How would you handle this situtation

I think he is partially right. As long as she treats you with respect (and your husband makes that happen) then I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Ignore the negative, ya know? It sounds like the normal way things go in alot of households with second wives. Her mother probably has said some things. PLUS, a split family SUCKS, at best, for a young kid. Not easy for her to deal with or for you. I would try to hold out for a brighter day. Try to remember she is the child and go forward as best you can. And think of it this way: If she was your daughter how would you want her to act? All chummy with the step-mom or holding her ground in a hard situation. Try to think how she is feeling. She is just a kid.

Give your a hug.Before one of my friend want to marry a man who has a eight-year-old son, i was advised her that she should think more clearly.Being a step-mother should have a big courage.It is a new role for you ,step-mother .In china ,if the step-daughter or step-son cann't accept the step-mother,they will call her aunty. Since you have already to be a step-mother,pls don't mind what your step-daughter said,pls do what you should do and give the same love to her and your daughter.we should trust that one day she will accept you and call you mama .

Have you spoken to your husband about your feelings? Blending families is very hard, there has to be great communication between the parents in order to withstand the issues that come up. My husband adopted my kids from my first marriage. I have always made sure to not negate his feeling, or let the kids, in any way. But sometimes it happens and we don't even realize his feelings are/were hurt. Is her mother still in the picture? What was/is her relationship with her mother, if she is? Kids feel an amazing sense of guilt when their parents split up, and sometimes misplaced jealousy when their parent(s) get remarried, especially if she's close to her dad. How close is she and your daughter? Can you talk to your daughter and see if she has any ideas of your step-daughter's feelings?

Well...you've already ASKED your step daughter to respect your, and she ignored you. Now I think it's time for you to demand it of her. Make sure she understands that her father is not the ony authority in the house; and if she wants to be treated like an adult by you, and wants your respect-she'll have to show you the same treatment. You can not be blamed for something his ex-wife did...you can't accept that excuse. Make sure your husband and your step daughter BOTH understand that very well. You aren't her, and you don't want to be treated as her. Good luck!

hi dear, sad to hear what you are going through, howvere i feel it it is pretty natural for kids to go through this change over. it is not so easy for them to adjust to some facts in life. give them some time, do continue being your self and loving them unconditionaly as you do. i am sure they will realise. at the same time i am sure you could speak openly to your husband and explain to him how you feel. hang in there all will be well i am sure

First of all, how old was she when you and her father married? Does she normally live with you and visit her mother or the other way around? If she was older when you married, she may inwardly blame you for her parents' divorce, especially if you came into her life around the time of the divorce. If she primarily lives with her mother, or even sees her very often, she may feel like she is betraying he mother by calling you her step-mom, or anything aside from "Dad's wife". If she primarily lives with you, she may feel like you are trying to replace her mom. I think that your husband needs to stand by your side and make it very clear to her that you are not there to replace her mom, but you are there to help raise her. She needs to respect you and listen to what you say. I would make it very clear to her that you love her and you are not going anywhere. Ask her, straight out, why she insists on calling you her "dad's wife" instead of her step-mom. You and your husband have got to stand together and make her understand that rules in the house apply all of the time, not just when her dad is home. I wish you all of the luck in the world. I hope that my response helps you at least a little bit.

I never experienced yet like in your situation now but I only talk like this. I have a friend like in your situation she is always pretending in front of us that she likes her step daughter. Most of the time step mother doesn't accept right away by their step daughters. Try to wait for more time and later on she will accept you. The first thing they cannot accept yet is, that the lady together with them is not their mommy. That was the hardest time for them we called it denial stage. Extend more your patience and nothing to lose it. Relax and try to smile at her when she is in front of you, if you carry it. Anyway that's how my friend does to please her step daughter. Hope it was applicable to you too.

It sounds like a normal revolt by a child against having a new parent "inflicted" on her. The best thing you can do is to be honest about your feelings, as you were in that situation, but without your hubby's support you're pretty much up the creek. "There is nothing we can do about [it] and I just have to understand" is a total cop-out on his part (not wishing to put him down in any way). He has to stand by you and show his kid that you're the woman he loves. You won't ever be her birth-mother, but you ARE her (step-)mother and that's how it is. If he doesn't help you out, it's either because he doesn't understand how much it hurts you or because he (subconsciously) likes the situation as it is - he's special, she's daddy's little girl. That's fine, but it's not fair on you. I can't offer advice, just opinion. If it were me, I'd talk to him and explain (though I'd avoid mentioning the subconscious bit as he'd probably get annoyed, lol!). You need his support in teaching his daughter to treat you properly. My 2 cents. Hope it helps.

well i think you are much thinking as now generation children dont care much of their parents and afterall she is not ur daughter. she is first wife daughter and if you treat her like your own daughter also she may not have that fealing that she used to have for her mother so normally what your husband told i think it better to eccept it

The child is acting normally as a child, she still cannot accept you as her step mother, but she will by time. For her you have taken the attention of her father, it is also depends her age and depends how many years has passed that you married her father. Well be patient and try to talk her gently without shouting, try making girls outings together like going shopping so she may tak to you as her friend.

hey i know what you going through...but i think i got an idea to help you out in this defensive situation.. do one thing (i feel it may help u) as christmas had just passed away tell ur step that she wants to give party and ask her to invite all her frnds at ur home for aprty...when her frnds come ask them all for their introduction and when its ur turn introduce yourself as YOUR STEP'S MOTHER...(hows it??) say it in a very casual way and in such a way that it should hurt ur step...i m sure she wont shout at you in front of her frnds and neither when they are gone or she is alone...i think she isnt comfortable in cllin u as her mom...tht is wad i feel... and then when the party is ovre and all the frnds are gone..take her to a place and make her sit and say..."DEAR I KNOW YOU ARENT COMFORTABLE WITH ME IN THIS RELATION AND I WANT YOU TO BE COMFORTABLE WITH ME..AND I M NOT FORCING YOU TO DO THIS..I AM GIVING U FULL TIME TO MAKE URSELF COMFORTABLE WITH THIS RELTION..BUT IT HAS BEEN QUITE LONG...LETS GO OUT FOR FOOD..IN SOME HOTEL OR SO...AND YA I WANT TO TELL U ONE MORE THING,,,I M NOT TAKING UR MOTHER;S PLACE IN THIS HOME OR IN UR HEART...NOT AT ALL..BUT ME TRYIN TO COMPLETE THIS FAMILY BY BEING A PART OF THIS..AND I M SURE U WILL ACCEPT ME AS UR MOTHER...I LOVE U SAME AS I DO TO UR YOUNGER SIS... and then endin the conversation..get up...turn back and then smile and say her..SO CAN I HELP U OUT IN UR HOMEWORK FOR TOMORROW..(GIVE A SMILE BACK AND SAY HER)BUT THERSS A PROBLEM WITH ME..I CNT HEAR YOU WHEN U SAY TOO SLOW...CAN U BE LIL LOUDER AND POSITIVE...??? pat her and give her kiss on cheek and then say her bye and go... (BUT IN THIS ARE U SURE U ARENT DOING ANY PARTIALITY WITH UR OWN DAUGHTRE AND UR STEP?? THIS IS IMP NOT TO DO ) I THINK THIS SHD HELP U.. GOD BLESS

I belive He needs to sit down with you and his daugter and open the lines of comunication other wise there is a chance there could be a a wedge built between you and your husband he needs to be more involved.

i read your problem and tried to analyse the situation.first of all it is very essential to know whether she is a child,teenager or a young girl.Because a child who is very tender and soft at heart can be moulded into whatever situation we may want to but it is not as easy as in the case of teenagers and young adults who have set their opinions and expressions. Why is she feeling insecure in your company and always longs for her dad?why is she not accepting you as your mother and your daughter as her sister?Have you ever tried to talk to her about her behaviour and tried to sort out the things?what was her reaction?has she faced any turbulent times in her life?These are some the questions which need to be answered before anything concrete could be drawn

if i would be in place of you i'll give her so much love that one day or other she have to change her behaviour and on the other hand i listen her from one ear and pass all the talk from other ear and never keep in my heart

well, i think honesty is the best policy and you have already tell your step - daughter about how you feel... the next step is to talk to your hubby and get his support so that he will talk to his daughter to change her attitudes and the way she talks to you... i know it hurts a lot when somebody treat you in that way when you love the person so much... good luck... take care and have a nice day...

Well a daddy’s daughter she is and will remain, no matter how much she tries. I guess she behaved that way with her own (or previous) mom too. Your hubby will have to take the initiative…his shrugging his shoulders will not really help. Being an adult, he is expected to understand the implications of all these on the entire family. You have been trying your best, I think you can go a little extra mile (though I can really feel how frustrated and helpless you are) and request her to call you Mom (and not step-mom). There should also be a strict rule against calling you by name…did she call her own mom by her name? so why this difference? What does she not like about you? What would she like changed / introduced in the family? Anything, to make her talk. I think she is being both reticent and over-pampered by her father. He will have to gradually and slowly push her more towards you and your daughter. She cannot just go running to him all the time…you are there too, to help out…so why not you?

I think that you husband need to talk to her if she listens to him then she just mite loosen up a bit with you and you can keep being a good mother she will come around maybe not right away in fact she is a teenager but just don't do the fire with fire thing that just causes more fire the only way to fight fire is with water fight hate with love if you don't get love back then there is always like and that's a long way from hate trust me I know

I would get one of the kids juice boxes and just ignore the situation until things got better. That's just me. My dad taught me that. Whenever things get really complicated in life just walk away.

Wow! This is not good. Sounds very unhealthy. And it does need some kind of problem solving such as maybe even professional counseling. Noone likes to feel like an "alien" in their own home. If there is no money for professional counseling as is often the case, I think I would just keep trying to communicate the kind of things you would like your unit to become. I think the worst thing to do is ignore problems of any kind. Problems within groups need to be solved. Try having regular family meetings to discuss feelings within your group.