Do you look someone in the eye when speaking?

@zackyo7 (301)
United States
January 1, 2009 5:03pm CST
Do you look at someone directly in the eye when speaking with them. I can't really do it. I find it very hard to maintain eye contact and I'm very shy. Some people say that when you don't look someone in the eye when speaking that means you are lying. But I always break eye contact and I don't lie when I'm doing it. What about you?
6 people like this
44 responses
• Ireland
2 Jan 09
I am a shy person as well. I did not realize I am not looking to the other persons eye when I'm talking to them until my husband pointed it out to me. I guess I was just used to talking while working especially at home. There are times at home when you just chat to your sister or brother without even bothering to look at them. So when my husband said that it's considered being rude and dishonestif your not looking to whoever it is your talking to I decided to change my habit. It was really hard I often revert to my same old self and not look at him in the eye. I still do not look in the eye when talking sometimes but with a little bit more practice I know I can do it. Hope you can do the same. Happy posting!
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Thanks I'll give it a try and see if I can stop.
2 people like this
@SomeCowgirl (32254)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I am a very shy person and therefore I don't make eye contact either. I know it must seem awkward to people when I first meet them, and I'm sure the impression is that I am lying. Atleast some might believe it, but I'm not sure. I've always been shy and never been able to keep eye contact. I was kind of worried about doing so with my fiance, but I kept eye contact with him very well when we first met.
2 people like this
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Yeah that's exactly how I feel. I do that a lot especially with females. I try but they just keep staring back. x_x
2 people like this
@mzplased (255)
• United States
2 Jan 09
I look people in the eye when I talk to them. How am I going to know if they are paying attention if I dont look at them I also can read facial expressons because I am looking at them when I am talking. I had a freind that never looked you in the eye when she talked to you, it was like she was talking to some imaginary person and not the person she was dirrecting her conversation too. its hard to communicate with someone like that, and very annoying to say the least. If you feel uncomfortable looking into their eyes, look between their eyes, they wont know the differance.
2 people like this
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Good point I'll try that. I look at their faces but I can't really focus into their eyes.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 09
Yes i do why talk to some body if you cant look at them it is very distracting and annoying to me when people dont look me in the eye when i am talking to them,makes me think they are hiding some thing or not being truthful.
2 people like this
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Yeah I know people feel like that when I speak to them that's why I try to look but I can't do it for long. I guess it's because of my insecurities and shyness.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Jan 09
I find it kind of hard to make eye contact with people too. My uncle told me that it shows a sign of weakness, but I don't think that's it. It's just a habit I have. A lot of times I don't make eye contact with people when I try to tune them out. When I was in middle school, the counselor got mad at me because I wasn't making eye contact with him. He told me that he was a man, and that since I couldn't look him in the eyes, I was a "little boy". The truth is that I really didn't want to talk to him so I was staring off into space to ignore him.
2 people like this
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
1 Jan 09
lol wow. Yeah I really think it's a habit of mine. And I especially don't like looking at guys in the eye so if I were in your position I would have done the same thing.
2 people like this
• United Kingdom
2 Jan 09
I can understand where you are coming from! I too am somewhat shy when it comes to meeting new people. However, I do give direct eye contact whenever I am speaking with someone; I think that this is the polite thing to do although it's a good thing not to stare! I don't understand that idea though about direct eye contact meaning you are lying. I'm still working on feeling easier in the presence of groups of people. Good luck. Andrew
2 people like this
• Mauritius
2 Jan 09
yeah its pretty easy with people whom you are familiar with but not people whom you have met for the first time!
2 people like this
• United Arab Emirates
2 Jan 09
I do. Or at least, I look at their face when I'm speaking to them directly. That is how it is in my culture. It's rude to address someone and not look at them. However, I understand that in some places, they avoid eye contact. I guess it depends where you're at and how you're used to doing it.
2 people like this
@benhilo (871)
• Tripoli, Libya
2 Jan 09
Depending on the conversation and the individual that I talk to.
2 people like this
@LifeGuru (923)
• Canada
2 Jan 09
Sure I try to look people in the eye when they're talking but after a while I get bored of them (depends on who I'm talking to) and look somewhere else... Ugh, talking to old people who try to tell you what to do on and on and on and on and on when I know what I'm doing already... I only would look someone in the eye for a long time if I'm in a staring contest.
2 people like this
@YoungInLove (1254)
• Canada
2 Jan 09
I try my hardest to give eye contact. When talking to authority I always do. When talking to people I know i look them in the eye to. As for new people, Although I try to be polite and look them in the eye, I cant help but break the contact everyonce in a while.
2 people like this
@rosdimy (3935)
• Malaysia
2 Jan 09
It depends on to who I am talking to. Usually when I speak to females I do not keep eye contact with them. Maybe it was the way I was brought up. In my culture modesty includes not looking straight into the other person's eyes. Doing so may indicate challenging the person (in a 'duel' or relationship) or trying to subjugate him/her. There are people who can hypnotise a person through eye contact. But thus aspect of my culture has been left behind. In western culture avoiding eye contact is usually taken as being rude and dishonest. I guess if you want to talk to w westernr you will have to explain your situation. all the best, rosdimy
2 people like this
@GADHISUNU (2163)
• India
1 Jan 09
Yes,I look straight in the eye when I speak to people.In fact, I doubt people who do not look in the eye to be speaking the truth to me. Of course you are right, it could be because they are shy that they are not making eye contact. But instinctively I find it hard to believe such people as avoid contact totally. I had an uncle who looks at a point above a person when he is rebuking or reprimanding them. When asked he used to say if he looked straight into their eyes, he couldn't be serious in giving them the rebuke.
@Nubi505 (41)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Eye contact can be considered important. But I usually look behind the person, or off into space, or plainly look somewhere else. The thing is, I'm still listening and I'm not lying. Off and on I'll make eye contact, because, it is somewhat important. For most of the conversation I glance away or turn my head or stare at the wall behind them. Maybe this is a bad habit, but it doesn't mean I'm not listening. Sometimes eye contact is hard to hold. Have you gotten the urge to laugh whiling staring at someone's eyes listening to them? My friend, however, I intentionally look at anything but her. She hates making eye contact or being watched. Although she has improved over time. So just because you can't make eye contact doesn't mean you are lying or not paying attention. Just glance at them every so often or hold their eyes for a moment and then look away. Repeat until conversation has ended.
1 person likes this
@zackyo7 (301)
• United States
2 Jan 09
Yeah that sounds good. I can do that.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jan 09
I always look a person in the eye when I am speaking to them. For me that is the way I was brought up. I was always taught that it is rude not to look the person in the eye that I am talking to. I have heard the same thing about if you can not look a person in the eye when you are talking to them then you are lying. I have never believed that. A shy person would not be able to look a person in the eye. So I would not worry about it if you are not able to look a person in the eye when talking to them. That is just part of who you are.
1 person likes this
@sandy112 (21)
• Singapore
2 Jan 09
sometimes i do look ~ sometimes i dont . esspecially get scolded by someone must look, cause later they say no respect ~ hahaha
1 person likes this
@uditpanda (1023)
• India
2 Jan 09
You see i am with the people,i make an eye contact with all i talk. I believe that induces faith in the heart of the listener on what you are delivering. But again,when i am lying or i am at fault with something i tend to look downward when i talk. I am very bad at lying & get caught easily. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@noniefam (284)
• Indonesia
2 Jan 09
i think we must look someone in their eye when we speak' with them cause eye cannt lie. we can know what their feeling at that time. eye can show everything. eye is important things
1 person likes this
@srik11 (482)
• India
2 Jan 09
Looking in the eye of person reflects your confidence. I do it often even if i had made mistake,that makes the other guy think twice complaining of me..
@cheenlly (3483)
• Philippines
2 Jan 09
Yes i always look in the eye when speaking to someone. That way i can say and know if the person i am talking to is sincere or not. I am shy too but when someone is talking to me or if i talk to someone i make sure i look in the eye so they will not feel insulted or do not think that i am not interested with them talking.