that there is hope and his parents can't stop him from being with you forever... and you can always go to Canada to see him if you have to.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
I'm only a student and I don't have money going there.Besides,my parents can't afford to send me there.Besides,the second semester has just started.I can't take a leave of absence just like that.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
He is a national and a citizen of my country.We're both Filipinos.Well,I'm not really Filipino by blood since I am of Spanish and Chinese decent.Well,talk about the things that money can do.Well,he told me he'll be back.We both hope that he'd be back before December because we don't want our monthsary to pass by without being together.
@murderistic (2278)
• United States
11 Nov 08
Well, I am talking about the long-term here. Was he in your country illegally? Is that why he was deported?
@nanayangel (7879)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
Hi there Kat!
I am really sorry to hear that. Maybe you can just keep in touch with him, strengthen your commitment to each other and wait till he gets back. I am sorry that his parents are that way. DO they have any other reason for sending him away? How old is he anyway?
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
Nothing.Just for a vacation.He left against his will because he didn't want to leave me behind.He's 21 like me.
@dolce_vita78 (8062)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Hello kat_princess!
I am sorry to hear about what happened to you dear. I had to read your post several times and had to read how the others responded as well as how you commented on their advices before I could even work on my own response. It's one way for me to gather more information on what really happened.
I simply can't understand why his parents are against your relationship. I hope that one day, you will be in good terms with his parents. Well, what matters is that despite these issues, you and your fiance love each other are willing to stand by each other no matter what happens.
With regards to his being away, as you have mentioned in one of your comments, he is in Canada for a vacation. Thus, there is really no need to worry. Besides, even if he has to stay there a little longer, I believe that both of you have all the resources to be able to communicate with each other. If you truly love each other, you will be able to wait for the right time for you to be together. If you were meant to be with each other God will make a way. He will make all things possible in HIS time....
@migenKC (792)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
this is sooooo unbelievable. so much!
i checked your file and you look so much beautiful. why are hey doing this to you and to their son? im away from my boyfriend since last year and my parents does not know anything about him. i keep it away from their knowledge coz i know they do the same thing to our relationship.
... wait wait.. i need to go..
ill continue my comment later when im home.. hay.. sana magkausap tayo...
:) ingat tska wag xado malungkot, baka tumanda ka bigla ng di mo namamalayan...
@baileycows (3665)
• United States
11 Nov 08
I am really sorry. How old are yall? Why do they want to keep yall apart? This is so sad. I guess I am lucky that my parents let me be with my love. I hope things work out for you and him.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
We're both 21 and still dependent.We're both still studying.In the Philippines,you don't get out of the house when you're 18.As long as you still can't provide for yourself,you stay under the custody of your parents.
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Well,they're just so selfish.They didn't even think of how their son would feel upon leaving me.In our country,family bonds are strong and everyone is welcomed among any family.But I was mistaken with his family.People say that I should be the one given the most importance because I'm the newest member of the family but I didn't feel anything like his future wife in his family.I was teated as a non-existing being and that hurt my parents a lot.
@MAMANG_MALDITO (48)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
Things like this really happens and i know how it feels. Nothing is permanent in this world and thats includes hatred and pain... In God's own time and proven your really meant for each other, everything will fall into their designated places. Don't loss hope.
@baileyq (67)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard/read. There's no better way to respond to your dilemma than to put myself in your shoes. There must be a reason that his parents are so desperate to keep him away from you: 1) They're financially better off than your family; 2) They do not want him to get married too young; 3) They want him to have a better future 4) They simply don't like you 5) All of the above.
Now, we can't really know what he's thinking at this point, but if his commitment to you is real, he WILL come back to you, or at least find a way to get in touch with you. With today's technology, it's next to impossible not to be able to contact someone. In the meantime, what do you do? Finish your studies. The important thing is to graduate. Once you've done that, you can do pretty much anything you want to in life. Find a job, start your business, basically anything that will make you as INDEPENDENT as possible. You may not become a success overnight, for we all know these things take time and hard work, but you'll get there. I'm not saying you should prove yourself to them, his parents. If there's anyone you need to prove yourself to, it's YOU. We all must grow from experience, and this is just one opportunity. When all is said and done, ask yourself...was he worth it? If your answer is yes, then GREAT! If the answer is no, you'd at least be at that point in your life where YOU have proven your worth to YOURSELF. That's not something all of us get a chance to do. Good luck!!
@kat_princess (1470)
• Philippines
12 Nov 08
The reason why they don't like me is that because they're so insecure about me having a strong peronality and drawing people towards me.And the shallowest of all reasons is because I'm English speaking.WTF?Aren't they glad that their son got a girl of high standards?Aren't they lad that they will be ensured of a better future because I came from a good school and a good family?Well,probably they can't meet my standards.Well,as of now,he's having the trip rebooked because he wants to be with me on our 23rd monthsary.For me,it would be good since his parents won't be around.I'e go so man plans for him.I'd probably make a cake for him or prepare hot milk for him and caress him all through out.There re just some things that you can easiy take for granted.Besides,I do cherish every second with him because I may never know when our time is over so I'll live my life to the fullest with him.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
10 Jan 09
I hate that your being kept from your love. You have to know and have peace in knowing that it won't last forever.If your meant to be with this man then you will be if you both want it just the same! Parents are probaly just being over...over..overly protective and I know it hurts your feelings but when the day comes you marry..well..they'll see this not a game but their son's future. Just hang in there and take care.
@gracetreyes (529)
• Philippines
11 Nov 08
It so sad to hear stories like this one, I thought it is just one of those scene in love story movies. If you really love each other, I guess at the right time you will still find each other's arms. If both of you can fight for you love, and if both of you will have the courage to fight for it, then God will bless you and will keep your love. Hold on and if you are meant for each other, nobody can stop it...keep on loving and hoping.
@swatilohani (745)
• India
11 Nov 08
My dear, I really sympathize with your first flush of your in laws insecurity over losing their son to a beautiful life partner like you. But dont you think all this madness around him will fuel the love of your fiancee more as he realises your predicament as well. Behind every redddest rose is the sharpest of the thorns, remember. In this day and age, you can chat up, send mails, e cards. Just ignore the travails of in-laws.
@corleone82 (415)
• Malaysia
11 Nov 08
Kat_princess, I'm really sorry to read your discussion. I'm wordless, dont know what to say. Only I can pray that you will find happiness later and able to be back together with him. I believes that he will not forget you. The imporant things now is to find a way to keep in touch with him. Don't worry about any other obstacles because true love will able to go through it.
@daceyp (327)
•
11 Nov 08
im so sorry about what has happen to you both.things like this make everyone very upset for thoese involved and thoses who hear about it.i hope one day you two can be togeter again and happy.till then keep in contact with him and maybe his parrents will see the error of there ways.just wondered if you knew why they dont like you two being together
