OMG! I am so excited!

United States
February 4, 2009 3:49pm CST
I don't know if I have mentioned it on this site or not, but I have a 19 year old son that lives with his father in California. He called me today after many months. Its not that we have been estranged in any way, just life, I suppose. Anyway, he wants to come to visit or perhaps even live. I think thats completely awesome in every way. I think spending time with one another is way overdue and it just may be what my youngest son needs to get some motivation and a sense of direction. The only problem is that I live in a one bedroom apartment and I barely make ends meet as it is. I know that there are many families in similar situations. What do you do to make it work or what suggestions can you give me?
5 people like this
21 responses
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Have the two boys bunk out in the lounge - might be tight but hey, you'll have both your sons with you. Check your local freecyle and see if someone has a single mattress or airbed they no longer want, even check Craigslist. Ask a neighbor or two for one. If he decides in the end to stay, then maybe if and when he gets a job, then he could help out and eventually you all might be able to move into something a little bigger :) GOOD LUCK :)
2 people like this
• United States
4 Feb 09
This is just what I needed. Some positive input. And I do think if there is a will there is a way. I'm thinking both boys could sleep in the room and I'd take the couch. If its, worth working out it will be worked out.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
those airbed are great, and they last, as long as you don't have any cats. You know what else would be a good idea, a rollaway bed. this way you have your own bed and you can put away each morning out of the way. You won't have any problems you'll find a way.
2 people like this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
8 Feb 09
I like the idea of a rollaway or, if the living room is big enough, get a full size bed and use it as a couch. Remember the suggestion of Craigslist or even goodwill. Get some pillows and walah!! Let the boys help with some ideas, they'll love it. boys love to take care of their Mom. leenie
@lilaclady (28236)
• Australia
4 Feb 09
This is wondrful for you, I guess it would be easy enough to divide the bedroom in some way to give a little privacy, I guess it would be cramped but what the heck some people have no where at all, I think it would just be great for you to have your sone at home again..maybe sleeping on the lounge is another alternative...I think you can make it work in some way, I hope it works out for you.
• United States
4 Feb 09
Thinking about it further, I guess I could give the bedroom to both boys and sleep on the couch. I am sure we could work it out. Thanks for the positive support.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 09
Or give the boys the living room and you get your own private room as you should. Like Lila said a home is still a home no matter how cramped or imperfect.... and rather than worry bout the quarters enjoy the time with your boys.
@kaleegirl45 (1515)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Hi kb, that's great news, what I would do is make the bedroom for both boys and if you can afford it by a sofa/sleeper. they have campers bed for 30.00, the only thing is you have inflate it every night, but very comfrontable. we use the living room as a sleeping area, since the house the my mother rents has only 2bedrooms and 1 is hers.
• United States
4 Feb 09
It is very exciting, isn't it? Inflatable mattresses are a darn good idea. Thanks.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
We have bot 2 of them and the cats have gotten the claws in them so we gave up. keep us posted and let us know how things work out with you fmaily
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
4 Feb 09
Now thats a great idea. I should have thought of that when we had visitors last Summer. Thanks kaleegirl.
2 people like this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
8 Feb 09
Hi K, Sorry I'm so late replying to this post because my Son (28) lives in California with his Dad as well. I've only seen him once since I moved my second husband who was terminally ill back to Florida where his only sister lives and my 8 brothers and sisters live. My son is Bipolar and I think he is concerned about flying. where does your Son and ex live? Mines in Fresno. Well for one thing, I'd ask the ex to contribute a little cash at least for the visit and then take it day by day. Maybe with a little luck, your son can find a job to help out? I wish my ex would help my son get out here even if he has to come with him. Don't worry, you'll handle it somehow. How your younger Son? Keep us posted. I'm so excited for you. Hugssss leenie
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Feb 09
Absolutely no need to apologize Leenie. My son and his father live in Santa Rosa. I lived there for over 20 years before moving here to Phoenix two years ago. I wouldn't ask my ex, not that we aren't friends. I would just prefer not to. As for my son, he works two jobs now. I really don't think he would mind working at all.
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
8 Feb 09
I am so excited for you. I just know that things will work out better than you can even imagine right now. I'm so happy for you. I miss my son so much. I lived in Ca. for 30 years before I moved back to Fl. Good luck Sweetie!! leenie
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
5 Feb 09
hI k...Great to see you. I have a 22 yr old that bounces back and forth into my home. I love having her here but finances are an issue as well as space. it is always temporary for her. I do have a spare room which I give to her. Soon I will be movng to a smaller place and we have discussed this issue. I will sleep on the couch as I'm used to it anyway and we'll work out sharing space for our stuff. I have 4 daughters and another one on occassion needs a nite away....I have an air mattress. It's not easy and we just work together to make the best of it. As for costs, she knows I would never ever let her go hungry or throw her to the snow bank. I do ask her a minimal rent to help offset the food and electric costs that go up when she is here. If she is out of work...i'll find a way to feed her and cover her as I always have. What I won't do is pay her Cell phone bill or that sort of thing. I'm really firm on this and she is very good about it. This last time here...I didn't charge her rent as I wanted to see her get on her feet and I saw her buying lots of clothes and perfume etc. I cut her off much to her dismay. I have another daughter that would have taken that gift and paid off some bills and actually gotten on her feet. Only you know your son. There is no right answer that I or anyone can give you...go with your heart on this one.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
My fear is that I don't make enough to make ends meet. But I do think that he would want to contribute in any way he could. In fact, he said so over the phone. So I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing. I just want to be a good parent.
1 person likes this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
this is the feeling if you are away for so long from someone you really love specially if it was your kid. i would definitely make do with what i have just to have that moment with him. like i always say to myself that "everything will be alright" . i am not the religious type but i also believe in God's mysterious ways, He always finds a way for us to get by. i can attest to that, the guy up there is trusted ally. of course, we have to do things to make things work, the guy up there ia not a magician. suggestion, eventhough your place is small, it does not matter. what matters is that you are together. i find small a small abode makes your bond stronger. i would suggest you start clipping more coupons to buy more food for the both of ya and do you cook at home? try cooking budget meals. spend a day or two with him going to places within your area, have coffee. come up with something where both of you can bond more. i don't know , maybe, come up with a yard sale to dispose things that you don't need and in the process make him help you to do this project and you make additional money ! have fun !
• United States
5 Feb 09
I really liked what you had to say. You gave some really good suggestions and alot of positive support. Thank you.
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
hello, my dear. things will work out well with everything that you do. clear the clutter in your mind, i the worries, the ghosts. it gets to you most of the time. have that paradigm shift of thinking everything will be alright and believe me, it will. haven't you noticed in the past you have gotten by? always carry that positive attitude specially when you thought you have given up. stop and slow down , we can only do enough. wear a smile even just for yourself, your life will get better. cheers, my friend.
@zweeb82 (5713)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
HahaMums are always mums. I'm sure you guys will sort things out. When we went down to visit our mum a few weeks ago for Chinese New Year, I told her not to worry too much as I can always make myself comfortable anywhere, hahaIt's the being together that matters. The rest can be worked out. For starters, how about a sleeping bag? Then later maybe a mattress, small pillow & blanket when he comes by as he can help you out on that?
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Yes, its all going to be fine. Now, I can hardly wait for him to get here. Its been way too long and I think he feels the same way too.
1 person likes this
@zweeb82 (5713)
• Malaysia
5 Feb 09
Seems like lots of catching up to do. Hope you guys enjoy yourselves
@Rosekitty (19396)
• San Marcos, Texas
5 Feb 09
Oh Kat!..that sounds so fantastic and am happy for all three of you..I hope he wants to stay and then you all can get caught up on things... I agree to let the boys take the bedroom but first talk it over and see what they say so they won't feel they are pushing you out.. ..basically just see what his plans are don't push anything on him to make him think you want him back for money help, but just see how his reactions are and take it from there.. huggs
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Oh no, I would not want him here for money help at all. In fact, if he did decide to stay, I would like to convince him to go to school. It might be difficult, but I know we could make it.
@Rosekitty (19396)
• San Marcos, Texas
5 Feb 09
I meant if he wanted to have a part time job or something to that order to help out if he thought to mention it..sorry it may have come out wrong in my words...
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
4 Feb 09
That is wonderful kb, I'm so glad for you...yeaaaaah. I'm clapping my hands in joy for you. As many siblings they will have to share a room. I have given up my room before and slept on the sofa for my children to have a room. I didn't really need the privacy and the children do. As for the money maybe your oldest will get small jobs and put to use some of his favorite things to do and make money doing it. He may not make much but every small amount helps. Also he is still under age and child support should kick in. You may have to go put it into force.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
I know he would be willing to work. He works two jobs now, at a sports store and a video store, but as he explained to me, he just doesn't seem to be getting any breaks. Well, I told him, he really needs to go to school and I would be willing to help him do that. I might not be able to help much financially, but I could get him going in the right direction to get help.
• United States
5 Feb 09
Well honey right now he is over loaded and has two jobs. That leaves him very little if any time to realize his dreams and be able to do anything about them. While with you if he had something where he can work about 25 to 30 hours a week then he would have some of the money he needs to pursue his dreams and be able to help out a little finacially. He will have his own money for his needs and maybe be able to help you a little. I think it's wonderful dear. I'm so glad for you as you will have him back with you again, as you know I've been through this and I do know how you feel now.
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
5 Feb 09
he would need to work and bring in some money, even if he went to school he would still have to contribute, my son pays his room and board and will as long as he lives with me, there is not any other way to do it.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
I understand that and this, of course, is assuming, that he decided to stay long term. It certainly would be wonderful if he did.
@dmrone (750)
• United States
4 Feb 09
How about a couch with a hide away bed? You could probably find one of them on craigslist. An air mattress is a good idea, also. Everything will workout. Best of luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Theres a Ross right near me. I could buy an air mattress there.
• France
4 Feb 09
Get earphones for the TV and music stuff (I have 2 pair of cordless ones that work with the same transmitter), learn how to sleep with earplugs, and respect one another's space. We live four in a one bedroom house and we get by this way.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
LOL. I never thought about it from that perspective, but I think you've got a good point. Most of the time I'm gone to work though, so I shouldn't think it would bother me too much.
@UK_Shree (3604)
4 Feb 09
Hi there kbourgerie, well first of all I just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you. You sure do sound over the moon about your son coming home, and I hope everything works out just how you want it to. In terms of living arrangements, I do not think that sharing a 1 bedroom apartment will be a big problem. How big is the lounge/living area, and does it have a comfortable sofa that he could sleep on? I don't think most 19 year old boys would mind these sort of sleeping arrangements so perhaps he could sleep in the lounge, and you could buy an inflatable mattress if the sofa is not that comfortable. In addition, if you are finding it hard to get by in terms of money, perhaps your son could get some part-time work when he comes to live with you - it will help him make friends as he will be new in the area and he'll have a bit of cash in his pocket to help you out, and to buy things that he wants for himself. That's probably the best advice I can give - I hope I have helped, and I hope it all works out for you
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
My apartment is not big at all, but the bedroom is pretty big. I could actually fit two beds in there. One for each boy and I would take the couch. I know he would look for work, I'm just worried about him being able to find something. So many places have put a freeze on hiring, but I'd help him find something. Thanks for your well wishes.
@p1kef1sh (45638)
4 Feb 09
If you could be together for a while then does it matter Kat? I am just so happy for you. XXXX
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
No P1ke, it doesn't matter. I guess I just worried about whether I'd be able to provide enough for him and that I'd make him happy. He sounds so positive about coming out here. I really think he needs a new environment and a push to go to school and do something different and he is looking for that direction. I'd love to give it to him. LOL!
@sahmof2 (274)
• United States
4 Feb 09
I can imagine how excited you are for your baby to want and come spend time with you. I lived in a one bedrom apartment with my husband and children a little while ago and my brother needed to come move in with us because his job was close to our place and he had no other way of getting there besides walking, so we invited him to stay with us until he got a car and an apartment. He slept in our living room we all were barely home anyway so we no one was in anyones way, but it worked out. For family you usually make any sacrifice that your able to make.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 09
You are right we can make any sacrifice necessary, because it would really be worth it. Thanks so much for your support.
• United States
5 Feb 09
Yes, in order to have your sons with you, I would suggest giving them the room and you take the couch, you never know where something great in life is going to happen and you may be able to get a bigger place down the road, so you know it wont be permenant that you would be on the couch. I hope you come up with a good solution because that would be so awesome for you!!
1 person likes this
@apples99 (6562)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Congrats thats really nice for you to be able to spend time with your father, but as for ways to make earn more and make ends meet, Iv also been living on a tight budget and unfortunately I dont have any suggestions for you.
• India
5 Feb 09
hoo ok ya even i have the situation going with me
@Aussies2007 (5339)
• Australia
5 Feb 09
At 19... he is an adult. I left home at 18... and flew to the other side of the world. As you know about your financial situation... Don't do the guilt trip about "he is my son"... When he gets there... and you had your lovely reunion for a couple of days... You need to put your cards on the table and explain to him that you don't have the means to help him financially. If he understand... good! If he does not... too bad. If I were you... I would start asking myself why he suddenly wants to come and live with you. I hope you are not so naive as to think that he is missing his mummy. He is at that age where he is probably arguing with his father... and his father told him to go and live with you if he don't like him anymore.
@Mozzak (89)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Nice! Good for you! Well i know how it feels not to see your own son for months. I'm happy for you. God Bless