Have you ever made a change?

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Have you ever just said to yourself that you have to fix yourself, helped yourself, and just did it? I think there is a point in everyone's life in which he or she has to do something without advice and with out assistance. There is only so much other people can do to help you. There is a space inside you that only you can reach. As for me, what I have been doing in these past few months is trying to be more outgoing. I mean, the beginning of last year was very difficult for me. I was afraid to even be near people after summer vacation, I just found that I had a really irrational fear of looking a person in the eyes and smiling or saying hi. I knew it wasn't normal. I had to teach myself that people were just people, just like me. I am different, but not so different that nobody could ever really like me. I'm still very socially awkward. Sometimes I just don't know what to say. Since I'm surrounded my teenagers, it seems like everyone plays soccer and loves the Jonas Brothers. What to say! Plus, when I try to talk to another girl, and I say something that is not exactly normal, they just stare at me, even if they weren't meant to take it seriously. It's much easier to talk to guys because they don't take everything so seriously. Plus, other girls are mostly competitors, and sometimes when I am talking to one who is just plain stuck up, I can almost hear her head-voice saying "Is she prettier than me? She better not be prettier than me." I'm not good at talking to guys either though, because well, they're guys. It's harder to start talking to them, but they have more to say. With girls, I feel as though I'm scraping my mind for something to say, and it just ends up in a growing awkward silence. That makes me really anxious. I feel a lot better than I thought I could because at least I have a chance to say something and though it's still hard, I can make it happen.