I Am Between Two Big Stones!!What To Do?Help!!

stones - I Am Between Two Big Stones!!What To Do?
Philippines
January 28, 2009 9:34am CST
I consider the situation that I am experiencing right now is one of the most challenging situations that happened in my life. I am really confused and do not know what to do. Let me share you the situation and tell me what shall I do?I have my girlfriend and we have been together for almost six years already. We live in one house for almost two years now. I have my cousin who is in London, she has her own house there and already a citizen of the country because she is already more than 8 years in London. I received a call from cousin yesterday and telling me that she will get me and stay in London. My girlfriend is not close to my family. So if ever I agree with my cousin, my girlfriend will be left here in our country and I really can't take it. I informed my girlfriend about it. It's okay with her but I can see sadness in her face. I am really confused on what to do. My mom also needs me. She wants me to earn a lot of money so that I can remove them from poverty and recession. What I am going to do now?If you are in my situation?What will you do?Thank you very much for your response!!
6 people like this
25 responses
• United States
28 Jan 09
If you love your girlfriend than as a fellow mylotter stated marry her. If you feel that it is time to move on than that is what I would do. Is there anyway your family could come and live with you guys? I mean why do you have to up and leave for them if they are in bad shape, I do not want to offend you but I think they should come here instead, if they are having problems than you might be able to help them better where you are at now. I guess this is all I could offer for help without knowing every little detail. I hope you find the answer and happy mylotting to you as well.
@rmuxagirl (7554)
• United States
29 Jan 09
I totally agree if you love your girlfriend marry her and take her to London with you. I would want to bring my family as well. Maybe I would work a while and send money and save some money so that I can bring them over to where I am so they have a better opportunity.
@sunita64 (6469)
• India
28 Jan 09
The only solution that comes to my mind is that in your case I would have married the girlfriend and take her along.Leaving love for money is not a very wise thing to do.
3 people like this
@tammytwo (4300)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Your girlfriend seems to be very understanding and seems to know that you must do what is best for you. As the others stated though if you feel you love her whether she is close to your family or not, ask her to marry you or at least go with you. If you love her and she makes you happy your family will learn to love her as well. This is a tough situation but if you don't love her it should be easy to make a decision.
2 people like this
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
28 Jan 09
If you go to London, is it the end of your relationship with your girlfriend? If you leave your girlfriend now in sadness, will she not be overjoyed when you return? Friend, they say money can't buy joy and happiness but oftentimes, you need money to make yourself and others happy. If you are in London and have a good paying job there, you will have opportunity not just to help your family but to make your own life more comfortable in the future without leaving your girlfriend again. Grab the opportunity. I think if you and your girlfriend will just adjust your life plans to take this London thing into consideration, it will help you rise on top of the stones.
1 person likes this
@bing28 (3797)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
yes I agree with eichs1 opinion, If going to london will change everybody's life to be much better then go ahead, your girlfriend will understand. Naturally she'll get sad to be away from you but soon she realize therre will be a bright future for you both ahead. Marry her by the time you come home.
@syeryn (574)
• United States
28 Jan 09
Six years is a long investment in the relationship you have with your girlfriend. It is definitely not a casual arrangement, you and she are both vested in it. Walking away from love for money often leads to regret in later years. If you want to stay with her and still help your family, marriage seems to be your best option but not knowing your situation, I would not want to say it is the right thing for you, only you can answer that question.
1 person likes this
@willvaaz (75)
• India
28 Jan 09
dear friend, for love two heart enough.. for life to withstand ur lover "money" is very important. so try to earn money and continue your lover.. because that distance makes you very lovable person to ur girl friend.. ok... it really hard time for u...but it could happen.... which 1 u need? * live for love? or love for live? u can choose urself.... my point is "u will live with loving thoughts of ur girlfriend for some days.... and then u marry her...
• United States
29 Jan 09
Distance only makes love stronger for a little while, then it makes it weaker. Statistics have shown that no relationship has ever been able to withstand the strain that long distance places on it. Jobs can be found anywhere, love cannot. Love is much more important. You can leave this life without money and be happy, but you can't leave this life without having loved or been loved and say the same.
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
love is all about sacrificing :)
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
29 Jan 09
You stated that you and your girlfriend have been together for six years. That is long enough to get married. Why keep her in limbo, six years is a long time for a relationship to go nowhere. Marry her and you can go to London as a couple. Your girfriend seems to just go along with whatever you want, if she just said, "okay". Your girlfriend can learn to get close to your family, that is not an excuse. I think you should get married to your girlfriend, move to London, get settled, find a job and live your life. Are you the only one that can help your mother out? Remember, you can not make everyone happy.
@becdmd (705)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
I think you first assess your situation which is more improtant for you to do, it doesn't mean that if you leave your girlfriend she's not that improtant, there are a lot of ways to keep the relationship work, there are a lot of ways right?, but if you choose to stay here, think of any possibilities that may happen and the opportunities you've missed. So think first carefully, I pray that God may give you discernment and wisdom in choosing a wise decision. Goodluck and Godbless.(^_^)
• India
29 Jan 09
u take some ones help and explain to ur mom
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
marry your girlfriend, and take her with you, that way, you can be with her , and go to london. its that simple. whats the use of staying together for a long time and not marry, its a waste of energy and youth for the both of you, especially on the woman's side. having a domestic partner takes a toll on women, they shoulder more emotional problems than men, so marry her and be happy!
@laydee (12809)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
It's a tough decision, family versus love. I have a question though, if your girlfriend has been living with you for the whole 2years and have been your girlfriend for the last 6years, why didn't you bother to bring her along family occasions so that she could get to know your family better? I'm sure if you don't take the opportunity then your family would blame her for everything, plus your cousin would also blame her as well. Now if you do, well love doesn't do too good when it's far apart, but it isn't impossible. What you can do is talk to her straight. I'm sure she would allow you to go because she doesn't want to hinder your future, but the question is, is she ready to wait for you or are you ready to wait for her too? Marrying her isn't a solution, because papers or visas are more inclined to be given faster to people who are single rather than those who are married. Perhaps this is the crossroads you and your girlfriend need to face. I can't tell you a solution because you know in your heart what you are to do. There will never be a decision that won't hurt the other. But I'm just thinking that it'll be best if you just try it out for a while, a year or two would be great for you to try to see the world. Plus, it won't be too long, if she's really for you, you both would try the relationship's foundation with this separation. Anyhow, good luck! I hope you can find ways to decide soon. Carpe Diem!
@anjel016 (330)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
I guess the best thing for you guys to do is get married. After you have tightened your bond with her and taken your relationship to the top level, you can go to your cousin's place. I think it will not be best if you will take her along with you if the one who would support you're living in London for meanwhile is your cousin. You should stabilize first your financial condition in London and set everything up. If everything is all set, you can now go and get your "wife" and live there together. It may take some time but rushing things up won't do you any good. Anyway, it looks like your girlfriend is very understanding and I guess she'll understand whatever your plan will be.
@yezzyk (180)
• Netherlands
29 Jan 09
Hi rberon, For what period of time does your cousin whant you to stay in London? Is is a dream of you to make it there? Is is a ones-in-a-lifetime opportunity? I understand you have no kids yet, so I suggest you seize the opportunity now. Ofcourse your girlfriend will be sad about it, but she seems to love you enough to let you go. That's very precious. You could set yourself to go to London for one year and then return for at least 2 months. That might help you to find out how you feel about averything. Your relationship will be strong enough to make it for just one year of seperation. You have the internet and such to communicate on a daily basis, so it should not be a problem. Make sure to return after one year and stay for 2 months. That will make you see where YOU feel you belong and help you make a decision for further life. At least you will not have the feeling you missed your opportunity in case you turn down this offer. I know you love your girlfriend, and when she is The One for you, you will both make it together. Good luck in making your decission.
@bamrahkirti (1824)
• India
29 Jan 09
If both of you are serious about your relationship with each other then you should get married as stated by other members.Your family needs you the most and it is your responsibility to earn for them and make them happy and comfortable in their living but leaving your girlfriend for their sake is wrong.She has invested 6 long years in this relationship and if you leave her for family and money then it would be very detrimental for your relationship. So my advice would be if both of you are ready for long term commitment,go ahead and marry. Best of luck.
• China
29 Jan 09
oh ,my friend, It seems really a big stone in your life, money is everything, but money is nothing, your family need you ,but your girlfriend aslo need you ,maybe you could try to persuade your girlfriend to know more about your family, I think she could know you well, I think it wouldn't be the end of your relationship with your girlfriend if it is a true love.
@chris20 (109)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
If I'm at your place, I'll go to my cousin. I'm not telling you to leave your girlfriend alone. Better have a heart to heart talk with your girlfriend. I believe that she will understand. Who knows, if you guys survive this problem in your relationship, you might end up being together. I think if you'll become successful in London, your family will understand your relationship with your girlfriend. Just always remember that opportunity knocks only once in our life.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
Hi there! To me the most common but the hardest problem to solve and needs a lot of wise thinking is choosing between love and money. But I think there is a relation between the two. You can't live with love alone. You need the money to have a better future with your girlfriend someday and she would want to have a well off future with you someday too. Sacrifice today than later in life when you're already married with her and having a hard earning big. Grab the opportunity to have a good paying job and save now than later. Your girlfriend is a big girl. She'll understand and I'm sure she'll get along well with your family. Yes, there will be sadness but frequent communication will lessen the missing between the two of you. If you need security with your relationship you can marry her with a simple wedding. In that way, she'll be legally accepted to your family. Whatever you decide I wish you good luck! Hope that helps. Ciao!
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
29 Jan 09
Whoa! you are in a hard spot arent you? You say your mother needs you, if its just for financial reasons you could always send her money but getting out of poverty and recession is a hard thing to do these days.Take your girlfriend with you,of course she is going to say it is alright because she wants you to be happy.If you been together for 6 years why have'nt you ask her to marry you?You have alot to think about my friend and Good Luck making the right chose.Have a great night.
@ladysakurax (1163)
• Canada
29 Jan 09
It sure is a tough decision to make. First, for how long would stay in London is you decide to go?Is it for a few years? I think that if it's for a short period of time you should grasp this oportunity. I woudl see this as a positive thing for you as you can acquire a workign experience and come back to your country and look for the same job. Alot of students from other countries come temporary to Canada just to study. They leave their hometown, their loved ones to get education and support their family when they go back. It must be hard for the student but it's a hope which is important to them especially in this current economic crisis. But if it's a staying there forever, of course you choose your loved ones. Or why not taking them with you? If they agree with you, come all along. If they don't want to, you choose what is most important for you and will bring you hapiness in the future and not just the present. I hope this helps.