A friend's broken heart

United States
January 18, 2009 9:34pm CST
So a few months ago a friend of mine started dating this guy that's 18, and she's 21. They live about an hour apart, so they didn't get to see each other very much. About a month ago she started telling me that she wished things could be like they were when they were first dating. I told her she should be thinking that years into the relationship, not a couple of months. Then one night she asked him to call her when he got home from a restaurant, and he never did. She found out from his roommate that he was completely wasted. He likes to drink, and has shown no signs of wanting to quit for her. She also told him that there were things sexually that she wasn't willing to do, and he hung on HER! He really treated her like crud and was very lazy about showing her that he cared. She was thinking about breaking up with him, and I shared some things that had happened when I was engaged to a real jerk. The similarities were scary! Anyways, she finally broke up with him today, and she was a basket case when she called me. She was crying her head off and kept saying that she hurt him and broke his heart, that she was an insensitive b-word and she guessed you never know what you have til it's gone. I'm worried about her, she keeps putting herself down and saying she hates her life and she hates herself. Any ideas how I can help her? I'm kind of at a loss as to what to say or how to make her feel better. Thanks everyone!
4 people like this
13 responses
@rsa101 (29918)
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
Well I guess you are here for her and you should do something about it. I guess the first few days would be normal for her to grieve on it but then if it gets longer I guess you should be worried. Try telling her that if she continued her life with him then she would be more in misery than where she is right now. Just remind her that her life now without him is much better and her mistake in loving him is now over that she choose wisely in her decision. Just be there for her and make her strong in facing these the hurting will go away whenever she decides to be better. It is her choice to be in that space where she is.
• United States
2 Feb 09
Thank you to everyone who cared enough to reply!! All of your suggestions were awesome, and had I had more time with her, I would have done all of the things you suggested. Unfortunately, the day after she broke up with him, she went right back to him. *sigh* She's the type of person who has to figure things out for herself I guess. We'll see where this road takes her, and I hope for her sake that it's a happy one. Thank you again everyone!!
@rsa101 (29918)
• Philippines
2 Feb 09
Oh well just hope that everything will be fine. I think it is really her choice if she wants it that way too. Let's hope that it will be a good and fine reconciliation that is there waiting for her.
• United States
13 Feb 09
Well an update here haha. My friend finally broke up with her loser boyfriend, and is now healing quite well. Thank you so much to everyone who cared enough to reply! Hope everyone's having a great winter!
1 person likes this
@artaucan (97)
• United States
20 Jan 09
I think the most important thing you can do for her is be there for her, she needs a shoulder to cry on and you´re her friend, you´re the one who´s going to tell her to stop beating herself up, specially because you´ve been in the past in a similir situation reason why she won´t feel alone and that it wasn´t her fault, jerks will always be around and sometimes the most innocents with big hearts fall for them, as I mentioned, you´re her rock right now and you´ll be able to get her out of that depression she´s in with your love and support.
@lingli_78 (12834)
• Australia
19 Jan 09
i think just being there for her and listen to her story has already shown that you care for her... at the moment, she needs lots of emotional support from you and there is nothing much that you can do except to offer her that... i wish your friend all the best and hopefully she can get over this situation soon... take care and have a nice day...
@silverjam (969)
• United States
19 Jan 09
I guess it's very normal for any relationship to feel bitter or hurt in the first stage of the break up but I believe she eventually get healed if she's willing to be. She should be mature enough to consider things that might get worse should the relationship is still on going. She should be firm in her decession, stand up and pick up the peices of her life and you can be of help to her by standing beside her in this hurtful moment she is experiencing right now. Every wounds will be healed at a given time and there is always another chance to be happy; just don't lost hope while you are still alive. You can share these things to her and help her to cheer up amidst the pain she has. It may not be easy and it takes time to be healed.
@nigenh (167)
• India
19 Jan 09
Its that guy who has lost such a gud gal like your friend, infact people like him should never get into a relationship. Just ask your friend to take it good because atleast now she had got to know his true colour than at a later stage. She deserves more than what she got & I am sure tha your friend would get a very good guy as her partner. That guy has wasted his life n time drinking & ditching your friend. He is the loser & not your friend. Just don't let her down, keep reminding her how good & great she is to you & how much she means to you. This would keep her up for sure. Just keep re-assuring her of the positive things & make sure that guy never comes in her line of sight atleast for few days from now on.
@nyao2x (53)
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
she's young and definitely, there will be more guys to come. she should focus on making herself attractive and more beautiful. tell her to think that it's the guy's loss, not hers. So she must be optimistic. If you can, be honest and straight to the point whenever you talk to her. Sometimes, harsh but true words/statements can help her more. Hopefully, she will be aware of the reality. Sometimes, we have to deal with difficult choices. But we must always remember that whatever choice we make, we must be firm about it so that there will not come a time when we regret the steps we made. We cannot turn back time, but we can always be ready and be stronger for the future. good luck! :)
@cryw0lf (1302)
• United Kingdom
19 Jan 09
Invite her on a girly night out for one. Dress her up, make sure she feels pretty and hit the town. Also another thing, whenever she says a good thing about him, or a bad thing about herself- flaw her ex. Tell her things she'd said to YOU. Just repeat her words and tell her that she only feels the way she does because shes come out of the relationship... and that eventually she'll be happier, or atleast happier then she was with him.
@ana31798 (41)
• United States
19 Jan 09
Just being there for her as friend would be a big help for her. The first few days are the worst, as time passes she will feel better. Maybe you can just do things with her like take her out and busy so she can keep her mind off of him. I dated a guy that was a controling jerk and when I broke up with him he also made me feel like I hurt him so much and tried to make me feel sorry for him. I kind of felt like I was the bad one. Slowly, with time and the help of friends, I realized that it wasn't my fault and that the one I should feel bad for is me for putting up with being treated that way all that time. But anyway, what I am saying is that you can just be there for her and with time she will realize she did the right thing and feel better.
@gracie04 (4554)
• Philippines
19 Jan 09
The best thing you can do is to be there for your friend.. comfort her and give advices that can help enlighten her mind.. like telling her that she doesn't deserve a guy like her ex boyfriend, etc.. you know her well so i'm certain you know how to calm her down and make her feel alright..
• Malta
19 Jan 09
This break up had definately left a great impact on your friend's life. Although only time will heal you can still do your best to comfort her. Just by being avaiable to her will do a big difference. Instead of talking badly about her ex or trying to find her a new decent boyfriend, you can share more time with her. By doing activities which you share in common, like shopping, watching a movie, meeting for lunch, your friend would realise that she can still have fun, without her ex.
@noniefam (284)
• Indonesia
19 Jan 09
so bad. ur feeling were up sad when broke up with someone u love. but if ur bf is bad for ur life, it will be better if u leave him n find good one. sounds like easy but if difficult. but its better if u try n pray to God
@wendy82 (437)
• United States
19 Jan 09
Just being a true friend. To me it sounds like the dude is a jerk. To me maybe if you can assist her to found her mr right. Or giving her the support that she does deserve. To me if that guy was really the man that she trully wanted to be with he would keep to his promise. To me I dont think she needs to be alone. To me I think you or someone needs to be with her.
@vikeyshuy (284)
• China
19 Jan 09
i hope you friend gets happy very soon.if i were you,i will tell your friend that that bad guy doesn't deserve her love. frow what you said,i think that that guy didn't respect your friend.love is based on mutual respect and sharing.that guy just wanted to get something he needed from she.he wanted to use her. you can invite your friend to see films or have dinner,talking about happy things,i believe she will forget it and recovry form it very soon.all the best!