Why do people bully others?
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
United States
February 12, 2009 10:24pm CST
Why do people feel the need to bully others? I've noticed that there are all types of bullies, but the most nefarious are those that interject themselves into other people's lives, and do things to no end to make sure that they are the center of attention as a victim, and bring as much pain to the person they are afflicting as possible.
I've been trying to determine what makes one a bully. Is it that their ego is so needy that it must create situations in which it can be fed by false pride in hurting another? Is it that people who are bullies have something mentally wrong with them that they don't know they are being a bully? Is it that some people are so mean inside that they intentionally go out of their way to hurt another human being? What do you feel creates a bully? How would you deal with a bully? As adults, this isn't the playground anymore and we can't always go to a teacher for help, so what do we do? If the bully can't be reasoned with rationally, what are the options? How do you stop a bully from following you? How many have had to deal with a bully? In what situation did you have to deal with them and how did you deal with them?
4 people like this
10 responses
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
13 Feb 09
In my opinion, bullies come from a troubled background. So that the bullies feel better, they go out and find people who are weaker than themselves so they feel better. Also bullies only attack in groups. It is very rarely that bullies only attack on their own.
I was a victim of bullies until one day I stood up to a bully. My older child is a victim of bullies and I am trying to teach my child not to let the bullies upset him.
It is just a matter of the victims showing the bullies that they are not scared of them.
It is not easy to stand up to a bully. I now keep in mind that they only do it to feel stong and better than others.
3 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I've never thought that bullies attack in groups to be honest. I suppose that makes sense though. I too have a difficult time standing up to bullies. I tend to just stay quiet and avoid them as much as possible, but sometimes it seems impossible to hide.
My husband and I are also doing our best to teach our son the right things in life so as not to ever feel it is ok to hurt another, nor be hurt. My husband is a martial arts instructor so we've started teaching our son who is 2 1/2, and we teach-rather his father as he's our teacher, him that we don't ever hurt another, we always walk away even if we're being bullied. We only fight if there is no other way out.
Thank you for sharing, it means a great deal, and was insightful.
2 people like this
@chookie1971 (2271)
• Australia
13 Feb 09
wow, your son will have the best start for self defence if he needs it. I hope he doesn't have to use it.
2 people like this
@bamakelly (5191)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I have to agree with you about the bullies. I think that they are from some kind of troubled background and have no security about themselves. Therefore they lash out and take their aggressions out on others. Especially on the weaker ones. It would be great if this thing would just stop.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
14 Feb 09
Bullies usually are people who have troubled minds, psychologically they are not at peace or they have abused background and they need to bully other people in other for them to feel good about themselves or to boost their ego.
In children, kids bully other kids because they lack attention from their parents and they do it to get their parents attention or at home they are abused and they need to bully other kids to get back..
I was never a bully nor was i even bullied before..maybe here in the Philippines or during my grade school and high school days i could not recall classmate who are really that bully..there are proud ones but not bully ones ahahahaha..and i was able to ignore them and shut them off lol... its like i do not care about you as long as i am fine here..got it? lol
2 people like this
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
14 Feb 09
really? well maybe in their place..usually in Manila it is like that, but here not really..and i have not encountered such event hehehe
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
14 Feb 09
That's a very interesting way to look at it. My husband works with a man from the Philippines who told him when he was living there he learned to walk quickly because you never knew who might stab you in the marketplace and rob you. I'm glad you didn't have to deal with that.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
13 Feb 09
Classes couldn't hurt, also some kind of counseling if a problem is detected. Even if the child doesn't have a good support system at home, if they have one elsewhere it might help them cope with things without resorting to such undesirable behaviors as bullying.
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Dawn-
I've often given that thought because that is true in the abuse cycle model. One either stops the cycle, becomes the abuser, or continues to be abused. It's sad though. I can think of many other positive ways to raise one's self-esteem. My thoughts as a teacher are that perhaps this is a calling for classes in this area needed in schools, as well as in the workplace.
Thanks for responding, Anora
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
So, why not handle their problems in other ways? Is it that we're not teaching coping skills? Do you feel we society are "creating" bullies then?
Thanks for responding, Anora
1 person likes this
@Lore2009 (7378)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Your passage reminded me of my ex husband. We married young and I was in love with him... but now that I am out of the relationship, I can see how blinded I was. Towards the end, he pretty much had to "get back" at me after all that I did was have a disorder. I think it hurt his ego very much that I became 'abnormal' and he didn't know how to deal with me and played the victim in return. From this situation, I feel he's had many complexities as a child and nobody really wished and expected the good in him. His ego was hungry.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
14 Feb 09
That's very sad. I'm sorry that you endured that. I do think that the ego plays a huge role in one being a bully. Thank you for sharing.
1 person likes this
@jyesha (105)
• Philippines
13 Feb 09
In my serious opinion bullies are people who are strong and can dominate other you can't deny it we are races of strong and weak the one that's strong dominates it a fact don't judge me its true watch the news and tell me I'm wrong can't you see other strong country dominates well that's the fact. Well you can't deal with a bully all you can do is stand up against him and he'll back down and stop in a miracle or punch you in the face. If you can't deal rationally with a bully then have a brain search do what i do CALL THE POLICE. how can you stop a bully from following you well get a court order that bull stay a 100 km from you or gets arrested.In my case I'm the bully cause i don't let other step on me i give them a court order.THANK YOU
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
I'm not sure I've ever liked the rationale of the strongest survive, at least not where humans are concerned. It seems to me that given our differences from the animal kingdom that we shouldn't be this way. We're not creatures that work on basal instincts like other animals. Though, I do agree that we have many bullies in the world such as people who take over countries, etc. Of course, in the digital age I've not found that restraining orders work in the online world.
1 person likes this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
It's sad though. What could they be lacking? Is it love? Is it friends? It sort of reminds of Scrooge in a way.
1 person likes this
@bloodcakelover (420)
• Malaysia
13 Feb 09
hello...
when i was 16 i had to change school. i dont know that school had serious trouble with bullies. after a few day the group of bullies notice my existance, those kid take advantage of me. they take my money and treat me like i had no feelings. i cry a lot and refuse to going to school. i make report but my report was ignored by the school. and i had no choice but to ask favour from my cousin which is very fiecefull person. he had fight with those kid and one of the kid was badly injured. i felt so terrible because i think i caused the problem.i got suspended for 2 month but those bullies are being transfered to other school. im very sad but all the kids that have been bullied by them thank me for make them go away from the school.
until now i feel bad but they need lesson for what they done .i learn my lesson to.
as for you i suggest you deal it with patient.if its getting worse. you might need others help. or you can stay away from those people.
2 people like this
@Anora_Eldorath (6028)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Thank you for your response. Yes, I think you're right that sometimes we do need to ask assistance in dealing with the bully. I'm sorry to hear about what you went through when you were 16, and I'm glad you were able to come through it safely.
2 people like this
@won4All (7)
• United States
13 Feb 09
Oh my gosh. You are so right. I have been wondering about this. I was raised by extremely loving people who sought justice for their neighbors and went out of their way to make sure that they were helping everyone they knew. They were wonderful parents, but I was SO NAIVE by the time I left home. I had no idea that adults even bully each other. I had thought that only kids bullied each other. I fully expected to be treated fairly, and that everyone would be honest with me! I was so gullible for so many years. I went through such a grieving process when I realized that adults lie to each other and bully each other.
Unfortunately, I married into a family of bullies without knowing it. It has been awful. It is a huge family with lots of power. They bully people in town and don't realize that they are doing it. They always look out for themselves. When they talk, they take the high moral ground-- but then in daily life they watch out for numero uno, and step on everyone's toes as they clamor for wealth and power. I can't stand it.
2 people like this
@HAZ633 (3)
•
14 Feb 09
Bullies attack people who are 'weaker' than them, I could see this being a problem at school so if anyone had a go at me I would throw everything back at them i could possibly pull up. It's not nice but it shows them you won't be messed with and I havn't had any problems since.
2 people like this
