Should I obey my parents to part my lover?
December 7, 2008 2:49am CST
I am from India where people give much importance to tradition than love. Accidentally I fell in love with a girl from an another religion. We had a hope that since in this century no one will stand against our relation.I have seen my parents advising others with forward ideas. These all gave me great hope. We have decided not to displease our parents, because we two love our parents much.I spoke to girl's parents directly about the matter, they had no problem with our relation. But in my home, when I presented this my parents were shocked and even threatened that they will suicide if I bring her home. I lost all my hopes. I dont know what to do. Hearing my parents decision the girl's parents also decided not encourage our relation anymore since they dont want to put their daughter's life in agony. I am in a great dilemma. Either to obey my parents or to elope with the girl. What I should do my friends?
5 people like this
8 Dec 08
Well, it's really a tough decision to make as your parents and your gf are involved here.. you need to think a hundred times before proceeding into the next step.. you know, i can relate to your situation somehow as my parents don't approve of my relationship with my partner.. now, i've got no choice but to put my relationship out of their sight.. i'm 23 but they don't still allow me to do that..
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
8 Dec 08
You can't help it, when you fall in love with someone. And I don't think you fall in love with someone accidentally. I can somewhat relate to your situation, although not to the same extent. I'm engaged to this amazing man, and we would like to get married next year. However, my parents prefer us to wait. But we really want to this. If you really love this woman, then your parents should respect your decision. It's not easy to have to chose between your parents and the woman you love. But it's your life and your parents have theirs. You are entitled to your own decisions, your success, your mistakes. I think it is completely up to you.
8 Dec 08
sudhibus, I really do not fancy your position here, I do understand how this episode has erupted and how the both of you are feeling right now. I think the most important thing here would be actually addressing the issues with your parents since your future in-laws isn't against this relationship. Drastic measures and ideas should not be the order of the day here and I do hope that you will consider this with care and as mature adults. Knowing and understanding what your parents displeasure and doubts in this relationship will certainly help towards seeking the solution to this episode. Perhaps the both of you could go slow and go about addressing the issues at hand. It may take awhile before the tide can settle and as long as one party is able to accept and go along then there should be a light at the end of the tunnel. I am in the opinion that the truth and sincerity would move mountains and overcome obstacles. Just be patient and let time take its natural course. Besides, this will also be a test for your relationship on the both of you. So, cherish the moments and do take care.
• United States
8 Dec 08
Are you already of legal age?.....I hope so, then I guess you can at least decide for yourself about matters concerning your personal life. I know there are areas in the world where tradition still prevails in cultural practices specially in marraige but I guess India is no longer that primitive nowadays. I would understand why you have a very hard time deciding w/c to chose between your parents and your gf. But I guess you can explain to your folks that its your choice and that you are happy w/ that. However, you should be sure first if your gf is worth that decission because that is definitely defying your dear parents and your tradition. You mentioned that you "accidentally" fell in love w/ this girl, does that mean that you just feel in love w/ her in the first sight? Did you not make any considerations if what you are feeling are true and valid by now and not just by accident? Are you guys really committed to each other and that the feelings are mutual? do ytou feel you are compatable and has common goals in life? These and a lot more I guess should be considered seriously before jumping into serious relationship that you hopefully end up w/ marraige.
7 Dec 08
nothing is more important than love. just because other people choose to elevate something so small as tradition above something so vast as love doesn't mean you have to. anyone that thinks tradition is more important than love has never been in love. and needs to be pitied. if being with the one you love is impossible where you are now, then leave. nothing is more important than love. and family should love each other enough not to expect them to be without someone they love.
7 Dec 08
This is certainly a dilemma. Before you take any decision, I would advice you to think twice. Consider each decision with the consequences. Some people are very strong to tradition so that's why your parents act like this. You should try to explain your parents that love is not something you can control. If they tell you to stop, you might stop but will your heart will follow you?The decisions you take is what will compose your life. The choice of your carreer and your life is what you will live till you die. The gossip of other are just gossip. And those outsides are not the one who will bring you happiness but you family will along with your love. What is more important? Outsiders or your love? My mom and grandparents would bring young men at home to meet me with high education and wealth and that's all they see as important. Of course, they want my futur husband to be able to support me financially and they don't want me to live in misery. However, I believe that I can also make a choice of my own and I also have to depend on myself. My heart belongs to my bf and if they do force me to marry another man, I could but probably that I would cheat on him because he's not the love of my life. So maybe you can tell this to your parents so they could understand you. If they still won't listen to you, then you might want to think what you can endure the most? If you elope with with your love, how can you face your parents later on? Soon or later, you will have to meet with them again. They might be nice with you but not with your gf. That's not a decision I can take for you. Try to convince your parents first..it's not to late isn't it? Goodluck
7 Dec 08
Well,my friend! Love has no barriers.It is very sad your parents have forward ideas to others and stick backwards when it comes to them.Today many things have changed regarding marriage within religion and caste as well.Try to convince your parents.If it is not possible,provided you are now earning your bread by yourself,don't hesitate to get off your parents and marry the girl you are in love.It is really lucky to marry a girl who loves you.So many people in India dont have this chance.I am happy, atleast the girls parents are ready accepting you.Hope you settle well in life.