If you have your own biological children, would you still adopt children?
By zandi458
@zandi458 (28102)
Malaysia
December 10, 2008 12:46pm CST
Not many people would want to adopt children if they have their own biological children but certainly there are reasons why some people does that. For me I love children and would want more children but was not able to get a green light from my gynae. I was only allowed to have my two boys. I decided to adopt two girls who are 10 and 14 years old now. I adopted them when they were still babies and they are the love of my life besides the two sons who are now in their 20s. My friends were telling me that I am stupid for adopting my daughters as I have my own biological children and craving for problems in adopting children where by now I should be relaxing and enjoying life to the fullest when my two kids are already independent. I cannot have the heart of stone when I see kids who need a mother to love and care for them and I was not wrong when my two daughters came to my life. They are more caring then my two sons. The thought of old age and invalidity makes me think now that my daughters will always be there for me while the sons are not always available or being 'queen controlled'.
7 people like this
50 responses
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I have often thought of adopting a child even though I am able to have my own. I really don't want a baby and would rather have a toddler or child that would sleep at night. My dad was adopted a 6 years old and I have always wondered what it would be like to give a child a good home that hasn't had one.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 08
I agree with aminul. It is only appropriate that you produce your biological children if you are still able before contemplating of adopting. The process of adoption is long and winding. I can say it is not as easy as many thought. I had a hard time in getting the proper documentation for my two girls.
1 person likes this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
11 Dec 08
Well in my family we were taught to help others in need and how much more needy than a child that has nothing.
2 people like this
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
11 Dec 08
I have children, but would love to adopt a child. I have medical problems and have been advised not to get pregnant again, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to have more children. I would love to be able to adopt a child and give that child a real family and all of the love in the world.
3 people like this
@sanuanu (11235)
• India
10 Dec 08
It depends. I mean if I have only one child then I might go for adoption because personnally i feel that if there are two children in house they grow up nice. I mean there will be competition among them. but if I will have two then ... I think I won't!!
3 people like this
@ron0540 (30)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Zandi458,
How could it be wrong, at any level, to give a child, who otherwise has nothing or very little, a stable home and the love of a mother and the love shared within a family. You are an amazing person. I have learned just by reading your opinions and your views on a variety of subjects. You have a unique insight and the ability to express yourself in a manner that is refreshingly rare. These two young girls are more fortunate than anyone could possibly imagine. How lucky they are that the choices made by you has resulted in an exposure to an attitude and knowledge they would other wise never know. The stupidity in this case lays with your so called 'friends', who are displaying selfishness and narrow mindedness that people who make bad decisions often display. Anyone who has raised children know the difficulties and sacrifices that must be made to do just an average job. To do a good job of the task at hand takes that much more effort. I am sure your sons have gained by having two sisters. We males, maybe because of the way we are made, are not as caring as women, and definitely not as caring as young ladies raised by such a giving mother. I would bet that your daughters are going to be very close friends with you as the years go by. Congratulations, once again you have shown the world how a smart woman deals with the difficulties confronted and how to make wise choices, as she marches through this life.
It is my privilege to share space with you on these MyLot spaces.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 08
Hi Ron, thanks again for your participation here. I am delighted to have a good piece of your words that encourages this motherly instinct in me to pursue on a worthy cause. I cannot but think that we are only on a short mission here on earth and whatever we can do, do good while life lasts. We need to do something to occupy ourselves and this is just exactly what I did to adopt children to fill the void left by my two sons who are now independently on their own. By wasting our time,not only will we mislead others, but we also miss the golden opportunity to achieve something in our valuable human life. Many people think that making sacrifices means giving more than they are prepared to give. Actually, this is not the case since everything depends on one's perception of values and the degree of unselfishness one has developed. I find comfort in those who agree with me,but personal growth occurs in situations where there are differences in views. My friends opinions of my actions may not be something I would like to hear but it is difficult to please these so called friends, because different people have different opinions on one particular issue.
1 person likes this
@jessi0887 (2788)
• United States
10 Dec 08
Yeah. I actually have one of my own right now and have already been considering adopting later in the future. It just grew on me one day. I don't know for sure if i will but hope to.
3 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 08
If only it is possible to get all those children without all the red tapes and the difficulties in getting them to Malaysia, I would happily take them to my humble home and be part of my family . I am sincere and genuine in my mission to get all these unloved kids under my care. We should cultivate the habit of helping those in trouble and who are less fortunate than ourselves. Children are innocent being and they did not ask to be born and we should give them love and care which they deserve.
1 person likes this
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
11 Dec 08
You have made the right choice ever. Your friends from my view they are totally selfish and probably stone heart. Adoption, to give a child who could not get what normal children get from normal family, I could say it probably is the greatest thing ever happen in their life. Should people imagine and stand on their side, if that was me, I can't imagine how much desire of being loved I would ever wish and other aspect of live, pressure, mentality could be totally different. Sure, I totally agree for adoption even though I have my own children. It is just amazing to give people what they could not have, isn't?
@lovesummer (1162)
• Malaysia
13 Dec 08
You are right that we must have true unconditional love for them just like the blood bonded one. I strongly disagree someone just to adopt a child for their own benefit or usage. That's pathetic.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
14 Feb 10
I know two families in our apartment complex who had a biological child and adopted another child. The first family had a girl and adopted another girl (legally making them only guardians of the child because the Indian adoptation law states that a family can adopt a child of the opposite gender if they already have a child) while the second family had a son and adopted a little baby girl. I don't see anything wrong in that. I've always wanted to adopt a girl (I have two boys) but our financial condition at the moment doesn't permit us to have more children. My only concern about adopting is if my adopted child grows up and falls in love with a biological sibling unknowingly.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
14 Feb 10
I didn't mean the biological and adopted children falling in love with each other. I meant the adopted children falling in love with other children their biological parents have (we can't know unless we try to find their biological parents and that's not possible in India)
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
11 Dec 08
We have 3 children and yes we are also foster/adoptive parents. I have had a few children that I wanted to adopt, but the mothers didn't give up their rights. It's a shame really because the children were neglected and abused in different ways in their homes. If people are not going to treat children the way they should, in a loving, caring, and unhurtful way then they should not have them. Let someone take them that will do these things. I have been a 2nd mother to many children and I love them all very much.
2 people like this
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
12 Dec 08
Thank you, I would still be having the children here to if I was younger and my health better.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
Some selfish parents are not willing to give up even if they can't give the best to their children and I feel sorry for those kids born to such parents. They could have been a brighter future for the children if they grow up in a more conducive environment. I have also fostered many children who call me 'mama' who have dual parents, their original parents and me. But of course their parents have more rights over them. I am there because of some kind of closeness which I have for them.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
Hi Moondancer, I am sorry to hear that you are not well and hope that the good Lord will heal you and make your wishes come true. For me I have no problem with my health but it is just that my BP prevented me from having more children and my prayers were answered when someone just come up to me and ask me whether I want children to adopt. I would go on if I am younger.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
11 Dec 08
I absolutely commend you for adopting regardless if you had children already or not. For one to open up their home for others has to have a huge heart and YOU my dear have that and then some. For those who've told you that you were stupid in doing so are heartless and are not someone to call your friend(s). How cold can one be? How can anyone say anything like that to you or anybody else? I'd have to tell them so too because if they have the nerve to say that to you, you should have the nerve to put them in their place.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
I didn't think that I have that big heart but I was placed in a situation where effort is needed in me to return good in the face of unfavourable conditions. After all every person is responsible for making a better world by planting the seeds of patience, love and honesty deeply in the human heart. My friends are only friends of pleasure who can't balance between pleasure and sufferings. They are yet to acquire the spirit of understanding, kindness, compassion and love. Can't really please everyone with our actions.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1667)
• United States
11 Dec 08
No one is ever wrong when it comes to adopting children in my opinion. (by the way whoever is trying to make you feel bad for adopting more children when you have your own is just wrong and nasty!) I was only able to have one child and had him later in life. I wanted to adopt many more, but finances intervened and I have not been able to. I still think about it. I agree, I love children and it just hurts my soul when I see children (and the hundreds) who need love and family and don't/can't have one. Adopting makes sense for everyone who loves and wants to raise and family (and can afford it of course)!! Good for You!!!
2 people like this
@mikeysmom (2088)
• United States
11 Dec 08
if my life circumstances were different i would definitely consider adoption. i have one son and because i had him late in life and it was a hard pregnancy with complications it was not recommended that i have anymore. with that said i would have liked at least one more. it would be nice for my son not to be all alone in this world and have a sibling for when his dad and i are no longer here. my husband would not want to adopt so that puts a big damper on things and we cannot afford it. so if i had more money and a more supportive spouse it could change things.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
Fortunately I have the green light when I decided to adopt and my decision is supported by my husband as most of the time I am the initiator and he is the listener and what ever I want I will get it no matter what it takes to relish my wish. Money is always a problem but it didn't stop me from going ahead with the adoption. Take one day at a time and like miracle we always have enough for everyone.
@yellowhipon (793)
• Philippines
11 Dec 08
I would. If and only if I have money to support them all. There's so many kids out there who needs someone to take care of them. If only I could.
2 people like this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
10 Dec 08
I have no problem with this, Babies are Babies as far as I'm concerned, Older children might be another situation. I am not very good with problem children, it's my way or the hwy. I'm strict and loving, but not real flexible with kids.
it's my feeling that older children would be better off with someone more laid back then me.
@getnbuy (1312)
• United States
11 Dec 08
I know many people who have adopted after having biological children You are not alone. I know one couple that had 10 children and then adopted several more. they had the means to do it, and the desire to, so why not? I also know of a couple where the wife had 4 children by a previous marriage but couldn't keep a pregnancy with her second husband. They adopted three. there are many reasons for adopting. I adopted two and then had one, backwards from the norm, I guess. My only criticism would be that people who have lots of kids already (not you) should leave some children for the barren couples to adopt. Adoption is financially difficult and also, babies are hard to come by. For this reason I would say, if you have plenty of kids already, leave some for the childless. this does not apply to older kids, though, becuase they are not a high priority for childless couples. They usually go wanting and desperately need homes. We tried to adopt when our last child was about 10, but there were no suitable children for us. One that was offered was known to kill animals- a bad sign. another was not sure of his gender identity. You are lucky you got your wonderful girls and I commmend you for adopting them. Adoption is a good thing.Don't listen to your friends.
1 person likes this
@getnbuy (1312)
• United States
12 Dec 08
I wasn't referring to you in saying people should leave the babies for the childless. I was thinking more of the people who had 10 children already. but, who am I to judge? I consider you to be one of those needing to have more children and not being able to. I adopted two and then, by the grace of God, had one of my own. All children are a blessing to those who want them. I am so glad you got your girls. I am so glad I got all three of my children.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58677)
• Delhi, India
11 Dec 08
I would say - what a superlative gesture on your part. Indeed you did a great thing by adopting two daughters. It clearly shows that you are 'different' from others and may be in the category of ' ' persons. I agree with you that every child needs love and when great human beings like you are around, then children will get their due. I hope you enjoy compnay of all your grown up children and feel great to see them around you. I think you have showered love on your children and they will rightlyfully repay you in the due course.
I have two biological children and am happy with them.
@dpk262006 (58677)
• Delhi, India
12 Dec 08
Zandi! What a great human being you are, hats off to you for your superlative and wonderful thoughts for the mankind. People like you are required in this world, who could understand that we need to have compassion for others and we should shower our love to others, as much as we can. If one is blessed and can afford to spend time and money, he/she must come forward to help helpless children and bring them up, as you are doing. I fully agree with you that more we give, more we will receive from the great God.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
We cannot leave this world without having done good deeds. Why do we work hard to earn a living if it is only for our own selfish benefits. God has given us the provision and it up to us how we manage our life and to me we should share the bounty that God has provided. God has given every human the feelings of love and compassion and we should be able to make use of it in whatever ways deem beneficial. I believe love is a priceless gift to bestow on to another. Through love, we can provide the warmth to satisfy the burning needs of an individual to be loved, for those who love and are loved in return are happier than those devoid of love. The more we give the more will we receive in return.
1 person likes this
@Llonorra22 (1150)
• Philippines
12 Dec 08
You have such a very good heart. Inn the future, I will surely do the same thing...
1 person likes this
@sunny0806 (248)
• China
11 Dec 08
I think this question will be limited by native concept and family finance. Firstly, if you decide to adopt a child you shoud give him/her a better life which needs a good family finance not only a love heart. Secondly,native bias will be harmful to the child. So we have to move from one place to another avoiding the child know his life origin.
In one word, when we decide to adopt a child we need to think about not only ourselves but also the child.
I don't like to see a bad result from a good deed.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 08
I agree with you. Man must understand that the results he reaps are in accordance with his deeds. My adopted daughters are from different origins and this I am not willing to make it known to them but I have moulded them to be in my ways in life and in one with my family as what I have done to my biological sons.
@sunny0806 (248)
• China
12 Dec 08
A good mother.
And two good lucky girls.
Best wishes to all of you.
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1093)
• Philippines
13 Jul 11
Hmmmmm.. I think, adopting children isn't bad at all if you're financially abundant. As for me, I don't think I would adopt kids that are not on my own because I don't want that my attention would be divided to any of them. I want to focus my attention on my own biological child. :)