unexpected guests

guests - unexpected guests are not welcomed
@apsara60 (6611)
Israel
December 24, 2008 3:09am CST
Hi friends, Do you like to entertain unexpected guests, specially those who come with an idea of spending few days at your place. About me I will tell you frankly, When I was in India, we had a big house with extra rooms and I was just a housewife, so I was always happy to welcome any guests. I had no problem even if they came in the middle of the night. But now here I have a small house with no extra room, and I am a working women who is busy from 5 am in the morning to 11 pm in the night, and the only day when I can take some rest is weekends....and now I really don't like to welcome unexpected guests.......I feeling like telling them, please call and come.........Is that rude.......what would you do if you were at my place....
6 people like this
25 responses
@Sreekala (32782)
• India
24 Dec 08
We don't have any unexpected guests here as we are staying away from our native place. We have friends and relatives staying here but everybody is busy with their own work and family. If they come, they prefer to inform early because they hesitate otherwise we won't be at home. If we visit anybody's house it will be upon an invitation or we try to inform them earlier. Sometimes we had guests from our native place, they came either for a visit here or for some official works. In that case, we provide accommodation and food for them and they also inform us well in advance. When hearing about the visit of people, I also felt nervous how I attend them properly, what to do etc but fortunately till now those guests are satisfied with our hospitality. I can understand your problem. I think your guests should show some manners or think about your inconvenience, it will be very nice for you. I don't think it will be rude if you say them 'call and come'. You can tell them politely, 'next time please call and then come, otherwise we won't be available'. Hope you will be able to deal them in a wise manner. Good luck.
2 people like this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Hi Sreekala, How are you. It is nice to know that you don't face such a problem of unexpected guests. Yes I have used my tactics and managed to tell many of our guests indirectly . I told them that if only I knew they were coming, I would have made this and that , and would have planned to go here and there...etc etc.......and they better call me next time so that they can have good time with me..... Many have learnt the lesson now...Thanks for your reply dear.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (32782)
• India
3 Jan 09
I am fine, thank you. I am not getting notification on your comment, I don't know why, I just go through the discussion and seen you have replied me too. Earlier also the same thing happened. Thanks and take care.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
8 Jan 09
It is ok sreekala, I am happy to see you always. Have a nice day.
• India
24 Dec 08
Namastey, I think in this professional world where peoples are racing against time and every moment is preceious. Any unexpected one will always being ignored and difficult to accept. You may have big house but did not have enough time to attend them. One should understand that every one plans a day in well advance and try to accomodate most of work so that things can be done in time. If somebody appears just unexpectedly he will be definitely not get full attention and disturb others planning. So sometimes mehmaan jo haumara jan sey pyaara hota hai kbhi kbhi musibaat sey jayada hi lagta hai.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
ha ha ha.......saacch kaha tumne , now we should change this song to, mehman jo hamara hota hai woh jaan hi lekar jaata hai.......lol Nice to see you after long time.......you too seem to be very busy all the time, I am sure tum kabhi kisi ko unwanted guest ban kar pareshan nahi karoge, because you are happy to stay with your pc.....raat aur din. Thanks for reply and have a nice day and night also as you hardly sleep.
1 person likes this
• India
24 Dec 08
aapko toh Zarur pareshaan karoonga agar kismat se mauka mila toh. Zayad ki nahi lallach humko thodey mein Gujara hota hai. haina.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
You are not guest Mahesh , you are my little brother, so you are always welcome...hah dal roti mil bant kar kha lenge........itna toh kar hi sakte hai Hum Hindustani.........Thanks for your reply and have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12071)
• India
24 Dec 08
I totally agree with you. When I was at home full time I loved having guests and would look forward to guests....expected or unexpected....but now I shudder even when someone calls to visit...because there's so much work and the kids too. Space is not a constraint...but I can't really entertain them with all my work.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Thanks sandhiya .....I do feel much lighter now, and you know when guests come it is only we ladies of the house who have to think about everything and by the time we end up washing dishes from afternoon lunch....guests are already sitting on the table for even tea and snacks and when you finish with that, you are already working for evening dinner.......what the hell........we are humans or machines........enough is enough now. I think the time has come toput some limitations...., Thanks for your reply.
@SViswan (12071)
• India
24 Dec 08
Exactly, I find myself in the kitchen all the time and I find it difficult to monitor the kids. Even though I have an open kitchen I can't watch the kids and the husbands don't bother one bit and I am in the kitchen all day. How can I be in the kitchen, watch kids, make small talk with the women and work at the same time?
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
yeah I know......in India they expect daughter-in-law to be all rounder.....unpaid full time worker...really time has come to bring revolution.....things have to change. Only if more and more girls are independent, this will be possible.Education of girls should be made compulsory.Specially in countries like India.
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
24 Dec 08
I can understand your position. We also remain in more or less same situation, as you say. We both are working couple, therefore, someone dropping in all of sudden makes us shudder and uncomfortable. It is not like that we do not welcome our unexpected guests, however, we do feel uneasy, till such time we gather our composture. Therefore, we make it a point and tell our near and dear ones that if they are coming to our home, please tell us well in advance, so that we could in turn inform you about our availability and could be in a position to receive and welcome you. All our Near and Dear ones understand our situation and appreciate the point that being a working couple, we are required to manage our house hold affairs ourselves, therefore, if they inform us about their arrival in advance, we welcome them with utmost hospitality. And once any guest has joined us in our house, we do not let him/her go easily, till he/she so desires. We pamper him/her with sumptuous food and yummy dishes.
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Hi deepak, Looks like you and me are sailing in the same boat....lol, same is with us.....we would prefer that people call and come, but if they have already arrived without calling, we do welcome them and make them feel at home. What to do.......mehman bhagwan hota hai.......this is what our culture says...., bhagwan ka swagat to karna hi padega na.....
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
25 Dec 08
Heartiest Congratulation to you on completing 2000 mark.[u][/u] yes, I agree with you that those who come with prior information are always welcomed and treated in the best possible manner. But out of them, I have found some of the guests do not bother to arrive in time for lunch or dinner. For example if they are supposed to come to Lunch, they should reach our house by 1230 hrs or by 1300 hrs, by surprisingly, they sometime turn by 1430 hrs or even later by 1500 hrs and after reaching and kept us waiting will start telling lame excuses like they got caught in a traffic Jam or their maids did not turn up at the right time in the morning, so they reached late.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56761)
• Delhi, India
25 Dec 08
Pl. read 'but surprisingly...." and in place of turn, pl. read 'turn up'
1 person likes this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
24 Dec 08
Hi Aps well, we are in Pakistan and we dont have too big house , but still it big eenough and have 2-3 rooms as spare room, and if guests are more than they can be accomated in drwing room and TV lounge. We dont mind un expected guests and happy to have them, most of our guests informed us and very rare come without informing. but as u know we have many ladies at home and all are housewives so they enjoy and dont mind. well in ur case now, i really agree what u think, but i wonder who can be so free there to come for so many days?? Take care
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Well cupid ,I have already said that if accommodation is not a problem and if I was not a working women then, all guests are welcomed, so you see, I was completely pakistani when I was hindustani, but now things are different. There are many retired relatives here who have nothing to do but to drop here and there.......lol, or tourist who come to visit Israel, but find accommodation at our place....or some young relatives, who take advantage our being too good to them............ Btw.....what do you do when guests come, do you help your wife in cooking or you just help her in eating................
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
26 Dec 08
Hi aps yeah i understand that, and i told u i agreee Hmmm, i never though of retired people and nor for young people to whom u r good as i know TOURIST might have informed u earliar Well, if guest comes then i entertain them and dont forget at my home my wife is not alone, she got lot of help in Kitchen, What max i do is to bring some barBQ and rotis from outside so they dont have to stay in Kitchen that much Kia samjhi Take care
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
26 Dec 08
oh yeah that is really wise of you, because making hot roties is really tiring if there are lot of people waiting at the same time....women are not machines...lol
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
31 Dec 08
Hi dear...Of course I dont mind having guests at home.But they should inform me well in advnance about their arrival since I have to stock my fridge well in advance and clean and arrange the guest bed room for them.....When my children were studying having such unexpected or even expected guests was a real nightmare,especially when the children were having exams.But now I am more free and can easily accomodate guests ,but still I like to get sufficient warning,before they force themselves on me.Fortunately most of my guests leave within a day or two... But since you are working woman It will be a real ordeal to have unexpected or expected guests....They should have more sense than to take advantage of your goodness and try to find accomodation else where,if they are really decent.... BTW when are you planning to drop into my place dear....You are always welcome,but a little warning means I can give you a better welcome.......
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
31 Dec 08
You have said everything mithra.......so now I just have to agree and I do it........ And about the invitation....thanks a lot dear.....I really want to come some day, I lived so many years in India, but never saw south of India accept in movies.....so surely I will join you and together we will explore the greenery of south, but since we both are so young and beautiful, we will need a body guard.....how about Bala
1 person likes this
@Roseo8 (2947)
• India
1 Jan 09
ha..ha....Well I dont mind if you bring Bala along as your chaperon,and he will be quite at home here since he is from chennai........There are a lot places for sight seeing and there are nmany beaches here too....And you can taste some genuine south Indian dishes too.........but I am again warning you...You have to inform me in advance since I do not want your visit to clash with my surprise visit to Delhi,to meet deepak and sree....
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
8 Jan 09
But I like to give surprises.....and I will give you soooooooon
@balasri (26549)
• India
25 Dec 08
That is a great discussion because most of us face the same situation here most of the time. I don't like unwelcome guests. We have so many schedules and priorities in our day to day life. We do have time to entertain our guests’ and I for one strictly believe that I must have the right to choose the time to entertain my guests. The worst thing that can happen to me is a gate crasher while I am starting to enjoy my privacy which might have happened after meticulous planning after a long interval. I hate that time being thrust on me. I hate surprises. And I don't ever surprise me with my visit. I am always very open hearted to ask my hosts the convenient time and always honor their convenience.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Bala Bala Dear Bala, let me first of all tell you a secret, there is only one person whom I will love to have as my unexpected guest...and you know very well who is he.....yes the one who speaks sweet hindi, and lives deep in blue sea of mylot and his name starts with "B".....lol Now about the discussion....I agree with everything that your wrote...
@balasri (26549)
• India
25 Dec 08
Apsara's baathein hamesha Amruth hai.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
In heaven Apsara's make Amruth only for Devtas.......lol, so that they can become devdas..hahaha.......just joking.......Have a nice day Bala
• Romania
24 Dec 08
The normal thing to do usually is to call before, unless the host likes it to be surprised by unexpected guests. Personally I don't like this, it makes me nervous, it stresses me that's y I always ask people to call me before they come.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Hello David, Yes you are right.........it does make me nervous and stressed specially, when I know that everything will fall on me and I am not prepared for it. I hope people will start understanding things without us telling them. There is really no harm in telling them this politely just like you do.Thanks for your reply.
• Romania
24 Dec 08
It is also a matter of taste, I find it more educated to actually ask someone before coming over to him (unless of course You are his next door neighbor and long time friend)...
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Yes of course this I always do....have never been to anybody, without informing them in advance...besides, I rarely go anywhere....I like to stay at home. Five working days outside is enough.I like home sweet home.
@aakay4u (799)
• India
26 Dec 08
Can understand your problem apsara,and its quite understandable.despite we being from a culture where a guest is treated as a god,"Athithi Devo Bhava",in todays hectic life,it is becoming difficult to maintain that.You have two choices either to take it as it comes,or tell your guests,but when you are not liking its better to tell them.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
26 Dec 08
hello aakay4u.....how are you. I wish people were as understanding as you. Hope future athithis will understand that if they want to remain as high as devtas......they have to inform and come...lol. Thanks for your reply. Have a nice day.
@jewilim (495)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
I think its because you tolerated them before and i think now they just got used to it. I think it also happens to some people too, offering some goodness to other people but then some people dont seem to have enough of it until it reaches to the point where you would feel obliged to help them. I think some people also have to be a little considerate from time to time too because they are just asking favors. We also have guests here at our place sometime when it is holiday season and i think its ok too because they are also considerate with us and they understand that we could not be there to entertain them very much because we also have work to do. But i think its also nice that they always inform us before they would visit here so that we could prepare their rooms and things they would be needing in their stay here. I think its also fun to have guests from time to time because you would get to spend some time with them and have fun. I think in your case you have to tell them frankly because if you wont you would be the one who would really have a hard time with it.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Hello jewilim, Thanks for your support and understanding. You are right, I was not aware that my hospitality and kindness was spoiling habits of some people....But now with age and experience I am learning thing. I wish we could mature at early ages, so that we could learn to live at right time. Any way , still it is not too late....I am learning how to handle this world and I hope I will succeed. Have a great day.
@maheshdvr (107)
• India
25 Dec 08
if i were in ur place i too behave like u only.. it seems rude.. but in this fast paced world v r forced to do like tht..
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Hello mahesdvr........thanks for short and sweet reply. Have a nice day.
@burnek (101)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
We all come into a situation like that once in a while. Even if you want to tell them straight, you cannot. Cause' it is rude. Maybe what you could do is tell them to make themselves comfortable even if they have to sleep on the couch. But if that happens too often maybe you could them in a polite manner so they won't feel offended.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
hello burnek.......If the guests have already arrived , then there is no way to get rid of them. We will have to entertain them. But must hint them indirectly in polite way so that next time they don't repeat the same.Thanks for your reply. Have a nice day.
@teison2 (5924)
• Norway
25 Dec 08
I really do not appreciate unexpected guests that stay here for any length of time. My man has lots of friends that do this quite a bit. Over the years they have started calling us in advance though. I have said nothing and done my utmost to make them feel velcome. Iy is health issues that has made things a bit harder around here. people luckily understand we now ned a notice before they arrive. It is not easy to turn people away. I'm always afraid they will feel il treated. But then health is an important thing. Breaking ourselves down will benefit noone.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Hello teison2, I agree with you. Most important is your health. Entertaining a guest is not easy. It involves lot of household work, specially washing dishes which never ends. Guests will come and go , but if you will bring damage to your health, you will be looser alone. In such cases, it would not be rude at all to tell people to call and come. Thanks for your reply.
@tabachi (263)
• Philippines
25 Dec 08
unless that its a matter of super emergency..i wouldnt...some people are soinconsiderate...they just barge in...well...invading your privacy..and of course even when you are at home you have endless household things to do...so i cant reslly allow unexpected guets..and besides when i have a guest i want to entertain so that means i have to prepare food etc..i want my guest to be comfortable....but if he/she is unexpected..whoa!!!...i cant have musch for him/her...i would be diplomatic in my way of sayong that i cant have him around...actually the one who is rude in this situation is the unexpected guest...
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
hello tabachi, yes I agree........unexpected guest should not expect grand welcome from host....he will get only what he deserves..... Thanks for your reply and have a nice day.
@healer (1783)
• India
24 Dec 08
I totally agree with you, there are people who does not care what others are going through and what they care is only for themselves. I stay alone and i have the experience of unexpected quests and it ok sometimes but not always as we need privacy at times and not only that sometimes we have finical problems. Its not rude to say that please call me before you come, and they too will understand that as we don't want to disappoint anybody when they expect something, so its better to make sure that they can stay with us before they come to our door step as when they are already in our home its hard to refuse. Merry christmas apsara60
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Hello healer, Merry Christmas to you too. Yes you are right.....it is high time that people start thinking before making decisions.I hope many such people are reading this and will learn something. Thanks for your reply.
• India
24 Dec 08
Hai........apsara unexpected guests in holidays if theire presence is ok,but if they are coming if we are busy schedule ,or not convient time and all exempted,as per feeling to call,or informing is better i belive.....
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
I think no matter if it is a holiday or a working day.....they should call and come.....it creates a pleasant atmosphere for both guests and host.Thanks for your reply and have a nice day.
• India
24 Dec 08
yes i usally welcomes unespected guests because they came for any urgent work at our place or they they have some problem to ask help from ours
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Hello Rajnikant...... Of course in such rare cases where there is sudden need of help or urgency, we have to not only welcome the guest , but also try our best to help him out. We are humans so we much follow the rule of humanity......so in such cases no complains. Thanks for your reply.
• United States
24 Dec 08
I don't think it is rude to need a little heads up...especially for overnight guests. After all, there is a lot that needs to go into overnight guests...where to sleep, what to eat, and a bathroom that is freshly cleaned. I don't get unexpected guests, but if I did it would frustrate me. I can easily go with the flow in most circumstances, but with life so busy it is easy for the house to get messy and things to pile up.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
25 Dec 08
Hello friend, Yeah exactly.....with five days busy in the office, the weekends are already booked for clearing of these messy piles all around the house. And if an unexpected guest drops suddenly, you can either shoot him or shoot yourself....... Thanks for your reply.
@shar_25 (1340)
• India
24 Dec 08
You are right, Apsara. Its very irritating to have unexpected guests and specially in the weekends. I too work 5 days a week, and in the first and last weeks of the months even Saturdays are working days for us. I save all my household chores for the weekends and in the evenings of the weekends I feel like going out. So my routine gets badly disrupted on the event of arrival of such unexpected guests. Thankfully, all my close friends understands these and always make sure they call up before visiting each other. When I come across such inconsiderate people who think I am always at their disposal and they can walk in anytime to my house, I feel the need to politely state that I prefer being informed about their arrival from next time onwards so that I can be better prepared to serve them.
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Hello shar_25, I liked your avatar.....looks very green & fresh. I am also nature lover like you. Now about the discussion........yes I agree every word of yours, as I am also going through same situations, I also work 5 days.....and already so many household chores are waiting for me on week ends, and to add to that , an unexpected guest.......real punishment. I think you should not hesitate but politely or indirectly convey this message to them that if they will inform and come, they will get better service..... Thanks for your reply.
@mayka123 (13423)
• India
24 Dec 08
I too am not too happy when I have unexpected guests at home during the week. I am out of the house for 12 hours everyday and it gets difficult to entertain the guests when I am too tired to even say hello to them. My guests have not got used to calling up and then coming because they are never sure if they will find me at home. At times if I go out with the kids we suddenly make plans to stay away for the night if we have a holiday the next day. At times we make plans to have our dinner out and so come home only at midnight. If I know in advance that someone is coming over I usually take a holiday.
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6611)
• Israel
24 Dec 08
Hi mayka........yes that is exactly what I want....just one phone call to inform us in advance that guests are coming.........or else whole of our routine is disturbed and when you are tired, such surprises are like punishment for you. You just don't know from where to bring extra strength to entertain these unwanted guests..Thanks for your reply mayka...