Is it just me ...

January 4, 2009 5:10am CST
or are there loads of you out there who are tired of being a 'mum'? Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, my family and my husband. I love my life! I am in fact very lucky to have such a wonderful family and fantastic husband who loves us all and treats us well. My gripe is with the never ending work that a wife/mother/woman has to do! It just never ends. From the minute you get out of bed you are cleaning, cooking, tidying up and so on. I don't work (out of the home) and I find it difficult to find time to do everything that has to be done. How do mothers who work in the public sector manage getting kids to school, get to work on time, and still find time to clean the house, do the shopping, the washing and all the other bits and pieces which are usually expected of a woman. My motto lately has become 'I am not superwoman'! and my other favourite is, 'I only have 2 hands and 1 body - therefore, it is logical to assume that I can only be in one place at a time and while I may be able to multi-task, sometimes you ask the impossible!'. It just seems that everyone is wanting something - the 3 year olds are wanting juice, the 5 year old wants to draw and can't find the paper, hubby wants me to find something for him and I am going off my head with the knowledge that I have to get the washing done, work our what is for lunch, pack up the house, run my internet businesses, develop our new website, do the shopping, and still find time to run the kids back and forth to school and or friends houses.... Sometimes I think it would be easier to work a full day and employ someone to look after the kids ... but then I ask myself what we would be missing out on if we did that. I don't know - there just aren't enough hours in the day! Am I alone? Are there other women/mums/wives out there who feel the same way? I am sure there must be. What about the men - what do you guys think? Do you feel the same way? Are you aware of how your wives feel at times? Sorry for the rant - it is just a bad month for me - we move house on 29 Jan and I am quietly going off my head!!! Violetdreams
4 people like this
19 responses
mysticmaggie
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Don't apologize for your rant. Every mom (and most other folk) need to let it rip at some time. I was a working mom and it wasn't easy. From the time my little ones could walk, they learned to pick up their toys and put them away. As they got older, more tasks were added until they cleaned their rooms and helped with the other chores around the house. Daddy got to be part of that picture, too. If I was going to put in 40+ hours outside the home to pay bills and provide a few extras, they had to appreciate it enough to pitch in! My mother was a stay at home mom, but she had no reluctance whatsoever in reminding everyone she was not the only one living in the house and, she would not be the only one responsible for maintaining it. We kids cleaned our rooms, washed supper dishes, swept the yards when all those leaves fell, helped with the weekend of spring cleaning from washing walls to dusting knicknacks. She didn't apologize for expecting help and we never knew it could be any different. With all a mom has to do inside and outside the home, expecting her to be a servant is ridiculous. Demand your family help. Even a two-year old can put away toys. At least one hour each week, let everyone know it is time for you to do something for yourself and stick to it. Good luck!
1 person likes this
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hi Mystic Thanks for your comments. I think that there is just too much going on at the moment and the only time I get for myself is when I am on Mylot and for about 30 mins before going to sleep when I get to read my book before passing out. My family do help - believe me. I just need to get through the next month or so and then calm down to a run. At the moment, even while I am typing here I am conscious that I should be working on the spreadsheet for my website! Hugs Violetdreams
mysticmaggie
@mysticmaggie (2498)
• United States
11 Jan 09
In 2005, my husband had six heart bypasses, came home, ended up with a massive infection and went back to the hospital for two months. Meanwhile, we lost our boat dealership because the manufacturer sold out six dealers to get a backer who wanted the whole west coast of Florida for his investment. My boss decided my husband's illness might be inconvenient for my workplace and asked me to resign. Two renters moved out of a house and a condo leaving them in shambles. My nephew and I with our own little hands remodeled them from floor to ceiling (it took three months). Meanwhile, the day they wanted to send hubby home, they discovered another infection and decided he had to heal without being sewn or stapled. He came home with his chest open. I got the job of cleaning the wound and repacking it four times a day, plus taking care of three intravenous lines. His initial wound recovery took six weeks, but his overall recovery is still a work in progress. By the way, our daughter lives with us and she was born with Down's syndrome. Although she's quite self-sufficient, she still requires care. During this time, my sister left her husband and came to me for support, which I did for a year, providing a home outside our own, paid bills, provided groceries, etc. My nephew became quite ill and had no insurance. We paid for doctors and his stay in the hospital. My sister went back home and I had to hire a cleaning service for her former residence. I was too busy to take that on at the moment. My nephew married and his wife decided we wanted to much from them. (We asked them to help us move a sofa.) Now they won't have anything to do with us. On the bright side, my husband is alive, we have a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and transportation. My sister is happy again and that makes me happy. She and I talk often. Back spasms from which I've suffered for years have been temporarily put into remission and I have a beautiful life! :) My sympathies lie with you one hundred percent. Bless your family for being so helpful. You sound like quite a person.
amumzy
@amumzy (2)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Violetdreams, are you able to sit down with your husband and tell him you need a little "Me" time go get your nails done, or maybe a movie alone, or maybe could he tend to the kids on Saturday and let you sleep in, you need to do something that will rejuevnate you, but I also want you to see how blessed your are, see the good in all of it, even if you are tired, remember it is all well worth it ok. I am telling you this because last month I lost my 2.5 month old newborn son, and i previously had a baby 14 months prior to him, I woke up 12/17/08 and he was not breathing he lived 1 day passed on 12/18/08 and although at times it took me a minute to get them on schedule and when i changed ones diaper i changed the other, I would give anything to go back to those days, now i do not know what to do with myself, I have my 9 yr old son and 17 month old, but I wish i could have my newborn son back and I cant, we as people take alot of things for granted in our lives. I did not tell you this to offend you in anyway, please sit down and talk to your husband and if he does not understand maybe someone you can trust with your children would not mind watching them for a few hours once a week or once every two weeks just for you to take some time for "YOU" all moms need it!!!!! I wish you the best
1 person likes this
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hi Amum How are you doing hun? I am so sorry to hear your awful news, I can't imagine how you must be feeling and here I am complaining that I'm tired! HUGS TO YOU. Don't worry, you haven't offended me at all. I really feel for you and hope that time will help you to feel better. I know from experience (as I am sure you do too) time doesn't heal, it merely takes the pain further away and enables you to remember with a smile instead of tears. Please don't worry about me, I am fine, just tired. My hubby is great and he also works long days so we are both just as tired as each other most of the time. Anyway, please don't worry about us - we are fine. It is you who also needs some time to grieve and with a 9 year old and a 17 month old that is going to be difficult. I hope you have understanding family around to support you. HUGS and all the best. Violetdreams
winterose
@winterose (39887)
• Canada
5 Jan 09
well I got tired for sure but never tired of being a mom, I would not have given up that job for anything in the world, but there were days, that I just felt like packing it in and running to the hills.
1 person likes this
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
I agree, I wouldn't give my family up for the world, good days and bad, I love them all and they are all special. Let me know when you head for the hills - I want to come too. Violetdreams
Ithink
@Ithink (9980)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I totally understand where you are coming from and the move is probably making you stress worse. I know we have 7 biological kids and we are raising our granddaughter. We moved with 6 kids and it was just so stressful, I am so glad we are done moving! Now the ages of the kids are 1,2,13,16,17 that are at home. We have twins too they are going to be 18 in March but only one lives with us. So I can so sympathize with you on feeling pulled all different ways. My day goes from 6 am til about 1 am, normally. It can be exhausting however every time I see them advance into the next level of maturity I know that it is all worth it and it brings a smile to my face.
1 person likes this
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
I know what you mean - totally, those moments are wonderful aren't they? Very special. I love the moments when we are all sitting together and one of them does something and hubby and I just look at each other and laugh - a special shared moment of joy. Thanks for your support. Violetdreams
1 person likes this
ellie333
@ellie333 (21016)
•
4 Jan 09
Hi Violetdreams, Good luck with the house move, now they can be stressful enough in themselves without having just had Christmas and dealing with all the kids etc. I am a single working mum and I wonder how I manage to get everything done at times. In fact the only break I have had recently at all where I could have some ME time was Friday night as my son was at a sleepover so I had planned to go out, well I should never make plans as hand was crushed on Friday morning at work (not broken but had to have ice pack every hour for forty eight hours, pain killers and held up, which now means I am a whole weekend behind with everything and need to be able to try to change gear in the car today to get some shopping in and prepare for back at school and get ironing done. Still throbbing like mad too. Christmas was bliss as I got to relax in the bath whilst my older girls who were visiting occupied my son and I even got an afternoon kip on the sofa too, bliss. I look ay some of the mothers at the school in the morning and think they must have been up hours as their makeup is pristene etc, whereas I just about mange to get out of the door on time dressed LOL. I actually look forward to school holidays where I don't have to rush about clockwatching so much. Wouldn't give it all up for the world though. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Hi Ellie I must say I really admire you - a working mum. I don't know where you find the time to get everything done. Sorry to hear about your hand. That must be awful. I while back (in the summer) I hurt my hand and it was awful - there are just so many things you can't do without both your hands, you just don't realise it until you don't have the use of both hands. I know what you mean about looking at the other mums at school, although I must say, my kids go to a small country school and most of the mums are fairly good about looking half way decent - not all mind! School hols with no rush are great, but then you have to get back into routine when school goes back! I am not looking forward to Wednesday when my 3 are back at school!
2 people like this
leenie50
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Violet, I can certainly understand why you might be losing it. When you said you were a stay at home mom, I had no idea that you also ran,it sounds like several internet businesses, as well as all the other many many things that Mothers/Women do to take care of their families and home 24/7 as they say. If you were not having a near nervous break down, I'd be very worried about you. YOU NEED A BREAK!!!! Take a break before it breaks you sweetie. You are trying to do too much. There is nothing wrong in saying, I need help!! Take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else. Hugs to you Violet!! leenie
1 person likes this
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hi Leenie I am a stay at home mum, except I am a working stay at home mum - more than just the housework and stuff. I am hoping that things will ease off soon with the twins staying at pre-school later on a Monday and Tuesday which should give me a bit more time to get things done. I'm not having a nervous breakdown - promise, although some days.... . We have had a good week with the kids going back to school and this weekend has also been great so things have calmed down a bit lately thankfully. Now to get the house packed in the next 2 weeks, move, unpack and get life back to normal! Thanks for your support and understanding - you are right - I DO NEED A BREAK! Violetdreams
deniseagnew
@deniseagnew (16)
• United States
5 Jan 09
I agree but I don't complain, because no one would listen. My mom had 6 children and never complained about anything. I have 3 children so I try not to complain too much. Maybe you need to find a job or hobby so you don't feel as though you are always taking care of everyone else. I work from home and I love it! I sell natural skin care products and health and wellness products that are great for me and my family. If you want more information, let me know.
deniseagnew
@deniseagnew (16)
• United States
12 Jan 09
That is great! Good luck with your new venture. I am praying for you!!!!!!!!! Denise
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hi Denise I agree with you, I do need to find a job and infact I have put it in motion already. After our move is sorted out (Feb), I will be studying towards getting licenced as a Driving Instructor so that I can get out and work again, but still be around when the kids need me. I think this will work better for me as I will have the people contact that I need, but will still have the flexibility to be available when the kids aren't at school, plus it will help to bring in a bit of extra cash each month - of course it will take time to build up to a level where it will do that! Thank you for your support. Violetdreams
gemini_rose
@gemini_rose (16264)
•
4 Jan 09
I feel the same way as you, I expect that there are lots of us mums out there who get like this and I expect that most of us wonder if there is something wrong with us for feeling this way!!! Sounds like you have your hands full more than most though and moving as well, you need to try and keep things calm inside you or else you will make yourself ill.
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Hi Gemini You are so right about making myself ill. I find Calms tablets are a great help. They are a natural remedy to help you nhot get too stressed. They don't make you feel spaced or anything like that, very mild really, but they do help you to cope. Thanks for your kind thoughts. Violetdreams
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Tiff Thanks for your comments and understanding. It helps a lot to know that there are people out there in the same situation. How right you are - none of us are superwomen - even though our kids seem to think so at times.
tiffrocks33
@tiffrocks33 (71)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Calms tablets are great I use them. I have felt like you at times. I think we sometimes try to do to much because we are stay at home moms. We don't get out of the house unless we are running around to get things done so the housework is on our minds. I have sometimes decieded to sit down and watch a movie when I am folding laundry. It might be a movie I have already seen but I get tired of daytime tv. If I get to overwhelmed I ask my husband for help. He is really good to help. You are not alone. I feel that it is important to stay home with the kids they are only kids once. The working moms I know are very strict with there kids or they have a house keeper. Thats how they do it. Good luck with your move. Things will get better. Remember we can only do our best we aren't superheros even if we try.
celticeagle
@celticeagle (159008)
• Boise, Idaho
4 Jan 09
Hey Violetdreams, I am right there with you! I am leaving in May to embark on a life of my own. I have raised my daughter and helped her to raise two other kids and now I am leaving to go do what I want to do for a change. I have been souly responsible for one of her kids having gotten guardianship of her and having her for twelve years. Then I let her come back with her son and helped her raise him. I am through! In four months and am out of here!
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hi Celtic Leaving? That sounds interesting. Where are you off to? Sounds like you have done your bit if you have raised your own child and helped with hers - about time for a break wouldn't you say? I wish you all the best in your new life. Violetdreams
celticeagle
@celticeagle (159008)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Jan 09
thanks. I was planning to travel across the US to meet someone. I am now having second thoughts about it. It is along way and I have social anxiety.
Erssyl
@Erssyl (617)
• Philippines
6 Jan 09
I used to have the same dilemma as a mother when I was at the period of nurturing my little kids.Seeing the mother hen hatching her eggs for 18 straight days with a small breaks to take her grains once a day.And when the chicks come out she will guide them to find their food teach them to scratch the ground and always keep them warm beneath her wings,guarding them from harm.I felt ashame of complaining about my role as a mother.We have the same lines always.I'm not a superwoman or a wonder woman to do all the things that I've done for them.But as time passes by when they are all grown ups and have their own family I surely miss what I've been doing for them. When I hear my daughter complaining like I used to do,I remind her of my usual complains.Enjoy that hardships with the kids.That will not take a lifetime.That hardships binds you with your family,a means of showing you love and care for them.Not all of us woman takes the same sacrifice.There are others who abandoned their family so they can do what they want.They are not superwoman like us.For the meantime enjoy every minute of it.You will not notice till it is over.You will miss them too.
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Thanks Erssyl for your comments - very true too. You are so right, and I do love my family and love spending time with them. In fact, I think that is what we need to do. Spend more quality time with the kids and to hell with the work! Hugs to you and thank you for your understanding. Violetdreams
AbbeyB
@AbbeyB (670)
• Spain
9 Jan 09
I totally agree and thought I was the only one out there that felt like that! Somedays I cant even reme,ber being me I am always a mum or a wife but never just me! I love being a mum but it would be nice to be called by my name and not refered to as mum!
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Yep, except that this morning when my 3 year old daughter informed me that she was going to call me 'icol' I immediately thought, 'I don't think so!' You are not alone! Hugs Violetdreams
paula27661
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
6 Jan 09
No my dear you are not alone! I am typing this one sentence at a time as I check on dinner. It is not fair how short the days are! I work from home trying to do freelance writing and taking care of the house and my family. In order to fit everything in each and everyday and keep the house presentable I have to get out of bed each morning at around 4 o'clock; if I don't I can forget about the writing which is my passion. We have school holidays at the moment here in Australia and daily swimming lessons every day this week which takes about 2 and a half hours out of my day. Then there's next week and the week after that etc... before my daughter goes back to school and being an only child she depends on me for entertainment. We do get together with friends for playdates etc.. and because I like to have a coffee with my friends every now and then there's more time required! There is not one single second in my life when I have nothing to do and that is my biggest dream; to sleep in and spend a week in my pijamas BY MYSELF doing absolutely nothing! Some dreams just never come true! So you see I know exactly how you feel, my husband is asking when will dinner be ready and all I want to do is finish my response! I feel pressured and stressed 24/7! I needed to rant too! Good luck with your move and keep breathing!
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hi Paula You are so right. Actually, it is the BY MYSELF bit that really got me. By myself just never happens in my house. Although, if I did get that wish, I would probably stand in the middle of the lounge wondering what to do with myself! Hugs Violetdreams
snowcat46
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
5 Jan 09
Pardon me for pointing something out, but you do work. Just because it is in the home doesn't make it any less work. Not just the homemaking part, but you said you run an internet business and are developing a new website. How is that not working? Don't try to do it all. What can the kids do to help out? Can you move the juice lower in the fridge, and let the 3 year old get his own? (Yeah, it'll be messy for awhile, but over time it's one less thing for you to handle) What can you let go, to give yourself more time? I've been there, and it's hateful. I finally let the housework go. (Yeah, that was a real hard decision. I HATE cleaning.) If it gets a little dusty, let the hubby get it. Or send the kids around with cloths. It might not get as clean as if you're doing it, but it can be a game between all of you. Yes, I got very tired of being a mother and wife. I wanted to run away from home and never come back!! I finally hired a babysitter. I'd drop her off and go do something fun for a couple hours. It made me feel so much better, taking time for myself. My husband finally agreed with me, if he really wants something done, he's just as capable of doing it as I am. Like vacuuming, cooking, some of the other things I loathe.
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
Hey Snowcat I love your attitude - you sound like a woman after my own heart. I have to say that I do leave the housework until it really needs doing and then wizz around with the hoover and give the bathrooms a quick wipe over. Cobwebs? Sometimes I think they help to keep the house together , and as for dust - yep, we are able to write our names in it in some places. I tend to clean dust when it really gets to me so there are places in the house which are really dusty if I don't see them regularly. Hubby doesn't seem to notice little things like dust, washing, etc... (at least he doesn't complain) Bad? Yeah, I guess so, but that is our home and it is a lived in home. Not filthy, but neither is it pristine - it never will be either! What I need is for my websites to really take off and then I would take the profit and use it to pay for a cleaner/housekeeper - wouldn't that be great!Thanks for your understanding and support. Violetdreams
1 person likes this
snowcat46
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
12 Jan 09
Anytime, sister in crime. (The crime being in hating housework) Yay! Let's all throw our brooms away and go on strike.
AKMEDIA2
@AKMEDIA2 (328)
• United States
8 Jan 09
I have this syndrome. I love my kids and family just the same as you do but do we ever get a break? I don't think so. I've actually heard one of our local radio talk shows stating that if you calculated the amount of work an average mom does with a family of two children, she should be getting paid a salary of $110,000-$120,000 approximately a year. This is for transportation of others, assistance, child care, laundromat fees, paperwork, documentation, organization, etc. I thought this was pretty funny. It just goes to show how much effort goes into it.
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
11 Jan 09
So true! So do you think they will every acknowledge that and pay us? Wouldn't that be great! Hugs Violetdreams
ersmommy1
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
4 Jan 09
Moving adds to stress. Try just taking it one minute at a time. That is all a body can do. I am not tired of being a mom. I have a 5 year old, and a new born (3 weeks old.) But I do occasionally need a break. Everyone does. Maybe you should sit down with your hubby and say, "I need a break" Tell him you are stretched thin and need an hour or 2. Take a hot bath, get some coffee, whatever. I am sure he may pick up the slack for that short period of time.
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Tell me about it! Moving is one of the most stressful things a body can do, and I have done it 3 times in the last 2 years - this is the 4th time! Among the other most stressful things is getting married and having kids! Thanks for the kind words, they do help a lot. I think hubby knows how I feel and when I need a break and does his best to help out and lessen the load. The problem comes in when we both need a break at the same time - lol!! What to do??? No matter, we survive because we are survivors!!! and we love our family so we cope through thick and thin - as you do! Thanks again for the kind words of support. Violetdreams
littleone3
@littleone3 (2063)
•
4 Jan 09
I understand how you feel it can be very difficult at times. There does not seem enough hours in a day to get things done. I have 5 kids aged 17.15,11,8 and 2 & 1/2. I was a single mum for two years to the four eldest and it was a lot of hard work. It does get better as they get older my eldest four are very independent and I no longer have to do the school runs apart from three times a week when my youngest goes to preschool. I am also very lucky as the elder kids will help out with the youngest two so i am able to have a break. Sometimes i do miss the old days when my children use to rely on me but i know that they have to grow up. As for my partner i am his career and it times it can get me down as sometimes i have to continually watch him and make sure he has taken his tablets. Good luck with your move i hope it all goes well.
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Wow, you do have your hands full! Hats off to you! you must be a wonderful caring person and your children and partner are lucky to have you. I must say that I have bred my 3 to be independent (out of necessity), have a 2 year old when the twins arrived meant that he just grew to be rather independent cause mum was busy with the babies. Lucky he has a fairly strong personality and is fine with the independence, although not too much as he is only 5 after all. I do also encourage the younger to be independent although my baby girl is far more confident than my baby boy who likes to cling a bit in certain circumstances. How do you manage with all the kids and having to look after your partner as well? You must be absolutely shattered by the end of each day! Hugs Violetdreams
my_january
@my_january (967)
• Philippines
4 Jan 09
Hi violetdreams. I understand how you feel. And I am sorry that you are in a not-so-good situation. You know, i have a 4 year old, and I have friends, who are also married, and some of them are full time mom. You are not alone. Each of us has our own difficulties in handling our families. With this difficulties, I know we can surpass through it, and that's what makes each mother wonderful. It is in the way we handle pressure but still maintain our sanity. My mom talked with me before about having a kid, she said that since my son is still young, I should expect a lot of things ahead. Like I need to make sacrifices that when I got home from work, I need to attend to him first and do what I must do with him. Talk with him, feed him, bath him, and sing him a lullaby before we get to sleep. I am not married so I really don;t experience a husband to mind aside form the children. Is it possible for you to stay at home and hire a house helper? With this, you don;t really miss a day with your family. If you are having problem financially and hiring a helper will be a problem, well you just have to talk with your husband that you are getting tired so he can also help in some ways (I've seen a lot of men doing household chores and being the one who makes a living for the family is not an excuse to leave everything to the wife). I hope your husband will find it in his heart to understand you. I will pray for your happiness. I will pray for you to get your better days... xoxo my_january
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Hi there January Your mum is a wise woman!! She is so right about having to sacrifice. The kids do definitely come first - always! I would love to employ someone to help around the house, but sadly it is a very expensive thing to do and since my online businesses don't yet bring in that much in the way of income, it is not really something I can readily afford. Also, I would feel that I was skiving off if I let someone else come in to clean while I sat back and watched. I would end up helping her to clean rather than getting on with my work. I am sure things will get better soon, and I will have more time to devote to my business. My twins start school in Sept 2009 and will be there until 3pm every day so I should get a bit of time to get things done then - hopefully. My husband is very understanding and often watches the kids while I get other things done which is in itself very helpful, but he does also have a very demanding job which leaves both of us exhausted most of the time - NOT FUN! Thank you for your prayers - we are happy, even though we complain - human nature I guess, and I am sure things will improve in the next few months. Thanks again Violetdreams
konomi777
@konomi777 (86)
• United States
4 Jan 09
You are not alone. Being a S.A.H.M is hard, its a 24 hour job. It never ends. I have a 22 month old that requires a lot of attention and I find it hard to get things done. My fiance is a firefighter, so he works 24 hours shifts. So there are days where I am alone. Luckly on the weekends my mom is off and she watches our daughter so I can have alone time or we can go shopping or go out to dinner and watch a movie. You know, do adult stuff. I do think it will get better once your kids are at an age where they can help you around the house. Right now if you can, hire a babysitter for a couple hours a few times a week while you get things done around the house. Maybe like a neighbor? You don't have to charge a lot. You can also use that time to go out with your husband. You can call it a date night. You can do that like once a month. Or you can use that time to go shopping, go for a walk or meet your friends and have coffee or tea. : ) Just have alone time to relax. I at times ask my husband to watch our daughter for 30 mins. while I go take a bath. I am going to admit, I am selfish at times. I think to myself like my fiance, yeah he works 24 hours shifts 10 days a month, but being a S.A.H.M, its 24-7. It nevers ends. But I can't compare what I do to what he does. He puts his life out on the line to save other people. I know his job is way more stressful than me being home with our daughter. It's hard, don't worry. It will get better. At least thats what other people tell me. : ) Every mother has their bad days. : )
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Hi Konomi I agree that it is definitely a 24 hour job, 7 days a week! You are lucky to have a mum close by to help you out sometimes. My mum lives on the other side of the world (literally) so we don't get to see her too often as plane fares are just too expensive. It is very sad for her as she doesn't get to see her grandchildren often, but neither does it give us the opportunity to make use of her kindness in looking after the kids for a few hours - which she would gladly do if she could. Unfortunately we live out of town and our nearest neighbours are quite some distance and also fairly elderly. I do have friends in the area who have said that they will come around to babysit while we go out sometime, but they also have young kids, so trying to co-ordinate a date is difficult. I would of course, return the favour if/when we manage to get it together! I don't think you are selfish to want some ME time! I know what you mean when you say he works long shifts, but you work 24/7. My hubby also works long days (not 24 hour ones) and has a high stress job too, but does come home and help out with bath time, etc..., and I find it hard when he sits down and watches TV while I just carry on ... cooking dinner, ironing, etc... My day ends when I go to sleep, his ends when he gets home. Oh well, guess that is just our lot in life hey? I think you are right - it will get better, it will just take time and once the kids are older hopefully things will even out a bit. Anyway, it isn't really that bad, and I am fully aware that there are many people out there with worse circumstances than ours (yours and mine I guess), so I shouldn't be complaining. At least my kids are healthy and happy and normal and we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, and we all love one another. I wouldn't swop it for anything. Hugs to you and yours. Hope tomorrow is a good day for you. Violetdreams
yoursonlyurs
@yoursonlyurs (394)
• India
4 Jan 09
i respect your views on life. i stand by ur opinion wish you a happy life ahead in 2009 just dont worry dear
violetdreams
@violetdreams (658)
•
4 Jan 09
Thank you for your response and support. I'm fine really, just a bit stressed out at the moment. Violetdreams