Will I Be Alone For The Rest Of My Life? Really?

United States
February 5, 2009 11:38am CST
That's what he thinks. My soon-to-be EX-Husband thinks NO ONE else [i][/i] will want me EVER! and that he was the only man that was stupid enough to marry me. COME ON! Is he for real? I was a homemaker when we were together during those 2 years, and this past year I was also caring for my baby at home, so I didn't have a real job like he did but I was earning some extra money online to help with the baby. He said "What man wants a woman who has a child?" and "Who wants someone who DON'T even have a JOB?" He also said "You have NOTHING to offer any man on this earth, so why would anyone give u the time of day?" and "You say you want a Christian man that has the same religious beliefs as you, trust me, he doesn't exist anywhere, good luck." OK that's just the tip of the iceberg, he said a lot more to me after he kicked me and our baby out the house. Clearly he has a lot of hatred in his heart for me but he kicked me out coz he dad told him to, like he does everything else he dad says. There's this feeling deep down inside me that I can't shake...I feel that I will still be alone 20 years from now. I know I'm a good person and I probably deserve to meet and be with my soul-mate, but I don't believe I have one. There are maybe a few things about me that he willingly accepted at the time I met him, but I highly doubt if I could get that lucky again a second time. But hey those few things ain't nothing life threatening, contagious or diseasey, but it can be a turnoff to maybe the average man... Hmmm.. Sounds scary and spooky huh? I know. Now that my marriage is over I'm going to try to accept that I'm gonna always be alone, but the shiny side of this coin is that I do have my daughter and she brings me joy everyday. So in conclusion... I'm saying BYE BYE to LOVE and MARRIAGE forever unless a miracle happens, which I doubt deeply. I've always been a happy person in general and that hasn't changed. I'm just gonna have to be happy ALONE..... Have anyone else ever felt this way for whatever reason?
18 people like this
79 responses
• United States
5 Feb 09
whoa.. Girl I think your lucky taht you got out before it progressed to abuse. YHour ex sounds like a complete control freak. What ever you do don't let his hurtful words get to you. You are loved by people and I'm sure that even if you don't every marry again (and i'm not saying you won't) that you'll still live a happy and healthy life. I gave up years ago on finding a husband, but I'm trying to live life to the fullest and if in the future I do find a mate, hey great! What I'm saying don't let anyone control your life or your hapiness. (this is the depressed girl giving advice on being happy, now if I could just learn to be happy)
4 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
he wasn't saying those things until he kicked me out. when I was there he wasn't saying anything at all.
3 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Still if he's saying those things at all your better off without him.
3 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
yes i'm fully aware of that. No one will ever kill my happiness.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Wow...what a man he is! Honey...I say you are much better off! There is no one in the world that should have to put up with that type of verbal abuse! I will tell you a little story...hope it helps. I too am recently divorced. My ex used to be very cruel to me as well. I finally threw in the towel when I found out he was cheating on me. I can tell you I was feeling very down as well but you dont have to be alone...unless that is what you want to be. I will say that you need to start you healing process by doing things that make you happy as a person. I know that is sometimes hard to do when you are feeling down but I assure you when you are truly happy with yourself and your life someone will come into your life when you least expect it...and it will be better than you could have ever expected! Good luck and keep your head up...your worth it all!!!
3 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thanks a lot, and it does helps a lot.I'm working on doing things that makes me happy, which isn't much at all, but like you said, it'll get a lot better.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Hmmm. Good point. I might try that. Thanx
• United States
5 Feb 09
I know it seems bleek right now but please keep your chin up and a big smile on your face...it will get better for you. Everyone goes through times when they are lost and can't find things that make them happy. I would say go out of your comfort zone a bit and try to think of something that will make you happy. Maybe taking up hiking, join a local group that has activities...that will keep you busy and who know...maybe it will be just what you need. Can't hurt to branch out and explore your new freedom. Remember there is always a silver lining!
2 people like this
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
wow your husband has a lot of pain and anger in his heart. so after the divorse he is the only one who has the right to be happy? EXCUSE ME!!! i am a mom, a single mom of four children. and a life with my ex-husband is not even considered as a life. so if this is the price i have to pay for being alone then i rather be alone to be with someone like him. there are a lot of man who got interested with me. but i was the one who told them that i am too busy working for my children. i need to feed them and i need to send them to school. of course someone will love you even you have a child and you dont have work.... but nobody who will love your ex-husband because he is a pain in the neck. and having a child does not mean that you are alone. you will find someone in Gods given time. you dont need to rush. plan for your child right now and be the best mom you can ever be. you will find someone.
2 people like this
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
7 Feb 09
i will give you some lines on a song that will make you proud of your self if you hear it. irreplaceable by beyonce Standing in the front yard telling me How I'm such a fool, talking about How I'll never ever find a man like you You got me twisted You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I could have another you in a minute Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable i will survive gloria gaynor At first I was afraid I was petrified I kept thinking I could never live without you by my side But then I spent so many nights Just thinking how you'd done me wrong And I grew strong I learned how to get along enough is enough donna summer I've always dreamed I 'd find the perfect lover but he turned out to be like every other man i love
• United States
6 Feb 09
I feel a lot better now coz I'm creating goals for my life. I'm all about taking care of my daughter now. Forget that crazy idiot. Haha!
@DonnaLawson (4032)
• United States
5 Feb 09
You will not be alone for the rest of your life, I can just about guarantee that.. You have a great personality, you are a good mother, a strong woman, a very nice looking woman, a christian woman, a woman with values, morals and so much love to give.. There are many men who are looking for a woman with these qualities.. So, no, you will not be alone forever, however, you will be alone for awhile until you meet the right person.. So, enjoy it as long as you can, single life is not all that bad, especially when you have a perfect little girl to take care of, love and raise, enjoy her and life will all fall in place.. I am sure this is the advice that all of your Mylot friends are going to give you, so trust us, all will be fine for you.. And as far as your ex, he has to take some of the blame for himself, he is responsible for not standing up for you and your child and for not telling his dad to butt out, just wait and see, he is the one that is going to have trouble finding someone that will have him.. Good luck to you and don't let it get you down, take care of that little girl and spend good quality time with her, you will not be sorry about doing that..
3 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thanks Donna for your support. Spending time with my daughter is the only thing that makes me happy right now. I'll try to stay sane.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 09
friend I know you believe in God so as for miracles remember hge is still inh the miracle business so never say NEVER HE MAY JUST HAVE A SOUL MATE JUST AROUND THE CORNER
• United States
6 Feb 09
I hope that's true. Thanks
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 09
OK I'll take your word 4 it.
• United States
6 Feb 09
believe me its true and if not a soul mate he will give you a happy life just trust him it worked for me so I know
1 person likes this
@nikky28 (1572)
• India
5 Feb 09
Your husband is just looking for reasons to make himself feel better and to justify his actions of wanting to leave you. He comes across as an insecure person and he is wanting others around him feel insecure. People bully others due to their own insecurity. And the fact that he takes his life decisions based on what his dad says, just reinforces the point.Whatever he says to you shouldn't matter. He should know how to treat women better. With this attitude, he should be the one who should be asking the question if he will be alone for the rest of his life. Marriage is not an obligation and whatever he is trying to tell you is a load of nonsense. I don't think he is the right man for you anyway. You should be independent and try to look for a job and also take care of the baby. Lots of women do it and you can do it too. You need to be confident and tough. I do realise that the circumstances are not easy, but confidence and belief in yourself would conquer anything in the world. Anything! And whatever you are wanting to achieve is very much possible. And nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own flaws and likewise they have their strengths too. You should concentrate on your strengths,be positive and boost your self esteem up. Doubts are your enemies, don't forge an alliance with them! Positivity attracts positive things and negativity attracts negative things. So it is your choice of what you want to attract. As Henry Ford says, "If you think you can... or if you think you can't... you're right!" I suggest that you shake off what others try to say to you and become free and independent. Marriage is not about being dependant, its about being interdependant and that is possible when you become individually independant. You will get the perfect man for you if you want and Rome wasn't built in a day so it takes patience, courage, confidence and positivity. Take one step at a time. You have the responsibility of taking care of your baby and she should look up to you and see a confident and a strong woman. Just go for it! Its your life!
@patgalca (18164)
• Orangeville, Ontario
6 Feb 09
Well said, Nikky.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
thanks nikky. I agree
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
6 Feb 09
This is a very touching story of yours. How could he say such things to you when the love has turned sour and the marriage fallen apart. Doesn't he remember the beautiful and passionate moments he shared with you? His action to chase you and your kid from the house is inhuman. Even animals have strong compassion but this man is nothing but a savage beast! And who is he to predict what lies ahead of you? And you seem to take his words as bible truth and surrender yourself to his negative thoughts about you. By saying such things to you he is trying to cover up his weaknesses and it should instead spur you to bounce back and proof him wrong that you are someone far better than what he thought and make him regret his actions for life. Do not be consumed by his words. He is a loser from the beginning to the end. Let God punish this man who acted against His law. All is not lost for you, miraclefreebies, when love has brought you loss and pain. There is refuge! It is God! Seek God and he will restore your soul, for so He has promised. With soul restored, the world takes on new meaning. The love which you were ready to give and which seemed for a long time not to be wanted - finds that it is needed - many times - in many places-by many people! For when you trust in God, your love and marriage problems begins to change. When you have faith that God wants you to have a happy marriage, a new peace enters your soul. The way of love and marriage is the way of God. God never closes a door open upon any love, but to open it upon another. Just remember your prayers and talk to God your inner feelings. He will find that person who will share your love and future.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Feb 09
I let it get to me at first, but I refuse to let it get me anymore. I'm finished with that.
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Don't listen to him. There is nothing wrong with you and there is no reason why a real man would not want you. From what I have read about him, he is not really a man. I am a single mom of 2. I was single for about 4 years before I met my daughters father and I was fine with it. I was not looking for a man. I have been single for over 2 years now. I am fine with that too. I don't (and you don't either) need a man to make your life worth anything. Keep your head up, stay strong for your baby, and keep on living your life the way you want.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thanks lilybug. I'm hanging in there.
@walijo2008 (4644)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I just don't understand how your ex can say all those things to you, does he think he's the world's greatest man or something, he thinks your nothing without him. Like I said before, I know it hurts, but your probably better off without him, I wouldn't want someone telling me all the time that I'm worthless, and nobody else would want me, thats verbal abuse. I would say that yes, at least you do have your beautiful daughter, and you need to concentrate on taking care of her for now. I can't say that this has happened to me before I did get cheated on by a man I truly loved for two years, and he acted like he didn't do anything wrong, like I didn't know about it. It really hurt, and I didn't think I would ever love anyone again, or that I could find someone that loved me back, but a few years later I met my husband, and we've been happily married for almost 6 yrs.now. It did take me awhile to get over the cheating boyfriend, but I did, and I know that with time, you will also, so don't give up on love, there is someone out there thats looking for you, someone who shares the same beliefs and morals you do.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Good 4 you. I'm so happy 4 you!
1 person likes this
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
Well girl, you will never be alone for as long as you remain in faith. God is always there for you. That is one great trial in your life but I know God will see you through all this. You do not deserve that man. Trust that this terrible event that happen in your life will turn for your own good in the end. You have a daughter and that alone is a big thing to be thankful about. You can survive my dear, don't worry, just trust God!
2 people like this
• United States
6 Feb 09
You're right I'm starting to trust God more and I feel better when I do that.
@SGTJOMAR (175)
• Philippines
5 Feb 09
hey miraclefreebies, try to use the mantra of AIM, to attract more men. just chant it 108x a day. just believe and it will happen. chant it and imagine the kind of relationship that you want in life.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Feb 09
What is the mantra of AIM? Do you mean AOL instant messenger?
@missybear (11391)
• United States
6 Feb 09
It only seems like that at first. I felt the same way when I got divorced, which is about 18 years and 5 or 5 boyfriends ago. So cheer up and be happy you rid of him. He didn't sound like a very nice guy anyways, and there is lots of guys who like children.
2 people like this
• United States
6 Feb 09
Thanks missybear. Great point! I agree.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Who wants a woman with a child? Plenty of men! Who wants some one who doesn't have a job? Lets rephrase that question. Who wants a woman who is willing to sacrifice her personal pleasures and independence for the welfare of her children and family, but does a few things on the side to earn something for those little extras? Plenty of men! Your soon to be ex-husband (hooray!!!) has spent the time with you demeaning you, belittling you, shaking your self confidence...and the list goes on and on. The correct question is, Who wants a man like that? NO ONE. You highly doubt if you'll get lucky again a second time? Girlfriend, you haven't gotten lucky the first time, other that gaining a beautiful child out of the deal. What kind of man kicks his family out? Just look at his father, who apparently has no problem doing that to his own grandchild. It's going to take some time to heal from this experience...but you will. And each step you make will rebuild your pride and self confidence. For the time being, concentrate on beautiful you and that beautiful child you have. Be selfish for the both of you. Don't rush into another relationship until you are ready, if you are ready. After you start getting on your feet, you may LIKE your life the way it is. One thing I would suggest if you are up to it, is joining Parents Without Partners, http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/ They have a wonderful organization offering support, resources and companionship for single parents.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
I didn't finished high school so I'm thinking about getting my GED and after that, I have NO clue, but I will get on my feet even if it kills me blind. Thanks girl, good point.
@mrsl2008 (634)
5 Feb 09
Your better off without him!!! He's said those things because he wanted you to feel bad & make him feel like he had achieved something. The good thing is you managed to get out of there. Don't listern to him, I was a single parent & I got married to my soul mate in 2007. Keep smiling, look after your baby who will bring you all the happiness in the world & when it's right, your soul mate will turn up. Don't look for it thou as you'll miss it, things happen for a reason, normally for the right ones x Best wishes to you and baby for the future x
2 people like this
• United States
6 Feb 09
Well that's makes a lot of sense, but he's the one missing out.
@mrsl2008 (634)
6 Feb 09
He has missed out!!! Just give yourself time and all will work out for you. I wish you all the best of luck & support for the future xx
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
5 Feb 09
That's too bad he has to be like that! It seems evident that by putting YOU down, he seems to think that makes him a better person. Really though, it just shows what kind of person he is deep down inside: insecure and vindictive. Also, the word controlling and mysoginist comes to mind too. I applaud you for being a stay at home Mom, and also for having your own set of religious beliefs. Please don't ever feel that what he says is true though. Like they say 'for every pot there is a lid' and someday you will find the type of person who doesn't put you down, and values you for the real you. When somebody feels the real spirit of love for you, they will love you enough to treat your child with love and respect too. And yes, I have felt this way before too. In the long run, it's good to be rid of such a fellow who has no respect for women like that, and personally speaking, we're much better off without somebody like that in our lives. Just keep being the best you that you can be, keep believing in God and love, be happy with yourself and the way God made you, and you might be nicely surprised one day. True love usually happens when you're not looking for it and you least expect it. As far as being happy alone...we have to be able to be happy with ourselves, and by ourselves, before we can open our hearts to love another. I'd rather spend my days alone than be with the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Stay strong and may God bless!!
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
you're right, we are better off without guys like that, obviously he has some personal issues with himself. And I'll be sure NOT to go around searching for Mr. Right, coz I know it doesn't work that way 4 me.
1 person likes this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
6 Feb 09
your husband has some real serious issues in his childhood, i would assume. He just can't accept the fact that you won. people are like this if they are rejected or they felt that they lost. my dear, that chapter of your life has ended so let it stay in the past only to be remembered and not to go back to. i know it is kinda hard for you. do you know what he did? he had suggestively put a curse on you and psychologically if a person is emotional and you heard something from someone that struck you , you will think that it will be or is true. my dear, it is subliminal and you have to believe that it is not true at all. anyone can be someone whom they want to be, no one and no one can tell who you are and what will become of you. where you ok before you knew him? i would say yes, so what is the difference now that the monster is out of your life. does it feel good now that he is not around to say such abusive words? of course,YES! so, what is stopping you to be who you are? he said those things to despise you, he does not want you to be successful than he is, he wants you down begging for him. girl, you have a full life ahead of you. someday, mark my word , you will find someone better than him. someone who believe and respect the way you are. someone who would protect you and be by your side when the rain starts to pour. this is no fairy tale. but you know there is one thing true about fairy tales, all you have to do is to believe in yourself and everything will become magical in your life. let him rut in his own misery, that is his reality. and do not worry because worrying only makes your life miserable. ask yourself this what would you like to be? to be happy or be miserable the rest of your life? you do not have any choice but to be happy . so, move on and work on it. there is no turning back. this is your chance to be YOU. i am cheering for ya,girl!
• United States
7 Feb 09
you're right, he does has issues, but now he's just yesterdays trash. Thank GOODNESS!
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
6 Feb 09
I think a lot of us have felt that way. It's a very normal reaction after what just happened to you. Your life has taken a very sudden and unexpected turn so you've been thrown off your feet, you know, like a rug being pulled out from under you. You have one of the most wonderful personalities I've ever met, miracle! I mean that... and I've met a LOT of people in my 56 years on this planet! It won't take long before it's noticed by many, many others. You have the kind of personality that an HONEST, SINCERE, LOVING man would want. Besides, both you and your daughter are so darned cute! I wouldn't suggest going out an looking for a man, just enjoy what you have for the moment. I honestly don't believe that you'll be single for long! Oh, you may date a few guys along the way, but I truly believe, deep down in my soul, that you are going to meet your soulmate. I've been married before, you know, and I had two kids. I had PLENTY of marriage proposals! Well, okay, a few. I could pick and choose. There are a lot of honest, caring men in the world (although they do hide themselves pretty well) and I don't see you being a single mom for long! DO NOT let that scum of a soon-to-be ex-husband pull you down! "Jealous people try to belittle the skills of others." He is jealous of you! He definitely has some serious mental issues to allow himself to be lead like he is by his father, AND the fact that he wants nothing to do with your daughter except to show her off on Sundays! He threw HER out, too. Any man who would do that to his baby daughter is a disgusting, disturbed, inhumane loser! He's just trying to bring you down so he'll feel better about himself. That type of man can't possibly feel good about who he is unless he's pulling others down. Some people use reason, others (like him) have to use brute force (even if it is just emotional force) because they're too stupid to be able to use reason. Nah, don't you worry about anything, miracle. You're gonna do okay. I've been called 'psychic' before and I will admit that I have a pretty good intuition about things. I do not see you being single for long!
• United States
6 Feb 09
Girl where have you been lately? and why don't you ever get back with me on yahoo IM? You said you're my mother and mentor, well can I please have her? Please....?
@mentalward (14691)
• United States
7 Feb 09
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry! I've been losing my mind this past week trying to get things straightened out to go to my Social Security disability hearing next Friday! Digging up papers from 7 years back plus trying to get copies of all my medical records from 5 doctors AND records from WalMart pharmacy for the past 2 years... it's been a nightmare! But, I really don't have much to do at all this weekend, so I'll be around. I'll keep messenger turned on, okay? At least that way, if I'm not at my computer when you write, at least I'll be able to see and respond when I am, okay? I'm soooooooooooooooooooo sorry! I'm turning it on right this minute!
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Feb 09
My goodness! This supposed man you were married to is certainly hateful and evil. Why does he want to hurt you so badly? That to me is just evil. I hope you are seaking some professional counseling and that you do not take in these awful things he is saying. I really hope so. For your own better well being. And even your childs.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (157593)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Feb 09
Amazing how churches do just that sometimes. Just another reason I don't belong to any organized religious cult. And that is exactly what I think they are. A bunch of hypocrits too. I am so glad you are away from him and his dad for the most part. Sad thing is that he has a right to have input in the child's life. Hope he doesn't want to.
• United States
6 Feb 09
I guess his dad and his church teaches him how to be evil and mean.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20216)
• United States
5 Feb 09
Do not listen to anything that man tells you, at this time he is the enemy. As the years go by, since you have a child together, you may even become friends, but right now it's best just to ignore as much as you can. Life brings what you need to learn and if it's to be alone then treasure your independence and learn to enjoy what your situation is. Even when things get hard, which they will as any single Mom can tell you, dwell on the good things in life and enjoy your child.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 09
Thanks Pat. Good advice.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
5 Feb 09
I have felt this way before. It was when I first moved to PA. I had just broken up with my live in boyfriend. I thought he was the only person that would ever love me. I got used to the idea of being alone and was happy about it. I finally felt like I didn't need anyone but myself to be happy. Then I met my (now ex) husband. That ended but now I'm happier then I've ever been in my life with my kids and my fiance (their daddy). I believe in the sayings "good things come to those who wait" and "good things happen to good people". It will happen for you, eventually. It's just way too soon to be thinking about it right now. Just focus on you and your baby for now. That's all you really need now anyway. You'll find someone when the timing is right. You'll prove him wrong someday.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 09
I'm just gonna focus on getting my life together, and everything will fall into place. Thanks a lot, that helps.
@camomom (7535)
• United States
7 Feb 09
I'm glad it helped and best wishes to you honey.