Another Rant: Why Can't Family Members Help Each Other Out More?

@pyewacket (44031)
United States
December 14, 2008 4:08am CST
Okie dokie....another rant here....LOL I did my discussion about my DVD player pooping out on me...and I really don't watch much "entertainment" as I'm always working in front of my computer. So was pissed off at that as at the moment just don't have the funds to get a new one...no matter HOW cheap. Scenario and background: I'm on my own now since both my mother and grandmother are deceased...I'm on SSI benefits which at least allows me to put a roof over my head and pay basic bills. I supplement my benefits by doing a LOT of writing for websites and at least pays for other living expenses but only other basics...no luxuries..hell buying shampoo at a dollar store can be a luxury for me...so forget a new DVD player. My mother and father were divorced when I was a year and a half old.....My father's side of the family were in California where I was born...but when they got divorced my mother came back to "home" base here in NY...and moved back in with her grandmother and mother (my great-grandmother and grandmother)...later my grandmother and mother and I moved out to where I still presently live some 47 years later. Up until I was ten, my father and mother's families were still in touch....on my birthday and Christmases they sent presents to me.....then after the age of ten it was like my father's side of the family disappeared from the planet. You have to realize too...that throughout my growing years my mother never, ever had one nice thing to say about my father or his family.......and I never came across any letters, cards....nothing of my father's side of the family...it's like my mother totally obliterated them from my life....I couldn't get in contact if I wanted to as I had no means to.....that was until I was doing genealogy work....and looking into my father's side of the family.....by "accident" a researcher in a California library I contacted found info on my paternal grandparents that included their addresses.....nothing on my father though....so after long debate sought to contact them and wrote a letter. For a long time I didn't hear anything....then one day I get a letter from this woman named Carol R. Like who? It turned out to be my aunt....my father's sister. I was elated!!!! After all those years I managed to connect with my father's side of the family...the bad news....My aunt informed me that my father had passed away some five years previously.....I felt gypped in a way. I STILL wasn't able to know my father. Yet a great connection was beginning between my aunt and myself as we wrote letters to each other like crazy. Then my dear, sweet mother got into the act...and was to ruin that relationship between my aunt and me. You see in analysis,.....I think my mother was responsible for obliterating any connection between me and my father's side of the family and particularly my father....I think she had a heavy duty fear that if I got to know my father, I would have preferred him over her....hey, she kept reminding me relentlessly that my personality was like my father. So when I connected with my father's side of the family she freaked out in a way. My mother was a pathological lier and would spew out lie after lie to make herself look good. This was especially true when my mother and I were facing an eviction issue due to the cat population problem she created...but she was passing it on that I was the cause of it...NOT, NOT, NOT. Anyway, my mother would talk on the phone with my aunt while I'd be out and tell her all these friggin lies about me in general.... Needless to say, I then started getting letters from my aunt that weren't as friendly anymore..I tried to set her straight that my mother wasn't "all there" but my mother must have done a real good job of badmouthing me and nothing I said could convince her otherwise. Now..before my mother's badmouthing me....my aunt had specifically told me...that she would send me the equivalent money that my father had in his accounts at his death as I was his daughter...PROBLEM....my father's side were always tightwads...that is at least ONE thing true my mother said about my father's side of the family. Anyway, when my aunt did send me money gifts it would be about $20...like yikes....at this rate it will be the year 2250 before the money is sent to me...and I THINK I'll be dead by then...LOL. So the weird thing is...here my aunt is always telling me how HARD life is....money is tight....in the next sentence of her letters she's telling me of her kitchen renovation for $1,500....or $2,000 for this renovation....like huh??????? Now folks...........NO...I don't look for handouts.....I'm not asking for money....thing is my aunt is my ONLY blood kin family now....I HAVE no other family......she KNOWS my situation....so as blood kin...her ONLY niece...like crap...can't she help out more besides a $20 money gift for my birthday or Christmas? Besides I still have that letter to me how she intended to send me the equivalent of money in my father's accounts when he died ( and no....he didn't name me as a beneficiary) yet she still promised it to me....crap I'm her ONLY niece....I'm blood kin.. AREN'T FAMILIES SUPPOSED TO HELP EACH OTHER??????? THAT'S MY BEEF I have a confession...I've had more love and affection and kindness from my on-line friends than blood relatives....HOW ABOUT YOU??? Do you find your family is the most INSUPPORTIVE bunch of a-holes going...???? Tell me your rants about your family...........all ears
5 people like this
14 responses
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
14 Dec 08
I could tell you a story as long as yours. lol But I don't talk about my private life online. Because my private life is private. lol All I can tell you... is that the family is the last one you can count on. When you have a supporting family... which some people have... this question do not arise. I was just telling my sister about my cats... Right now... I have a large family of cats with 8 kittens from 3 different mothers. And I have been observing their behaviour. The original mother (a very wild cat) had only one kitten (because she knows that food is scarce)... but is helping feed the remaining 7 kittens from her two daughters. What I have here... is a very tight family... who never fight and support each other under extreme conditions. Which make me think... that cats could teach us humans... a thing or two about what is acceptable behaviour. Maybe it has to do with cats not thinking about money. lol
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (114383)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I certainly am glad animals do not think about money. If they did, they would not choose to live with me.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
15 Dec 08
Isn't it amazing how "dumb" animals who are supposed to be lacking in intelligence can take care of their own better than we humans? Ah, yes..money. I think in my next lifetime I want to come back as a spoiled pampered cat like my two cats and never have to worry about money, or being provided for...just sleep and eat all day/night long....heehee
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12439)
• Malta
14 Dec 08
I do agree that families are supposed to help each other but one must remember that every family has its financial burden. The credit crunch is affecting anybody. So one cannot take for granted that other family members are going to help him. I wanted to buy a garage and I needed some money from my parents but they did not offer to help. Luckily enough a true friend did help me in time of need.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
15 Dec 08
Mmmm....from what I know and understand my father's side of the family are rather very well off money wise....they're just tightwads like my mother used to tell me. My mother's aunt was like that too..as the expression goes..had more money than God...LOL. But cheap, cheap, cheap mentality
• United States
14 Dec 08
i have a couple of good cousins,but by and large the remainder of my mom's family is a bunch of self serving obnoxious so-and-so's.they know the condition my mom's in,and do they even visit?no. all they do is write her letters about having to sell their second house due to the poor economy.oh,poor them.a lot of people don't have a first house let alone a second. i expect nothing from them,get nothing. not disappointed. but at least they could send her a real letter,or even a card. instead,she's sad because they don't talk to her. jerks.
4 people like this
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
15 Dec 08
I actually have a cousin as well...my aunt's daughter and we're near the same age. When I first got rehooked up with my father's side of the family I wrote a nice letter to my cousin....never wrote back...sheesh
@someonesmom (5765)
• Canada
14 Dec 08
I am very blessed to have a supportive family, for the most part. My sister is my best friend, and she's done more for me than I could ever list here. My dil who's on this site, is also very special to me, and a great support in so many ways. My older brother and I used to be very close, but that changed a number of years ago. Some of the problem was due to my sister in law. However, just recently I've been in contact with them more, and my sister in law has actually mellowed. They both have health problems, and are getting 'older,' which may be the reason, in their case. They actually treated me to lunch a couple of months ago, which would've been unheard of until quite recently. It saddens me to hear of the way family treat family, in so many instances. It's hard to understand why your own mother treated you so badly. I'm so sorry to hear how she turned your aunt against you. I do believe families are 'supposed' to be supportive, but in many cases, there's something gone horribly wrong in this regard. As for online friends, well, the 'true ones' are the best. I never dreamed this could be possible, until becoming a member here. I hope your day is going okay, and please take care of yourself. Hugs.
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
15 Dec 08
My mother's aunt Dorothy was an odd duck..had more money than God but a real cheapskate. I remember years and years ago (about 27) we had gotten the bad news that my grandmother's husband (in Mexico...they had separated...LONG story there) was on his last legs and on his way out. My grandmother wanted to go down and visit him for what would be the last time. She asked Aunt Dorothy for a loan of money (she had every intention in paying her back) so she could take the trip down and visit him...Aunt Dorothy..who like I said had more money than god "offered" $200....like WTF??? What good was $200 going to be??..that wouldn't be even enough for airfare...so bottom line my grandmother never got to go. Next thing you know...a little while later, I get a letter from my grandfather's family that he had passed away...my grandmother felt terrible...
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
14 Dec 08
Fortunately for me, my family's not quite like that. I mean, money is usually tight for us all - we don't have any relatives that are realling bringing it in. But, we do help each other out as much as we can. I've paid for things for my family members because they didn't have the money too - dinner, a night out, a dress... And I've let them use just about everything they've needed that I have - TV, car, house. I've carted them around when they've needed it. Pretty much whatever I could do. And they've all done the same for me. I do feel pretty lucky to have the family that I do.
3 people like this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
17 Dec 08
I guess your aunt had no intention of giving what was owed to you all at once. I would be irritated too. My family is something else. Don't get me wrong...I love my siblings to pieces. But we are NOT very close knit at all, especially after our parents passed away. My sister? It's like "what communication?" so I don't get any help of any type from that end. My brother has always been good to me even through the roughest of times when I was being a major butthead. But lately when I've asked for help, he seems to be a bit standoffish. So I just don't go there any more. As for aunts and uncles, I only have my dad's sister and her husband left. But they are very elderly and in need of care themselves. But they are the sweetest people around. Not much of a rant....but I'm too tired to think straight enough to go off. LOL
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44031)
• United States
22 Dec 08
Mmmm.....why is your brother standoffish all of a sudden I wonder? It's funny and ironic in a way, when I hear people talk about their siblings and all the problems they are having with them, it makes me glad I'm an only child....LOL
1 person likes this
@Katlady2 (9920)
• United States
22 Dec 08
I've been wondering the same thing. But I'm just letting it go for now. I don't need to add any more stress. Sometimes it sure FEELS like I'm an only child. LOL
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
15 Dec 08
Maybe money is what your Mom told her you were after. I am sorry she ruined the relationship with your aunt. The only thing I would like help from my family is a little help once in a while to watch my son that is in a wheelchair, so that my husband and I could have a little alone time. My mom will come sit with him for short periods of time, but he is too much for her to handle. She tries and I am very greatful. My mother in law in just the opposite, she does not give him the time of day. She doesn't even call us, unless she wants my husband to do some work for her. He has 3 sisters and 1 brother and none of them offer either. My sister treats him good, when we see her, but her comment is I don't know how you do it. My answer to that is, we do it because he is our son, and we love him and have no other choice. He is not that involved, he is in a wheelchair. He needs to be put on the toilet about every 3 hours, and changed if he had an accident. He is happy to just sit at a table and write, use his communication box, and watch tv. He has no meds, or anything else they have to do. He can get on the floor and crawl around, but then you do have to help him get off of the floor, but you don't have to put him there. Ok, now you have gotten me started. Sorry for such a long rant.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
14 Dec 08
You know of my situation with my brothers. They can go on this wonderful trips and yet not help our parents get the money up for their mortgage payment. Go figure. BTW, thanks for defending me. Things are good... at the moment with this one. Seems we're going to try to be friends now. But wanted to tell you thanks!! It meant a lot to me!! But to answer your question, HELL YEAH!! Family is suppose to help family in times of need!!
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I have been lucky (at least with my own family). My parents, sister, brother and Grandmother have been excellent and very supportive throughout this whole thing I have been going through with my husband. They are even willing to "come and get me" and bring me home to Arkansas if they need too since I don't have a job here yet. I don't know why families don't help each other any more. If my siblings had kids that needed help and I was able to give it, I would. Its a sad, sad world.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (114383)
• United States
14 Dec 08
I cannot say that my family is bad, they have cared for me every way they can, if they ever knew I needed anything and they could help. I do have a sister that lies, think my mom made things up, as well, but I would not call it lying, more like imagining. I would think your aunt would have stood by what she said. Chalk it up to your mother's meddling.
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
15 Dec 08
Feel bad that your mother did that to you. I never had to depend on my family for anything but if I did I am sure my brother would come throgh. The only time I was upset with my family was back in Jan 2004. My mom had to go to the hospital cant tell ya how many days it was before I knew how bad she was. Well I got wind of it and I flew up there. My sis was to met me I got a cal from her while on the plane that she couldn meet me grrrrrrrrr. So Was lucky I had credit card so I rented a car . TEll ya towns look alot different with 4 foot of snow on the graound and the one road I had to go on had alot of new stores so I had to be on the phone with my brother till I got to the hospital which they had moved to a bigger and newer one. and this was at night every tihng looks differnt at night .lol Found out later than no one wanted me there!. Hell I am the oldest I should have been there almost fromthe start huh? Well they said they didnt think I could stay in the hospital , Well I did was with mom 24/7s for 3 weeks spent one week with her after she got out and knew she was going to get along just fine walking and all. At that time I wanted my mom to come live with me we had plenty of room and I didnt work . But no they didnt want that was like they said not MY mom. Well she never stayed with any one stayed in her own home till she couldnt remeber where she was going driving. was in 2007. Now she is in an assistant living home and she likes it and that is the way she wanted it. Now my sis just lives maybe 6 miles from this place but my brother lives 40 miles away and he an his wife goes to see mom all the time . My sis now only when she has to go watch her when in the shower dont want her to fall. I cant be there all the time for I dont have the money now to go up when i would like to am 500 miles away so the phone has to serve. oh and also None of the grand kids that was always at her house never go to see her now that makes me mad! So the only time she gets to see them and thier kids is at family functions like Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ya asked for it ya got it! lol
• United States
15 Dec 08
Oh {{Pye}} honey; I feel so badly for you!! trust me my own family is just as bad in fact that's part of why I started to blog recently I plan on having some mega stories on there of my 47 years (G)! I'd write it all here but hope to "earn more" than what I'd earn here by posting it all you know? But long story short I have a rich brother, and I'm here to tell you all the time and years I've been struggling since being on disability he's never once offered to help me out when I was in desperate need of well anything, be it food or bills, the one time he did offer me some help I had to sign a "blood document" that when Our Father passes on I was to repay him and it was not a huge amount either not by any means but Mr. Rich a$$ wants his money BACK and paid in full...what a jerk!! He's never once bought one flower to put on our Mother's graves nor on our brother's graves I take care of all of that in fact later today I plan on doing a topic about it and putting up some photo's here of the graves I decorate for Christmas! thankfully my Father does help me out with that expense; but not my rich brother I don't even know if he's visited the graves or if he can find the graves??? he's pathetic I don't know how he sleeps at night I really don't! when I think of him, it just leaves a "foul taste" in my mouth as it kicks up my acid reflux big time!! I have way better friends that I consider my family via the internet and have since I've been on the intenet! In fact when I first went on disability I had many many complete strangers helping me out from another website/forum I was on , they did this out of the goodness of their hearts with no questions asked, no demands of repayment , thank God as that was and still is just out of the question...but I often think of them and I will be writing about them too at some point to thank them yet once again! so I know what you mean, and its sad that we have to be in these situations! I am sorry for what you have gone through dear lady but you know that saying right? What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger and I consider you a very very loving, caring, beautiful strong woman and I am proud to be your friend; {{love & hugs }}
@rcfranz (180)
• Philippines
15 Dec 08
pwew...that was long! hahaha,but on my part...i am very much happy to informed you that we help each other whatever may the problem is...itis also our bonding moment
@eaforeman6 (8983)
• United States
15 Dec 08
It seems that families are more apt to help their friends at times and its a shame. They just dont check on each other and try to do as much. Some people say that it is the times we are living in. I cant see what difference the times should make because family is family all the time. I have a few in my family that are so estranged, I dont even feel like I know them anymore.Some of them are closer to their friends.Some of them are in the high class crew and keep up with the Jones crew. Sad, sad, sad, they are to good for their own good!